Three Brushes with Mental Illness
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
I’ve had three brushes with mental illness in my life (so far). Two of them affected significant others and one affected me.
Mrs. Hornibastard #1 started getting weird towards the end of our relationship. At the time, her problem was not recognized by anyone (including me) as an early sign of mental illness. Her behavior was not bad or odd enough to be considered anything other than poor judgment. But a few years after our divorce she took a very noticeable turn for the worse and was eventually diagnosed as suffering from bipolar disorder.
About five years after our divorce my ex’s younger sister contacted me to warn that my ex-wife might try to contact me. She pleaded with me to be tolerant and gentle with her because she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and sometimes got pretty strange.
Mrs. Hornibastard #1 did eventually contact me by email. Her problems were stark but inconsistent. She could sometimes write sensible, cogent emails. Sometimes her lengthy, disjointed diatribes seemed to have been authored by the Unabomber.
She eventually had to go on disability from her work (she had become an attorney just before we divorced). She still writes occasionally. Her correspondence occasionally makes sense. But sometimes it borders on gibberish.
During one of my single episodes, I dated a young woman we will call Tracey (not her real name). I only dated her twice and lost interest. She seemed normal enough on our dates. But soon afterwards when I returned home late at night after a date with someone else, I would find a large grocery bag (paper) on my driveway. It contained a fully cooked dinner.
At first I had no idea who put it there. Eventually Tracey called and asked me if I had enjoyed dinner. I explained that she shouldn’t go to the trouble of leaving dinner for me. I could just be out for the evening or I could be on a month long business trip to Asia. Even if I was just out for the evening, I would not eat a meal that had been sitting out on the driveway in Houston’s heat and humidity for who knows how long out of fear of getting food poisoning.
Despite my advice, Tracey continued occasionally leaving dinner on my driveway for me.
Later Tracey started calling me on the phone and we had some memorably bizarre conversations.
“Hi, it’s me, Tracey!”
“What’s up, Tracey?” I tried to conceal my annoyance that she was still calling me.
“What do you think sounds better: Louise Mary Donna Felicity Sue Katherine Aimee Frances Lucinda or Margaret Helen Peggy Elizabeth Agnes Polly Samantha Cecilia?”
“I don’t get it. Why are you asking me this?”
“Just tell me which one you think sounds better, Louise Mary Donna Felicity Sue Katherine Aimee Frances Lucinda or Margaret Helen Peggy Elizabeth Agnes Polly Samantha Cecilia?”
“OK, OK. I think the first one sounds better.”
“Yeah! I thought so too. Thanks!”
Then she’d hang up.
I got lots of calls like that from Tracey.
Then the strange calls finally stopped.
About a year and a half later Tracey called again. She apologized for all the strange calls. She was calling from a mental hospital but said she was feeling better and might be released within a month.
I felt badly for her. I told her apologies were unnecessary and wished her a full and speedy recovery.
My third brush with mental illness was my own. Almost twenty years ago I went through a very intense phase in my career. For about 18 months, if I was awake I was working - almost nonstop 7 days a week. I enjoyed my work and there was some exhilaration at being such a superstar at the office. But the stress eventually took its toll. I became lethargic. At times I didn’t give a shit about work or anything anymore. I thought I was just burned out from working so hard. But a few hours later, I was again bursting with energy and enthusiasm. I felt like I could catch bullets in my teeth. Then a few hours later I was again down in the dumps, lacking energy or desire, even for the things that would have normally motivated me.
At the depths of this period, I started thinking that dying might be an effective stress reduction strategy. I never found myself on top of the office building planning to jump, but it certainly got my attention that I was even having these thoughts at all.
I saw my long time doctor-friend. After I told her my symptoms she asked a few questions about my lifestyle and then hit me playfully on the head with her clipboard.
“Fool! You’ve worked yourself into clinical depression!”
She prescribed some happy pills. (I forgot what they were called but they worked.) She instructed me to take them for 6 months and to change my lifestyle, my work habits and to reinstate my exercise regimen.
I took the pills, restored a semblance of balance to my life and never suffered those symptoms again.
When people come down with the flu, bronchitis, psoriasis or pancreatic cancer we don’t blame them. But when people suffer from mental illness we often see it as a personal flaw or failing.
