What would you do for your family? Lets think if we will for a moment...would you really do anything? would you sell yourself... i have...ive spent my nights looking pretty to only be valued on what i have to offer sexually. The expectations are def off for me. Tonight i spent the first hour having sex for something that i put up my nose and quickly forgot about...
Sorry but I was married to a stripper. Seems like they'll go through all kinds of bulls*** except the real hard work of a stable and consistent job, even if that's two jobs.
Notice a lack of humility and patience that keeps them from being even mildly successful in the real world, actually they're very entitled to not work too hard actually, and they will sleep with people and do all kind of sexual demeaning shit rather than just sit down and just f****** do hard work and some longer term planning.
Turning your nose is hard, but it's way easier than having to work two jobs that you don't feel like you're getting paid enough for.
Some women actually really do it the hard way, to get their family good while still keeping their families pride and respect.
It's really kinda hard for me to judge a girl fucking me for money when I'm paying to fuck her...
I'd like to think fucking me is a nicer way to make money than many things I've done in my life I wanted to avoid, but society seemed to think was honorable, like fixing customer's computers...
I am trying to not make harsh judgement after reading PD’s discussion, but I’m failing.
Is she saying she’d do anything for her family - but the pain of sex work is so intense that any money she makes is used to lessen the emotional trauma of her work?
Or is she being blatantly honest in the hope of inciting our judgments? How can we read her post and not find it a bit two-faced?
She begins by asking if we would do anything for our family. She mentions that she puts on make up and is evaluated only on her looks. We know she’s a whore, and whores are evaluated based on looks. This is no revelation. Then, she tells us the money she earned, was blown on drugs.
It’s almost as though she’s portraying herself as a human contradiction? She wants to help her family, she sells her body to strange men (to help her family), and then she wastes the money on herself.
This reminds me of that old saying - the road to hell is paved in good intentions…
Poledancer, fuck what anyone else has to say about how you earn your money. A lot of these guys hate women for a variety of reasons, mostly because they haven't had good experiences with them. So when a woman like you gives them an opening to feel morally superior, they inevitably spout off.
Unless someone else is paying your bills, they don't have a right to judge how you earn your nut as long as you're not hurting anyone. So fuck 'em. The fact that you also treated yourself does not diminish the sacrifices you are making for your family and anyone who thinks differently should walk a mile in your shoes before they open their mouths.
So with that said, be proud of yourself for doing what you feel is necessary to take care of your kids. It's hard under the best of circumstances, but you are doing it, even if there are speedbumps along the way. None of us is perfect. 👍
At the end of the day feeling morally superior is a personal deficiency and few if any accept it as true. I accepted long ago that people are people and once the wrapper is not taken into account, most of us suck and are similar. The guy paying the hooker is neither morally superior, nor inferior. You/we are both the exact same. This is my view on family. In my world I owe my wife the utmost obligation and to protect her and her future, t here is nothing I wouldn't do, up to and including, if I had to, getting rid of everyone else on the planet including me.
You don't have to have sex to make money. You can strip and make money without having sex if having sex is making you be miserable and turn to drugs. Sounds like you admittedly have a coke/drug problem. If you stopped snorting coke, you'd have a lot of extra money and be able to support your family and be happier.
Honestly PD I hear complaints like this a lot from girls who I think of as "self haters.". They feel trapped in what they do because they need the money but hate themselves for what they do to earn it.
So yes, as some have suggested on here, you could certainly change careers, though I'm guessing that this would dramatically reduce your income. Or you can find a way to move past this. Remember that you are a hero to the kids who you provide for. THAT is what's important, not the opinion of some dipshit in the club.
And both are extremely hard work. Fast money isn't easy money.
Pole Dancer. All you can do is take it one day at a time. If you're not ready to quit maybe just try to avoid some triggers that make you want to get high. And limit how much you use at a time. Quitting isn't always an option but harm reduction is more doable.
But anyway, it is something I am working to build. Slowed down by the COVID precautions and the economic slowdown, but still underway. People get a life long education and are helped to build careers. And you get drained dry 365 days per year.
I agree with 21icee’s above post. However, the struggles PD is facing require professional help. Old perverts giving her direction isn’t going to get her out of the grip of addiction, dependency, and whoring.
poledancer, not sure what kind of a venue you are talking about.
But anyway, I have recommended this book to hundred and hundreds of people. Some see it as a job seeker book, and the author goes along with this, mainly because he wants to be an includer instead of a divider. He explains that some consider "job" to be a dirty word.
He shows you job seeker stuff, but he also shows you how it does not work that well, and why it is fundamentally wrong headed, and he shows you why.
I'd seen this on the shelved, then finally I bougth one and read it. It is mind blowing. I think that what he is saying is so important that everyone should do his exercises annually.
And you don't need the newest edition. The important part of the book is timeless.
