Comments by reverendhornibastard

Orlando??? Don’t forget about the “Happiest Place on Earth!” No, I’m not talking about North Korea! I’m talking about Disney World! There is a reason they call themselves the “Happiest Place on Earth!” OK, I admit that Disney World and North Korea and currently engaged in acrimonious litigation over who owns the “Happiest Place on Earth” trademark. But, honestly, the happiest place on Earth is definitely Disney World. Kim Jong Un Land comes in way, way down the list of allegedly happy places, ranking well below international playgrounds like Gaza City, Port-au-Prince, Mogadishu, Detroit and Lagos. But, although Disney World is not technically located within Orlando’s city limits, it’s close enough. Disney World’s “Fantasy Land” is a paradise for those who have been hankering to sexually molest an underaged mouse wearing a miniskirt (and no panties)! If that’s on your bucket list, you won’t find a better vacation spot anywhere on the planet. But be prepared to stand in long lines if you’re intent on “riding Minnie.”

@ArtCollege - I’ve got no qualms about A.I. Artificial Intelligence is definitely preferable to natural stupidity.

@MajoreCream - Sounds like you might have a tumor too. Your symptoms are certainly similar to mine. But going to a strip club and throwing your money away is definitely more satisfying than throwing wads of cash into the fireplace as you sip on your Dr. Pepper listening to your hard earned cash crackling in the flames.

@RonJax2 - Although it sounds promising, I suspect the “full service” reference in the NAICS code 72251 to “full service restaurants” is not what we are all hoping and praying for.

@TheSingularity - I must say I’m surprised that you thought my review was A.I. generated. I thought a guy with a handle like “The Singularity” could handle a few polysyllabic words. Besides, do you really think A.I. is likely to throw around words like “desplooginate” or “desploogination?”

To placate those who always want more details, I offer the following: Drink prices - I already said they were comparable to drink prices at other titty bars in the Houston area, but your order of a mixed drink (house liquor rather than top shelf) will set you back U.S.$7.00 + tip. If I were you I wouldn’t drink the house liquor but neither would I ask for top shelf. You will pay more but still get rot gut liquor at Centerfolds. Order a Coca Cola or a Sprite. It will sill cost you U.S.$7.00 + tip but at least it won’t gone you a headache. Lap Dances - The last time I paid for a lap dance at Centerfolds (not on this last visit) they were U.S.$20 each. VIP - Access to the VIP areas is quoted at U.S.$100 and up depending on the time of day. I’ve never paid the asking price. You must remember, they WANT you to go to one of the VIP areas. NEGOTIATE! The “Penthouse” VIP area is more expensive than the balcony VIP area but you can usually get whatever you came here for in either VIP area. If you’re a really good negotiator, you might get a cheese plate or a bottle of champagne (that tastes like fizzy GatorAde) thrown in. Regardless, your VIP entry fee always includes a hefty supply of napkins (just in case you need to clean up a spill on aisle 9). The complimentary napkins are probably the best evidence that you’re in a high mileage dive. “Extras” - Like VIP entry prices, the prices for “extras” are all subject to negotiation. The older heifers usually offer huge discounts than the younger, higher priced spreads. Good discounts can also be obtained from the younger, more svelte dancers if you know how to negotiate. Just act like you’re prepared and willing to leave the club without being desplooginated and your dancer will usually lower her price. This is particularly true if the club is not busy and if she doesn’t get your business she’s just going to end up sitting around playing with her cellphone and not earning even a fucking dime.

@Pentangle - You’re correct, Monday nights are usually pretty slow at most clubs. BTW, what is “pentangle?” Is it a medical condition like “ Peyronie's disease?”

@SilentSwag - I’m not sure if FS is available at the Church. I suspect that it probably is but can’t confirm this based on personal experience. Whether or not FS is available at the Church, I wouldn’t go there expecting it. Unless you’ve previously established your reputation with the right “desploogination service professionals” (as opposed to mere “dancers”), you’re very unlikely to receive FS in Church no matter how fervently you might pray for it. I suspect that FS on an OTC basis is probably more easily arranged.

@RonJax2 - I haven’t been to Tijuana since I was 11 years old and, as you can probably guess, my dad failed to introduce me to La Zona Norte on that trip. But from everything I’ve heard about the clubs in La Zona Norte, they are much like the clubs in SE Asia where I lived and mongered for about 14 years. In that respect, SE Asia was a little slice of heaven. I don’t know how it works in La Zona Norte, but in Jakarta’s better clubs you NEVER have to worry about a police raid because the police own & run the most outrageous clubs!

@chiefwiggum, I would LOVE to try some of the clubs in South Florida. I have certainly heard plenty of good things about the clubs down there. Unfortunately, I have no reason to go to South Florida other than to check out the strip clubs, and despite my name, I’m not so desperately horny that I would travel that far just to check out a few dens of depravity. But if I ever get to South Florida without my family in tow, I will definitely wander into some of the more disreputable strip clubs with my trousers bulging with cash and shameful intentions!