Mrs. Hornibastard #1 started getting weird towards the end of our relationship. At the time, her problem was not recognized by anyone (including me) as an early sign of mental illness. Her behavior was not bad or odd enough to be considered anything other than poor judgment. But a few years after our divorce she took a very noticeable turn for the worse and was eventually diagnosed as suffering from bipolar disorder.
About five years after our divorce my ex’s younger sister contacted me to warn that my ex-wife might try to contact me. She pleaded with me to be tolerant and gentle with her because she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and sometimes got pretty strange.
Mrs. Hornibastard #1 did eventually contact me by email. Her problems were stark but inconsistent. She could sometimes write sensible, cogent emails. Sometimes her lengthy, disjointed diatribes seemed to have been authored by the Unabomber.
She eventually had to go on disability from her work (she had become an attorney just before we divorced). She still writes occasionally. Her correspondence occasionally makes sense. But sometimes it borders on gibberish.
During one of my single episodes, I dated a young woman we will call Tracey (not her real name). I only dated her twice and lost interest. She seemed normal enough on our dates. But soon afterwards when I returned home late at night after a date with someone else, I would find a large grocery bag (paper) on my driveway. It contained a fully cooked dinner.
At first I had no idea who put it there. Eventually Tracey called and asked me if I had enjoyed dinner. I explained that she shouldn’t go to the trouble of leaving dinner for me. I could just be out for the evening or I could be on a month long business trip to Asia. Even if I was just out for the evening, I would not eat a meal that had been sitting out on the driveway in Houston’s heat and humidity for who knows how long out of fear of getting food poisoning.
Despite my advice, Tracey continued occasionally leaving dinner on my driveway for me.
Later Tracey started calling me on the phone and we had some memorably bizarre conversations.
“Hi, it’s me, Tracey!”
“What’s up, Tracey?” I tried to conceal my annoyance that she was still calling me.
“What do you think sounds better: Louise Mary Donna Felicity Sue Katherine Aimee Frances Lucinda or Margaret Helen Peggy Elizabeth Agnes Polly Samantha Cecilia?”
“I don’t get it. Why are you asking me this?”
“Just tell me which one you think sounds better, Louise Mary Donna Felicity Sue Katherine Aimee Frances Lucinda or Margaret Helen Peggy Elizabeth Agnes Polly Samantha Cecilia?”
“OK, OK. I think the first one sounds better.”
“Yeah! I thought so too. Thanks!”
Then she’d hang up.
I got lots of calls like that from Tracey.
Then the strange calls finally stopped.
About a year and a half later Tracey called again. She apologized for all the strange calls. She was calling from a mental hospital but said she was feeling better and might be released within a month.
I felt badly for her. I told her apologies were unnecessary and wished her a full and speedy recovery.
My third brush with mental illness was my own. Almost twenty years ago I went through a very intense phase in my career. For about 18 months, if I was awake I was working - almost nonstop 7 days a week. I enjoyed my work and there was some exhilaration at being such a superstar at the office. But the stress eventually took its toll. I became lethargic. At times I didn’t give a shit about work or anything anymore. I thought I was just burned out from working so hard. But a few hours later, I was again bursting with energy and enthusiasm. I felt like I could catch bullets in my teeth. Then a few hours later I was again down in the dumps, lacking energy or desire, even for the things that would have normally motivated me.
At the depths of this period, I started thinking that dying might be an effective stress reduction strategy. I never found myself on top of the office building planning to jump, but it certainly got my attention that I was even having these thoughts at all.
I saw my long time doctor-friend. After I told her my symptoms she asked a few questions about my lifestyle and then hit me playfully on the head with her clipboard.
“Fool! You’ve worked yourself into clinical depression!”
She prescribed some happy pills. (I forgot what they were called but they worked.) She instructed me to take them for 6 months and to change my lifestyle, my work habits and to reinstate my exercise regimen.
I took the pills, restored a semblance of balance to my life and never suffered those symptoms again.
When people come down with the flu, bronchitis, psoriasis or pancreatic cancer we don’t blame them. But when people suffer from mental illness we often see it as a personal flaw or failing.
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25 comments
Appreciated. I've worked for a place that dealt with mentally ill people; your compassionate outlook on their plight is admirable.
Though such can be difficult when their illness affects others and oneself.
"I'm thinking of going back to stripping but the thought of constantly being asked how much to fuck, puts me off.