I recommend the book to everyone, even though I know that the vast majority of the population is incapable of hearing what Bolles is saying. They are totally indoctrinated into the Job Seeker way of living.
I have recommended this book to hundreds and hundreds of people, even
though I have found that the vast majority of the population is
incapable of understanding it.
Some see it as a job seeker book, and the author goes along with this,
mainly because he wants to be an includer instead of a divider. But he
does explain that some consider "job" to be a dirty word.
So he shows you job seeker stuff, but then he also shows you how it
does not work that well, and why it is fundamentally wrong headed.
His book shows you how to reinvent yourself.
Now this is to contrast with some other books that talk about ideals,
they say lots of stuff like what Bolles says, then at the end it
reverts to job seeker tactics. They do this because they don't really
believe in what they are saying, they don't stand behind it.
Bolles is not like this, he believes what he says and he shows that we
need to live by a higher set of values. So the job seeker stuff is at the start, just to show you how it really is useless.
I'd seen this on the shelves for many years, then finally I bought one
and read it. It is mind blowing. I think that what he is saying is so
important that everyone should do his exercises annually.
And you don't need the newest edition. The important parts of the book
are timeless.
I recommend the book to everyone, even though I know that the vast
majority of the population is incapable of hearing what Bolles is
saying. They are totally indoctrinated into the Job Seeker way of
living.
I classify this as something akin to Marilyn Ferguson's Aquarian
Conspiracy, something which is trying to open you to higher
consciousness.
Richard N. Bolles also wrote The Three Boxes of Life.
I think it is actually this which best shows what Bolles is really saying. He says that people live in these three boxes, Learning, Working, Play. And so what they are doing is always a means to something else, never an ends in itself. Learning is only for Working. And Working is only for Play, Leisure, Retirement.
He is showing people how to take this apart, to dismantle it. He shows people how to live more balanced lives, balanced between Learning, Working, and and Play. And at its highest level, these three are internally fused together.
Actually this is how I have always thought, rejecting the idea of means to some external ends, Learning for employment, and that only to afford Leisure. I have always seen everything I do as having larger and more integral purpose. But most people have a very hard time with this.
Roger Vadim's And God Created Woman, Starring Brigitte Bardot (1956), actually seems to be the whole movie, well worth watching
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIE4prsN…
@Nina it's harder for dancers who don't match up with the middle class beauty standard and/or are shy or otherwise don't have a natural aptitude for sales.
@poledancer83 it's important to ignore the opinions of people who would judge you but have no actual empathy. They are bad people, there's no reason to pay them any mind when you decide what sort of sex work you will and won't do. The only sex workers who should feel guilty or ashamed are the ones who do things like tell customers they have cancer, to take advantage of their empathy. Usually, when sex workers feel shame, it's because they were emotionally abused as children. They were harshly criticized when they were too young to process it, to know the difference between reasonable and hateful criticism. They get brainwashed into thinking they deserve constant punishment. There is certainly no shortage of abusive customers for commercial sex. They seek out sex workers who were indoctrinated to hate themselves as children. People who hate themselves have feelings like they are doing the right thing when they allow themselves to be abused, they feel they deserve it.
Reading the 2020 edition of What Color is Your Parachute?
Like I have said, you do not need to have a recent edition.
The author, Richard Nelson Bolles passed away in 2017. But he had brought on an assistant some years back. He also remarried in 2004, and his wife now holds all the copyrights.
Once I requested lots of editions of this going back as far as I could. I think the first was 1971, and it was smaller then. Even this 2020 edition is "streamlined". But I look and all the essential stuff is still there. They call it a Job Hunting book. But it still starts with that, and it shows you how much of a waste of time and energy that is.
This contrasts it with a lot of other books which end with Job Hunting stuff. What those books say, they consider to be ideals. They don't really stand behind what they say.
Bolles was always different. He has always stood behind what he says.
I am unfortunately very disappointed in the 2020 edition of What Color Is Your Parachute, by Richard Nelson Bolles.
Now Bolles passed away in 2017, and he had been publishing this book since 1971. Now his name is more of a brand name. Who actually writes the words remains unknown. But he remarried in 2004 and his wife seems to be in charge. Whoever writes the words clearly understands the legacy, but in my view, he has shifted it.
In particular, Parachute was not really a job hunting book. Bolles let people call it that, but if you actually read the book you would see that it is more of an anti-job seek book.
This new edition has all of the information and exercises which have made Parachute so well loved. And it shows you how all of the job seeking methods do not work very well, arguably they are a waste of time.
But this new edition still countenances some things which Bolles did not.
First of all, he never said what he was providing was an alternative to job seeking. No, he said that it was the only way. Job seeking is stupid. People do it because they don't want to face truth.
