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Does your wife/girlfriend know or care?

SammyGold
New York
I imagine the topic has come up before but I couldn't figure out how to search the discussion board. I'm just curious how many people are married and how many wives know (or care).

I'm married with two young kids. I talked to my wife about my "hobby" before we got married. Bottom line is that she doesn't really care as long as I'm discreet, don't let things go too far, don't make a habit of it, and she doesn't get "(not) stiffed" as a result. It's basically don't ask don't tell and she trusts me to stay in bounds.

I certainly don't go to SCs as much as before I was married, once every few months if that - maybe even once a year. I'm not into extras, I'm not comfortable with that myself, but I do like to get my money's worth out of the occasional LD (we didn't talk much about LDs, but I'm probably pushing the envelope a bit with those). Personally, I'd be comfortable going even a little farther with an occasional HJ especially when there's a dry spell at home, but that would clearly be going to far for her and I can respect that. With two young kids, though, we've been having an all out drought lately and so we might have to revisit the topic before long.

This week she and the kids are on a trip and so I've had a chance to sample the local cuisine. Coming from RI to upstate NY, the SC scene is a lot more tame, but good enough for my purposes (see my recent reviews). Maybe I'll take the trip to Sundowner in Niagara at some point, but I stayed with the local clubs this time since it was my first real chance to check them out.

What has surprised me most is that my tastes have changed from my bachelor days. I find I'm more into sensuous contact than all-out grinding. Referring to a different thread, I have no desire to cum in my pants. Having been offered that opportunity recently, I realized that I'd really rather have a three song make-out session with heavy petting (too bad kissing isn't more common). I guess what I'm really after is a dose of female energy when the well at home is temporarily running dry.

Anyway, just curious about what position everyone else is in.

Sammy

16 comments

Latest

njscfan
•
17 years ago
People will be all over the map on this.

I am married, and I have sex with the strippers, both in the club and out. Last night I picked up one of my current favorite dancers from her club when she got off work, we went to a hotel and fucked for two hours. And no I do not tell my wife.

My wife and I have a good and regular sex life, but I accepted long, long ago that I need greater variety than just having sex with one woman my whole life. My wife is a wonderful person and very attractive, but she is not 20 years old like the girl I boinked last night. I would not suggest only fucking the 20 year olds, but it is nice (for me) to have sex with a range and variety of different types of women.
parodyman-->
•
17 years ago
I am very fortunate. Not only does my wife know about my hobby, she participates! She goes with me sometimes which is cool because she is into women too. We have our limits and as long as we stay within them everything is cool. We have a great time and are well recieved at the clubs.
MisterGuy
•
17 years ago
Yea, the search feature on the website is pretty limited. I dunno if a search engine out there would be able to peek into what's been written on this board...I've never tried that.

I dunno where you are now Sammy, but you might hit a few clubs in the Syracuse area...I've heard some good things about them...and the Sundowner...definitely... :)

The funniest response that I ever had to bringing up the topic of strip clubs was with a former gf (who happened to also be a stripper) who "banned" me from going to strip clubs ever again...that didn't work out too well...lol... I can't think of more than one gf that had a problem with the idea of me going to a strip club...some even tagged along! I don't think there are that many gals out there that really can't appreciate the female form.
shadowcat
•
17 years ago
I have been divorced for 4 years but the well dried up 15 years before that. I kept it together for the sake of the kids. Now I am a free man again and intend to keep it that way. I answer no NO one. Now I act like a school boy. Trying to get all of sex that I can. To make up for all of those lost years. But I don't want women my age. 66 is less than sexy. I have chosen the strip club way instead of street walkers or escorts. I don't get laid every time I go out but I didn't when I was school boy either. AARP, Viagra, and Medicare part B are all words that I understand. I also understand that "Variety is the spice of life." I intend to keep IT up.
Officer
•
17 years ago
I don't have either, therefore I'm free to do whatever I want!!!!
Clubber
•
17 years ago
Wife knows I visit at times. She also goes with me at other times.
unbelheathen
•
17 years ago
My situation is similar to Sammy's, except that HJ or BJ is ok if I can get it ITC. It isn't the activity we are jealous of so much as time, effort, or personal relationships.

She does come with me from time to time, too, but hasn't worked up the courage to get a lap yet.
njscfan
•
17 years ago
I will candidly admit I am somewhat jealous and fascinated by guys whose wives allow them to have a somewhat open relationship.

