The Ways You've Been Busted or Suspected

36 comments

• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  behind *her* back
• Tetradon

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  3 years ago

  Never have, if I gave my word to a woman, I don't cheat. It's gone something like "Hi, babe, I'm taking Tom to go suck some titties for his birthday. Don't worry, I'll come home all riled up for you."
• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  @heaving and @Tetra in retrospect it's better to be open about it and have an agreement. We had this as well for a time, but eventually I abused that too. Went clubbing too much. And if she's not OK, then you have to decide whether you like being with her or going to strip clubs. Choose one or the other and move on. I'd add that the only and lesser alternative is to never (ever) get caught. Don't make her have to deal with it. But also in my experience this is really hard to do. Nearly impossible. Eventually you'll make a mistake.
• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  @heaving I remember a couple of times I got home and didn't realize I still had on a wristband. I've also had to thoroughly shake all glitter off my clothes and hair. Never got caught doing either, though.
• Muddy

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  3 years ago

  I’m staying single fuck this I don’t need any of this bullshit. You’ve convinced me SLD
• Mate27

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  3 years ago

  She used my phone while logged into tuscl. She asked why I was reading that website? Told her google brought me to a discussion/article about how to make $350k+!
• shadowcat

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  3 years ago

  The husband of my ex wife's GF got busted on Christmas eve when she had to bail him out of jail for DUI and then discovered over $1,000 on their credit card.
• Warrior15

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  3 years ago

  I don't consider going to a club as cheating. Having FS in VIP is cheating. I had been married maybe a year. A friend asked if I wanted to go grab a beer after work. We met at a strip club near my home. I had one beer and two dances from a dancer. Relatively mild dances also. But the dancer liked to kiss. And she was wearing lipstick. My "friend" didn't tell me the mess that girl made of my face. I get home and am greeted by my wife and a couple of neighbors as I got out of my car. I am totally unaware at this point that I have lipstick smeared all over my face. I really didn't do anything but it sure looked like I did. I had to come clean. My wife just laughed it off. Actually made fun of me for a while. But her image of a strip club is guys sit at the stage and tip one dollar bills. She has no idea what a real lap dance is and no idea what happens in VIP. I'm not going to change that image either.
• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  @Warrior that's funny. "Lipstick? What lipstick? That was barbecue sauce, I swear!" Yeah when you are cold busted it is best to fall on your own sword and come clean. Yeah to this day my wife doesn't know and probably wants to stay in her ignorance on how much really goes on in a private dance. There was a phase we went through, as cover, where we'd go to a club, tip at the stage a lot more than I would alone, and get a few dances at the same time with our own stripper. During those dances it was strictly one way touching and no genitals were ever touched. And I think this is still her idea of a typical lapdance. I think she'd be ok too with heavy grinding, but not to the level of OTP BJs and titfucks and stick shifting. But for years I rode on the ambiguity of it all while she allowed me to club.
• Cashman1234

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  3 years ago

  When I was first married, I went to a club with a buddy in Orange NJ. He got some lap dances - so I gave a dancer a try. I was young and I didn’t take control of the situation. It was ok, but nothing great. My buddy drove, and as we were in his car heading home, I realized that I smelled like stripper perfume and booze. I thought maybe lighting a match would help. I lite a match - and run it over my shirt and jeans. I guess I got too close to the car seat. I ask my buddy - ‘I didn’t know your car had heated seats?!’ My buddy looks over and has a horrified look on his face - as he didn’t have heated seats. My seat was smoldering! It was a bad idea - but it saved me from smelling like a guy who just got a lapper from a perfumed whore…
• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  @Cashman LMFAO After she smelled the burnt upholstery, did you tell your wife that you were lighting your own farts with your buddy? You know, for shits and giggles? Good cover!
• Studme53

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  3 years ago

  Long time ago I ran into the husband of my girlfriend’s sister, who was a parole officer, a total cheater, and a douche bag, at a dive go-go bar. He told me he was “working”, but I knew he was as big a pussy hound as I was. I was just chilling have a couple beers and going to pick up my girlfriend at her house after she got done work that night a couple hours later. I thought “man code” - plus he won’t tell his wife where he was - out of self preservation- he won’t say anything. Wrong. My girlfriend already found out where I had been when I picked her up. She starts crying - all the drama - and this was before private dances. I tried to be alpha and said “I do what I want”, but that caused more crying- and this girl was a really a great piece of ass and loved to fuck. I told her I’d never go back. I stuck to it for about a year too. Never trust the “man-code” or “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” either.
• Tetradon

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  3 years ago

  ^ You need a woman who can tolerate your hobby of compulsively trolling strip club message boards. In other words, it'll be Rosie Palmer and her five sisters, a bottle of hand lotion, and some Kleenex forever. Go away, Cacaplop.
• Cashman1234

