Strip Club Charisma

"Like, for example how the hell do I tell legitimately attractive strippers that they're just not my type and I don't want a dance without sounding like an idiot?"

I say "Sorry. I'm not looking for dances right now." I have also simply told dancers that they aren't my type. They appreciate being told early on that they're wasting their time.

"Or better yet, I've now got an ATF that beelines me every time I walk in the club, sits next to me, strikes up a conversation before I can even say anything to which I'm sure she THINKS will lead to a lap dance but in reality I just sat down and not really in the mood."

If she's an actual ATF, then you should welcome this behavior. Let her chat with you and get caught up, but also let her know that you like to settle into the club for a little while before getting dances. So, have a chat to catch up, but get dances later.

Basically, be polite but honest with dancers about how you like to club. It's helpful to them and most will appreciate doing a little less mind reading.

After reading countless posts and reviews about guys complaining about dancers not circulating, consider yourself lucky that you go to a club where that's not an issue.

You can search around for other threads, but its going to come back to what CMI just said: be polite but honest. Most dancers will politely move on, some with try to change your mind, and a few will be or at least act upset. Once you've done it a few times, you'll get more comfortable with it.

I usually try to avoid things like "Not right now, come back later" unless I really mean it. If you're not comfortable telling a dancer she's not your type, just tell her you're not interested in dances. "I appreciate you coming over, but I'm not interested in any company right now. I'll let you know if I change my mind." As for the ATF, if she's reached that status and you can't tell her no, you're doing it wrong. If you really just want her to give you a few minutes to settle, tell her.

“Honey you look beautiful but I don’t want to Waste your time, I’m not going to get a dance.”

Her: blah, blah blah, blah blah blah ...
Me (smiling the whole time): Oh really, interesting.
Waitress: Would you like anything?
Her: Can I have a $47 ROB Special?
Me: No, we're good.
Her: Don't you drink?
Me: I prefer to save my money for stage tips.
Her: blah, blah blah, blah blah blah ...
Me: Oh.
Her: What brings you out tonight, are you waiting for someone?
Me: No, just came to watch the stage show.
Her: OK, I'll be back later.
Me: (stop smiling, in a flat tone): OK

It's important to keep smiling and speaking in a pleasant tone, to minimize any harm to her feelings. But she's got to get use to it, part of dancing, or find work she can be better at.

This seems to be a problem more in some clubs than others. The fewer customers per dancer are there, the more likely it is to be a problem, an advantage to coming at busier times.

So far strip clubs don't have unisex bathrooms. In extreme cases, you can go hid in the bathroom for a while. And even go stand somewhere if she's still at the table when you come out, and move if she starts walking towards you. On the plus side, you now understand what if feels like to be a chick, and a guy who owns a pickup truck or wears shirts with a logo on one nipple wants to date you.

I often have the opposite problem, can't get even a drive-by "wanna dance" from them. It's fine to go up to them when they are alone or only with other dancers. This generally works, sometimes they'll still ignore you. So your turn not to get upset.

Another tick:
Her: are you waiting for someone?
Me: yeah I am.
Her: who? I'll go get her.
Me: Actually, I forgot her name. Thanks, I'll just wave to her when I see her.
Her: what does she look like?
Me: really hot.

@PSD I tried that once, she did not react well. You seem successful, so you have a different psychology from people who are not so successful.

For starters, stop worrying about "sounding like an idiot" or anything else relating to a girl who you don't want anyway. If you don't learn to control your own time, space and money, others will control it for you, especially the more aggressive girls who can smell weakness.

That doesn't mean be an asshole. Friendly but firm almost always works for me. I smile, make eye contact and just let her know that I appreciate her stopping by but I'm not buying anything right now. 99 times out of 100 that ends the interaction right there. In the 1% who don't get the message, friendly but firmer in telling her that I have different preferences, will usually do it.

Then in that 1 or 2 girls a year who either just don't get it or want to argue, the smile drops and I ask why she's still here when I've already told her that I'm not going to pay her. Some guys don't like this level of confrontation, but I learned many moons ago that with girls who are this aggressive or insistent, a bad outcome was inevitable anyway. Better to get it over with quickly than to have her linger as she tries to find different angles to coax my cash out of me.

With respect to a girl who sits without asking, if I don't like her, I'll use something like "Hey, I don't want to be rude, but I'm just chillin out for a while. I'm not buying anything right now." If that doesn't work, then rinse-repeat the escalation steps described above until she leaves.

I don't tell dancers that I'm waiting for someone unless I'm actually waiting for someone.

I also don't hide in the bathroom. Because a grown man hiding in a toilet stall from a girl in her underwear is a bit pathetic.

I politely tell the dancer that I don't want a dance. If you're polite and respectful and her feelings are still hurt, then she's in the wrong job. And I can't help that. If she's pushy or belligerent about it, I switch over to "Lady, it ain't happening" mode.

Damn it! Yo'all stole my answers!

“ In extreme cases, you can go hid in the bathroom for a while.”

Yeah, you can do that, if you’re a giant fucking pussy. Jesus.

@PSD - That is EXACTLY what I looking for! Thank you! I couldn't just think of the right words.

@Rick - I feel ya but it's just that I don't want to come across looking like a guy that isn't up to chill either but what you said kind does make sense. I need some time to chew on it and think it over.

I prefer to be upfront with dancers. It might seem abrupt, but I would rather not waste a dancer’s time.

