Help me process this...
mhend69
New York
Ok, need the experts opinions here. Here's the story: met a dancer about 3 years ago and built up a strong rapport with her. Last year a friend a I met her and a friend outside the club (no sex). I met her once just me and one of her friends as a chaperone so to speak, and then again with my buddy and her friend again. Each time, no sex or funny business.
She was out of work due to covid so I reached out for a dance 1 on 1 and we scheduled a date. That date came and she had a fever that day, so we rescheduled. As penance, she sent me some mastubation vids she made. Super hot, very seductive. So, our rescheduled date comes, we've confirmed the time and place but she let's me know she's pretty tired cause she didnt go to bed the previous night. Then, right when I get to the hotel, she says she has to take a family member to the hospital and has to cancel again.
Ok, great. I reply that I'm disappointed and that shit happens and make a few offers to push the time back later into the night and this is the part I dont get: she now proceeds to completely ghost me.
I get having cold feet with meeting up 1:1 and offered her that out. But she insisted she was all good. I apologized for being inconsiderate and wished her and her family well and that was that. I really dont see where I committed such great sin that she would suddenly cut off all communication. I'd also understand if this was a romantic relationship, but this should be strictly business. Hell, she was encouraging me to cross some limits earlier in the day.
Bottom line, it seems so weird to build me up just to drop the floor out from under me completely. What do you guys think happened? I'm willing to provide more details if asked.
She was out of work due to covid so I reached out for a dance 1 on 1 and we scheduled a date. That date came and she had a fever that day, so we rescheduled. As penance, she sent me some mastubation vids she made. Super hot, very seductive. So, our rescheduled date comes, we've confirmed the time and place but she let's me know she's pretty tired cause she didnt go to bed the previous night. Then, right when I get to the hotel, she says she has to take a family member to the hospital and has to cancel again.
Ok, great. I reply that I'm disappointed and that shit happens and make a few offers to push the time back later into the night and this is the part I dont get: she now proceeds to completely ghost me.
I get having cold feet with meeting up 1:1 and offered her that out. But she insisted she was all good. I apologized for being inconsiderate and wished her and her family well and that was that. I really dont see where I committed such great sin that she would suddenly cut off all communication. I'd also understand if this was a romantic relationship, but this should be strictly business. Hell, she was encouraging me to cross some limits earlier in the day.
Bottom line, it seems so weird to build me up just to drop the floor out from under me completely. What do you guys think happened? I'm willing to provide more details if asked.
32 comments
More importantly...
Dude you need to just move on. Don’t dwell on why a stripper ghosted you.
You care too much about her when y’all are not in a relationship. That scares women because they think you’re obsessing over them.
That said, one question would be about the girlfriend she brought along to your other meetings. What kind of vibe did you get from her? I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts she's filling your girl's head with negative shit and cock-blocking you.
I would move on but if she made an attempt to make it up (discount, more sessions, more time) I would hear her out and consider my options.
That being said, I would not hold my breath waiting.
To get to the crux of it - if she wanted to be-with/see you, she would - all these "emergencies" are typical SS (stripper shit) - for the most part if a stripper's lips are moving, you should assume she's lying.
Most strippers hate what they have to do for $$$ and avoid it as much of it if they can - for her seeing a PL outside the club is not fun, it's work; and they rather not have to work "when not at the office".
You haven't "messed up" - all this thinking that "you may have crossed some line" is a pointless exercise - you seem to be treating this like a civilian chick you are trying to court for a relationship - you say it's not that, but you are treating it that way.
In reality the custy/dancer relationship is just business - so I don't see the point of inviting her on non-sex dates - again seems you are treating it like a civilian relationship which is not - the more accommodating one tries to be w/ a stripper by being Mr Chivalrous usually the more easy one makes it for them to string you along and u$e you till they don't have a use for you or the PL becomes more effort that he's worth. Just b/c a stripper does a good job of pretending to like you and "love your presence" in a strip-club, does not mean she wants to put in that amount of fake effort all the time especially outside the club, unless she's de$perate.
It takes time to learn how to understand and deal with strippers - and even then it's often a crapshoot.
Ha, you're making me nostalgic for my very first ATF. I remember being so confused whenever she would flake, I'd offer a supporting word and offer to reschedule, and she'd ghost. I'd learn over the years that that's just what strippers do when they don't want to do something. They send you an excuse, and if you are smart enough to realize that it's a bullshit excuse and just say "ok", that's great. If you're dumb enough to keep engaging even though she expected you to realize the excuse is bullshit, she just ghosts for a while. She'll return to communicating when enough time has passed (usually just days) that she doesn't think she'll have to deal with it anymore.
Two excuses and a ghost is a crystal clear signal. You know it, too, you just don't want to admit it do yourself, because then you realize she just doesn't want to do this (at least right now). With the aforesaid first ATF, I'd see her out partying on her BFF's facebook page, so I knew she'd just gotten a better offer, is all.
one of two things, she was being polite so as to not make it seem anything wrong about you or she WAS good... good at the time she said it. Closer it got to meetup, her anxiety kicked in.
see where you stand. text her "what happened last night, is everything ok?" what and how long before she responds will say all you need.
NAAAASTY
lots of red flags. she did you a favor. whatever it was she wasn't into it that night. up to you how you want to handle it. do you want to deal with a flake (comes with the territory) or if you play your cards right, you get her to make it up to you.
Chill dude. Just think of it like any work contract. Until it's signed on the dotted line it's not a done deal. Same with an OTC stripper, except replace "signed on the dotted line" with "naked in my hotel bed."
As it stands, I've told her I'd love to talk again but wont be reaching out myself to do so. I feel a little bad if she thought I was truly going to coerce her for sex, but, that's out of my control. I treated her respectfully, so no regrets there. Only thing I can control now is how I let this affect me. It shouldn't, as so many have said, so, it's time to brush it off my shoulder and keep my head up.
I mean, if you were expecting to pay the cost of what a few LDs would be at the club, that's not gonna cut it for OTC, with or without sex. I'm sure there's a rare exception, but generally a stripper who agrees to OTC couldn't care less if you fuck for an hour straight or she rubs her cunt while you jack off in a garbage can. You're paying for her time and all the preparation, travel time, etc.
As for desertscrub, I did end up sending cash for the vids. Also randomly sent some cash for provocative chats she offered up during quarantine.
I'm pretty sure I treated her very fairly, was clear in my communication and expectations and left the door open for her to come back if she wishes. If not, life goes on.
Despite the bs I get from dancers about how they love older guys I’m sure none would look twice at me if I wasn’t slipping $ in their garters.
Next time be a pro, meet at a bar for drinks, THEN use Expedia to book a room.
/endthread