There's no horny guy etiquette standard on this one, Gary. I'm going to say sometime after you've stopped grieving.
But if it was "not that long ago" and you're not a troll, then consider some other ways to get yourself out and involved with the world around you as a new widower.
Hard for us to say anything useful, we'd have to know a lot more about you. But a BIG thing to consider is how vulnerable you are. It's pretty much guaranteed, in any club, there will be strippers who will prey on any vulnerability, without any remorse.
Works both ways, there's always customers who will remorselessly play on any vulnerability a stripper has.
Not a troll, making a big effort to get out and figure out my new world. Like the "Dear Abby" comment. I don't think I'm vulnerable to SS, jaded and cautious by nature. Probably 3x the age of the average dancer.
Not sure I'll ever stop grieving at some level.
Wasn't really expecting any useful advice, but you never know about TUSCL. Long time lurker, 1st post.
^ Everyone is vulnerable to SS at some point, especially the guys that don't think they are. Get out have some fun, but watch your six, some of these girls are pretty good at finessing guys, even the guys that think they know it all.
Good luck dude. That's something I think about (or try not to) in my darker moments. I'd advise rarely, With a strict budget, And with no expectations except as a pleasant distraction.
Without knowing you, the only advice I can give is to take it slow. If you go and it doesn't feel right, then get up, leave, and give it some more time. Strip clubs should be fun. If it's not fun for you, then it's too soon.
Whenever your ready and feel like you can enjoy. I don’t think it’s disrespectful to the memory of your wife to acknowledge your sexuality by going to a strip club. In fact, since there’s really no emotional piece to it, it may be the best way to do it.
If you happen to drink, I remember hearing alcohol will enhance whatever mood you’re in. If I’m sad or depressed I do not visit strip clubs. If you know you will have a fun time that would change things.
As others have said, this is on your internal clock. You'll know when you're ready, if ever. And if once you get there, you have 100% opportunity change your mind if it doesn't feel right.
Also, 100% do not bring up your situation in the club. If it makes you more comfortable, think through your cover story beforehand. It can be as simple (and true) as "I was just in the mood for some fun at a club."
I think it depends on the reason you ask yourself and others the very question, is it too soon? I can only assume for you it’s either a matter if you’re still in the grieving faze, or if perhaps you feel guilty, in some level? I would doubt it would be the latter, as you say you have clubbed in the past. Maybe try it out sometime, I would recommend during the week and daytime, so it might be a bit more laid back and easier for you to feel comfortable. And lastly, sorry for your loss.
I would say don't go during her funeral, that would be inappropriate. Other than that go whenever you feel the desire to do so as long as it is within your budget. That is the same advice I would give to anyone who asks when they should visit a strip club.
ASAP. By helping a needy dancer right before Christmas could be a wonderful stuff in the memory of your beloved. Don’t think too much. Sorry for you loss.
as a widower myself, grieving never ends. the sting and pain lessen. There will always be something to trigger the grief. you learn to deal with it. we can go to private messages if you want.
There is no right answer. There is only an answer for you. You will make mistakes in some of the steps to getting back to normal. When you feel ready to do something, do it. Set deadlines. Ring comes off on this date, all of her personal items will be handled by that date. Include strip clubs, dating etc in that list. If you find it was too soon, step back and modify your schedule. You will feel pain and guilt on each of these steps. Like any other injury, you need to put up with the pain of healing in order to heal.
My wife enjoyed going to the clubs with me. That made it both easier and harder on me to get back to this hobby. I'll not expand on that here.
the comment about not drinking.. good advice. Do not get drunk. wait a year. You will end up wallowing in your grief and set yourself back in the healing process.
The only person who can answer that is the OP. I would pay close attention to my reactions and feelings post club visit, then repeat or hold off based on that. Good luck.
^ No, really. It's a mystery why over 160 people have you on ignore. Then again, it's possible that investing so much of your time into being a weird little "villain" on a strip club website distracts you for bits of time from being such a complete twat to the people around you in real life.
Strippers are not phased by wedding rings. No need to take it off till you meet someone worth taking it off for. But, if you find her, she'll probably only want you to wear a second ring for her, and leave the first one on.
Comments
last commentThere's no horny guy etiquette standard on this one, Gary. I'm going to say sometime after you've stopped grieving.
But if it was "not that long ago" and you're not a troll, then consider some other ways to get yourself out and involved with the world around you as a new widower.
Works both ways, there's always customers who will remorselessly play on any vulnerability a stripper has.
Not sure I'll ever stop grieving at some level.
Wasn't really expecting any useful advice, but you never know about TUSCL. Long time lurker, 1st post.
Question:
Did you go to strip clubs before your wife passed?
Good luck.
See, there is good advice on Dear Abby, I mean TUSCL
Also, 100% do not bring up your situation in the club. If it makes you more comfortable, think through your cover story beforehand. It can be as simple (and true) as "I was just in the mood for some fun at a club."
In terms of publicly dating I've seen a year as an ethical suggestion. But the fact is you're not getting any younger.
I say go for it now.
There is no right answer. There is only an answer for you. You will make mistakes in some of the steps to getting back to normal. When you feel ready to do something, do it. Set deadlines. Ring comes off on this date, all of her personal items will be handled by that date. Include strip clubs, dating etc in that list. If you find it was too soon, step back and modify your schedule. You will feel pain and guilt on each of these steps. Like any other injury, you need to put up with the pain of healing in order to heal.
My wife enjoyed going to the clubs with me. That made it both easier and harder on me to get back to this hobby. I'll not expand on that here.
the comment about not drinking.. good advice. Do not get drunk. wait a year. You will end up wallowing in your grief and set yourself back in the healing process.
Not this long
Anyway, carry on being you.