And then Bolles thought very little of resumes, never want to use a piece of paper to mediate your communications. The only resume he showed was very unusual. Gave no specific information, just sizzle, and a provocative picture. Most resumes read like obituaries. Bolles really discouraged this, offering what amounted to an anti-resume.
Most people I have turned on to Parachute cannot understand it, they only understand job seeking.
One guy though really went for it and so I gave him my personal copy.
But a mutual friend was really angered by it, "Ideals like that will not put food on the table."
Well that was just his stupidity, nothing in Parachute was an ideal, it was the most practical and expedient path you could follow.
But today the 2020 edition talks about a lot of stuff like where you want to live, what type of office you want, what level of pay and responsibility. Bolles spoke about this, but in other books. This new 2020 edition does leave it open the the accusation that it is about an ideal.
Bolles was Episcopalian clergy, and clergy does not like to talk about polarizing things. I feel that maybe in the years since 2000, Bolles had wimped out, and had shifted to Parachute as a choice, and maybe as an ideal. The original editions were not like this. They were the most practical, arguably the only way. You get nothing by job seeking. Even Chris Gillebeau expalins this, telling people to stop playing the numbers game. And Bolles made this clear. But this 2020 edition, with all the online stuff, gets it all blured.
I am going to try and get a real old edition of Parachute. Love to collect the old editions. Anyway, I want to show what the differences are, and show why Bolles was right, even if the vast majority of the population could not understand it.
"It’s almost as though she’s portraying herself as a human contradiction? She wants to help her family, she sells her body to strange men (to help her family), and then she wastes the money on herself."
Decades ago I was pursuing a career, but I found it hard to be able to use my skills. I was doing some great things, but I was constantly besieged by politics, and I was being targeted by bullies and strivers. I could stand up to these sorts, but it still did take up most of my time and energy. And then there was still even more fundamental conflict with the corporate leadership.
I learned to prevail in these situations, I did accomplish some good things. But after several rounds of it, I realized that the game is not worth the candle. I decided that their had to be a better way.
I had long seen What Color Is Your Parachute, but never bought one and taken the time to read it.
Now I did, and I was blown away. It is not really for Job Seekers. It shows you how fruitless and time wasting job seeking really is. And it instead shows you something different, career building, or reinventing yourself. And this always comes from within. And then it never wants you to believe that you know everything, from books or the Internet, or whatever. Instead he has you go out and interview people, learn from them, and then let them recommend who you should talk to next. And Bolles is very down on resume's and on any kind of job application process.
I read all of this, and it was obviously true. It was what I had always believed, it was just that I did not have data to back it up, and that I did not know how to put it into words.
And what would I have had without Parachute? It of been another buffoon playing the numbers game with resumes and job applications, and at best getting shit. And I'd of been another guy "working", meaning seeking social approval, hoping I could get rich via the CA Lottery, or that I could accumulate a huge amount of money in a 401K so that I could retire. I would be "working" so that I would not have to work anymore. And I always knew that there was something idiotic about that.
So no, I read, thought, did what Bolles said, and I was fine. I just had to learn how to very harshly tell advice givers off sometimes.
And I tried to turn everyone on to Parachute. But that was when I found that the vast majority could not hear it. They only saw it as more job seeking, or as "ideals", or as "tests" you are supposed to take for more job seeking. The message was wasted on them.
And now I find that today Parachute has wimped out, it does not today adequately distinguish itself from job seeking. I had noticed this in previous years, but spending some time with a 2020 edition, I was inundated with it.
So I am going to get this 1970 edition, the first year, and compare. And I would love to collect the old editions, to see what good is added, and also to see when they started to wimp out.
What color is your parachute? : a practical manual for job-hunters & career changers / by Richard Nelson Bolles. (1970), the first edition
Went through the 2011 What Color Is Your Parachute, because it was handy. I can see that it too is compromised, altered to present a less radical less threatening message, and maybe to reach a larger audience.
The vast bulk of the population is incapable of understanding what Parachute is about, so they just adulterated the book.
Want to get a '70 or '71 when it first started. I will collect these too.
like this would be '79. It will take work to get back further.
THe one I had bought was about '90. I gave it away to a friend because he was so enamored with what Bolles was saying.
But if that same friend saw the 2011 or the 2021, I don't think he would go along with it. The info and the exercises are still there, but it amounts to a totally different message.
I really think Chris Gullebeau's The Art of Non-Conformity (2010) is worth reading. I am reading it to learn where he is coming from, so that I can appraise the later books of his which I have read. He really is interesting. He totally rejects conventional employment, and he says so. Very few people will come out and say this, most revert to motivationalism.
R. N. Bolles clearly caved into pressure. I will try and get earlier versions of his stuff and see if I can note the change.
I guess the edition I had bought was 1989. I had seen the book on store shelves for years and years. I had looked though it. It looked interesting. So finally I bought one and took the time to read it.
