Dancer Asking Me For A Character Reference

Well, you do know something about her character, which is that she set a new course for her career and used her money wisely....and she has chutzpah. So write a brief recommendation about what you know, and don't write any bullshit. That way you can stop this argument between your big brain and your little brain.

harrydave is 100% right, and I would add "I've known ____ X amount of months/years and I know that she is customer service oriented" (no lie).

Keep it short and truthful as harrydave and Dudester have commented. Help her out, it may pay several dividends.

A number of years ago Usairways gave a good reference for a pilot whom they had fired, out of fear that a negaitve reference preventing him from getting the job might result in legal action. He was hired by a commuter airline, crashed due to pilot error and when his past history was discovered, Usairways was sued. Never mix work and pleasure.

I agree with harrydave: you do know quite a bit about her character actually. She not only has the qualities he mentioned but also follow-through. Just be honest in your reference and have an answer ready for the "how did you meet _____" in case they follow up on your written letter with a phone contact.

And I would not worry too much about the Usairways example given. You have been asked to give a PERSONAL reference not an EMPLOYER one. There is a vast difference in vouching for someone's character and their work abilities and proficiency. And, trust me on this, employers give good reviews to a lot of associates they want to move out of their departments or even the company for one reason or another. I don't know where you are, but in IL, the employer can only reveal what your position title was, how long you worked for the company, dates of employment and salary range. They are not allowed to "recommend" or "dissuade" a perspective employer as to hiring or suitability.

The salient points, with which I agree, appear to be keep it factual and address only the personal aspects. It sounds like you know enough about her character to give a decent, if not glowing, recommendation, so if you can do those *and* be helpful, then do what you feel comfortable doing. In fact, get with her and tell her what you intend to do and make sure she's OK with what you're going to say.

Do help her out with a letter. Follow the advice of the others, above. Keep it short and simple. She has the advantage in this circumstance. If you do not do this, she could make life difficult for you, if she chooses to bring up her background with you. It's not much effort required of you to write a short letter (considering what you've been through with her).

Hmmm, maybe this is a bit mercenary of me, but...

If you help her get out of the business, she will eventually have no need of you anyway, so where is the upside here?

But on a more practical note, all you know about the girl is that you paid her a lot of money for a little sex. IMHO you should refuse the request, which would put you in a position of vouching for a girl that you really do not know much about, and simply replace her with another girl. I don't believe for a second that she could not be easily replaced given the money that you have been throwing around. You are really getting horrible ROI from this girl anyway.

For what it's worth, which about zero, here is what I suggest.

If she has anything on you, that could comprise you, then help her out as little and honestly as possible. If there is no way she can hurt you, do nothing.

Who you need to focus on here is yourself, not her!

You had business dealings with her so you can speak to that at least and if you're so inclined the impression she made one you as someone who is kind, conscientious, etc.

Just because she fucked you for money doesn't mean you have to ditch her. She's still a human being.

art, i see both sides of this discussion but i'd say since it's business/work related go with your head, the big one that is.

Art, as for your concern as an employer, I think you can feel okay about giving her a reference unless you know she's a thief or drug addict.

I don't really see a downside to offering a brief and honest reference.

Don't feel guilty. Write a recommendation for her. It's the right thing to do.

Why you and not someone who has known her longer? A teacher, a member of the clergy or a public official? Do you know enough about her to feel secure that she has no criminal record, is drug free, has no drinking or drunk driving issues and is an honest person. You are feeling guilty because of what happened when she got caught. You helped her financially and that's a good thing to do, but your debt to her, if any, has been paid. You don't need to put your reputation on the line for someone you hardly know. Don't do it.

Personally, I think you're nuts to even consider getting involved in any way with her outside the club. Why feel guilty that she got blackballed? It takes two, and she obviously decided to do whatever she did that was against the rules. Giving her money, or anything else, is a mistake. Like someone mentioned, where's the upside for you? Do you think she's going to suddenly fall in love with you because you're such a nice guy? Ain't gonna happen. It's honorable to feel bad for her, but don't go overboard. You owe her nothing, and as we all know, the most likely outcome is that you keep helping her and she keeps taking advantage of you.

rosebud