I am curious: how did you get your wife to approve and/or participate in these activities? Did you already openly fool around when she first met you, so she had to accept it as part of the package? Or did you somehow gradually acclimate her to the idea over time, and she warmed up to it? Or what? I have talked with my wife several times in a half-serious half-joking way about fooling around as a couple, and sometimes she sounds game for the idea, but then she always falls back into thinking that it would cause jealousy, conflict, etc., and pulls away. I know there are couples out there who have open relationships and/or swing together, and I've always wondered how the guy got his wife into it. Any insight by the guys who have pulled this off would be appreciated (even though I doubt it will ever happen in my life).
Book Guy
•
17 years ago
I second the motion for answers to NJSCFan's questions.
snowtime
•
17 years ago
I am single so no real help here. I do however have a good friend who sometimes goes with me to stripclubs. He likes to drink beer and look at naked women, but leaves the lapdances to me. One of his wife's female friends asked his wife how she could let him go to these places with me. Her answer to her friend was that if he wants to cheat on her, he can do it at the office or anywhere else he goes. I think her statement was right on point and I have never seen him do anything more than look.
Clubber
•
17 years ago
In answer to njscfan and BG, I started going years ago after work with guys I knew. Not an everyday thing, but she knew we went. The one of those guys wife stated dancing, so there was a better reason to go. We also met a club owner outside the SC scene, and he invited us to dinner and then a visit to his club. We've gone back a few times since.

That said, she does not know all that goes on inside clubs at times.
imnumnutz
•
17 years ago
i'm single, but my married pal who goes to clubs tells me his wife knows, but just doesnt want to hear about it. he gets his share of dances and he never ever does anything OTC.

The kicker. Long after may ATF became my ATF, she finally saw my buddy from a distance, I pointed him out to her at a college basketball game we went to. "Oh, I've danced for him. Don't take this personally, but I don't think he's a very nice guy..."
FONDL
•
17 years ago
My wife and my ATF have become good friends and are very fond of each other. They exchange emails, we have lunch or dinner together 15-20 times a year (sometimes her BF comes along, who my wife also likes), my ATF gives my wife massages a couple times a year, and they sometimes gang up on me. There isn't much that I've done in strip clubs that my wife doesn't know about. She doesn't approve but she hasn't thrown me out either. I'd say we have a good marriage and I have no desire to have sex with anyone else.
FinalLap
•
17 years ago
Try this. I think we might be dealing with a generational divide on the wife's attitude toward strip clubs. A lot of Gen X'ers and younger have grown up with the "new" type of club "post Showgirls". Wives may have been to clubs or have known girls who danced in the past. We "baby boomers" (45+) and older are married, mostly, to women whose attitudes toward strip clubs goes back to an earlier time. They take it personally when they think about their guy spending time in a club. I've tried to explain it like "some guys are all about hunting--killing game; some guys are all about gambling--taking a risk monetarily; I enjoy watching and meeting beautiful women in a classy club; it's a hobby!" Unfortunately, it hasn't worked very well. We agree to disagree. We mostly practice "don't ask, don't tell." I'm not happy about being less than 100 % honest, but I'm not prepared to give up a hobby I totally enjoy as a kind of "punishment." If we were 15-20 years younger, I think she would be better able to understand or tolerate my view--and I might be willing to try to even get her "involved." But the risk is too high vs. the chance of success. So I proceed very carefully--but very frequently--to enjoy my hobby.
beantown
•
17 years ago
My wife does not know, and yes, she would care. I don't go when I'm home, but will often go when traveling for work, so every few months, and I'm pretty certain she would not appreciate it, so I see no benefit to trying to change her views. I don't have other vices, so I'll keep this one to myself.
Book Guy
•
17 years ago
The WWII generation is full of stories of the boys at the front writing home to the girlfriends all about their experiences in whore-houses in Italy and France. And the girls essentially accepting it as a necessary biological function, and just expecting that the army would "clean him up" of communicable diseases before he got back home to her.

Things have changed. Sex has been driven under cover, to the point of it being something "dirty" and generally illegal. Fuck you Dick Cheney. Just because your wife the freakazoid entrapped you into a cult ceremony while you were still in high school, doesn't mean the rest of us have to be as miserable as you are.
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