ATF/CF Walking Away

A lesson I’ve learned over and over, after many years in this hobby. Dancers seldom last more than a few years in a single club, and it can be tough to find them if they change clubs. I’ve been fortunate with a few very long term favorites (10 years +), but they are the exception, not the rule.

It is also teaching you to get dancers' burner numbers. Because sometimes they come back to dancing and reach out to former customers to get a head start.

Also not all retired dancers entirely leave the industry. I had one CF quit dancing. I texted her "Hey, heard you're not dancing anymore. Good luck with everything! Would you be willing to see me outside of the club setting?"

Her answer: "Thanks so much! No, I'm not going to do that." I didn't reply to that. I let it go.

About 6 weeks later: "Hey! Do you still want to get together?"

Yes. Yes I did.

Nicely done CMI! I have had similar experiences with dancers I assumed were long gone from the biz. Ya never know!

^ Funny how things change for them when bills come due, and/or they realize that a mainstream job isn't nearly as lucrative.

And yes....get burner numbers/IG information.

But also don't get too attachment to any girl, as it reduces variety and introduces risk of emotional attachment and a feeling by her that she's entitled to your entire club budget.

You mentioned that you have been attached to "some girls". This shows that there are always more girls around the corner which will readily replace girls which have moved on.

IMO a key benefit of this hobby is variety. And, when one girl moves on, you may find another which you like even more. So, by her moving on, you may have an even better experience.

After going to strip clubs a dozen years, I feel like they are an odd setting. Girls get older and leave and are replaced by new girls, so the average stripper age is always about the same. Strippers are forced out by aging, but I can basically go forever as long as I'm alive.

It's nice I can do this, but the price is no really long-term relationships. I know my former regulars are still alive but to me they no longer really exist. That friendly, talkative, affectionate and sexy acting girl was just a personality they adopted because it worked in the strip club to make money. The real them, the one outside the club that I never saw, is what my ex-regulars are now. This is ok, because there are always new versions of the regulars I had in my past appearing in the strip clubs.

I can tell you the only reason that dancer got with CMI several weeks later was because she needed help getting her taxes done.

Always remember, every relationship has a "shelf life", some long, some short, and relationships with strippers can be among the shortest. Be prepared.

But as C.M.I alludes, don't automatically assume she'll never be back. Even if you haven't gotten any contact information, there is a decent chance that she'll come back for Christmas money, or some other expense, assuming she was a good earner.

There are four former dancers (besides my current regular SB-syle thing) that I regularly talk to, and with whom I sometimes have lunch or coffee, without obligation on their part. Because I'm me, they all know that I'd be willing to resume where we left off, but I've also made it clear that I'm never going to exert pressure. Two of them have occasionally taken me up on that "offer". Very occasionally, but still better than none.

Agree with the points. You gotta know what you're in for and be willing to let them walk if/when they want. But, offering a way to get in touch and keeping the door open is sometimes beneficial for both sides.

I know others stay away from "baby strippers" for a variety of reasons, but I've befriended quite a few that dropped out of stripping rather quickly but still hit me up periodically, sometimes for just a lunch or a beach/pool day, sometimes to earn a few extra bucks for a trip they're planning or an unexpected expense or whatever. I've done the same with longer term strippers, but for whatever reasons they tend to really move on when they move on, although certainly not always.

And lastly, don't forget that it cuts both ways like doc mentioned. There's a number of girls I've met and liked, but I no longer talk to by my choice. Some of them I switched clubs, some of them I no longer find attractive, some of them did something that made me stop seeing them.

Some girls move to onlyfans cause it's easy money. Plus the younger ones are likely in school. After x amount of years they will move on. Strippers can make u feel a real connection suspending ur disbelief, it feels real somewhat.

If you're hurt when a woman dumps you, the first question to ask yourself is, would I still feel the same about her when she was sixty. If the answer is no, you never realistically had feelings for her. You loved how her youthful hotness made you feel. Which isn't something that lasts in the long run anyway. So you're just being silly really. Like going on great vacations, and then feeling sorry for yourself because you have to come home when they're over.

Had a great, mostly on, but sometimes off with my ATF over 14-15 years. The last night Desires was open before the lock down all the dancers were dressed, no stage, no music, was walking out and she was walking in. Didn't even realize it was her until almost past and all I got out was a perfunctory hello. Never saw her again. Know she is long gone from the area and was working a real job. herd she is doing well. That is enough for me to be happy for her and place it all in the long ago memory box. Never had her number, never met her otc and never assumed anything we had was real and not money based. Did she "like" me more than other customers? Maybe, but it doesn't matter, because I too have a job with clients. Some I dislike, some I am neutral, some I like and a very few I find absolutely amazing and love chatting during the huge amount of down time in court. However, as with my ATF, like them or not, they all paid me. just the way it is and just another of the hundreds of reasons I love being married. It's just buying an activity or fantasy for cash, like skiing, golf, poker etc.

Some dancers have a rule of not staying in touch with clients who arent giving them money or arent an active customer. In those cases you wouldn’t be able to have the pleasant scenario GMD described.

