I, like many on here, have gotten to know some strippers relatively well.
The stories of many of their lives is not pleasant. Girls abused as kids, boyfriends or husbands in jail, single mothers with few skills but with kids to feed, early childhood male abandonment issues, drug or alcohol abuse problems, etc.
While not every stripper has a problem like this, it has been my experience that few of these girls are without some real issue.
What is your experience with this?
Not sure what you mean.
If you find a dancer that doesn't use drugs, comes from a decent family, doesn't seem to have any problems, you stop and ask yourself, is this girl crazy? What is wrong with her? I know there has to be something wrong with her because she's a dancer. Yet I've run into girls like this. It really makes you wonder if they are doing it just for the money and not because they have a number of other problems.
wall, meaning what are the worst stories that you have heard in this vein, or if you believe that this is cliche and overblown.
I am open to opinions either way, though I am amazed at some of the fucked up lives that have been described to me by strippers.
100% of strippers are crazy.
Chris Rock gives some good comedy about the dark life of strippers. You can find some of his clips on youtube.
Most I know are head cases who move around and are pathological liars.
Ever seen strippers dance to "Superman" by Eminem? It's kind of like that.
Another dancer told me that a 22 yo dancer I was seeing OTC was raising her mentally retarded brother. I assumed younger brother. I was very proud of her for being so responsible. A year or so later after she dropped out of sight (strippers do that, you know...LOL), her estranged sister (lived on welfare - not a dancer) told me he was older half-brother (few strippers have full-siblings)but his "retardedness" came from ingesting way too much cocaine, which he would steal from her inventory as a dealer. According to sis, haf-bro impregnated dancer so frequently, that she ran into the maximum limit that social services would pay for her abortions, and was actually thinking about having the latest product of their incestuous relationship. That story goes on, but it gets sadder. In the day, I suppose I would feel sorry for anything in a thong...jeeez.
Other stories include a 27 yo grandmother, and a cute little thang who had served time for her part in a series of aggravated assaults and robberies of elderly people. She and BF worked their way around the country rolling old folks.
Other tales too tall to believe...
Square guys who finished school, learned a skill, worked hard at making in and now have the money to waste on strippers may find it hard, as I do, to accept the fact that there are people, some of the female, who do not want to live in the 9 to 5 middle class world. Tragedies they may have suffered make them feel like dirt and the only way to get on in life is running some slick, phony or crooked scam. How many agencies are there, public, private, charitable or faith based that try to help people get over personal tragedies and work towards the goal of a stable life? And how many strippers will say that's not for me. I am coming to the slow and painful realization that some strippers, what percentage I just don't know, actually like the way of life they've chosen. Easy money, lots of attention, sex, parties and once in while a connection with a famous celebrity. Beats sitting in a classroom for four years getting a degree in education, only to become a laid off public school teacher--I am told. If we try to figure them out with our sometimes narrow view of how everyone ought to live, we may overlook that some folks will never be able embrace the straight life because of real heavy baggage and damage and some really don't want to. Others like the excitment and action for awhile, then go back to being housewives. Who can figure this out?
It's my personal belief that most dancers have one big problem, be it drugs or alcohol, or they are unwed mothers, or whatever. Probably the most screwed up dancer I met was abused as a child, was a high school dropout, had 3 different kids by three different men (that's a lyric to a Kid Rock song, coincidentally), and was the play thing of various uncles, and her abortion was probably an incestuous union with one of her uncles. She wasn't that bad of a dancer (she'd let me DATY with her), but it's probably best she's not dancing anymore, to the best of my knowledge.
I manage 72 people, 82% of which are females. A common thread between them and Houston strippers is that in high school they met "the guy". The guy started sending signals in senior year that he soon intended to leave her behind, so she made sure to get preggers. After a baby or two, he flies the coop anyway, and she decides not to pursue child support.
My first ATF actually had her kid after a year of doing porn, but he left her.
My second ATF had two boys and several times I very nearly called child services on her because of how much she neglected them.
I tend to agree with Dandy - it has also been my experience that most of these girls have some type of problem.
I have seen a LOT of single mothers, particularly in the mid-tier clubs. I have also come across a fair number of women who have criminal records. And of course let's not forget the ones with boyfriends and/or their babies' daddies currently serving prison terms.
I also agree with Super that one does come across those who just want to live free from tie-downs, so stereotyping these girls is hard to do, but IMHO a lot of these girls are carrying a fair amount of luggage.
