Have you ever dated a dancer? Dancers, what kind of guy did you date?(Client/No

Can't say I've dated one - I got involved with one early-on in my PL-career in the early-2000s - I acquired a bad-case of Captn-Save-A-Ho and thought I could help her get her shit together - the dysfunctionality would have made a Jerry Springer show look like a church picnic (perhaps at some point I'll write a TUSCL-article about it) - I met her when she was 20 (I was 33) - by 24 she had 3 kids by her chronically-unemployed multiple-pending-warrants former (supposedly) drug-dealing baby-daddy - in the time I was w/ her she stopped having babies - then after I left Dallas she had two more (5-kids by two people that could barely take care of themselves) - it was a chaotic experience to put it mildly.

Dating a stripper is like flying a plane - you better know what you are doing.

I dated somebody I met at a club for two years. It was going along well enough aside from the looming pressure to quit dancing and get a “real” corporate career and procreate once settled into that. That ended things.

The last dancer I tried to date, she asked to see a copy of my criminal record - fair enough I guess - I showed it to her and she said I wasn't her type b/c I didn't have any felonies - ouch - that left a mark

I have dated dancers and I've dated non-dancers. The main difference was that I got to see the dancers naked before the first date. That was the only difference.

I will also tell you that the girls who did not do naughty things in the club were better fucks outside the club than the girls who did do dirty things in the club.

@heaving I had wanted to travel for a long time and had never really done it before summer before last. It’s a YOLO thing I’m not completely over. Yes I have my eye on a couple other things but I won’t discuss it on here. 😅 Some people on this site actually had good suggestions.

The bigger deal was the procreating thing. The more I had to seriously think about it, the more I realized I wanted no part of it. Ideally, when I’m in my 50s or 60s, I’ll adopt 1-3 children who are five years old or so and get all nurturing instincts met at that time.

I ended up dating the guy who hired me in The Biz WAY BACK!!! Been w/ him 16+years!!!! 🤪

When I date a dancer, instead of flowers I bring her $400.

Dated a girl who had her counseling degree who USED to dance while in college (for real). Made for some interesting times out in the bars when she got drunk and felt the need to play exhibitionist.

The thing we all have in common, strippers or PLs or those who are straight laced, is wveryone has regrets. Doesn’t matter what choices you make, so enjoy the ride!

I haven’t dated a customer. When we are in the club we are showing our best sides, men assume we are lying even if we are not and that emboldens them to not be honest about themselves and their situation etc. It has never appealed to me to date a customer. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've got a pretty good radar for when a dancer's lying and when she's not, even then there are a few I would consider dating. But it would be just that, casual dating. Part of that's me and part of that is her or any woman.

NAAAASTY

@ PinkSugarDoll Agree. If you don’t mind me asking what kind of guys did you date? Did they know about your job?

20 years ago I dated a dancer for 2 weeks. We met at the club, but after connecting over a few hours, we made plans to go out on a date. While I was there, she said "you don't really want to do that do you?" when I headed for the tip rail during her last set of the evening and then later asked me not to visit the club again if she was going to go on a date with me.

From there, we spent every night together that she did not work and spoke on the phone almost every day (this was a time before smart phones) that we did not see each other. She was a great girl, beautiful, fun and overall a good egg. The problem was me. I thought I would be ok with her job, but after just 2 weeks I started to hate it. Our schedule and lifestyle disconnects were part of it since I was working corporate hours and she was a night owl, but what bothered me the most was the thought of other guys touching her. The more I liked her the more jealous I got. At that point I realized that it was never going to work. It was way too early in the relationship to ask her to move in with me and she very much needed the money that the job provided, most especially because she had a kid to support.

So I broke it off and from that point on I knew that I could never date a dancer again.

@rickdugan Great story Rick. I was in a similar spot but I didn't become that jealous since I was also seeing another girl. Iframe it as, "this is one of the girls I'm seeing. No this is my future serious GF or wife" Do you think if you were seeing someone else would it have made things differently?

Ha ha Papi - thought I misread that she didn’t want to date you because didn’t have any felonies on your rap sheet -

then I remembered the fucked up media and Hollywood where cops are the bad guys and felons are the good guys

@Beat: Back then I was getting to an age where I was starting to feel a little pressure to find my 2nd Mrs. Dugan and start a family. I certainly banged a lot of girls, including some one nighters, but I didn't start the dance with any girl who I didn't see some potential in and I never went back to the well once I was sure that she wasn't the one. Not only would it have been a waste of my time, but it's never ok to toy with someone else's affections. Yes there were times that I was dating more than one woman, but always with an eye towards the ultimate goal. And it worked as I now have 3 beautiful children and overall a great family life.

nicespice: "I dated somebody I met at a club for two years."

This is a pretty common story among strippers. Both among strippers I've known well, and on stripper forum sites, a ton of strippers have dated guys they've met at the club, often someone who was clearly a customer first, not just "met in the club once and started dating him". Of course, "I've dated a customer" is often followed by the phrase "ONCE. Never again".