If a dancer comes by, and I have no intention of buying dances from her, I will say hello and I will let her know that I’m not interested in buying dances.

I know some dancers will persist with a hard sell type of technique - but I will remain firm and reiterate a no thank you.

If you are a customer who has an ATF or CF - and you don’t want to buy more dances anymore - it can be a challenge to cut the dancer off. There is no easy way to say no - and mean no more - the cash flow is cut off. The dancer will likely be more disappointed at the loss of money - than the lack of conversation.

BTW - it’s the charisma offered by your wallet…

Just say you're fine for now. You don't owe them an explanation. Look for ones you want and then it's see want get lulz

For me, strip clubs were the place where I really learned how to talk to young women.

SJG

https://www.houseofharlot.com/

Lying and hiding in the bathroom aren't likely to work out. A stripper hard up enough to not move on when you've been clear that you're not likely to spend on her is going to notice that you are still alone later and come back. And she's only going to get worse, because now she's invested even more time in you and is more determined to get a payoff.

Rick's approach is solid. Just work on timing. If she says Hi, I'm Bubbles what's your name, you can answer. You don't have to blow her off within 2 seconds. But as soon as the perfunctory intros are done, let her know.

@dolfan - way to work the word perfunctory into a comment. I do believe that's a first on this board :)

Well it's true there's no law that says you have to be polite. And that some think politeness is only for the weak.

For me, even just as a practical matter, it's worth it to decline a dance in the politest way possible. If I'm polite, even with dancers that don't appeal to me, the ones that do appeal to me will likely be more comfortable with me. I don't enjoy dances unless the dancer is comfortable with me.

If you feel like a dancer who doesn't appeal to you should not take up more than 30 seconds of your time, you should be in favor of the "wanna dance" approach. Otherwise, coherent thinking is not your strong point. Or you just enjoy acting like an asshole, and will latch onto any lame excuse to do it.

===> "@Rick - I feel ya but it's just that I don't want to come across looking like a guy that isn't up to chill either but what you said kind does make sense. I need some time to chew on it and think it over."

By all means chew away. But why do you care if Starlight (or use any other stage name you prefer) thinks that you aren't "up to chill" if you don't want to spend on Starlight anyway? And so long as you weren't weird or overly obnoxious about it, Diamond, the girl you DO want to spend on, won't care what Starlight thinks of you either. 😉

The goal is to have a friendly yet efficient way to keep lesser talents moving along so that they don't cock block you, not to fixate over how the rejected girls feel about you. It's a strip club, not a church social circle.

@SJG - Same. I've learned a ton about people and the world going to strip clubs.

@ilbbainl - Agreed. It a waste of energy to be rude to folks but sometimes I struggle communicating... smoothly?

===> "Agreed. It a waste of energy to be rude to folks but sometimes I struggle communicating... smoothly?"

That's a whole other topic probably best addressed by your qualified mental health professional. Nothing we suggest here will matter if you struggle with delivery and otherwise give off conflicting vibes (body language, avoiding eye contact, facial expressions, etc.). Sometimes the types of people who struggle communicating...smoothly...are best off avoiding strip clubs altogether as they usually have other co-occurring issues.

If one is gonna be a regular clubber one needs to get comfortable saying no.

It's your time and it's your $$$ and it's up to you how you spend both not up to the dancers - many dancers get away with what they get away with mostly b/c custies allow them to - dancers are gonna look after their best interest in the club and so should the custy - many dancers take advantage of custies being uncomfortable saying no to a woman - unless you make your feelings known the dancers will either take advantage of that and some will just assume you're ok w/ what they are doing.

At the end of the day most dancers just care about making $$$, they don't really care what you think so you shouldn't care so much about what they think of you b/c they don't - dancers will take your $$$ when you're willing to spend-it; as a custy you need to set some boundaries else you're gonna have suboptimal club-experiences.

Nixur, Rick is exactly right.

If you removed all the socially awkward guys from strip clubs, the entire industry would collapse in a week.

I am NOT a qualified health professional, but making a concerted effort in the strip club to be assertive in this small way might be helpful to improve your skills in this area. Of course, there's a chance you'll be doing it to a massive cunt, or a normally nice girl who has had a terrible day and she'll loose her shit on you and make it worse. So, it's a gamble.

I usually tell them life story, learn her life story, trade laughs, make memories together for a few hours. Then when she asks for dances I reject her with a na uh gurl hand. If they press again, I usually cave and do a guilt trip 1K VIP hour to shake her. If all else fails I agree, hide in the bathroom stall and wait till the coast is clear.

It is prone to failure - but if you are finding it difficult to communicate smoothly - maybe try to practice at home? A bit of rehearsing might give you more confidence when you are in a somewhat unusual strip club setting.

Saying no to a sexy, half-naked woman can be difficult for unassertive men.

No matter how you say it, an eager woman is always emotional when you reject them. Best thing to do is be proactive and go to the bar and stand there first while ordering a drink, that way your body language says you’re just going to chill out for a bit before settling into being one of their marks.

And BTW guys, when a woman asks you if she looks fat, not a time to practice your assertiveness skills.

@Nixur68: "I feel ya but it's just that I don't want to come across looking like a guy that isn't up to chill"

But you *are* a "guy who isn't up to chill", are you not? At least not with her, or at that time. If it's someone you're absolutely not interested in, all the previous advice about polite assertiveness is spot on.