"Give me a fish, and I will eat for today; teach me to fish, and I will eat for the rest of my life." (Ancient Proverb)
Our society has taken pity on the job-hunter and career-changer, and invented all kinds of helps for you, in your plight: federal-state employment agencies, private employment agencies, classified ads, job counselors, computerized job banks, and so forth. None of these works very well; in fact, the number of people who turn to any one of them, without getting a job as a result, is simply mind-blowing. But even when they do work, they only - at best - give you a fish. They rescue you from your present predicament (maybe), but often in jobs which are vastly below your abilities and which bore you out of your mind.
Numbers Game
Bolles goes on to explain that to have several job offers simultaneously so that you can negotiate, you will need to send out 500 to 1000 resumes, and maybe more. And some do this and still get nothing.
Headhunters
Most of these guys are totally worthless assholes. There was one, R.A., who I hired someone through, and I would do it again. He ran H.R. for a large company, then they folded. So he set up his own executive recruiting shop.
Bolles talks about Fatal Assumptions, like, "The job-hunter should remain somewhat loose (i.e., vague) about what he or she wants to do, so that he or she is free to take advantage of whatever vacancies may be available. Good grief, said the creative minority, this is why we have so great a percentage (80 or whatever) of underemployment in this country. If you don't state just exactly what you want to do, first of all to yourself, and then to others, you are (in effect) handing over that decision to others."
And another Fatal Assumption, "The job-hunter should spend a good deal of time identifying the organizations that might be interested in him or her (no matter in what part of the country they may be), since employers have the upper hand in this whole process. Nonsense, said the creative minority. This isn't a high school prom, where the job-hunters are sitting around the edge of the dance-floor, like some shy wall-flower ..."
"Once the fatal assumptions of the present system were delineated, it wasn't all that difficult to create a new system...
You must decide just exactly what you want to do. You must research the organizations that interest you at great length, and then approach the one individual in each organization who has the power to hire you for the job that you have decided you want to do."
"For any job-hunter who wants more than "just-a-job", but a job which employs his or her abilities and interests at the highest level possible, the above prescription of the creative minority is crucial.
But for the job-hunter who is trying to strike out in some new directions, or who must of necessity do some different things than he or she has done heretofore, the prescription of the creative minority is (career wise) a matter of life and death.
So he goes on to talk about inventorying your skills, and the things you have enjoyed doing most, roughly divided into skills with Information, with People, and with Things.
A whole page devoted to this,
"You must identify the man or woman who has the power to hire you and show them how your skills can help them with their problems."
So in this earlier edition, Bolles shows that "job hunting" is a waste of time. He would water this down more and more though over the years. What he offers instead is self-inventory and reinventing yourself, and getting people to consent to informational interviews, as the world is always more complexed and nuanced than what is written in books and magazines. In the end you find partners.
When Bolles started he was an Episcopalian Priest. Many were being forced out due to drops in church attendance and collection. So he put on a workshop to help them build new careers. So I don't think he used the "job hunting" language at all.
Decades back I did see I think a '72 edition. It was much smaller. And then it had started in '70.
Originally it was just the handout package Bolles gave out.
He says though he did two years of research and traveled over 65,000 miles around the country, to make the book. It was to be a general market book. And most people want to hear "job", as that is how they think and that is what our society presses people into.
But originally I don't think Bolles was saying anything like this. I want to see his original handout packet, and that is not totally impossible.
But need to steer people to some newer better book, like maybe Chris Gilliebeau.
Books:
Those by R. N. Bolles and by John Crystal, and those by Richard Lathrop
Not sure what you are saying, or even who you are saying it to.
What Color Is Your Parachute was a godsend to me when I bought the book, in 1989. It told me that which I always had known, but more than that, it gave me a way to share what I believed, and also having someone who had built up some credentials now being on my side, it gave me some degree of social defense.
I classify it as something akin to Marilyn Feurguson's Aquarian Conspiracy, an instruction manual for living at a higher level of consciousness.
In the years since I have recommended the book and what it says to hundreds of people.
I have also found though that the vast majority of people are incapable of hearing what Bolles is saying. And then having looked at the 2021 edition and the 2011 edition, I see that the book has gotten compromised. So I looked at this 1979 edition, and it is better, but I still feel that the kernel of truth which Bolles brings is also still compromised to reach an audience.
I now want to collect the earliest editions, 1970, 71, and 72. And I also want to find some way to get the original handouts that Bolles gave to the Episcopalian Priests.
There is something of extreme importance in what Bolles is saying, but people don't hear it, and even he compromised it in order to make a mass market book. I want to get back to that kernel message.
"
And What Color is Your Parachute shows you in the most explicit of terms why you need to be building a career which is derived from your interests abilities and values, rather than finding a job. And he shows why this is not a goal or a luxury, it is an absolute necessity and it is the kind of work which will give you the most payoff.
