I had a regular tell me last night she had to cut off lap dances with a customer who got too aggressive. Her physical contact levels are about the norm for here in Indianapolis, and she was a little dismayed by what happened. Do you think it is more the responsibility of the girl to set out prices and contact levels or the customer to ask ahead of time? That was not done by either side here.
IMO it's on the customer as far as contact levels, unless her rules are so restrictive vs the club norm that no customer would have been able to tell in advance. Like if it's a light touch club where all the girls allow waist or thigh touching during a lap dance, and she's the one exception who doesn't allow even that, she'd better say it or expect most customer to assume that's ok.
I never ask a stripper what her rules are in advance. Strippers very rarely just volunteer what her rules are in advance either. I don't find this very confusing or difficult to navigate.
It leaves it up to the customer to either seek verbal consent or to move his hands slow enough that she can stop them or just dance away. Different customers have picked different approaches, both are arguably fine, and it's on the customer to take no for an answer from there .
Don’t do shit the girl isn’t comfortable with. If you want to negotiate ahead of time, fine. But many dancers rightfully have different boundaries with different customers. Just respect them and don’t be an asshole.
Ahead of buying dances, I'll say something like "So you know, I like a lot of contact and mutual touching." That's a way of giving her an opportunity to agree and/or set boundaries. And they usually take that opportunity if they have limits.
So, it doesn't matter if I think it *should be* her or my responsibility, I take it as my responsibility.
If your dancer had to cut things off, then it sounds like he did something wrong, she told him to stop, and then he didn't stop.
^ When I tell a dancer I like a lot of mileage, the most common response is some version of "No problem, but don't put your fingers inside me." Because I guess fending off surprise FIV is a common thing, though it shouldn't be.
I have noticed on a lot of girls. The boundaries tend to change by the number of dances you get. So just don't expect to grab her by the pussy on the first dance. But maybe by dance 5, we are more intimately acquainted.
"This. I might phrase it differently, "I will not try to touch your sex, is there anything else I need to know?" And proceed gently"
For me, I DEFINITELY want to touch her pussy if she allows it, so I don't want to give her any leading statements on her own boundaries. In fact, that's one of the reasons I'd rather just handle this in real-time during the dance, rather than before. I continue to believe that before, she'll give you her lowest-common-denominator rules, but the girls can and do call an audible during the dance if she feels you're being respectful of consent.
I think its a shared responsibility to set and respect boundaries. I don't think it has to be done prior to getting dances though. The two should expect a bit of "getting to know each other" at the start of a dance, both should pay attention, inform, and adjust as needed. If they can't agree in the first dance or two, they stop. I don't think it's too uncommon for either party to cut off dances, either because the customer thinks the dancer isn't providing sufficient contact or the dancer things the customer is overly demanding. I'd hope the amount of times the dancer is genuinely dismayed about it is small, but I'm sure it's probably more common than I'd hope or think.
I agree that asking beforehand is going to lean towards conservative responses. I think that's pretty natural on her part. If you're getting a few dances, she's showing you a good time & you're not pushing her boundaries she's much more likely to move them on her own. Sticking with pussy touching or FIV as the example, I'd expect nearly all girls around here if asked would say no to the later. Most would probably say keep your hands outside of their panties altogether. Even here in south Florida where extras are the norm. At the same time, without prior discussion on the topic and assuming the customer wasn't overly aggressive, those same dancers would guide a customers hand under their panties by the middle to end of the first song and many probably wouldn't blink if a finger was slid in.
If it is a club that I haven't been to before I always ask. Sometimes it is before the dance and other times it is during the dance. Part of my reason for asking is common courtesy and part is that a lot of girls will respond better if you ask beforehand and will let you do things that they would raise hell about if you did it without asking.
If it is a club that I am familiar with and the mileage is generally consistent I don't necessarily ask each time for things like touching her ass or books. No matter what club it is I always ask before touching her pussy because even in a high mileage or generally extras friendly club that is something some girls will understandably consider off limits or at least require a certain tip for.
I have never stuck a finger up inside a stripper's vag during a dance. That's just so predatory and I wouldn't want to hang with any guy that does this. Not only unhygienic, but very rude. The most I've done is rub their clit over the panties. And this is only after I've gotten to know them and they are comfortable with me. I once saw a guy finger a dancer while she was grinding him at the bar and she straight up slapped him across the face and cussed him the fuck out. Well deserved.
So FIV is predatory, but clit-rubbing is A-OK? I suppose everyone has their own level of line-crossing. Ultimately, anything non-consensual is unacceptable. It's interesting that people on this board are rendering judgment on others. We are all freaks in our own ways....just a matter of extremes and variations.
@funonthaside, yea I draw the line at FIV. That is penetration and belongs in VIP where the girl has agreed to it. And even then some girls will tell you to wash your hands before going in. I wasn't accusing anyone here of doing it, I was just speaking in general. Clit rubbing is not even close. That's like the difference between a stripper rubbing your johnson through the pants and a stripper reaching inside and jerking you off.
"I have never stuck a finger up inside a stripper's vag during a dance. That's just so predatory and I wouldn't want to hang with any guy that does this. Not only unhygienic, but very rude."
Ha, I've done it more times than I can count. Got fingers in strippers assholes too, so I am DEFINITELY not the guy you'd want to hang with🤣🤣🤣. Here's the thing though: if I don't get consent, I don't do it. You can obviously set your own limits and preferences, but you don't get to set anyone's else's. If the stripper is fine with it, it's not predatory or rude, it's a consensual act between a sexworker and customer, for which the sexworker feels fairly compensated.