My observations are drawn from conversations I have had with strippers who are lawyers, CPAs, nurses, social workers, college dropouts, housewives, former military officers, former public school teachers and some women with advanced degrees. A major Detroit scandal, still unfolding, has turned up a stripper who was a Detroit Police Officer, moonlighting on stage and in the VIP. No, she was not on an undercover assignment. This was her night job. She had a number of choice desk jobs, but was later assigned to vice. There is still an open investigation of her vice squad activities. Allegedly, she and others leaned on clubs known for extras by writing up false prostitution tickets and then making the club owners pay to have the tickets disappear. If true, it's quite a scam for a Detroit cop who probably knew the inside. Now is this someone who's tragic background made her take on this life. No. It's dangerous fun and easy money. Of course that's not the full story for all strippers, many of whom are, as Emerson once said, "leading quiet lives of desperation."
from Henry David Thoreau's Walden (1854)
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation." One dancer I know told me she was molested as a kid. Haven't learned any details. Another told me about being molested (she used the word rape) at age 12 by her foster family "dad." Makes me sick and furious just to write it. She seems resilient tho. Most of the dancers I've got to know a bit come from "distressed" backgrounds. I can only think of one who came from a regular family. I think she did it for fun and money.
Over the years, there have only been a few strippers that I got to know that I really liked. The unifying feature for them is that they largely seemed in it for the money. These were girls who seemed no "darker" than people you would find in other walks of life, but they realized they could make money by showing off to horny guys. I'm sure they had issues, like all of us, but I can think of about five or six girls that pretty clearly weren't that bad.
I have no doubt that there are a lot of really dark stories out there. But I try to avoid the real human wreckage out there - too depressing. In fact, there were a few other girls that I initially thought were ok but started getting negative vibes from. I just decided to avoid conversation that would reveal too much information. In one case I started avoiding a girl who I initially thought was ok who started showing signs of being a bit nuts.
I'm curious, how depressing does a girl's story have to be before it becomes a turn off?
yndy: You are correct. Though they were friends, they both deserve to be quoted accurately. It was late and I was not thinking clearly when I made the incorrect reference.
"I'm curious, how depressing does a girl's story have to be before it becomes a turn off?"
Engineers have a concept called separation of concerns. The gist of it is that things which are inherently separate should be treated that way. The hosed up state of mind of any particular stripper has nothing to do with whether or not she does it for me in the lap. I'll let the dancers pour their hearts out if that's what they want to do, dark and depressing or not. The more comfortable they are with me the more comfortable I get later on...
SuperDude: Wasn't trying to "up" you. Sorry if I came across like that. What would Emerson & Thoreau think of their thoughts being posted here???!!!
Many strippers I have known well have had a drug problem coupled with supporting a loser BF who is probably pimping her out. Having been PG in their teens is also common with a lot of them. Usually the father has custody. I have seen strippers more excited about going to get drugs than going to see their kids, a sad thing to witness.
Many of them have followed their mothers into stripping / prostitution. One I know well was raised by her grandparents while her mother (a stripper) was not around. She did not meet her father (SC DJ) until she was 19. He fathered numerous other kids with strippers. A lot of gals that like to strip really like sex too and have no belief in monogamy. So the fast life of sex, drugs, numerous marriages is par for the course.
My current ATF was molested repeatedly by her brothers and her father use to beat the shit outa her.
Last one was abandoned and lefT pennyless buy her dad at 11. Then had major drug issues. Divorce and growing up very poor seem to be a lot of it.
Literature is filled with novels about men and women who find themselves cast offs from family and society, left to fend for themselves the best way possible. Dickens, Drieser, Hugo, Steinbeck and others have shown us that world, which has not gone away. Are strippers drawn, predominately, from those who are forced to make it any way they can, relying in part, on men who, like themselves are cast offs? And that's why all the upselling, con jobs, lies and deceptions. I know this sounds snobbish and I don't mean it to be. But when you hear these stories, which I try to avoid, it makes you wonder. Most guys visit SCs for entertainment, not social work.
It surprises me how many dancers get picked up at 2 am by loser boyfriends in $500 cars. The hotties with the Lexus and the condo in Birmingham are few and far between. Most have MetroPcs phones and no bank account. They live a much hardened live than the average club goer.
Exg - same experiences here, particularly in the mid-tier clubs. Makes you wonder how the hell they can do this for a living and have nothing to show.
A common theme in the "dark side" stories is that most all of them have been with the wrong type of man at some time in their livces. Change that part of the equation and it's a whole new world.