"
I am always surprised that there are some people who have such a hard time understanding this.
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Notice a lack of humility and patience that keeps them from being even mildly successful in the real world, actually they're very entitled to not work too hard actually, and they will sleep with people and do all kind of sexual demeaning shit rather than just sit down and just f****** do hard work and some longer term planning.
Turning your nose is hard, but it's way easier than having to work two jobs that you don't feel like you're getting paid enough for.
Some women actually really do it the hard way, to get their family good while still keeping their families pride and respect.
But let's just not pretend it's such hard work. Truth is people do it because it's easier than the alternative.
I'd like to think fucking me is a nicer way to make money than many things I've done in my life I wanted to avoid, but society seemed to think was honorable, like fixing customer's computers...
Your fraternity sucks, and I am the Democratic base.
We work hard but we don't mind sharing.
Is she saying she’d do anything for her family - but the pain of sex work is so intense that any money she makes is used to lessen the emotional trauma of her work?
Or is she being blatantly honest in the hope of inciting our judgments? How can we read her post and not find it a bit two-faced?
She begins by asking if we would do anything for our family. She mentions that she puts on make up and is evaluated only on her looks. We know she’s a whore, and whores are evaluated based on looks. This is no revelation. Then, she tells us the money she earned, was blown on drugs.
It’s almost as though she’s portraying herself as a human contradiction? She wants to help her family, she sells her body to strange men (to help her family), and then she wastes the money on herself.
This reminds me of that old saying - the road to hell is paved in good intentions…
Still want to be a bleeding heart liberal, the reason I've had opportunities in life is Jewish bleeding hard liberals, but goddamn.
Unless someone else is paying your bills, they don't have a right to judge how you earn your nut as long as you're not hurting anyone. So fuck 'em. The fact that you also treated yourself does not diminish the sacrifices you are making for your family and anyone who thinks differently should walk a mile in your shoes before they open their mouths.
So with that said, be proud of yourself for doing what you feel is necessary to take care of your kids. It's hard under the best of circumstances, but you are doing it, even if there are speedbumps along the way. None of us is perfect. 👍
So yes, as some have suggested on here, you could certainly change careers, though I'm guessing that this would dramatically reduce your income. Or you can find a way to move past this. Remember that you are a hero to the kids who you provide for. THAT is what's important, not the opinion of some dipshit in the club.
In any event good luck as you work through this.
And both are extremely hard work. Fast money isn't easy money.
Pole Dancer. All you can do is take it one day at a time. If you're not ready to quit maybe just try to avoid some triggers that make you want to get high. And limit how much you use at a time. Quitting isn't always an option but harm reduction is more doable.
Not really sure what you are saying, except that sex work can be very emotionally demanding, and that sometimes you come up empty handed.
Contrary to what many are saying on this thread, I feel that strip club dancers and sex workers do have the right attitude.
Anyway, in The Organization I am building, you would always be well treated and have extreme social and guaranteed financial security.
SJG
What organization is that? Something modelled after Keith Raniere's NXIVM cult?
But anyway, it is something I am working to build. Slowed down by the COVID precautions and the economic slowdown, but still underway. People get a life long education and are helped to build careers. And you get drained dry 365 days per year.
SJG
SJG
But anyway, I have recommended this book to hundred and hundreds of people. Some see it as a job seeker book, and the author goes along with this, mainly because he wants to be an includer instead of a divider. He explains that some consider "job" to be a dirty word.
He shows you job seeker stuff, but he also shows you how it does not work that well, and why it is fundamentally wrong headed, and he shows you why.
His book shows you how to reinvent yourself.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-P…
I'd seen this on the shelved, then finally I bougth one and read it. It is mind blowing. I think that what he is saying is so important that everyone should do his exercises annually.
And you don't need the newest edition. The important part of the book is timeless.
I recommend the book to everyone, even though I know that the vast majority of the population is incapable of hearing what Bolles is saying. They are totally indoctrinated into the Job Seeker way of living.
SJG
me was a different way to live, a different set of values to look to.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-P…
I have recommended this book to hundreds and hundreds of people, even
though I have found that the vast majority of the population is
incapable of understanding it.
Some see it as a job seeker book, and the author goes along with this,
mainly because he wants to be an includer instead of a divider. But he
does explain that some consider "job" to be a dirty word.
So he shows you job seeker stuff, but then he also shows you how it
does not work that well, and why it is fundamentally wrong headed.
His book shows you how to reinvent yourself.
Now this is to contrast with some other books that talk about ideals,
they say lots of stuff like what Bolles says, then at the end it
reverts to job seeker tactics. They do this because they don't really
believe in what they are saying, they don't stand behind it.