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  3 years ago

  SirLDAlot - sometimes a diversion goes sideways - and I no longer needed to explain my way out of smelling like a cheap whore. My ex wife knew my buddy was a bar smoker - so the smell of smoldering cloth car seats and cigarette smoke didn’t require an explanation.
• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  @Cashman I hear you, brother. You reminded me of a time that I didn't get busted or suspected but came close. My wife once smelled lilac on our cat and could not figure it out. But he got into everything around the house. He chews on plants and flowers and gets his nose into anything. The reality was that I had massaged my ATF DS for a while earlier that evening and she was wearing lilac scented lotion. I forgot to wash it off my hands before I got home. And when I did I picked up my cat and held him for a while, thereby putting that scent all over him. Then later that evening that darn cat started rubbing up to my wife who has an extremely sensitive nose. She smelled it and since she never smelled it before she started wondering out loud what he had gotten into to smell like that. I was like, "Who knows with him?" and played it off. It wasn't until months later that she smelled the same thing on my pillow and put two and two together and busted me. I had to explain it then. But it lasted for a while.
• Cashman1234

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  3 years ago

  SirLDAlot - it seems that you got busted by a different type of pussy! Some women have a great sense of smell - and they remember scents quite well. That sort of thing can make it very difficult for guys with a strip club habit.
• NatiNate

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  3 years ago

  Nearly got busted once,for make up and once for smelling like alcohol was in a relationship I was extremely unhappy in but stayed for the kids. I'm a single Dad now living my best life, only wish I had of done it years ago but ultimately she left and I hadn't been clubbing for a good 18 months but I never got caught after those two early slip ups. But in order to protect myself I never would drink I remember this one dancer turned 21 got plastered with me as she thought I was drinking with her but it was just sprite and cranberry. I had a 24 hour gym membership so I had an entire second wardrobe of clothes just for the club and I would just stop by the gym change my clothes and wash my face before heading home. I worked in the office area of a warehouse that was 24x7. I was a corporate employee but my office was in the warehouse so if I said I was working late after getting changed I would go back to my office and call home and said I was on my way. I guess you can say I hated my wife but really loved the kids to go through all of that.
• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  @NatiNate I kept a change of clothes in my car. I golf shirt, underwear, and my "LDK" pants which were waterproof golf rain pants. Out here in Portland during the summer it gets dark late, like 9 pm at summer solstice. So during the summer I could always claim I was golfing after work. I did most of the time, but at least once a week I went to a club instead. I would also go play a few holes of golf after a club visit too, to air out the smell of stripper. By contrast during the winter I used the working late excuse but still kept the change of clothes. Throughout the whole time I had to clean those pants by hand after every LDK, in secret. And that's a lot of cleaning. Never got busted for that because I'd do it as part of washing up in a random bathroom. Looking back and writing it all out, it was too much work!
• nicespice

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  3 years ago

  Holy cow, I’m surprised you wouldn’t create a sock puppet account just for making and contributing in this thread. Not with the details in here and all .😅
• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  @nicespice this is my purge. My wife knows I'm posting to TUSCL right now, sitting on the couch together. She has known for months and I do it as often as I do which is daily. Does she know all these details? Nope. But I don't care, and I highly doubt she cares too. She'd rather not know at this point in our relationship. The old "ignorance is bliss" adage. And you know I don't do that weak sauce separate account shit. It's a lower form of trolling as far as I'm concerned. 😝
• ilbbaicnl

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  3 years ago

  It's easier to stay discrete seeing escorts than going to strip clubs. If your SO is suspicious, she's likely feeling neglected. If you love her in a healthy way, you should amicably let her move on if she feels that's what's best for her, regardless of the pain this would cause to you. If you're SO is not in agreement with you seeing sex workers, you have to be prepared to separate in a non-ugly way. She may catch you and/or feel too neglected and break it off. Or get so bitter that breaking it off will be your only reasonable option.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  3 years ago

  Dancer told me about a time when she was walking a guy to the lap dance area. Apparently, the guy told his wife that he had a late business meeting. Anyway, while passing passing near the entrance with a gorgeous stripper, he encountered his wife coming in with a group of her friends for a non-standard "girls night out". His attempt at "No, no, no... I caught *you* in a strip club!" predictably failed to alter his fate.
• Jascoi

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  3 years ago

  i’m thankful I’m single.
• elmer

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  3 years ago

  Saved by the Bell I'll remember this to the day I die. Many years back had an ongoing OTC with a real sweetheart 2 hrs away, we'd often meet in the middle, she'd get the room I'd reimburse. One visit her credit card was refused I ended up getting the room. Made sure of no paper trail paid cash. All was good. Weeks later SO brings in the mail we're talking as she begins opening them. Wall phone rings she gets it so I proceed to finish opening the one she started, its a statement showing loyalty points from my hotel stay. Almost shit myself right then! I was literally seconds from being in a very bad spot. Casually tossed it in the waste basket came back later and destroyed it. I didn't use a CC must have been cross-matched by name giving me the reward points. Thank God now everything is electronically sent. I was literally saved by the phone bell
• gobstopper007