@mahatmakanejeeves - enjoy Centerfolds if you go but remember, despite the high mileage, you are definitely going down market. If The Saint James is the Ritz Carlton of Houston strip clubs, then Centerfolds is the Motel 6.

Wasn’t me! Although the Church is one of my favorite clubs, it’s been a while since I’ve been there. Beyond that, I have never rained singles down on anyone. If I am determined to get a dancer’s attention, I will approach her on the stage and ask her if she is available to join me when she gets off the stage. If she says, “yes,” I will give her a $20 or two and tell her it’s a down payment. That works most of the time but I gotten stiffed a couple of times (and not in a positive way).

@CostaTheCrazyGreek - I’m pretty sure AI hasn’t learned the words “desplooginate” or “desploogination.”

While it’s true that beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clean to the bone. I never settle for ugly in the clubs. If I’m looking for ugly, I just look in the mirror!

Thanks! Chastity is the most perverted of all human sexual deviancies Depravity is definitely where it’s at!

@wld4tatas - I do feel like the money was wasted (but I haven’t stopped l). I covered 6 continents because my career caused me to live in 5 countries on 3 continents and to travel very frequently damn near everywhere else. Since I mostly traveled alone, there were LOTS of opportunities to go out and find trouble. I will admit that I’m slowing down now. Some people say it’s because with age comes wisdom. The truth is so much simpler. I get tired more easily than I used to.

@ancientluker & @londonguy - Admittedly shrouds are not made with pockets, but you CAN take it with you. I’ve got friends who have invested in caskets with luggage racks (made for people who want to take it with them)!

@DeclineToState - I’m partial to Beefeater and to Bombay Sapphire. Hendricks is good too but is usually unavailable in the dives I go to.

@EastCoaster - I didn’t start eating pussy until I was 16 years old and probably would have not started until much later but for the fact that I was “tutored” at age 16 by a 26-year old woman who was afraid of grown men but comfortable playing with the heads of 16-year old boys.

@JAprufrock - I wholeheartedly agree - there are few pleasures more satisfying to a guy’s ego than making a gorgeous young woman writhe in sexual ecstasy while you run your tongue and lips over her most intimate square inches. I once ate a stripper (you’re correct about their attention to hygiene) in the VIP room of a Houston club. She was standing on a bench seat straddling me with her koochie planted on my face. As I began treating her to my Lickety Lube services (“Have Tongue, Will Travel”), she began to moan softly and to jump my face. I’m a born skeptic and was convinced she was just feigning pleasure for my benefit. After all, she’s a stripper, right? But I didn’t care. I was having a great time eating her pussy and that’s all that mattered. She became increasingly excited (or pretended to be increasingly excited) as our session progressed. But I still wasn’t buying it. I was sure she was just putting on a show for my benefit. Then she suddenly made a very unladylike noise, shivered and began to fall backwards off the bench seat. Concerned that she was going to split her head open on the coffee table, I grabbed her ass and pulled her toward me before she fell backwards. She then collapsed onto the bench seat in a pool of giggles. I was finally convinced that she wasn’t faking it. I had actually gotten through to her. She then wanted to fuck but I (almost) never fuck in a strip club. We agreed on plans for some OTC fun on following day (her boyfriend was going to pick her up after she got off work that evening). But it never happened. I had some a better option the next day when a young lady attorney made it abundantly clear to me that she desperately needed some “one-on-one” mentoring from a more senior lawyer.

I understand how you feel and often think the same thing. But I don’t believe it is that cut and dried. No doubt there are some people who simply feel life is easier spent panhandling than working. But I also believe that there are some living on the streets who can’t help themselves. I’m no social worker and don’t pretend to understand why these people can’t get or keep a job but I suspect mental disabilities are at the root of it for many of them. “Take your meds” is easy enough to say but I’m not so sure how effective that advice is when it lands inside the head of a crazy person.

If I had to pick between a tiny G-string that was not stretchy or a less skimpy but stretchy G-string, I would definitely always pick the stretchy G-string. The stretchy ones are so easily pushed aside and rendered irrelevant. Just thinking about them makes my teeth sweat!

Most of my outrageous escapades have been chronicled in posts (mostly in the TUSCL discussions page). Strangely enough, most of these wild escapades did not strike me as particularly wild or extraordinary at the time. But now that I am an old man, I have difficultly believing I ever did those things (or that such things ever happen to me)! These wild memories feel like they must surely have happened to somebody else, but not to me!

@magicrat - You and others offered the opinion that a stripper who wears double G-strings does so to keep wandering fingers out of her pink parts or for other reasons hygienic reasons. That makes perfect sense if she leaves both of those G-strings on. But not if she peels off the outer G-string and the inner one is one of those “barely there” dental floss G-strings that is so thin, loose and stretchy that you can easily to slip a hand or a long muscular tongue into. When she takes off the outer G-string and that’s all she has under it, it’s an open invitation to explore her unprotected wetlands!