Too soon?

Gary7
Bloomington, IN
My wife died not that long ago. How long should I wait before visiting a club?

30 comments

  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    2 years ago
    I guess we're solidly in "Dear Abby" territory...

    There's no horny guy etiquette standard on this one, Gary. I'm going to say sometime after you've stopped grieving.

    But if it was "not that long ago" and you're not a troll, then consider some other ways to get yourself out and involved with the world around you as a new widower.
  • ilbbaicnl
    2 years ago
    Hard for us to say anything useful, we'd have to know a lot more about you. But a BIG thing to consider is how vulnerable you are. It's pretty much guaranteed, in any club, there will be strippers who will prey on any vulnerability, without any remorse.

    Works both ways, there's always customers who will remorselessly play on any vulnerability a stripper has.
  • Gary7
    2 years ago
    Not a troll, making a big effort to get out and figure out my new world. Like the "Dear Abby" comment. I don't think I'm vulnerable to SS, jaded and cautious by nature. Probably 3x the age of the average dancer.

    Not sure I'll ever stop grieving at some level.

    Wasn't really expecting any useful advice, but you never know about TUSCL. Long time lurker, 1st post.
  • twentyfive
    2 years ago
    ^ Everyone is vulnerable to SS at some point, especially the guys that don't think they are. Get out have some fun, but watch your six, some of these girls are pretty good at finessing guys, even the guys that think they know it all.
  • gSteph
    2 years ago
    Good luck dude. That's something I think about (or try not to) in my darker moments. I'd advise rarely, With a strict budget, And with no expectations except as a pleasant distraction.
  • TheeOSU
    2 years ago
    There's no official mourning period, go when you feel up to it. if it doesn't feel right when you do back off and try again another time.
  • Studme53
    2 years ago
    Condolences- sincerely.
    Question:
    Did you go to strip clubs before your wife passed?
  • Gary7
    2 years ago
    Answer: Yes, rarely, usually only when I traveled.
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    2 years ago
    Without knowing you, the only advice I can give is to take it slow. If you go and it doesn't feel right, then get up, leave, and give it some more time. Strip clubs should be fun. If it's not fun for you, then it's too soon.

    Good luck.
  • Gary7
    2 years ago
    "If it's not fun for you, then it's too soon."

    See, there is good advice on Dear Abby, I mean TUSCL
  • Studme53
    2 years ago
    Whenever your ready and feel like you can enjoy. I don’t think it’s disrespectful to the memory of your wife to acknowledge your sexuality by going to a strip club. In fact, since there’s really no emotional piece to it, it may be the best way to do it.
  • orionsmith
    2 years ago
    If you happen to drink, I remember hearing alcohol will enhance whatever mood you’re in. If I’m sad or depressed I do not visit strip clubs. If you know you will have a fun time that would change things.
  • goldmongerATL
    2 years ago
    As others have said, this is on your internal clock. You'll know when you're ready, if ever. And if once you get there, you have 100% opportunity change your mind if it doesn't feel right.

    Also, 100% do not bring up your situation in the club. If it makes you more comfortable, think through your cover story beforehand. It can be as simple (and true) as "I was just in the mood for some fun at a club."
  • Specialj
    2 years ago
    I think it depends on the reason you ask yourself and others the very question, is it too soon? I can only assume for you it’s either a matter if you’re still in the grieving faze, or if perhaps you feel guilty, in some level? I would doubt it would be the latter, as you say you have clubbed in the past. Maybe try it out sometime, I would recommend during the week and daytime, so it might be a bit more laid back and easier for you to feel comfortable. And lastly, sorry for your loss.
  • whodey
    2 years ago
    I would say don't go during her funeral, that would be inappropriate. Other than that go whenever you feel the desire to do so as long as it is within your budget. That is the same advice I would give to anyone who asks when they should visit a strip club.
  • MackTruck
    2 years ago
    Sorry to hear this. I wish you da best mane
  • JamesSD
    2 years ago
    It's really for you to decide if going to a club will help you feel more connected to people or make you feel more alone.

    In terms of publicly dating I've seen a year as an ethical suggestion. But the fact is you're not getting any younger.

    I say go for it now.
  • Array
    2 years ago
    Gary, PM sent.
  • Champphilly
    2 years ago
    ASAP. By helping a needy dancer right before Christmas could be a wonderful stuff in the memory of your beloved. Don’t think too much. Sorry for you loss.
  • shailynn
    2 years ago
    My wife is still alive and I go to strip clubs. Is THAT too soon?
  • rickmacrodong
    2 years ago
    Ishmael I thought you said users have to posr reviews in order to be able to post?
  • K
    2 years ago
    as a widower myself, grieving never ends. the sting and pain lessen. There will always be something to trigger the grief. you learn to deal with it. we can go to private messages if you want.

    There is no right answer. There is only an answer for you. You will make mistakes in some of the steps to getting back to normal. When you feel ready to do something, do it. Set deadlines. Ring comes off on this date, all of her personal items will be handled by that date. Include strip clubs, dating etc in that list. If you find it was too soon, step back and modify your schedule. You will feel pain and guilt on each of these steps. Like any other injury, you need to put up with the pain of healing in order to heal.

    My wife enjoyed going to the clubs with me. That made it both easier and harder on me to get back to this hobby. I'll not expand on that here.

    the comment about not drinking.. good advice. Do not get drunk. wait a year. You will end up wallowing in your grief and set yourself back in the healing process.

  • bang69
    2 years ago
    Sorry to here about your wife. As far as your question. There is no time frame. Go when you feel ready.
  • Icee Loco (asshole)
    2 years ago
    If you have to ask or justify it to yourself don't do it
  • drewcareypnw
    2 years ago
    The only person who can answer that is the OP. I would pay close attention to my reactions and feelings post club visit, then repeat or hold off based on that. Good luck.
  • gammanu95
    2 years ago
    My wife died not that long ago. How long should I wait before visiting a club?

    Not this long
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    2 years ago
    ^ No, really. It's a mystery why over 160 people have you on ignore. Then again, it's possible that investing so much of your time into being a weird little "villain" on a strip club website distracts you for bits of time from being such a complete twat to the people around you in real life.

    Anyway, carry on being you.
  • ilbbaicnl
    2 years ago
    Strippers are not phased by wedding rings. No need to take it off till you meet someone worth taking it off for. But, if you find her, she'll probably only want you to wear a second ring for her, and leave the first one on.
  • Gary7
    2 years ago
    Went last night and had fun, so I guess it wasn't too soon.
  • mike710
    2 years ago
    I'm sure your wife would have approved. Anyone that loves somebody wants them to be happy. Especially, if they can't provide that happiness anymore.
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