Yeah that’s why you really gotta strike while the irons got. But I will say this you gotta get your ass on the road. You’re a slave to Platnim plus right there and whatever they put out. Drive up to Greenville or Charlotte. The next girl will make you forget that shit real quick

===> "Guess this is teaching me not to get too attached and to enjoy the girl in that moment."

This is something that we all learn eventually. Eventually, when you've been doing this long enough, keeping your level of attachment in check becomes a conditioned response.

As you're learning, this is a business full of transients. Many girls don't last a year and most won't make it past 2. Also, even if a girl seems to reciprocate your affections, she'll never be inviting you to family barbecues, her kids' birthday parties or any of her other important real life events. Net-net these "relationships" are temporary and surface level and are predicated primarily upon her commercial interests.

So by all means enjoy these girls, but hopefully remembering the temporary and ultimately shallow nature of the interactions will assist you in keeping perspective in the future. Sometimes that can be difficult in the face of whatever hustle she's using to keep your spending flowing, but again, sooner or later you'll be better conditioned to it.

@rickdugan: "she'll never be inviting you to family barbecues, her kids' birthday parties or any of her other important real life events"

So I guess the dancer friend who invited me to her boyfriend's birthday club crawl (an event that I *will* be attending) is a bit of an outlier then, eh?

^ I would say it is. Are you a customer of this stripper friend and would the boyfriend react poorly to what his girlfriend potentially sells to you? Obviously, that's none of my business, but I am curious.

Every customer and dancer decides on where the lines are drawn. With my long-time favorites, I know their interests, tastes, and I might even know a bit about their family sans real names. But I'm not really interested in getting directly involved in their personal lives.

As I said, everyone gets to pick their level of participation.

CMI has the right approach: she’s already done sex work, when she’s low on cash and she is sure to be if she’s gone to a normal job, she’s going to potentially be comfortable going back on a limited basis. She will be more likely to see a prior customer than anyone else. Also, once she’s out of the club she will have less options competing for her time. Win win!

Like any sales job, stripping is tough. Not everyone is cut out for it. Burn out is common.

I’d wager the average time a stripper works is 2-3 years. The smart ones have an exit plan.

I've met four of my favs' kids. Babysat one for about a half hour (she had to run to the store). If you don't stereotype them, the chances of having a friendship with your favs is about the same as with people in general. I feel more comfortable with strippers than most people, they tend to have more of a live-and-let-live attitude.

If they’re ghetto and trashy theyre more likely to screw you over and more likely to become violent. I would rather help support a rich high class escort commanding $500+ an hour, or a millionaire pornstar or insta model than some poor trash who’ll be willing to screw me over as soon as the going gets tough.

I was invited to a birthday party for Avalon's (https://www.tuscl.net/member/266639) dog.

Every monger should emboss their wallet with “She don’t love you” and “Just because she tells you about her life doesn’t mean you’re in it.” Truisms.

It's true that a big percentage of dancers are never interested in being at all genuine with any PL. I'm fine with that if I like their dances. I wanna dance them, ask them to come sit with me if they've run out of PLs to roll up on. Naturally, if they see that being fake won't help them get more of your $, they may be genuine with you.

@C.M.I: "Are you a customer of this stripper friend and would the boyfriend react poorly to what his girlfriend potentially sells to you? Obviously, that's none of my business, but I am curious."

I was a customer of hers, and her bf knows it. She never provided me with any extras, not even a hand job, but was very helpful in finding others who would and assuring them that I was legit. She knew who was a druggie and who wasn't and who did what for how much. Sort of a wingman/pimp I guess.

Bumping this up...........

Is is bad practice to ask dancers for contact information for the dancer you no longer see? Does tipping her make them more open to giving over their contact information?

"Don't burn bridges".

If you really want to spend your time on this long shot, ask dancers to give your number to the dancer. If she actually contacts you, expect to run into Satan at Home Depot, buying a snow shovel.

What exactly is so special to you about her? If it's just her body/appearance, maybe you need to move to a place with more strippers. So there will be multiple dancers that you are into.

Maybe if you had worked at the same company, or gone to same church, or whatever, as this woman, you two would have been together till death did you part. Maybe the most perfect woman for you is out there somewhere, but she's just not in the tiny fraction of the world's population you'll ever cross paths with. Gotta accept the practical realities of life, luck plays a big part.

booty said "Is it bad practice to ask dancers for contact information for the dancer you no longer see?"

It's not necessarily a bad practice, but she might say "No", or give you bogus contact info, or not reply to you.

"Does tipping her make them more open to giving over their contact information?"

Tipping makes dancers more open to many things, depending on the tip. I usually don't need to tip to get contact info and most guys don't either. But she still might not reply to your messages.

There's no set etiquette. Follow your instincts.

if she leaves...she has to sell herself to me again.

@ilbbaicnl

It was her body, appearance, aura, personality, and vibe which I have not encountered in any other dancers since. Yeah, you are right moving to a larger city with more clubs probably would be the best solution as I longer feelthe rush of going to my local club here anymore.

^ Someone needs to explain to you how strippers are like city buses, just wait for the next bus to come along.

just remember. there are new 18-year-olds every midnight.