It's actually very similar to what I hear from customers. Many customers have dated a dancer, many times they were a customer first and then it transitioned. And "I dated a stripper I was a customer of" is very often followed by "ONCE. Never again." I personally have had three strippers that transitioned to ... well, definitely FWB, although sometimes crossing the line to non-serious dating. In all cases, I was a customer (in fact, a regular) first, though for all I knew, the stripper had FWB on her mind the whole time.

That's how I know when I see things like "once you go pay her for a lapdance you're a customer and will never date her" or "once a trick always a trick", I know that person is just repeating by rote the "standard wisdom" you see on PUA pages, hobby forums, etc. It's the standard tell that that person doesn't have any actual experience and is just repeating common wisdom they read somewhere.

PS and I realize nicespice didn't specifically say he was a customer. I just used it to riff on the very many "customer to FWB or dating" stories, told by both PLs and strippers

@Subraman Excellent advise. I see most PUA's try things out and then regurgitated what others say. Hence, most will say, "You can't break of the customers frame." Therefore, they'll move on if a girl starts asking them for a lapdance..etc.

Yep, like I said, faux-wisdom repeated by rote by those who want to sound authoritative despite having no firsthand experience. I mean, it sounds all strategical -- "customer frame", that's great lol.

And just to re-emphasize -- you asked about dating ,which implies a level of commitment. I would argue that FWB, not dating, is the prize (at least for those of us whose MO isn't hit it and quit it), and never understood all the obsession with dating. I would have been miserable really dating any of those girls, in a committed relationship. FWB? Most fun thing ever.

Man did it off n on about 2 years, let me tell you, its never a dull moment. If you need excitement in your life you've found it. I wasn't her customer, I knew the bartender, never spent money with the dancer or it would always be some trick shit. Got caught up fast but came to my senses quick to just enjoy it for what it is. So if she wants to think it's serious that's on her, no need to bust her bubble, just keep your head and don't get dragged into the maelstrom. ✌

—>“PS and I realize nicespice didn't specifically say he was a customer. “

It was a customer 😝

^^so there's hope?

I guess I'm good at separating my work relations from my normal life relations because custies/SDs/companions will be genuinely shocked when I tell them my partners aren't some filthy rich sugar daddies that I'm only dating until they pass away and I get their enormous inheritance money through their wills. If anything, from their perspective, my partners are the real PLs because I don't depend on them for anything (housing, transportation, food, work, random splurging, literally anything) - not necessarily because they can't afford me to depend on them, but because I don't need to and don't desire to have that kind of image.

Both of my primary partners have experience in the industry, so they're more than well aware of what my job involves and I don't hide anything from them unless they ask me to (and they've had to ask me to a funny number of times). Local BF of almost 6 years has been a DJ to several night clubs and not-local (Canadian) BF of 2 years is an adult (18+) voice actor. We do whatever we want to do and don't judge before talking about it. Everybody else is either FWBs or business.

If by "date" you mean, as Subraman alluded, some level of commitment, no.

IMO – as a rule of thumb, the guy that is able/capable of dating strippers usually is not going to come on TUSCL to talk about it and even less to ask questions about dating a stripper (i.e. wondering if she’s genuine or not, etc) – IMO the guy that has to ask, more often than not, falls under “if you gotta ask …”.

The way I see it, most customers that try to date dancers it’s usually not what the custy thought – I would say it’s more of the norm that the custies get used/scammed, than the dancer being genuinely into them - as another "rule of thumb", many of these custies that want to (or think they can) date strippers, often can't, and don't, get that type of girl IRL but somehow convince themselves that the situation with the girl in the club is "different" , and they will jump thru various hoops to justify what they think.

IMO – even “dating” a dancer IMO doesn’t necessarily mean she’s “dating him” for the right reasons (e.g. genuinely attracted to him; etc) – IMO/IME often times the “dating” aspect is just an extension of the ITC aspect where she’s in it for what she can get out of it/him whether it’s $$$; doing things o/w she would not be able to afford or she may not want to pay for hersesf (vacations, fancy dinners, shopping/gifts; etc); or she may “like him” for the stability of having someone there that won’t make her life worse (as compared to those usually around them); or having someone there for when the-shit-hits-the-fan which is a common occurrence w/ many a dancer – there seems to be many occurrences of dancers going to dinner w/ custies often b/c they wanna keep a customer/regular happy (perhaps not that different from a typical business dinner) – additionally, over time one reads of PLs that have "dated dancers" over an extended period of time and she turns on him once she can no longer get from him what she wants – to me, even if you get to “date” a dancer; it’s often not that different than ITC where she’ll treat a custy the way she needs to in order to get what she wants/needs.

Does that mean that it can’t happen (a dancer genuinely wanting to date a custy) – of course it can “happen” – like any woman, a dancer, like most women, wanna be-with/date men, it’s just that given the nature of strip clubs and dancers’ interactions w/ custies being 99% about $$$ (with the other 1% being TUSCLers where dancers wanna be w/ them and it’s not about the $$$, “obviously”), the SC scenario/interaction will more often lead to the custy being used for what he-ha$/can-give vs the dancer seeing him as someone she would genuinely date.