Bolles is not like this, he believes what he says and he shows that we
need to live by a higher set of values. So the job seeker stuff is at the start, just to show you how it really is useless.
I'd seen this on the shelves for many years, then finally I bought one
and read it. It is mind blowing. I think that what he is saying is so
important that everyone should do his exercises annually.
And you don't need the newest edition. The important parts of the book
are timeless.
I recommend the book to everyone, even though I know that the vast
majority of the population is incapable of hearing what Bolles is
saying. They are totally indoctrinated into the Job Seeker way of
living.
I classify this as something akin to Marilyn Ferguson's Aquarian
Conspiracy, something which is trying to open you to higher
consciousness.
Richard N. Bolles also wrote The Three Boxes of Life.
https://www.amazon.com/Three-Boxes-Life-…
I think it is actually this which best shows what Bolles is really saying. He says that people live in these three boxes, Learning, Working, Play. And so what they are doing is always a means to something else, never an ends in itself. Learning is only for Working. And Working is only for Play, Leisure, Retirement.
He is showing people how to take this apart, to dismantle it. He shows people how to live more balanced lives, balanced between Learning, Working, and and Play. And at its highest level, these three are internally fused together.
Actually this is how I have always thought, rejecting the idea of means to some external ends, Learning for employment, and that only to afford Leisure. I have always seen everything I do as having larger and more integral purpose. But most people have a very hard time with this.
SJG
BB
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNdixdaU…
Roger Vadim's And God Created Woman, Starring Brigitte Bardot (1956), actually seems to be the whole movie, well worth watching
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIE4prsN…
@poledancer83 it's important to ignore the opinions of people who would judge you but have no actual empathy. They are bad people, there's no reason to pay them any mind when you decide what sort of sex work you will and won't do. The only sex workers who should feel guilty or ashamed are the ones who do things like tell customers they have cancer, to take advantage of their empathy. Usually, when sex workers feel shame, it's because they were emotionally abused as children. They were harshly criticized when they were too young to process it, to know the difference between reasonable and hateful criticism. They get brainwashed into thinking they deserve constant punishment. There is certainly no shortage of abusive customers for commercial sex. They seek out sex workers who were indoctrinated to hate themselves as children. People who hate themselves have feelings like they are doing the right thing when they allow themselves to be abused, they feel they deserve it.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008K6…
It is a real small book. It could be seen as an introduction, exercises to do to prepare you.
Most of the population is incapable to hearing what Bolles is saying, they are so inundated with Job Seeking and Striving to Get Ahead.
I consider his works to be excellent, preparing us to live at a higher level of consciousness.
SJG
Like I have said, you do not need to have a recent edition.
The author, Richard Nelson Bolles passed away in 2017. But he had brought on an assistant some years back. He also remarried in 2004, and his wife now holds all the copyrights.
Once I requested lots of editions of this going back as far as I could. I think the first was 1971, and it was smaller then. Even this 2020 edition is "streamlined". But I look and all the essential stuff is still there. They call it a Job Hunting book. But it still starts with that, and it shows you how much of a waste of time and energy that is.
This contrasts it with a lot of other books which end with Job Hunting stuff. What those books say, they consider to be ideals. They don't really stand behind what they say.
Bolles was always different. He has always stood behind what he says.
Poledancer83's next discussion, where I have posted some more about this.
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7677…
SJG
EchoKnows, Lap Hostess
https://tuscl.net/photo.php?id=4230
The 21st Century has been horrible for working Americans
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk…
SJG
https://tuscl.net/photo.php?id=8966
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Asht…
How to fly a horse : the secret history of creation, invention, and discovery / Kevin Ashton. (2015)
SJG
https://tuscl.net/photo.php?id=8915
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_o…
https://www.intel.com/content/www/us/en/…
AI, Robotics, and the Future of Jobs
BY AARON SMITH AND JANNA ANDERSON
https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/201…
SJG
Plus Size
https://tuscl.net/photo.php?id=8983
Now Bolles passed away in 2017, and he had been publishing this book since 1971. Now his name is more of a brand name. Who actually writes the words remains unknown. But he remarried in 2004 and his wife seems to be in charge. Whoever writes the words clearly understands the legacy, but in my view, he has shifted it.
In particular, Parachute was not really a job hunting book. Bolles let people call it that, but if you actually read the book you would see that it is more of an anti-job seek book.
This new edition has all of the information and exercises which have made Parachute so well loved. And it shows you how all of the job seeking methods do not work very well, arguably they are a waste of time.
But this new edition still countenances some things which Bolles did not.
First of all, he never said what he was providing was an alternative to job seeking. No, he said that it was the only way. Job seeking is stupid. People do it because they don't want to face truth.
And then Bolles thought very little of resumes, never want to use a piece of paper to mediate your communications. The only resume he showed was very unusual. Gave no specific information, just sizzle, and a provocative picture. Most resumes read like obituaries. Bolles really discouraged this, offering what amounted to an anti-resume.
