After being approached by a dancer who you don't want to spend time with, what's your favorite brush off without offending her. I realize some like to be very blunt, but I'm not one of those. I prefer to give them a positive reason to move on. I've tried 'I'm waiting for someone else". That good if it's true, but if not then often they want you call your bluff and they'll try to get you that 'someone'. Also, a simple "no thank you" after "can i join you" or "do you want company" often starts a conversation or she sends the message to others to 'not bother' with me. A couple of my favorite brush offs are : 1) "you look too much like (fill in the blank), eg my ex-wife, my daughter, my daughter-in-law, etc"; 2) "you're too far out of my league", whether that's true or not, 3) "I just ordered food" or "I just ate some food, and need to let that settle".
How about you, what's your favorite brush off line?
Why not say simply not right now, maybe later. I've said this before and I'll repeat it for your benefit, I don't understand why a seemingly grown ass man is intimidated by a young girl in her underwear.
I think OP’s point is how to decline without poisoning the well, and maybe using that dancer as a talent scout For example “ I’m looking for a someone with (insert feature you like that current dancer doesn’t have) “red hair”, “freckles”, etc. might be able to hook you up with a friend of hers that meets your standards.
I don't like bullshit excuses. I just got here, I'm waiting for someone else, maybe later, etc, might work for some but I don't like em. It implies a temporary situation, and all too often the girls will come back. They might be okay if they're the truth, but if the I don't find the girl attractive that's not temporary and its just a waste of both of our time for her to return. I suggest:
"No thank you" "I'm good, thank you" "Thanks for coming over, but I'm not interested. Have a nice day/night"
Or other similarly clear and concise responses. If she starts a conversation, try to find ways to politely end it. If she gets rude, it's okay to return fire to some extent. I try not to escalate unless it gets really out of hand, but thats very rare. "I'm not interested in company sweetie, I'd just like to enjoy my drink alone. Thank you, good bye" almost always ends the interaction.
I suppose if you're really looking for a blonde and she's a brunette, you could take the approach chimera suggests. But that sort of thing never goes well for me. Perhaps I'm just fussy, but I find it much easier to look around and find a girl I find hot than I do to spend 15 minutes describing the features I find ideal as well as their relative priorities. Not to mention doing so would probably make me feel and sound like a douche.
I know OP said he doesn't like no thank you because it starts a conversation, but I don't see the difference. The stripper who is going go be persistent after a no thank you is going to do so regardless of what you say. Why make life harder for everyone in an attempt to appease someone who can't be appeased? While I disagree with the first half of 25's comment, the second half is solid. If you, presumably a grown man, find your self intimidated or otherwise uncomfortable turning down a young lady in her underwear at a a strip club, I think a little self reflection is in order.
I'm not trying to be a dickhead or suggest that you should be one for no reason. But, the strip club might be a great place for you to work on your social skills, practice being polite and firm as well as clear and honest in your responses. Help the young girl learn to take an unfiltered no, and help yourself learn to give one without feeling bad. Many problems these days originate with people not being clear and honest in their interactions. Less than honest answers, even those given with good intentions just breed distrust, contempt, anxiety, and frustration for everyone in the long run. Just be straight up.
My life would be exponentially easier if I didn't have to deal with snowflakes giving bullshit responses to avoid hurting peoples feelings and all the downstream drama caused by the resulting misunderstandings. I don't think I'm alone in that. So my suggestion & request is, just say no thanks. In doing so, you can help make the world a better place, one strip club visit at a time.
I'm not intimidated by a young lady in her underwear, but I've had "dancers' who look like they might be retired linebacker who wouldn't leave. Strip clubs are NOT the place to work on social skills. At a strip club a good opening line might be "hey baby, do you like letting old guys lick your pussy?" Not a good line to use outside the club.
