Pathetic Loser Food

shailynn
They never tell you what you need to know.
Reflecting, approximately a year ago the only place I was allowed to go was the grocery store/Walmart or a home improvement store (Lowe’s / Home Depot).

I remember going through the grocery stores that were ransacked feeling like I hit the lottery when I found some Clorox wipes. I also scoured the aisles trying to find something unique to eat or some “comfort food” and thinking who the fuck eats this shit? Oh this is what Juice and jackslash eat. You know the type of crap a divorced 40 year old that’s single and can’t cook eats or the type of food a 30 year old that lives in his parents basement eats or a strippers baby daddy who doesn’t work and plays video games all day likes.

Cheetos / Doritos

Hot Pockets (the holy grail of pathetic losers)

Any off flavored Oreo cookie

Anything that ends with “sticks” fish sticks, cheese sticks, chicken sticks.

Frozen pizza with ranch sauce as the base instead of tomato sauce. Standard frozen pizza should be on the list but hey we all get deer are sometimes.

Mountain Dew / Mello Yello

Buying Gatorade but you don’t work out.

Mac n cheese in a cup you just add water to (this is okay if you’re under 15 years old).


What else am I missing?

41 comments

  • Cashman1234
    4 years ago
    Was that autocorrect for Digiorno?

    Very funny discussion!

    Don’t forget the cheapest beer in the highest quantity available.

    Or - any giant size energy drink in a huge can - Red Bull, Monster...
  • Longball300
    4 years ago
    I regularly buy the variety pack of Lance "cheese crackers" at Sam's Club. You get like 100 of them for $10.... love those fuckers.
  • Tetradon
    4 years ago
    I second Hot Pockets
    Tang (the orange drink)
    Almost anything you can find at a gas station, like Honey Buns
  • rattdog
    4 years ago
    one night at one of my club visits i stayed longer than usual. always leave earlier so i can get to a places to eat with a wide variety of options.

    back to the neighborhood those options would be closed. i'm left with an open 24 hour doughnut shop that sells burgers and sandwiches. place is a unhygienic shithole so no thanks.

    i see the chinese restaurant place is still open. once i walk in i see the whole staff at a big table eating dinner. one of the guys says to me they're having dinner before closing, and there's no more food left. i see what they had: beef with bitter melon, assorted veggies, chicken with rice and some kind of soup. "i'll have whatever you have leftover."

    yep. my strip club addiction left me not much choice but to buy dinner crew food for the night.
  • rattdog
    4 years ago
    late night trips in tampa and memphis at 7-11.
    -quart of orange juice
    -links teriyaki beef jerky
    -whatever stale sandwiches are left over. be lucky if turkey/ham and cheese is still available.
  • Huntsman
    4 years ago
    I grow or kill much of my own food so the pandemic impact in the grocery store wasn’t a huge deal to me. But when I did need to pick up a few things, I noticed there had been runs on microwaveable Campbell’s soup, ramen noodles and eggs. Given the relative complexity of frying eggs versus the other foods listed in this thread, I’m thinking a lot of folks had to “learn to cook”.
  • DeclineToState
    4 years ago
    Don’t forget Pop Tarts!!
  • twentyfive
    4 years ago
    You left out White Castle frozen hamburgers
  • shailynn
    4 years ago
    ^^ yep I’m guilty of this. 2am leaving the club en route to my hotel room, need food. Line at Taco Bell (only fast food joint open between hotel and strip club) has a line of 12 cars deep - nope. Looks like it’s the convenience store eating a 2 day old chicken torpedo, snack size bag of potato chips, random donut or cookie and a bottle of Gatorade or chocolate milk.

    Instant regret but not any worse than the decisions I made at the club I just left.
  • ATACdawg
    4 years ago
    Ooooh! Canned spaghetti!
  • ATACdawg
    4 years ago
    🤮
  • skibum609
    4 years ago
    Ate better during the pandemic than ever before because we both cook. Having said that my go to late night snack will always be ramen noodles because I just fucking love salt.
  • jackslash
    4 years ago
    "Oh this is what Juice and jackslash eat."

    Au contraire. I don't eat any of the things listed. I cook most of my food. Yesterday I made Beef Wellington.

    My ATF, however, eats gas station food like hot dogs, pizza slices and nachos covered with cheese sauce.

  • shailynn
    4 years ago
    jackslash acting all bougie like he never had a McMuffin after dropping his ATF off after a slumber party!
  • nicespice
    4 years ago
    Thanks to figuring out that I can’t eat gluten anymore, there is some stuff that I just don’t have anymore. Pizza rolls and ramen were my previous weakness.

    Now when I want to snack on gluten-free processed food, I’ll go to the clearance section of a more “healthy” store, or a regular store in a whiter neighborhood, And get a fix of trying new stuff that way, as some of the products are odd and I can see how it ended up discounted in the first place. But some are pretty tasty. I really liked this one type of canned paneer.
  • gammanu95
    4 years ago
    I had subscribed to Butcher Box and Alaska Salmon before the pandemic, so I was getting organic meat every month without interruption. Filets, Ribeyes, Grouper, prawn, ribs.

