Close calls or being somewhere you should have been

Title should have read shouldn't have been

Last minute and unplanned OTC in the wife's car. Was the dancer that hot, or was it just little head in charge?

I've had some situations that got the heart pumping like not having a plan to deal with LDK spots or smoky clothes, but nothing like having literal stripper heels in the back seat.

The actual closest call was leaving this site open on my phone after coming home from work. Wouldn't be any coming back from that.

Do you really know that she didn't see them? Perhaps she saw them, documented the evidence at least mentally but perhaps more concretely, and didn't say anything? Maybe she's building an air tight case to secure a good settlement and doesn't want to tip her hand.

It's certainly possible she didn't see them, it's not like I haven't had shit in the back seat of my truck that I forgot about or didn't notice for weeks or more, including items belonging to strippers. But I just had to be a bit of a jerk and point out the worst case scenario.

Reminds of the joke about the guy changing in the locker room and taking off his shirt to reveal he was wearing a bra. His buddy asks, “How long have you been wearing that?” Guy answers, “Ever since my wife found it in my glove compartment.”

Joke preceded current tranny mania.

I can’t beat stripper heels in the wife’s car for a near calamity but I’ll share mine. Many times there’s been physical evidence of perfume, glitter, hickeys, scratches on my back or “lap dance rug burn”. One time, the wife was picking up a kid from college and texted that they were on the way home. It would be a 5 hour drive beginning Saturday around dinner time so I had time to hit a club. I was enjoying myself and about to get some dances with a couple hours to spare and I get a text “we just got home. Where are you?” Oh fuck. Said I was at a local pub and I’d finish my beer and head home. Truth was I was about 30 mins away (made it in 22 like Winston Wolf). The family (also like the Wolf) had made the 5 hr drive in 3:45.

The heels for days in the car story is wild. Buy a lottery ticket.

You're lucky your wife didn't ask you, "Where are my heels, I left them on the floor in back?"

^ lol If she were the owner of those stripper heels wouldn't needed to go to the strip club

Not a close call for me, but I sure did prevent one. I rarely go to a strip club with other guys, but I have friend that comes from out of town with a strip club hall pass. We usually went to a really tame club, but one time he asked to go to a different club.

He heads to the restroom. I see a girl come out to the floor that I recognized IRL. I quickly went to intercept her. As I got close, she realized she recognized me and got this "oh shit" look. I told her "So and So is in the restroom". Her panic went through the roof, and she hid in the dressing room until I could get him out of there.

It was his business partner's mid-twenties daughter. They missed each other by 30 seconds.

Lol at that one

Plenty. Heck I've probably forgotten a bunch of them, lmao. the ones that immediately come to mind:

• I brought a stripper from the club to a motel and her husband followed us. Boy was that awkward. But the funny thing is that after she told him to fuck off and he took off, she rocked my world in that motel room.

• Had a stripper get so fucked up that she passed out in the footwell of the passenger seat. I was seriously considering bringing her to a hospital, but thank goodness she woke back up and managed to garble out where I should drop her.

• Had a stripper let me know that she had drugs in her bag and outstanding warrants as a cop was riding behind us. Thankfully I gave him no reason to pull us over.

• A stripper I brought to a hotel thought it was a swell idea to take a dip in the hotel pool before we hit the sheets. Neither of us had a bathing suit and the pool was closed, but that didn't deter us. Boy was it awkward to have the security guard watch me exit the pool in my soaking wet underwear, lmao. Alcohol may have played a role.

I'm sure that there have been others. I used to really party.

Her dad had joined us once or twice in the past on those outings. Knowing him, he would have been cool her working there, but not when he was there. The guy I was with would NOT have been cool with her working there. Seen her a few times IRL since then. If she was not too drunk to remember and actually remembers, she is really good at hiding it. Got her PhD and is off doing research.

The club closed not long after that. Although my friend didn't know it, the main source of dancer revenue at that club was NOT dances, if you know what I mean.

Besides the stripper heels incident I'm convinced I was saved by divine intervention on this close call

This goes back a ways 20 plus years ago it was more of a sugar arrangement long before I knew what one was. Originated from a club meeting and lasted 6 months. We were separated by about 50 miles so we'd meet at different hotels somewhere in the middle She would get the room I would reimburse her for the room and compensate for her "time"

One day she says her credit card isn't working can you get the room? No problem I tell the desk clerk I prefer to pay cash hotel required credit card info but would cancel it upon check out. At checkout I confirm that this is not going on my card he assures me it won't. I watch him destroy the hard copy. For you young pups in those days they would make a physical carbon copy imprint of your card.

For the next week or so I'd periodically call the bank to confirm my card wasn't billed. All seem good and I could relax

A month or two later wife comes home from work mail in hand we're sitting at the kitchen counter talking about our day as she begins to open the mail phone rings while she's talking on the wall phone I take over the mail. First one I pick up had been opened but not removed from the envelope Its a quarterly statement showing reward points from a chain hotel... The Hotel! There it was points for a hotel stay that shouldn't have been

We hadn't used that hotel for over a year and certainly not a handful of miles home but somehow there it was. I discreetly picked up the statement envelopes and junk mail promptly threw all in the waste basket when the coast was clear that statement was destroyed.

Had that phone rang only seconds later I have no idea how I would explain any of it

Now when I hear the phrase "Saved by the bell" instant flashback

Even when you're cautious shit can come out of nowhere

I left the infamous, long gone Cherry's in Providence with a young lady. On the way to the motel, she asked me to drop by her dealer's house to buy coke. While she was upstairs, I was accosted by two plain clothes Providence detectives on stake-out. Once I recovered from the unique feeling of staring down the barrel of a 38-snub nose, the officers and I agreed I should leave. When I got back to my apartment, I noticed her expensive boots were in the car. Too big for my now wife, then girlfriend so I gave them to my roommate, a prior g.f., then and now platonic and she looked great in them.

Great cautionary thread! I once butt-dialed my wife at 11pm while in a strip club, but supposed to be at a concert. She said all she heard was noise, which was good. I’m just glad she didn’t hear the DJ say “And now, please welcome former playmate Bunny to the stage!” Another time, my wife found my $1500 cash war chest stashed in a side pocket of a backpack, and wanted to know what the hell I had all that cash for. I think for most of us, technology (cell phones) will be the thing that most likely gets us caught. I’ve learned some useful tricks like hiding alerts, double deleting texts, etc., but I’m also lucky that she isn’t very tech savvy. Stay careful boys!

Pocket dialed the wife as I was saying goodbye to a dancer at 12:45 am after a tame vip. Call was a full 3 minutes before I got out to the car and realized it. Quickly hung up and she immediately called me back. She could hear that I was having a friendly discussion with a dancer in a bar late at night. I ended up confessing it was a SC because it seemed better than me chatting up a random civvie chick. So, it really wasn’t a close call at all since I was totally busted, except for the part where she brought up the idea of a divorce, which hasn’t happened