The young hottie you want likely won't be stopping by with "want some company"? I like dancers who are young, white, and thin. I'll settle for 2 of those. When an undesirable sits down uninvited, I'm polite, I say no to buy a drink, private dance. Maybe later. If she still won't leave, I'll feel her up, She asks for a tip, sorry, I'm a little short. She leaves because she doesn't want to be giving out free gropes.
Yeah, what dolfan said. Just say no thanks, I’m good. If you turn away too many, or turn away one who decides to tell other dancers you’re not spending money, you might have to be proactive and tip a bit to get the attention of the girls you are interested in. It’s a fluid situation so just read the room. I choose my dancers based on a number of factors, physical and personality traits or loose morals, or whatever mood I might be in. I don’t need to tell a girl she’s not my type because who knows who I’ll eventually decide on. Just say no.
^ That's the reason I try to let them down nicely but leave the door open, with my no thank you, maybe later, I can sometimes do change my mind depending on her stage set, or even she'll appeal to me later after I've had a few beers and gotten comfortable. Occasionally a girl I wasn't attracted to at first, can go on stage and if she's flirty enough or erotic and sexy I occasionally have second thoughts, very rarely does a girl I've told maybe later come back, I don't view that as leading her on, but I do get the point of view, that feels that it's somewhat light.
It's an important issue to address as it's awkward for a lot of people.
They don't always approach with hey you wanna dance? Sometimes get into a conversation with you. I don't care who they are, hot, not, I'm going to make eye contact, how doin m'am, shake hands and trade names. Every time. It's drilled into me. I'll engage in a brief conversation it's cool, it doesn't bother me but I've been called ASSHOLE on tuscl for doing that, as if the girl could've made thousands in the 45 second little bullshit conversation that she initiated with me. lol. Na but it's good to talk to people in a new club if you want to get a feel for the joint without spending all this money to find out.
Now they'll eventually bring up getting dances or they won't but when look I usually just say hey I'm not getting dances right now and they'll more than likely move on. I'm not really glued anywhere for them to commandeer my table I'm always moving and grooving or going to the stage, talking with other dancers. If they ask to buy a drink, shut that down, let's your nuts hang out, No thanks. Full stop.
Who was it Rick Dugan that said he would literally wave his finger Dikembe Mutombo style when the dancers were on approach. That's rough.
Remember it's a game. Us against the world. All these motherfuckers up in these strip clubs are out to get you and put you on the street, homeless. No money, no nothing. And they'll be all laughing all the way to the bank while they step over you. I'm a stingy motherfucker, I'm a stingy motherfucker, I'm a stingy motherfucker, ain't getting SHIT from ME. I say that on repeat in the mirror every night. (btw they LOVE my ass on stripperweb)
But of course then again if a 10 falls out of the sky, I completely throw every important lesson I learned on tuscl/irl totally out the window, break out that blank check book and continue on being the hypocritical phony I really am.
"I prefer to give them a positive reason to move on. I've tried 'I'm waiting for someone else". That good if it's true, but if not then often they want you call your bluff and they'll try to get you that 'someone'."
I've used the "I'm waiting for someone else" excuse many times and here's how I handled the responses when they call my bluff.
Dancer: Hi, my name is Lavender. What's your name? Me: Joe. Dancer: Nice to meet you, Joe. Did you just get here? Me: I haven't been here that long. Dancer: Can I join you at your table? Me: I'm waiting for someone. Dancer: What's her name; I'll get her for you. Me: I don't remember her name. I'm not good at remembering names. Dancer: Oh, can you describe her? Me: She's a tall thin blonde. She said she would be here, but she hasn't arrived yet. Dancer: I'll keep you company until she arrives, O.K? Me: Thank you, but she may not want to come over if she sees you with me. So I don't think that's a good idea. Dancer: I see. Well it was nice meeting you, Joe. Me: It was nice meeting you, too. I'm sorry I forgot your name. Dancer: Lavender. Me: Yes, Lavender, Bye.