Thus IMO, guys that come on TUSCL asking about dating dancers, or asking if ‘X’ dancer really likes him after he’s spent $400 on her, or has been spending on her, I think those guys are better off being told what they are usually told on TUSCL, vs being told “yeah dancers do date custies b/c they are genuinely interested” – a guy that has to ask about dating a dancer, is a guy that is not in the know and it thus ripe for getting used as many if not most are romance-hustled – it is analogous to someone thinking they can play in the NBA and most people telling them sure you can play in the NBA where the reality is it’s a tiny chance/% that he’ll make it to the NBA even though there are those that make it (I say this as an analogy not as an equality).

IMO - most custies that get involved w/ dancers end up getting hustled, vs it being "genuine interest" by the dancer.

@subraman @george I meant FWB. For instance, a girl you hook up with and see from time to time. Not tha you are in exclusive, committed relationship.

@Papichulo What is ITC?

I guess I'll tell my story, that I've told a few times

I am not dating a stripper, nor have I ever. But I've wanted to since I was 19. I do like the idea of bragging about having a stripper girlfriend.

There is one girl I've had my eye on for a bit. We met almost two years back while she was working at my home club. Another dancer that I was only into because my best friend was going to hook up with her, always pointed this girl out to me telling me she was the most beautiful girl in the club. And she was. So I start talking to this girl and tried offering to be her SD. I legit thought I had the money to do that lol. We played this game for about two months then I stopped going for a month. I decide to go back to the club on my birthday and she was there. She made the manager buy me three shots and got a otp hj during a dance in the front room.

The next week, I go see her again and once again she asks the manager to buy me a shot. Strange. Then we're talking and randomly she tells me, "you're really cool. Originally I thought I had you locked in as a regular, but you're alot cooler than I thought you would be and I don't think of you as a customer anymore". Of course I thought that was a big steaming pile of bullshit. But then it got really weird. She tells me "before I met you, I was pretty depressed but after getting to know you I'm not as depressed anymore". I was totally confused and posted about it here. The general consensus was it was because of the money I spent on her. But really, I never spent that much.

That was the last time I saw her for 3 and a half months.

Then I randomly see her back at the club after she took a break. We sit and talk for a few hours, I told her I was having trouble finding a new place to live and she immediately texts someone and tries to get me lodged with them. That didn't work out, but she tried. Over the next couple months she expresses concern for me and when I offer to pay her phone bill as a thank you, she initially refuses.

We made plans to go out twice and both times it fell through, which was sad.

I always see dancers, this one included talking about how their boyfriends always try to get them to quit dancing, and I gotta say, I would not be jealous at all. This girl in particular is not an extras girl. The one thing that lingers in the back of my mind is if she met me at the club, who's to say she wouldn't meet some other bloke at the club as well and leave me for them?

ITC = in the club

Nevermind its inside the club.

@Beat100: "I meant FWB. For instance, a girl you hook up with and see from time to time."

Ah, then yes, though not quite what most people think of when they use the term FWB. I still paid. :)

The best, my ATF, was a long term thing. At some point, we developed a rather stronger relationship than is typical.

The MILF is probably the best example of real FWB. She won't take cash when we meet, though she won't say no to lunch or dinner, even now that she's not dancing anymore.

There are three regulars now that I still pay, two of whom live out of state and use my "donations" to at least partially fund their trip. The price for all of them has gone down a fair bit, so still not "real" FWB.

I had a dancer for a FWB. I turned her down for dances and that made her want me more. She was 30 fit pretty submissive and bi. She also loved pot and didn't love work (I talked her into going in at least once a week).

The sex was fantastic. She was off a break up where the guy was lovely but didn't make her pussy wet at all. Meanwhile I made her gush. It ended when she left town, we sexted for a bit after but it wasn't the same.

I think....

You have to be okay with her job and encourage her to do well. Be proud of her and be her number one fan. Accept her for who and what she is like you would any woman. I don't see a big deal with dancing. Dancing a hooker is trickier though.

If she's not in your league. Not the type of girl you can get in every day life then youre just being used.

If you meet her outside the club odds are she'll lie to you about what she does.

As far as what they like it comes down to men they lead similar lifestyles with. They don't want to be changed they want to be accepted qnd complemented. But that goes for any woman

Hmm in my case it's been the same guy the last 5 yrs largely cuz I've settled. Honestly though he is trash and I'm looking to break this off permanently. It's just a little harder after this many years. In my case I met this guy years ago before I ever started dancing or tried camming. I was also in a horrible place mentally due to family bullshit and some other bs. My expectations were very low back then. Now that I have history and some ties it's just harder to cut this shit, but it needs doing. I've also shut off every guy I would have otherwise dated these past # of yrs cuz I saw myself in my mind as taken. Really I only regret the time wasted on this trash rather than something else I could have done. Time is the only thing you can't get back or make more of.

I think dating woulda been harder as a stripper, but I also stayed out of the dating game so idk entirely.

Blahblah, if you don't have kids you need to just cut your losses and move on

Cutting loose isn't easy. But when you work on surrounding yourself with people who are a positive influence and learn to trust yourself. Come to terms with knowing your worth . it becomes easier. But everything starts with small steps