Most people I have turned on to Parachute cannot understand it, they only understand job seeking.
One guy though really went for it and so I gave him my personal copy.
But a mutual friend was really angered by it, "Ideals like that will not put food on the table."
Well that was just his stupidity, nothing in Parachute was an ideal, it was the most practical and expedient path you could follow.
But today the 2020 edition talks about a lot of stuff like where you want to live, what type of office you want, what level of pay and responsibility. Bolles spoke about this, but in other books. This new 2020 edition does leave it open the the accusation that it is about an ideal.
Bolles was Episcopalian clergy, and clergy does not like to talk about polarizing things. I feel that maybe in the years since 2000, Bolles had wimped out, and had shifted to Parachute as a choice, and maybe as an ideal. The original editions were not like this. They were the most practical, arguably the only way. You get nothing by job seeking. Even Chris Gillebeau expalins this, telling people to stop playing the numbers game. And Bolles made this clear. But this 2020 edition, with all the online stuff, gets it all blured.
I am going to try and get a real old edition of Parachute. Love to collect the old editions. Anyway, I want to show what the differences are, and show why Bolles was right, even if the vast majority of the population could not understand it.
SJG
very pretty women
https://tuscl.net/photo.php?id=4782
Real shit. People love anything thats easy. Its easy for women to open their legs for money. The only thing easier is opening their legs for free.
Thats typical of how operate.
I learned to prevail in these situations, I did accomplish some good things. But after several rounds of it, I realized that the game is not worth the candle. I decided that their had to be a better way.
I had long seen What Color Is Your Parachute, but never bought one and taken the time to read it.
Now I did, and I was blown away. It is not really for Job Seekers. It shows you how fruitless and time wasting job seeking really is. And it instead shows you something different, career building, or reinventing yourself. And this always comes from within. And then it never wants you to believe that you know everything, from books or the Internet, or whatever. Instead he has you go out and interview people, learn from them, and then let them recommend who you should talk to next. And Bolles is very down on resume's and on any kind of job application process.
I read all of this, and it was obviously true. It was what I had always believed, it was just that I did not have data to back it up, and that I did not know how to put it into words.
And what would I have had without Parachute? It of been another buffoon playing the numbers game with resumes and job applications, and at best getting shit. And I'd of been another guy "working", meaning seeking social approval, hoping I could get rich via the CA Lottery, or that I could accumulate a huge amount of money in a 401K so that I could retire. I would be "working" so that I would not have to work anymore. And I always knew that there was something idiotic about that.
So no, I read, thought, did what Bolles said, and I was fine. I just had to learn how to very harshly tell advice givers off sometimes.
And I tried to turn everyone on to Parachute. But that was when I found that the vast majority could not hear it. They only saw it as more job seeking, or as "ideals", or as "tests" you are supposed to take for more job seeking. The message was wasted on them.
And now I find that today Parachute has wimped out, it does not today adequately distinguish itself from job seeking. I had noticed this in previous years, but spending some time with a 2020 edition, I was inundated with it.
So I am going to get this 1970 edition, the first year, and compare. And I would love to collect the old editions, to see what good is added, and also to see when they started to wimp out.
What color is your parachute? : a practical manual for job-hunters & career changers / by Richard Nelson Bolles. (1970), the first edition
SJG
Story of 'O'
https://tuscl.net/photo.php?id=8977
The vast bulk of the population is incapable of understanding what Parachute is about, so they just adulterated the book.
Want to get a '70 or '71 when it first started. I will collect these too.
like this would be '79. It will take work to get back further.
THe one I had bought was about '90. I gave it away to a friend because he was so enamored with what Bolles was saying.
But if that same friend saw the 2011 or the 2021, I don't think he would go along with it. The info and the exercises are still there, but it amounts to a totally different message.
SJG
R. N. Bolles clearly caved into pressure. I will try and get earlier versions of his stuff and see if I can note the change.
SJG
"Give me a fish, and I will eat for today; teach me to fish, and I will eat for the rest of my life." (Ancient Proverb)
Our society has taken pity on the job-hunter and career-changer, and invented all kinds of helps for you, in your plight: federal-state employment agencies, private employment agencies, classified ads, job counselors, computerized job banks, and so forth. None of these works very well; in fact, the number of people who turn to any one of them, without getting a job as a result, is simply mind-blowing. But even when they do work, they only - at best - give you a fish. They rescue you from your present predicament (maybe), but often in jobs which are vastly below your abilities and which bore you out of your mind.
Numbers Game
Bolles goes on to explain that to have several job offers simultaneously so that you can negotiate, you will need to send out 500 to 1000 resumes, and maybe more. And some do this and still get nothing.