I was sitting next to a guy once who was clearly annoyed by a girl who parked her ass and wouldn't quit asking for a drink. Finally he called the bartender over and said get this girl whatever she wants. When she returned with the drink, he paid for it and said, "Put it at that empty seat across the bar."
One last thing to add. If you’re not interested in her don’t be wishy washy. “Ehhh Idk” “Ehhh maybe” “Uhhhhh” your gonna be there all day with her while she tries to get it over the line. Just No thanks. You don’t gotta explain yourself. There’s a Subraman article out there on this if you can find it.
The "maybe later" line is equivalent to a dancer's line of "if you get a 2 VIP sessions, I'll give you my number".
Man up and just say "no".
They are service providers, not dating prospects. Don't be cruel, but also don't make up excuses/lines you don't plan to hold yourself to.
Also, by saying "maybe later", they very well may circle back around, and you will need to deflect them additional times.
Regarding "I'm waiting for someone else"....I've used that when I actually WAS waiting for a specific girl who had just arrived and was changing, and it resulted in an interrogation, with her asking "who?", and then claiming there was no girl at that club with that name. She clearly wasn't aware that the girl was a long-time regular of mine...but nice try.
I smile and say “thanks, but I’m good”. Then I shut up. That seems to work pretty well. I don’t extend the conversation and don’t owe her one if she keeps trying to engage.
"No thank you," seldom fails to work for me. Remember, dancers are sales people, and they've learned to be persistent in the face of rejection, so it might take a couple of repetitions, or even a "sorry, I'm not buying anything right now" type of thing.
Only one dancer was ever obnoxious enough that I had to gank her.
I was impressed with the tactic of I guy overheard once when a dancer wasn't taking "no" for an answer. He finally said: "No. I appreciate the effort, but no."
I guess my approach is if they don't accept a polite "no thanks", the "no" gets a little more firm and less polite. Same way I answer the door for a Jehovah's Witness, I guess, now that I think about it.
Now if the Jehovah's Witness was in her underwear...
You’re not dating her or looking to date her. This is all business, even if they don’t take it that way. Just say, “no, I’m fine - thank you”. And be done with it. It ain’t rocket science.
Simple, direct, polite, and considerate. “No thanks,” “I just got here and want to chill for a bit,” and I’m not interested,” all work. I’ve even told them that I don’t want to waste their time.
"literally wave his finger Dikembe Mutombo style when the dancers were on approach" ^ This is too funny. I remember reading that a while back and can't remember who said it, but I've absolutely caught myself doing that a few times to repeat offenders. You know, the girl who comes over every time you walk in and has the same conversation as if she's Drew Barrymore in 50 first dates. Then usually has the gall to ask to buy her a drink, or give her a tip for her time.
I've also seen a few other guys do it and every single time it cracks me up. I instantly picture that Gieco commercial with Mutombo slapping the change away from the toll booth, waiving his finger and going "no, no, no" and literally laugh out loud. It's rude as fuck, I know. Especially when the girl getting waived off sees me. But I can't help but laugh. I tried showing the girls the ad on youtube once to explain that I wasn't laughing at the girl getting rejected, but they didn't understand. Probably cause they were 10yr olds in Cuba when that commercial came out and have no idea who the fuck he is, nor do they speak the language.
After reading Muddy's comments, I'm picturing Bobby DeNiro in the sequel to Taxi Driver staring at a mirror in his hovel repeating "I'm a stingy motherfucker". Lots of good ideas here, all of which involve being polite (of course) and the best of which do not involve resorting to some BS story like waiting for a non-existent dancer. In all cases, sweetening the pot by handing over a couple bucks and thanking her for her (hopefully brief) time can only help. If she accepts it (of course she will) the implied contract is that she will walk away in return. And, she is unlikely to badmouth you to her colleagues after you handed her cash for doing nothing,
"Strip clubs are NOT the place to work on social skills. At a strip club a good opening line might be "hey baby, do you like letting old guys lick your pussy?" Not a good line to use outside the club."