    Pathetic loser foods: Anything from Hostess, Little Debbie, or frozen TGIFridays.
  • SirLapdancealot
    4 years ago
    Throw a couple of hard boiled eggs in ramen and it's a true meal. And fuck Nissin ramen. Maruchan is where it's at! I buy it in bulk.

    Also Annie's mac-n-cheese beats Kraft.
  • Longball300
    4 years ago
    Annie's, don't think we have that by us... my go to machee is Stouffer's. Those Kraft ones where you add water are terrible.
  • Longball300
    4 years ago
    If you want a nice upgrade over ramen that's just as quick get these, throw in some fresh veggies and a protein and you have a meal:

    https://www.amazon.com/%E6%97%A5%E5%BC%8…
  • crosscheck
    4 years ago
    SirLapdancealot,

    You have good taste in junk food.

    Annie's is good shit, though mac & cheese is now only an occasional treat for me.

    Also agree about Maruchan ramen.
  • Muddy
    4 years ago
    Spaghettios

    Chef Boyardee

    Slim Jim

    Cereal past 8pm
  • twentyfive
    4 years ago
    We actually have some great food stores in my area, both Greenwise, Publix, Whole Foods, have a huge prepared foods selection that are quite good, we also have some smaller ethnic prepared food markets like Josephs and Doris's which are close to restaurant quality both to either pick up or take out
  • skibum609
    4 years ago
    Maruchen Ramen is the go to.
  • shadowcat
    4 years ago
    Once you try Maruchen "hot and spicy", it's difficult to go back to the regular flavor.
  • rick_the_cheesestick
    4 years ago
    I am the best junk food. Why? Because my name is Rick and the Ricks are the best at anything and everything. Just like Rick the Lion is the best in the jungle and Rick is the best and picking up strippers for pennies on the dollar.

    Gluten free is for pussies.
  • Hank Moody
    4 years ago
    If you’re going ramen Nongshim Shin Ramyun is the way to go. Use the spicy flavor packet carefully. To the OP question, I don’t know if I have PL food. I’ll have a burger or quesadillas at the bar, but never chicken wings! That spicy sauce on your fingers can be a killer. My one local club used to have surprisingly good free oysters on the half shell on fridays pre-coronageddon and the death of buffets. I kiss those. If I’m hungry when I get home I just nuke whatever is closest to the front of the fridge.
  • Hank Moody
    4 years ago
    I ‘miss’ those, although to say I ‘kiss’ strip club oysters is probably also accurate
  • Cashman1234
    4 years ago
    When I was clubbing regularly and drinking heavily - I was fortunate to have a Famous Rays Pizza near my home.

    The pizza is heavy on cheese - but it is great.
  • rick_the_cheesestick
    4 years ago
    Everybody loves cheese. Just look at me!!! I’m cheesy and loved!!!
  • Cashman1234
    4 years ago
    Speaking of cheese - do they still sell that spray cheese - CheezeWiz?

    If you buy that and spray it in your mouth - it’s kinda homo - and it’s definitely a pl food.
  • Sgtsnowman
    4 years ago
    SO long as there are Hot Pockets there will be life and civilization. The two are inextricably linked.
  • IfIGottaBeDamned
    4 years ago
    Amen to Hot Pockets purchased in bulk from Costco or Sam’s Club!

    On a somewhat healthier note. The 4 pound mixed frozen veggies bags, big bag of frozen wontons and Asian marinade from the warehouse clubs. Half dozen wontons and two scoops of veggie in the microwave for 7 minutes followed by a drizzle of sauce. You’ve got something quick, easy, filling, tasty and relatively nutritious.
  • NJBalla
    4 years ago
    I lived on frozen food for the better part of last decade. Some of my favs

    TGI Fridays The Classic Angus Sliders
    Nathan's Beef Franks, in Puff Pastry
  • Icee Loco (asshole)
    4 years ago
    Cheap hot dogs. Farmer John
    Jack in the box
    Cracker barrel mac and cheese with canned corn and tapatio hot sauce

  • skibum609
    4 years ago
    Have always loved jack in box. No idea who owns them now but back in high school days it was Ralston-Purina and we loved dog food tacos. Still do, but sadly they left Massachusetts by the early 80's or maybe earlier.
  • Icee Loco (asshole)
    4 years ago
    Some company Apollo Global owns it. But its really good for fast food. The egg rolls are yhe best
  • Cashman1234
    4 years ago
    It’s not supposed to be funny - but Opie and Anthony helped to add some humor to it!

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b6P1iAtJmE…
  • crosscheck
    4 years ago
    I wasn't aware Jack In The Box had ever been in Massachusetts. You learn something new every day.
  • Cristobal
    4 years ago
    During my clubbing days in the COI after a good VIP session, there was nothing better than Jack N The Box Tacos and a mini Jumbo Jack.
  • ATACdawg
    4 years ago
    Frozen beef and bean burritos!!!!
  • SanchoRG
    4 years ago
    The Hungry Man XXL fried chicken frozen dinner. Good memories...
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