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  3 years ago

  Some suggestions I have heard from coworkers discussing this topic Use baby wipes If it makes sense rub on sunscreen (obviously if there is a foot of snow outside and it’s 2 am thi won’t work) Start wearing cologne you can spray on to help mask any perfume Apply hand sanitizer liberally
• Uprightcitizen

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  3 years ago

  My SO did the laundry and a short black sport sock ended up laying on my dresser. Fortunately I have some black sport socks but that was not my brand. This was stuck to my clothes from a recent adventure at a hotel. I buy my own clothes typically so I was safe casually putting in my gym bag. Glad it wasn't pink 😬
• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  3 years ago

  To at least partially cover your tracks, start a hobby that is a vice but isn't strip clubs (or escorts, or whatever). I knew someone who laundered the money he spent in strip clubs through a gambling habit. His wife knew he gambled and didn't care as long as he stayed under a certain amount per month. He actually did like to gamble and did go to the CT casinos, but spent only a fraction of his gambling budget on blackjack, poker, etc. He also collected the parking receipts and the occasional bit of gambling "evidence" and left it in his pants pockets on occasion. The smart thing about this is that a night out gambling can cover at least some of the telltale signs of going to a strip club (if there's lipstick on your underwear... you're on your own). He said that he didn't feel like he was 100% lying because he felt like every visit to a strip club was a gamble. I don't know about that, but I thought it was a pretty solid strategy as compared to "working late".
• drewcareypnw

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  3 years ago

  One time I woke up next to Mrs Carey after a night of strip clubbing. She had glitter on HER face. Somehow it transferred from stripper to me to Mrs C. Luckily she’s cool about me clubbing and doesn’t ask about details she doesn’t want to know.
• SirLapdancealot

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  3 years ago

  @drew I swear, strippers that wear glitter are at least partly doing it to get on PLs. I also think some put perfume on heavy for same reason. I guess the good side benefit is a lot of rubbing on me. 🤷 And you are lucky with a woman like that. Mrs. Lapdancealot is probably that way now as opposed to when we first got married. But ironically I'm just not as into clubbing now as before.
• gSteph

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  3 years ago

  @drewcareypnw: only on her face?
• georgmicrodong

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  3 years ago

  Thank the gods I don't have to worry about hiding this shit from my wife.
• shailynn

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  3 years ago

  I’ve had too many close calls to remember them over the years and I only strip club out of town. The recent one was I was in Detroit a few years ago when I should have been somewhere else for work. I stopped in Toledo on the way back through and got busted speeding by a traffic cam. Didn’t even know it happened until a month later. That day my wife got home from work before me and forgot to get the mail. I went to the mailbox and in huge bold letters was a letter for a traffic summons. I immediately paid it online and destroyed the evidence. I travelled to Detroit a millions times before but this one time I went a different route to stop at a liquor store I wanted to check out, sealing my fate. After this experience I ALWAYS use Waze even if I don’t need directions and never speed anymore. Waze is usually good about showing traffic cams. As for clothing sometimes after “business trips” when you enter my house you have to go through the laundry room from the garage. As soon as I would get home I would sometimes through all my dirty clothes immediately in the clothes washers because some articles would be covered in perfume and stripper glitter. That was an easy cover because my wife knows I like to go to casinos and play poker and my clothes would often reek of cigarette smoke just from walking from the parking lot to the poker room through the casino floor.
• theeastcoast757

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  3 years ago

  I don’t know if my bf knows where I go but he did think I had a secret friend at the laundromat. A dancer took my number and when she hit me up she joked about being a laundromat employee because I used to tell my bf I was doing laundry when I would hit the club up during the day. He ended up reading our texts via my watch I had left at home. Our conversations were wholesome and awesome though so really nothing he could get mad about. She ended up ghosting me and quitting dancing though so I never got to tell her about it.
• SneakyClubster

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  3 years ago

  Late 20's guy who lives with his SO here Always have a change of clothes for in the club Never wear your boxers/briefs (fun and functional) I don't share my financial info with my SO, so no experience managing the money side. Samsung phones have a Secure Folder that lets you use isolated copies of your apps and locks it behind a fingerprint. Not sure if equivalents exist for iOS or any other phone manufacturers have it. Great for browsing TUSCL or having chat apps on the side, cut off from the rest of your phone.
• gSteph

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  3 years ago

  I, too, was busted by the NOSE. My second strip club visit (that had lap dances). Come home buzzing with endorphins, horny as heck, bit of purfume on me. Hop in the bromine water of the hot tub, hold my nose to go completely under, get bromine scent all over, take a full shower. Few hours later, we're going at it, getting close, she's goes "how'd you get purfume in your nose?" That was a boner shrinker. (We laugh about it now)
• Hank Moody

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  3 years ago

  Hickeys. Fucking hickeys. It’s happened three times. The first was the worst and I wrote about it in a review of CH3 in Vegas about 5 years ago. Since then, I’ve been better about policing my own neck but my defenses have been breached a couple times. Glitter and perfume are also the enemy but the usual change of clothes, hand sanitizer, etc. methods have worked well so far.