That opening line should never be uttered by anyone, ever. My god that shit would be hard to watch.
"I realize some like to be very blunt, but I'm not one of those. I prefer to give them a positive reason to move on."
Being an asshole is almost never called for when declining/rejecting something/someone. But you're making up excuses and that shit catches up with you and is tiresome. Be a fucking man. Tell her "no thanks baby" and if she asks why just say "I don't feel like it right now." You're not being negative, and more importantly you're not being a pussy.
26 comments
For example
“ I’m looking for a someone with (insert feature you like that current dancer doesn’t have) “red hair”, “freckles”, etc.
might be able to hook you up with a friend of hers that meets your standards.
"No thank you"
"I'm good, thank you"
"Thanks for coming over, but I'm not interested. Have a nice day/night"
Or other similarly clear and concise responses. If she starts a conversation, try to find ways to politely end it. If she gets rude, it's okay to return fire to some extent. I try not to escalate unless it gets really out of hand, but thats very rare. "I'm not interested in company sweetie, I'd just like to enjoy my drink alone. Thank you, good bye" almost always ends the interaction.
I suppose if you're really looking for a blonde and she's a brunette, you could take the approach chimera suggests. But that sort of thing never goes well for me. Perhaps I'm just fussy, but I find it much easier to look around and find a girl I find hot than I do to spend 15 minutes describing the features I find ideal as well as their relative priorities. Not to mention doing so would probably make me feel and sound like a douche.
I know OP said he doesn't like no thank you because it starts a conversation, but I don't see the difference. The stripper who is going go be persistent after a no thank you is going to do so regardless of what you say. Why make life harder for everyone in an attempt to appease someone who can't be appeased? While I disagree with the first half of 25's comment, the second half is solid. If you, presumably a grown man, find your self intimidated or otherwise uncomfortable turning down a young lady in her underwear at a a strip club, I think a little self reflection is in order.
I'm not trying to be a dickhead or suggest that you should be one for no reason. But, the strip club might be a great place for you to work on your social skills, practice being polite and firm as well as clear and honest in your responses. Help the young girl learn to take an unfiltered no, and help yourself learn to give one without feeling bad. Many problems these days originate with people not being clear and honest in their interactions. Less than honest answers, even those given with good intentions just breed distrust, contempt, anxiety, and frustration for everyone in the long run. Just be straight up.
My life would be exponentially easier if I didn't have to deal with snowflakes giving bullshit responses to avoid hurting peoples feelings and all the downstream drama caused by the resulting misunderstandings. I don't think I'm alone in that. So my suggestion & request is, just say no thanks. In doing so, you can help make the world a better place, one strip club visit at a time.
The young hottie you want likely won't be stopping by with "want some company"? I like dancers who are young, white, and thin. I'll settle for 2 of those. When an undesirable sits down uninvited, I'm polite, I say no to buy a drink, private dance. Maybe later. If she still won't leave, I'll feel her up, She asks for a tip, sorry, I'm a little short. She leaves because she doesn't want to be giving out free gropes.
They don't always approach with hey you wanna dance? Sometimes get into a conversation with you. I don't care who they are, hot, not, I'm going to make eye contact, how doin m'am, shake hands and trade names. Every time. It's drilled into me. I'll engage in a brief conversation it's cool, it doesn't bother me but I've been called ASSHOLE on tuscl for doing that, as if the girl could've made thousands in the 45 second little bullshit conversation that she initiated with me. lol. Na but it's good to talk to people in a new club if you want to get a feel for the joint without spending all this money to find out.
Now they'll eventually bring up getting dances or they won't but when look I usually just say hey I'm not getting dances right now and they'll more than likely move on. I'm not really glued anywhere for them to commandeer my table I'm always moving and grooving or going to the stage, talking with other dancers. If they ask to buy a drink, shut that down, let's your nuts hang out, No thanks. Full stop.