Variation on the dark side: no matter how dark it is for some of them, most work very hard to bring some degree of mormality into their lives.
I know dancers who are successfully rasing children with the proper outlook on living and the future. I know dancers who seem young yet are grandmothers with all the doting concerns that go with that territory. And I know many dancer who aren't necessarily going to school full time, but who are taking one class at a time to try to change their lives..
On the real dark side, I've seen some literally consumed by drugs, get caught up in a partners drug business, die from asphixiation after falling asleep smoking in bed; one recently committed suicide, and two others met unfortunate deaths after some strange circumstancess. In other words, dark can get really dark.
There also seems to be a connecting thread between strippers, rock groupies, reality-TV bimbos, and other attention-starved females. Women who have experienced drug abuse, bad boyfriends, multiple pregnancies, and similar issues often share a constant almost pathological need for attention and validation from men. Aside from those who were abused as children by predatory adults, some grown women who claim to be victims of various types of abuse were often inexplicably drawn to the very men and situations most likely to get them hurt. That abusive men are willing to take advantage of such vulnerability is inexcusable and horrifying; that so many women blindly stumble from one bad choice to another is just sad. Strippers, groupies, escorts, porn actresses, and others in the business frequently find the validation they crave in an environment they can at least partially control. Although many street prostitutes and victims of sex slavery are lured or dragged into the business against their will, a great many of the rest are trying to make money while getting the attention they still crave, in spite of (or because of) their bad past experiences. Even the ones going to school and trying to improve themselves are often working in a SC to offset a series of bad choices that put them in the hole and led them to a place where both quick money and a safer version of male validation are easily available.
Goodness, just reading these posts makes me never want to talk to a stripper about her personal life. All seriousness the only bad story I ever heard was about a deadbeat dad who didn't support his kid.
God did not event strippers so guys could talk to them. He put them on earth so that they can suck our cocks.
gk- I'm glad you remember sometimes they don't get out of it. I knew one dancer at my favorite club who was pretty good, but then she took up methamphetamine, and pretty soon after that, all she was about was meth. Eventually, I heard from one of the other dancers she killed herself with a bullet to the head. There was also another dancer there who died in a drug overdose. I wouldn't be surprised if there were others within my experience who have passed away.
I should also say I've also known at least 4 dancers who were in jail, all basically for drug crimes. It even hits the male staff of a club, as I knew one former bartender/bouncer who hanged himself.
Dougster: Right on.
Yeah, besides most of them being divorced and/or needing to deal with deadbeat dads, and a couple that have been busted for pot, the dancers I run into are normal. Come to think of it, I'm kind of surprised.
Sometimes it is good information. In my view, some of the girls with issues are the weak ones in the herd - potentially good hunting. Finding an attractive one with problems/needs can be like finding a juicy animal with a lame leg ;)
I hate to resurface an old discussion, but I have to say that the more I learn and read from these girls the more depressed I get. Fucked up relationships, drugs, criminal records, kids that are unloved, etc. AIYEE.
I know ONE dancer who doesn't seem screwed up. She's attractive and intelligent, and claims to have a Master's degree but says she can't get her foot in the door in her field. Not a rookie stripper, but fits the "stripped her way through college" myth.
Most of the others? The most common thread is coming from a broken home. They are ALL the children of divorce. Girls with good nuclear families don't end up on the pole, in my experience. A surprising number of strippers have parents who've died.
Drugs are not real big in the club I visit most, but that's only because they run a tight ship. Other clubs in the area are FILLED with girls on Oxys and Roxies.
Loser boyfriends and ex-husbands are very common. Funny that I don't meet strippers who are actually married. I'm sure they exist, but I don't meet them. I witnessed a phone conversation between an absolutely gorgeous 18 year old stripper and her boyfriend. The subject? Whether she'd made enough money to come home yet. She ended up getting pregnant by the dirtbag. Last time I saw her she was pregnant and sitting with him in the smoky strip club. Really.
I know one stripper whose father is dating a stripper she works with, an ex-porn star. That's gotta be a mindfuck.
Girls have told me stories of physical abuse at the hands of boyfriends and husbands. I've not seen any black eyes or anything on the girls, but...
Hey, what's going on in this thread? Yoda said that strippers are just like any other group of girls with a similar age profile. Are you guys saying strippers really are more fucked up and wise old Yoda is wrong?
Better to resurface than to repeat.
"Dive, dive, dive!"
Other than financial hardship stories, I haven't heard abuse stories.