Headhunters
Most of these guys are totally worthless assholes. There was one, R.A., who I hired someone through, and I would do it again. He ran H.R. for a large company, then they folded. So he set up his own executive recruiting shop.
Bolles talks about Fatal Assumptions, like, "The job-hunter should remain somewhat loose (i.e., vague) about what he or she wants to do, so that he or she is free to take advantage of whatever vacancies may be available. Good grief, said the creative minority, this is why we have so great a percentage (80 or whatever) of underemployment in this country. If you don't state just exactly what you want to do, first of all to yourself, and then to others, you are (in effect) handing over that decision to others."
And another Fatal Assumption, "The job-hunter should spend a good deal of time identifying the organizations that might be interested in him or her (no matter in what part of the country they may be), since employers have the upper hand in this whole process. Nonsense, said the creative minority. This isn't a high school prom, where the job-hunters are sitting around the edge of the dance-floor, like some shy wall-flower ..."
"Once the fatal assumptions of the present system were delineated, it wasn't all that difficult to create a new system...
You must decide just exactly what you want to do. You must research the organizations that interest you at great length, and then approach the one individual in each organization who has the power to hire you for the job that you have decided you want to do."
"For any job-hunter who wants more than "just-a-job", but a job which employs his or her abilities and interests at the highest level possible, the above prescription of the creative minority is crucial.
But for the job-hunter who is trying to strike out in some new directions, or who must of necessity do some different things than he or she has done heretofore, the prescription of the creative minority is (career wise) a matter of life and death.
So he goes on to talk about inventorying your skills, and the things you have enjoyed doing most, roughly divided into skills with Information, with People, and with Things.
A whole page devoted to this,
"You must identify the man or woman who has the power to hire you and show them how your skills can help them with their problems."
So in this earlier edition, Bolles shows that "job hunting" is a waste of time. He would water this down more and more though over the years. What he offers instead is self-inventory and reinventing yourself, and getting people to consent to informational interviews, as the world is always more complexed and nuanced than what is written in books and magazines. In the end you find partners.
When Bolles started he was an Episcopalian Priest. Many were being forced out due to drops in church attendance and collection. So he put on a workshop to help them build new careers. So I don't think he used the "job hunting" language at all.
Decades back I did see I think a '72 edition. It was much smaller. And then it had started in '70.
Originally it was just the handout package Bolles gave out.
He says though he did two years of research and traveled over 65,000 miles around the country, to make the book. It was to be a general market book. And most people want to hear "job", as that is how they think and that is what our society presses people into.
But originally I don't think Bolles was saying anything like this. I want to see his original handout packet, and that is not totally impossible.
But need to steer people to some newer better book, like maybe Chris Gilliebeau.
Books:
Those by R. N. Bolles and by John Crystal, and those by Richard Lathrop
Peter Weaver
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/038500…
Ted Nicholas
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/091386…
And this 1954 classic
The revolt of the middle-aged man
Edmund Bergler
https://www.amazon.com/revolt-middle-age…
and he has other books too!
The revolt of the middle-aged man / Edmund Bergler. (1958)
*
born 1899, he has lots of other books too!
SJG
Lou Reed live
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNUWcwcm…
Not sure what you are saying, or even who you are saying it to.
What Color Is Your Parachute was a godsend to me when I bought the book, in 1989. It told me that which I always had known, but more than that, it gave me a way to share what I believed, and also having someone who had built up some credentials now being on my side, it gave me some degree of social defense.
I classify it as something akin to Marilyn Feurguson's Aquarian Conspiracy, an instruction manual for living at a higher level of consciousness.
In the years since I have recommended the book and what it says to hundreds of people.
I have also found though that the vast majority of people are incapable of hearing what Bolles is saying. And then having looked at the 2021 edition and the 2011 edition, I see that the book has gotten compromised. So I looked at this 1979 edition, and it is better, but I still feel that the kernel of truth which Bolles brings is also still compromised to reach an audience.
I now want to collect the earliest editions, 1970, 71, and 72. And I also want to find some way to get the original handouts that Bolles gave to the Episcopalian Priests.
There is something of extreme importance in what Bolles is saying, but people don't hear it, and even he compromised it in order to make a mass market book. I want to get back to that kernel message.
SJG
Edmund Bergler
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmund_Ber…
Drive My Car - MonaLisa Twins (The Beatles Cover)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKRle7mg…
SJG
"
And What Color is Your Parachute shows you in the most explicit of terms why you need to be building a career which is derived from your interests abilities and values, rather than finding a job. And he shows why this is not a goal or a luxury, it is an absolute necessity and it is the kind of work which will give you the most payoff.
"
I am always surprised that there are some people who have such a hard time understanding this.
SJG
How poor people survive in the USA | DW Documentary, Nov 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHDkALRz…
Sept 2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAxQltlG…