Strippers With Sexual Problems?

24 comments

• ThisOldManPlayed1

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  17 years ago

  Well, being a former stripper for 20 years..... oh wait, crap, wrong thread! I can see where Doug is coming from with his topic. I've never personally known any dancers that have had these problems, so I can't honestly say. However, I would wonder what the percentage of ladies/women, in general, have grown up with abuse, that may have led them to a 'sexual type' industry, rather than other work environments.
• chitownlawyer

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  17 years ago

  Peter Lorre, as Ugarte, the black marketeer: "Rick, you despise me, don't you?" Humphrey Bogart, as Rick Blaine, proprietor of Rick's Cafe Americain: "I would if I thought about you that much." The above snippet of dialogue from "Casablanca" encapsulates how I believe dancers think about us. But most of the time when they are dancing "for" us, they are thinking about the fight they had with their guitarist husband, the grocery shopping they have to do when they get off of work, their kid's parent teacher-conference last night, etc.
• BobbyI

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  17 years ago

  A couple of girls I "got close to" admitted that a huge majority of strippers had been subject to past sexual abuse. Getting knocked up by some deadbeat loser or criminal who then does not play a big role in raising the child (e.g. paying child support) is another extremely common reason girls strip. Definitely contempt seems to be strongly correlated with amount of time work. I think projection is a big issue. But, OTOH, it's hard to say if working longer is the casual of the contempt or an effect of it. You are definitely on to something Doug, although, I think has been for quite some time by those who have done formal and semi formal studies of this stuff. (Another big "dark secret" is that even if was not sexual abuse nearly every single stripper had some kind of bad relations with her father.) Man almost makes me feel like a scoundrel for fucking them, knowing all this!
• casualguy

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  17 years ago

  I remember one dancer seemed to have a problem. Some guys may say she didn't. She talked me into meeting her later claiming she knew me from years ago. She did know things but I was wondering why I couldn't remember her. Anyway I hooked up with her a couple of times. After that she was constantly harassing me and at times almost begging me to have sex all the time. It was weird like I was in some sort of weird role reversal. Nymphomaniacs aren't all that bad though. She did scare me when she said she'd slept with a lot of guys but she liked me the best. I was thinking just how many is a lot to a stripper? I remember a couple of times I was going to break things off with her. However as soon as we were alone, she distracted me by taking something out and sucking away. After that, I just thought, it's going to be hard to break things off with this girl. Lol, now if I can just find 2 or 3 more girls like her, I'll be too busy to visit any more strip clubs.
• casualguy

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  17 years ago

  I remember another dancer who told me she found out her husband had cheated on her. She was recently divorced. Then she told me she would demand to have sex with anyone before they even considered getting married. I agreed with her reasoning. You don't want to get stuck in a permanent legal relationship without even trying things out to see if you're compatible. She told me all this when I first met her. I don't know. Maybe that is normal and nothing strange.
• evilcyn

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  17 years ago

  I enjoy this job for the complete opposite reason, I want to make someone feel good, entertain them and distract them from what ever for a little while.. I got into dancing because I just had to try it and see if I could do it, and fell in love with it, and still at it 10 years later... There is nothing to dislike about men, why should there be.. The job is to get naked and be sexy, why should I get mad if it turns someone on, and they act on it, doesn't make anyone a pig, I take that as, I am doing my job then..
• chandler

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  17 years ago

  Of course, this is among the most persistent stereotypes about strippers. Past abuse leads to low self-esteem, so they turn to stripping to punish themselves and extract revenge from the male sex, then their work experience makes them hate men even more and become lesbians. Or the stripping and the string of cheating boyfriends are their unconscious attempts to replay past abusive patterns so that they can make them turn out in their favor this time around. I've known or heard about enough strippers who follow the stereotype to believe there's some truth to it all. I've also known women like that who weren't strippers, as well as many strippers who don't fit it at all. Above all, I'm skeptical about the cause and effect that's deduced, among other reasons, because of all the strippers I've known who were boy crazy through and through despite all the abuse they'd been through. And I don't believe most true lesbians turn to girl-love because they've become disgusted with men. The supposedly high rate of lesbianism and bisexuality among strippers should always be viewed with truckloads of skepticism, in my experience. People are more complicated than is accounted for by explanations such as "experience A results in trait B". We are a lot of contradictory things from day to day, or all at the same time. Driven by dual impulses, love/hate, desire/repulsion, selfishness/guilt, etc. The side of a stripper we get to know as regulars may seem to fit the stereotype, while the side her friends know may show it to be a ridiculously facile characterization. Or, she may only reveal her true nature within the role she adopts at work. I think the main reason we hear so much about strippers with sexual problems is that they tend to be more attractive and more sexually and romantically active than most other women. If you play with fire, you're going to get burned. If you compare them with the alternative - unattractive women who have known little of the pleasure of sex and romance - who's to say which ones really have the problem?
• Professor906090

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  17 years ago

  Both of my ATFs (Doug, first is one no longer dances and I do not keep in touch with her - too much luggage, second one is the one I referred to)come from dysfunctional families where one has step dad and half brothers, and the second one has her parents separated. Thus, I do think that the reason girls go into stripping, besides the money, has to do with mental / sexual / physical abuse. Unfortunately, many of them perpetuate the misery having and raising the children on their own and subjecting them to the same abuse that they went through as children / teens.
• chandler

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  17 years ago

  I agree that a very high proportion of strippers come from broken families, however a history of abuse isn't nearly as common as some general statements would have you believe. One part of Doug's post that I agree is common and kind of sad is the desensitizing effects of sex work. Sometimes, it only affects a girl for a couple of hours right after her shift, but you have to wonder about the long-term effect. That's another reason why I like younger strippers who haven't become too jaded, and why many of them don't keep stripping for more than a few years.
• FONDL

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  17 years ago

  "... a lot of girls that have become dancers (or escorts, etc.) have had experiences in their past that have influenced how they view sex, guys, and/or themselves." Isn't that true of everybody? I agree with Chitown 100%. Play it again, Sam (which in case anyone cares, is probably the best known line from the movie, even though it was never said.) Of all the strip clubs in all the world ...
• chandler

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  17 years ago

  Better yet, "Of all the strip joints in all the towns in all the world..." Apropos though Chitown's citation was, I think many dancers are preoccupied with their low opinion of customers in general. It's individual customers they can't be bothered to think about as much as we might imagine.
• David9999

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  17 years ago

  As Chandler states "agree that a very high proportion of strippers come from broken families, however a history of abuse isn't nearly as common as some general statements would have you believe." Yes, I also agree, and part of the problem is the media has a certain template they need to overlay over strippers, and they over and over again focus on the strippers with abusive backgrounds and substance abuse problems, basically replaying the theme BIG BAD MEN OPPRESSING VULNERABLE STRIPPERS Many strippers have fairly normal backgrounds, (also are often divorced, non-smokers, non-drinkers, non-drug users, with kids) and they dance for several reasons 1. high pay 2. limited hours. (e.g dayshifts) Yes, I used to believe most or all strippers were drug addicts or with other serious problems. In good economic times at least, where else can someone w/o alot of education make 60 to 80k per year (or much more) working lets say 4 seven hour shifts per week? Now, yes a large number of strippers DO have the stereotypical bad boy/abusive boyfriends, (note the ATF types I like generally don't fit this part of the profile) In any case hot women in general, stripper or not, abusive background or not - tend to go for the bad boys anyways, its obviously more an evolutionary "chemistry" thing than any abuse background thing.
• MIDancer

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  17 years ago

  I consider myself very lucky to have no history of sexual abuse, given the number of dancers I know that do. I'm also lucky to have a great relationship with my father, as well as positive, healthy relationships with the other men in my family. I also consider myself lucky in that my job has had little to no effect on my personal sexual desire, nor on my overall view of men; I never understood condemning an entire gender based on the behavior of a few. As far as boyfriends go, I'm not into "bad boys"/deadbeats. I couldn't ask for a more loving a supportive boyfriend; I'm very grateful to have him in my life.
• casualguy

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  17 years ago

  Everyone seems to have stereotypes when it comes to strippers but I have met a few that did not have any problems. One I remember even had a college degree but chose to dance as a stripper because it paid better than most other jobs out there. If you're young and pretty and can dance, stripping pays very well. College degree not required. Most dancers I do not ever find out about their background though. I'm not interested in the background of most dancers. I could argue that non stripping females have more sexual problems with being a bit of a prude or looking down on other females who strip.
• casualguy

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  17 years ago

  One big sexual problem many strippers and some non stripping females seem to have I have heard about is treating guys like an ATM machine. I believe many females wait to get married first but I've heard some strippers figured out a way to skip that process.
• lopaw

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  17 years ago

  I'd like to think that any gay or bi dancers are that was because they were that way to begin with, or that they simply succumbed to the other hot nekkid ladies that they cavort with at their job every day. Although I agree 100% that alot of the dancers are probably quite cynical towards some of the male customers, I don't think that they would turn "gay" over it. But for the record.....they are ALL gay. At least in my head, they are. ;)
• chandler

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  17 years ago

  I tried to make the much same point, Lopaw. It's kind of funny if you think about it: "I've had enough of these disgusting men with their dicks. I'm going with the other sex from now on!"
• ThisOldManPlayed1

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  17 years ago

  ATTENTION!!! ATTENTION!!! Doctor Bones is now open for business! Free consultation to the first 100 dancers!
• JC2003

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  17 years ago

  Strippers are there for the money, not because the job satisfies some peculiar psychological need caused by their upbringing. There are just as many screwed up women who aren't strippers, you know.
• BobbyI

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  17 years ago

  "Strippers are there for the money, not because the job satisfies some peculiar psychological need caused by their upbringing. " If it were just a money thing then most women that age would strip since that kind of money is hard to beat. Talk to them. You'll find that even they admit the "sterotypes" are, for the most part true. "There are just as many screwed up women who aren't strippers, you know." Thankful, this is not so. The world would be a really fucked up place if it was. Most normal women are good.
• Book Guy

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  17 years ago

  I'm not so sure. Well, I won't get into it.
• motorhead

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  17 years ago

  MIDancer....you write that you are not into "bad boys" -- Good for you, I'm glad. But my personal observation is that many dancers certainly are. Last Saturday night, I left a club at closing....it was in Michigan and we just had about a 1/4 inch of freezing rain during the night. While I was scraping the ice from my windows, I was "treated" with the opportunity of seeing many of the dancers being picked up by their boyfriends/husbands. To each is own and not to sound judgemental, but in my opinion, the vast majority would be considered "bad boys" -- at least soley based upon their appearance. I realize it would be a vast generalization to state that all strippers are attracted to this type of guy, but at least on this night, at this club, it certainly seemed to be the case. Hell, maybe I'm just a middle-aged white guy talking, but can't these attractive girls do better than this?
• Book Guy

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  17 years ago

  My more trenchant observation is that girls who claim they aren't into "bad boys" tend to date "sweet men" who "really treat me right" who also beat them, wear dragon tattoos, own black leather jackets and motorcycles, have gruff demeanors, and tend to give the girls a "sense of strength" emanating from a bad boy aura. A.k.a., I don't usually believe what a woman SAYS she wants; I watch what she ACTUALLY DOES. The two often contradict. She's likely just CONVINCED HERSELF that he's "not really like that deep down ...".
• BobbyI

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  17 years ago

  I think dancers (and most women in general) like "sweet guys" for cash, gifts, dinners, etc. But they prefer to fuck the bad boys. Some will get "sweet guy" husbands, and then still fuck the bad boys on the side.