5 Things to Retire in 2014

avatar for Futenko7
Futenko7
As 2013 comes to a close, I think it's time that we look back at the mistakes we've seen strippers make, mistakes we have ourselves made, reflect on the changes in the industry, and adjust our hustle to make the most of the year ahead. Strippers have been directly affected by sexualization of mainstream media, and strippers, instead of being a part of a “secret society” are now front and center in television, movies, and of course, music videos.

When something changes, everything changes, and although it moves at a slower pace than the real world, strip club culture does exist, and we DO evolve. So what things should we retire in 2014 to make this year our most lucrative yet?

1. Asking, “Wanna Dance?”

We KNOW this doesn't work. We do it anyway out of laziness. Most dancers come into work more than they want to or not enough, which results in this “I don't wanna do this tonight,” sort of feeling. The trick is to find the sweet spot. For me, it's always been either 4-6 nights a week, but for some girls it's 1-3, some can push it to 6-10 shifts even! But the reality is, when we don't want to be there is when we do the “wanna dance?” thing. If you can't do it tonight, don't do it! Don't get in lazy habits and become the “wanna dance” girl just because $100 is better than nothing at all. Take those nights to yourself and make an EXTRA hundred on the day that you DO feel like it, and nix the “wanna dance” crap FOREVER.

2. Looking homeless on the floor

I know it's cold out. Get a catsuit, a cute shrug, cropped jacket, or wear long sleeved dresses and leg warmers, but for the love of everything holy, please stop wearing your PINK hoodie on the floor. The general rule to stripper wardrobe styling is, “If his wife would clean the toilet in it, don't wear it.” (plus, you look so sad!)

3. Tracks/Bad weaves

You get paid to look nice. If you messed up your hair or you prefer the look of a extensions or a wig, please invest in quality hair and have it put in by a professional. If you bought it at Sally's and your brother's girlfriend's cousin did it in her kitchen? It's not good enough for the strip club.

4. Booty Work

No more. PLEASE no more booty, and no more booty poppin music!) The butt tricks of 2007-2013 are over. Miley does it, Beyonce does it, everyone does it. It's too mainstream for us, so let's take this opportunity to class the joint up a bit. Unless you work at Club Onyx or Magic City, we really don't need the strip club to look like a rap video. Every club that I have worked at that allows pretty little blonde girls to twerk around on the floor to Gucci Mane has run off it's good money customer base.* To be honest, it just looks trashy. Sooooooo let's make an initiative amongst us to embrace the return of 90′s fashion and 90′S MONEY into the strip clubs by making whales feel comfortable there, and to make them feel a little less like they are looking at their highschool daughters on stage. Dance to less abrasive songs this year, do a little less ass popping, and try sensual on for size. It's a new year, time to re-choreograph your stage show anyhow!

*There is a difference between “Bootylicious” and “Bust it Open”. Please keep dancing to R&B forever.

5. Using your cell phone on the floor

Why this is permitted at any strip club is beyond reason for me. If you are making excuses in your head right now, do yourself a favor and STOP THAT. There is absolutely no reason to have your phone on you in the strip club. If you have kids, their sitter should know the number to the club and be able to retrieve you at any time. If you are bored, too bad. Stay bored. Your cell phone is making you complacent, and what's worse, it's keeping you checked into your real life. You need to leave (insert your birth name here) at the front door, and fully become (insert your stage name here). You cannot do that if you are texting your boyfriend or your homegirl or scrolling on instagram. Plus, you look like a huge asshole to your manager and your customers. Entertain yourself by devising plots to run the world with your favorite stripper friend.

15 comments

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avatar for mjx01
mjx01
11 years ago
"As 2013 comes to a close"...

geeze, how long does it take for articles to get reviewed/posted????
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
11 years ago
A bit confused – IDK if the OP is a dancer posting this; or a custy that copied this from another site.

It seems more like an article for SW – but w/e.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
11 years ago
@mjx:

Maybe that is where the 2013 reference came from – as I stated above – looks like article was copied from another site and recently submitted here and thus why the “timing” seems a bit off.
avatar for lopaw
lopaw
11 years ago
#5 +++++++++
avatar for Clackport
Clackport
11 years ago
I don't agree with number 4. I love booty work! That's my favorite part. Nowadays you'll see almost every stripper popping her booty, I think they do it because they think customers like it even if they don't.
avatar for ilbbaicnl
ilbbaicnl
11 years ago
Actually "wanna dance?" works fine with me. As long as you let me get a good look at you first, face and figure, and you are my type.

I do find most dancers to be very interesting people. But 90+% of the time, you are never, ever going to let your guard down with me. But hey, that's cool, I know you have lots of good reasons not to. I'm not big on small talk. I'd rather just cut to the chase.
avatar for SlickSpic
SlickSpic
11 years ago
Take it to the 90's? You do know that 2 Live Crew, NWA, Deathrow Records, and real g-shit took place in the 90's. The 2000's and plus are way classier than the 90's. And safer.
avatar for Hard4Dancers
Hard4Dancers
11 years ago
Some of them really are homeless.
avatar for Essdub
Essdub
11 years ago
I know #5 is annoying and unprofessional in almost every way, but the one thing I can see it being useful for is responding to a regular customer texting to see if she's busy.
avatar for chemjb714
chemjb714
11 years ago
This is a re-post from a blog called "Survive the Club". Here is the original link.

http://survivetheclub.wordpress.com/2013…
avatar for Leonard313
Leonard313
11 years ago
Totally agree with #5. Nothing makes me wanna give a club a bad review more than sitting there drinking my $8 watered down beverage, waiting for hoes to come talk to me…and 5 of the 6 are in the back getting stoned and the only one on the floor is texting frantically trying to set up an OTC or update her escort page.
avatar for sofaking87
sofaking87
11 years ago
Great five things to retire! However, I want to keep the "wanna dance." Girls don't work the club like they once did, they tend to sit and mop, or play on their phones.
avatar for jackslash
jackslash
11 years ago
More plagiarism. This article should be removed.
avatar for rizzle01
rizzle01
11 years ago
Number 4 is BS I can't stand listening to R&B in the club or getting dances to it. Please keep the dirty, grimy music coming I want it harder and lower!
avatar for SketchinGuy
SketchinGuy
11 years ago
Even if it's plagiarism, I like it. Since I'm not on SW a post with dancer/stripper consciousness is something I usually find interesting. I agree with the list, especially #s 1 & 4. I know it's a game, so if you're gonna play it then play it _well_. "Wanna dance?" is the assembly line approach, & I'm not a fucking Toyota chassis. I can do without the booty work. Miley Cyrus ruined it for all time & it wasn't cute to begin with. Let's see pole tricks & good stepping, ladies! There is no substitute for real stagecraft.
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