The Secret Revealed: Why some board posters haven't reviewed any clubs...
chandler
Blue Ridge Foothills
I received an interesting message from my good pal Founder recently. Knowing I'm sort of a connoisseur of amateurish, unintentionally funny reviews, he often shares with me some of the bad stuff that gets rejected. A couple of recent submissions especially caught my attention. Names have been left out to protect the inarticulate.
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****** CLUB
Submitted by: ******
Overall Rating: 1
I had a rotten time at this place. A few minutes after I arrived, a blonde came up and asked me if I'd like a lap dance. I asked her how much it would cost me to fuck her OTC. She just frowned and walked away. Didn't even name her price. A little later, a brunette approached me and asked if I'd like some company. I told her I'd like her to suck my dick. How much, bitch? She just got up and left. Next, a redhead came over and asked me if I'd like to "go get naughty". I thought I'd step up my game with this bitch and sweeten my proposition. I told her I'd like to get high with her and fuck her OTC. Heroin, coke, meth - name your habit, whore. She just called me a peckerhead and rushed off.
After that, the lying bitches mysteriously stopped coming around. Just hanging with their regulars, I guess. Except there was one smelly skank missing a few teeth who said with a nervous twitch she'd heard I had meth and could she buy some. I told her she could have it if she sucked my dick, but she told me she'd rather pay, she wasn't that desperate. Shit, I didn't need money. I had money burning a hole in my pocket, but the lying whores at this club were too lazy and stupid to get off their fat asses and earn any of it.
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CLUB *****
Submitted by: *********
Overall Rating: 1
[exerpt]
At Club *****, I told an ultra-hot and very young 9.625 to 9.75 female ATF-type low 20s how I'd been spreading my Alpha male seed all over town in recent weeks. Subconsciously, she obviously couldn't help but respond to my positive Alpha attraction points as all females are obviously genetically programmed to do, but consciously, this female just said, "That's nice, sweetie. You got any other hobbies?" I pointed out that my 6'3" 200 lb. very fit build required regular physical exertion in order to maintain my James Bond-like gentleman horndog vibe, and the female replied that I looked more like 5'8" and 240, but I smelled nice.
[and so on]
======================
****** CLUB
Submitted by: ******
Overall Rating: 1
I had a rotten time at this place. A few minutes after I arrived, a blonde came up and asked me if I'd like a lap dance. I asked her how much it would cost me to fuck her OTC. She just frowned and walked away. Didn't even name her price. A little later, a brunette approached me and asked if I'd like some company. I told her I'd like her to suck my dick. How much, bitch? She just got up and left. Next, a redhead came over and asked me if I'd like to "go get naughty". I thought I'd step up my game with this bitch and sweeten my proposition. I told her I'd like to get high with her and fuck her OTC. Heroin, coke, meth - name your habit, whore. She just called me a peckerhead and rushed off.
After that, the lying bitches mysteriously stopped coming around. Just hanging with their regulars, I guess. Except there was one smelly skank missing a few teeth who said with a nervous twitch she'd heard I had meth and could she buy some. I told her she could have it if she sucked my dick, but she told me she'd rather pay, she wasn't that desperate. Shit, I didn't need money. I had money burning a hole in my pocket, but the lying whores at this club were too lazy and stupid to get off their fat asses and earn any of it.
=======================
CLUB *****
Submitted by: *********
Overall Rating: 1
[exerpt]
At Club *****, I told an ultra-hot and very young 9.625 to 9.75 female ATF-type low 20s how I'd been spreading my Alpha male seed all over town in recent weeks. Subconsciously, she obviously couldn't help but respond to my positive Alpha attraction points as all females are obviously genetically programmed to do, but consciously, this female just said, "That's nice, sweetie. You got any other hobbies?" I pointed out that my 6'3" 200 lb. very fit build required regular physical exertion in order to maintain my James Bond-like gentleman horndog vibe, and the female replied that I looked more like 5'8" and 240, but I smelled nice.
[and so on]
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22 comments
Some of us really are 6-3 and in shape and 200 lbs and have lots of money and happen (among other things)to be lawyers, I mean its not really that big a deal, and by the way no one is claiming to look like a younger version of Sean Connery or any other Bond actor.