I think the OP implies the guy got aggressive and would not stop. That is not cool. Most dancers are pretty adept at turning or brushing a hand away from where she does not want it. 99% of guys get the message.
Have found dancers that tell you a rule and then break them. For example, no touching below the waist. A minute later she pulled my hand to her pussy. On the second song she had her hand in my pants.
Also, the PL's path around the bases may be different than the dancer's. Had one who was OK with full pussy play, but no sucking nipples. Had one tell me no touching ABOVE the waist, but pussy was OK. Reason - people could see me playing with her tits over the book back. Same reason I have had girls say not BJ in VIP but sex was OK. BJ looks too obvious.
Even in VIP the rules might not follow a hierarchy. Had one that listed rules when we got back there. Bareback was OK, Kissing was OK, CIM and CIP were OK. No nipple sucking and no pissing in her mouth.
@Subraman, but you just said without consent you don't do it. So there's no problem then. I was talking about the dudes who shove their fingers in during a regular lapdance where the dancer did NOT consent. So its cool bro, we can still hang 🍻
Anyway to bring it on home: In the low-touch, video-monitored, and heavily-bouncer-patrolled clubs I go to most often, if I asked a stripper her rules before our very first dance, there is a 0% chance she'll give me permish to go two knuckles deep anywhere in her. Will never happen. Checking with her during the dance is simple and effortless and easiest way to get permission for things she would never have agreed to pre-dance (or pre-dances, plural, since I might do multiple VIPs before I ask for more)
“aggressive” can mean a lot of things. One of my faves told me about customers who physically abused her in Vip. Choking. Pinning her down. Scary shit.
A dancer who used to work in one of the seediest clubs on the Baltimore Block where I am sure she saw some depraved shit, once told me she was repulsed when a customer pulled his dick out in the non extras club she was now working in. Apparently, venue matters. She said she thought the customers were supposed to be better in this club. Not on that day and not in that club, but about a year later that same dancer and I did a lot worse. Or better, if you look at it from my perspective.
A dancer's tolerance for certain behavior depends largely on the specific dynamic between dancer and custie. A dancer is willing to do/tolerate more with a guy with whom she has an attraction, than a guy that she finds repulsive.
There is also an element of familiarity. While a dancer may be annoyed about a certain behavior on Day 1, she may allow or even encourage the same behavior at a later date.
Sounds Like A Fluke Situation, I've Never Had A Discussion About The Dances With The Dancer Prior To Going In The Back. I Just Go In With Her. Then Again, I Know Who I'm Going Back With 😀 🔥
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I never ask a stripper what her rules are in advance. Strippers very rarely just volunteer what her rules are in advance either. I don't find this very confusing or difficult to navigate.
It leaves it up to the customer to either seek verbal consent or to move his hands slow enough that she can stop them or just dance away. Different customers have picked different approaches, both are arguably fine, and it's on the customer to take no for an answer from there .
So, it doesn't matter if I think it *should be* her or my responsibility, I take it as my responsibility.
If your dancer had to cut things off, then it sounds like he did something wrong, she told him to stop, and then he didn't stop.
For me, I DEFINITELY want to touch her pussy if she allows it, so I don't want to give her any leading statements on her own boundaries. In fact, that's one of the reasons I'd rather just handle this in real-time during the dance, rather than before. I continue to believe that before, she'll give you her lowest-common-denominator rules, but the girls can and do call an audible during the dance if she feels you're being respectful of consent.
I agree that asking beforehand is going to lean towards conservative responses. I think that's pretty natural on her part. If you're getting a few dances, she's showing you a good time & you're not pushing her boundaries she's much more likely to move them on her own. Sticking with pussy touching or FIV as the example, I'd expect nearly all girls around here if asked would say no to the later. Most would probably say keep your hands outside of their panties altogether. Even here in south Florida where extras are the norm. At the same time, without prior discussion on the topic and assuming the customer wasn't overly aggressive, those same dancers would guide a customers hand under their panties by the middle to end of the first song and many probably wouldn't blink if a finger was slid in.
If it is a club that I am familiar with and the mileage is generally consistent I don't necessarily ask each time for things like touching her ass or books. No matter what club it is I always ask before touching her pussy because even in a high mileage or generally extras friendly club that is something some girls will understandably consider off limits or at least require a certain tip for.
Ha, I've done it more times than I can count. Got fingers in strippers assholes too, so I am DEFINITELY not the guy you'd want to hang with🤣🤣🤣. Here's the thing though: if I don't get consent, I don't do it. You can obviously set your own limits and preferences, but you don't get to set anyone's else's. If the stripper is fine with it, it's not predatory or rude, it's a consensual act between a sexworker and customer, for which the sexworker feels fairly compensated.
Have found dancers that tell you a rule and then break them. For example, no touching below the waist. A minute later she pulled my hand to her pussy. On the second song she had her hand in my pants.
Also, the PL's path around the bases may be different than the dancer's. Had one who was OK with full pussy play, but no sucking nipples. Had one tell me no touching ABOVE the waist, but pussy was OK. Reason - people could see me playing with her tits over the book back. Same reason I have had girls say not BJ in VIP but sex was OK. BJ looks too obvious.
Even in VIP the rules might not follow a hierarchy. Had one that listed rules when we got back there. Bareback was OK, Kissing was OK, CIM and CIP were OK. No nipple sucking and no pissing in her mouth.
What Subra is saying is it’s easier to beg for forgiveness then to ask for permission
There is also an element of familiarity. While a dancer may be annoyed about a certain behavior on Day 1, she may allow or even encourage the same behavior at a later date.
It essentially comes down to consent.