Who was it Rick Dugan that said he would literally wave his finger Dikembe Mutombo style when the dancers were on approach. That's rough.
But of course then again if a 10 falls out of the sky, I completely throw every important lesson I learned on tuscl/irl totally out the window, break out that blank check book and continue on being the hypocritical phony I really am.
I've used the "I'm waiting for someone else" excuse many times and here's how I handled the responses when they call my bluff.
Dancer: Hi, my name is Lavender. What's your name?
Me: Joe.
Dancer: Nice to meet you, Joe. Did you just get here?
Me: I haven't been here that long.
Dancer: Can I join you at your table?
Me: I'm waiting for someone.
Dancer: What's her name; I'll get her for you.
Me: I don't remember her name. I'm not good at remembering names.
Dancer: Oh, can you describe her?
Me: She's a tall thin blonde. She said she would be here, but she hasn't arrived yet.
Dancer: I'll keep you company until she arrives, O.K?
Me: Thank you, but she may not want to come over if she sees you with me. So I don't think that's a
good idea.
Dancer: I see. Well it was nice meeting you, Joe.
Me: It was nice meeting you, too. I'm sorry I forgot your name.
Dancer: Lavender.
Me: Yes, Lavender, Bye.
The "maybe later" line is equivalent to a dancer's line of "if you get a 2 VIP sessions, I'll give you my number".
Man up and just say "no".
They are service providers, not dating prospects. Don't be cruel, but also don't make up excuses/lines you don't plan to hold yourself to.
Also, by saying "maybe later", they very well may circle back around, and you will need to deflect them additional times.
Regarding "I'm waiting for someone else"....I've used that when I actually WAS waiting for a specific girl who had just arrived and was changing, and it resulted in an interrogation, with her asking "who?", and then claiming there was no girl at that club with that name. She clearly wasn't aware that the girl was a long-time regular of mine...but nice try.
Only one dancer was ever obnoxious enough that I had to gank her.
I guess my approach is if they don't accept a polite "no thanks", the "no" gets a little more firm and less polite. Same way I answer the door for a Jehovah's Witness, I guess, now that I think about it.
Now if the Jehovah's Witness was in her underwear...
Or
"I'm not interested right now and I don't want to waste your time."
Give them a dollar or two and move along.
^ This is too funny. I remember reading that a while back and can't remember who said it, but I've absolutely caught myself doing that a few times to repeat offenders. You know, the girl who comes over every time you walk in and has the same conversation as if she's Drew Barrymore in 50 first dates. Then usually has the gall to ask to buy her a drink, or give her a tip for her time.
I've also seen a few other guys do it and every single time it cracks me up. I instantly picture that Gieco commercial with Mutombo slapping the change away from the toll booth, waiving his finger and going "no, no, no" and literally laugh out loud. It's rude as fuck, I know. Especially when the girl getting waived off sees me. But I can't help but laugh. I tried showing the girls the ad on youtube once to explain that I wasn't laughing at the girl getting rejected, but they didn't understand. Probably cause they were 10yr olds in Cuba when that commercial came out and have no idea who the fuck he is, nor do they speak the language.
Lots of good ideas here, all of which involve being polite (of course) and the best of which do not involve resorting to some BS story like waiting for a non-existent dancer. In all cases, sweetening the pot by handing over a couple bucks and thanking her for her (hopefully brief) time can only help. If she accepts it (of course she will) the implied contract is that she will walk away in return. And, she is unlikely to badmouth you to her colleagues after you handed her cash for doing nothing,
That opening line should never be uttered by anyone, ever. My god that shit would be hard to watch.
Being an asshole is almost never called for when declining/rejecting something/someone. But you're making up excuses and that shit catches up with you and is tiresome. Be a fucking man. Tell her "no thanks baby" and if she asks why just say "I don't feel like it right now." You're not being negative, and more importantly you're not being a pussy.