PS: I only ask on this board since you guys always give me insightful answers, I'm not trying to offend anyone.
I run into a young incel on some internet forums. I asked him if he wanted to get laid just to see a sex worker. He said that what he wanted was "validation" from women and not sex.
I thought this puzzling, hence I wanted to ask you guys.
He wants to be able to say, like Sally Field, "you like me! you really like me!"
It's just a fancy term for a guy wanting his fragile ego stroked from a woman that is out of his league and is simply just not attracted to him. And he doesn't want to lower his standards (hence his fragile ego).
He doesn’t want to pay the valet for parking his car so he wants to get validated
That's a great summary, SirLaps
Loper hit it on the head. The fact is most ppl in life fuck up because they ask themselves the wrong question, as opposed to giving the wrong answer giving the wrong answer. He is asking himself: What do I have to do to get women out of my league to like me for me, instead of asking do I look for women in my league and accept them as is or do i pay women out of my league to pretend they like me.
SkiBum - there’s also the lack of introspection. Asking oneself what is it about ME that’s unattractive to hot chicks and what do I need to change to stop being such a loser.
Sometimes it just can't be changed. The simple fact is that being turned down by a super hot dancer really is no reflection on you. The hotter a woman is, the greater the pool from which she can choose. You can be better than 90% of all the guys on earth and still have no chance with a woman who can choose from 100%.
Is this one of those scenarios where guy pays hot girl for sex, he is made to believe that she really likes him - like he’s so cool she’d have sex with him for free... then with this confidence he thinks he can score an equally hot babe in the real world.
In the real world if you’re not handsome, you can get as much or even more pussy by being either successful, rich (thanks to mom and dad because you can’t be successful on your own accord) or charming.
I’ve seen the ugliest guys in the room get all the girls because they re charming or funny while the good looking guy stands in the corner alone because he can’t carry a conversation.
another type of validation would be this: if the object of the incel's desires is interested, then the incel would feel that he actually measures up to those guys that regularly get those out of the league girls. he's just as good as those guys.
I don’t understand the thinking that goes into saying any girls are out of your league, sounds to me like a lack of self esteem my own thinking is she’s lucky to get attention from me, my buddy and I had a conversation a few years back, about how as we got older and wealthier the younger hotter gals knew that we would be life changing for most of them, so my take is simple if I find her attractive I always have a shot. At least as much of a shot as anyone.
There are plenty of girls who would happily "validate some pl with flattery for the right price". Sex doesn't have to enter the picture.
Perhaps if he took responsibility for being a fuck-up and decided to simply succeed at life then he could get real validation without whining about it. Hard work, confidence and success overcomes most of our defects we inherit in the eyes of the opposite gender. It doesn't start with anyone else but yourself...
One mistake young guys make is that they think strippers are just being friendly because they are trying to get money out of you but other women aren't like that. When you get older you realize all women are being friendly to you because they want something out of you. They want your money or they think your handsome and want sex or they think you are funny and want to be entertained and so on. If you don't have anything they want they just ignore you. There's nothing wrong with that and they have a right to ignore you if they want to.
So you can get some form of validation from women in multiple ways. You might be a guy with a successful career who makes a high income. That means you can have the impressive house or fancy car or get attractive women to have sex with you or even just spend time with you. That can be a form of validation and ego booster too, just a different type of validation than the female noticing you because you look good. If it's important to you to get women to want to have sex with you based on your looks, then spend time on things like working out and improving your diet instead of your career. If you are doing that, though, a strip club might not be the best place to go to because they are needing to pay their bills and are focused there on who has the money, not who looks the best.
Those incels are a bunch of betas that need to get some truth beaten into them. No woman owes them anything. If they focused more on doing something, anything with their lives, they would find all kinds of interest from women. Maybe not perfect 10 strippers, not at first, but success breeds success. They just need to build themselves into something worth being interested in. Being broody and bitchy about not being validated is probably the least attractive thing they could do.
It means they wish they were chads lulz
Would you give it a rest. 28 percent of young men age 18 to 30 have not had sex in at least a year according to a 2019 study.
We can ask why they don't just go to prostitutes, but that is beside the point. For one thing, its illegal in most places so some probably are afraid to. Beyond that maybe they want an actual relationship. The reality us the rate of sex overall is in decline (multiple studies show this), and the rate of young men in their sexual prime not having sex is skyrocketing.
The sex harassment laws combined with increasing structural difficulty for the sexes to meet is clearly to blame. Society should address that not accuse the young men of being "flawed" in some way.
CarlitosPeligros Look at the 2019 study about current sexual activity. Are you really telling me that 28% of young men age 18 to 30 are so flawed that its their fault they haven't had sex in a year or more?
Maybe you believe the false narratives in the mainstream media but that says more about you than about these young men who ate struggling in the romance department.
There is nothing special about females other than their anatomy. They should not have so much power due to sex. Men should stick together and stand up for our young men who are struggling with these issues. They need our support not our hatred.
most guys can get laid if they just clean up, practice basic grooming and politely and confidently approach enough women.
Incels do not want to put in the work. they have absurdly high requirements for the woman and the event. They are not incels. they are vcels. they make choices those choices keep them from getting laid. the biggest is the decision to not try.
clean up groom put on clean, undamaged, matching clothing politely and confidently approach women.
accept that you will get turned down far more often than not. Move on. Confidently and politely. Don't just play video games with other incels. Be interesting. read some books. watch some movies. go to a museum. develop conversation skills
have a plan to Offer a concrete date. dinner at XXX on Friday night. not "would you like to go out sometime". She may h Expect to take her out three or four times before you get laid. Even if it is small studio, have your own place, not you parent's house or a hotel. Keep it clean.
some of that cut truncated and formatted wrong. me and my fat fingers.
I had a bit in there that she may say yes to the date you offer when she was ready to say no to you. She will accept a second date if she enjoyed the first. they a third and soon you have a girlfriend.
These dudes don’t like themselves how can others give them validation.
Save for a disability barring them from doing it. Any man can work on his body and social skills.
If you don't want to work on yourself stay in your league or a league below.
And the power over sex that you mention women having isn't power. Its called mutual consent. You having a problem with that could be a symptom of deeper problems
What the hell is validation from women? I just want sex.