You would be very suprised how much of a true gentlemen I am in a club setting, with this "horndog vibe" being very very low key - which is actually much more effective when it operates in that fashion
Excellent post, chandler. :) LOL!
Notice that Bobby has no trouble taking a joke at his expense. As much as I disagree with Bobby on more than one topic, this is an example of why I think he is not a jerk.
On the other hand, David has to rush to his own defense, to assure everyone that he really is a hot stud. In case no one has noticed, David has spent the last 36 hours on a media blitz to convince everyone on the board that he is what he claims to be. Sadly for him, he's doing this by posting ever more absurd claims:
spending $60K a year at the clubs (for you tax wizards, that would be over $100K in pretax income, so he is claiming to spend over 20% of his annual gross income -- which is ludicrously claimed to be $500k -- on strippers!)
handing $1000 to a stripper, in front of everyone while she's on stage, to prepay her for a session in the VIP (that's not for the club but for the girl; great way to attract LE, and to get the club to toss you out for exposing them to vice charges)
spending 240 hours per year in the clubs (the equivalent of six work weeks, yet he still maintains a $500k per year job, wife, family, and various other responsibilities)
YET he still refuses to post reviews because he supposedly needs to maintain his confidentiality and privacy. That's a great way to maintain your privacy. Post incessantly on public boards available to anyone, but don't post private reviews that only members can read. And the person claiming to jealously guard his privacy nonetheless spends thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours engaged in the very public soliciation of prostitution. This has to be one of the most transparently ridiculous claims anyone has ever made on this site.
By the way, I had no clue David claimed to be a lawyer. Of all of the whoppers he's told on this board, that has to be the biggest. One thing I can promise you is that David has never been a member of the bar.
Now I am sure jablake will post one of his surreal, stream of conscious defenses of David, that lead off into a completely different subject. The funny part is that jablake always rises to David's defense, but David keeps calling him "jarblake."
It is just a term of endearment. :) Oops, there I go again rising to David's defense. LOL! The reality of course is that sometimes to accurately understand the message one must overlook logical or factual inconsistency and further consider the context, probable motives, diversionary tactics, etc. etc. etc. When considering the Apache culture as a whole as it existed some 300 years ago, it must be obvious that their social mores were shaped by their primitive technology as well as competing tribes to name but two major influences. How does this apply to David, one might ask? Simple look at the "advanced" technology that David employs. Letters on a screen with countless possible meanings; pitiful just pitiful. Competing tribes? Think, DEA, FBI, LEO, CIA, etc. and even TUSCL. Even an extreme Alpha man might feel a tinge of fear surrounded by such tribes; especially an Alpha man with a lot to lose such a license to practice law or access to the hottest most fertile women money can rent. :)
What is sad though are that some guys who haven't been to hardly any strip clubs think they can bring a bunch of money to strip clubs and just pick up a girl and go have sex with her. I even heard a story about some guy offering over 1 thousand to just skip the lap dance and go off to a hotel. Obviously he was misinformed about what typically goes in strip clubs. Now if he offered a million dollars to the girl and she accepted, he could claim that everyone has their price.
Funny review even though it is sad that some people really believe strippers are really prostitutes if you just offer them enough cash.
and from casualguy,
"Funny review even though it is sad that some people really believe strippers are really prostitutes if you just offer them enough cash"
perhaps the most TRUE statement ever posted on TUSCL
And all on the same thread....good job guys
Say what? Hate to tell you this, but I can guarantee you that the majority of girls will have have sex for money at some point with at least some of their customers. And although offering $1k right off the bat is not the way to play it, does anyone really doubt if they were seriously putting that kind of money on the table they couldn't get at least half the girls to take them up on it? Heck these days it's probably more like 80%.
As un-PC as it to say, and as much as some would like to believe that strippers are really different (perhaps to make themselves feel better and what they do and how they feel about strippers), the fact that so many REALLY WILL have sex for money mean that they are, indeed, prostitutes.
Um, you do realize Chandler's entire post is a satire, and the "reviews" are both fake reviews Chandler himself wrote for the sake of making a joke, right? Please say "yes."
That and $5 will buy me a dance at Angels. :)
Man, some of the old people here need some help when it comes to satire I guess...sheesh...