Making money as a stripper is so hard these days. It's really just a gateway to drugs, prostitution and mental health issues"
_________________________
What do you guys think? Can stripping transform an otherwise well-adjusted girl into someone with "mental health issues?" My hunch is yes. Being groped all night and immersed in a raunchy, dangerous, sexist workplace with drugs @ alcohol could certainly be a breading ground for mental-health issues. Depends on the dancer, of course -- but I wouldn't wish that environment on anyone I cared about.
Given that prostitution is illegal and the US government is trying it's hardest to restrict people's access to it. It draws a lot of guys to strip clubs who really just want a prostitute.
I think a lot of these girls are already prone to risky behavior and drug use. I wouldn't say stripping is a catalyst for that.
I have had a friend try to commit suicide as well (thankfully he is "good" now with no permanent physical or brain damage from what he did). I hadn't heard from him in awhile and was leaving messages (this was 8 or 9 years ago before I had text) that went unanswered. Then one day I got a call at work (on my company land line work phone) from him and I was in my cubicle talking to him like holy shit man.
He was explaining what he did and that things were out of control , but he was alright for the time being. I had no idea things were this bad (I just knew he has a wife who was a real bitch!). I am happy to report that he is good now, happily divorced from that awful women and dating a really cool lady now. He was also working really hard to make things work and deal with the normal stress in life (he had a bad job/bad boss also, but that has been replaced as well).
It was so crazy because this guy was somebody that was always successful and seemed to have the "perfect" life. I knew nothing of this even though we constantly talked and hung out quite a bit and had been friends for 12 years at that point (we're still friends). He had said that day (after everything happened) he didn't want to talk earlier with anyone about what was going on because it was like he was bothering them. I was like fuck that, look what could have happened. You know the wake up and smell the coffee talk? I basically made him tell me everything.
I was actually worried more that his wife (now ex wife thankfully!) Was going to harm him (she was crazy enough) more than anything by the time we were done talking.
It's so true unfortunately that mental illness does have such a stigma affiliated with it. If this guy would have just mentioned what was going on to me (or his family or any of his other friends), it most likely would have never gotten to the point it did. I'm so thankful it wasn't worse and that the attempt was unsuccessful (a family member found him before further damage done and prevented basically anything really really bad happening).
Again, thanks for this post and for the contributions to it.
Do I hate life because of it?.....absolutely not. I love life! I am miserable at work, but know I won't be there forever (hopefully find something sooner than later though haha). People at my job (especially if they are new) might think I'm weird, think I'm an asshole or whatever because I'm not afraid to speak my mind. But they have no idea what I've been through or am going through (at work) and have no clue what kind of shit I deal with. But outside of work, I am at peace and fun.
So yeah I don't have any thing mentally wrong with me because I'm treated like shit at work and fight back against the bullshit that's tried with me. But I'm sure many people wonder what the hell is wrong with me (I never threaten to do anything crazy either to anyone so that probably helps and keeps me away from HR-although I'm pretty sure one time I went "Office Space" and said I was going to beat the shit out of my computer (I know the movie it was a printer, but still)
https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Mental-Illne…
And the same goes for Autism/Asperger's/Neurological Difference
very good book, lots of perspectives. And this is not an "extreme opinion"
https://www.amazon.com/Re-Thinking-Autis…
Zero biological markers, but the fantasy that the diagnosis is going to explain something.
Autism, do labels and diagnoses help or hinder? - Professor Sami Timimi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzL9sAJm…
SJG
Burton Cummings - Undun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEe-216I…
I think this would be different for ordinary people to learn to sing. I think it is those jazz chords, too many notes. But it sounds awesome! Works well with the semi-hollow guitar.
https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/the…
https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/the…
But they aren't the ones we are most often confronted with. The problem with the more pedestrian stuff is that it is nearly impossible to diagnose with certainty, yet easy to use as an excuse for xyz. Also, unlike physical disabilities, they impact motivation rather than execution capability, which also makes us less sympathetic to their use as an excuse for some type of behavior.
For example, let's say a guy says he's too depressed to run down the street. If I jam a red hot poker into his ass and chase him with it, he'll be running soon enough. A guy missing a leg, however, isn't going to run no matter how many times I hit him with that poker.
I sometimes seriously wonder if we deal with so much of this stuff now because we, as a society, have too much time to wallow in self-pity and analysis. Idk. Only in a country like this is psychiatric care such a prevalent profession. People in other countries who have to hustle 16 hours per day just to eat and live don't seem to get bogged down in their own heads the way we do.
There is no such thing as mental illness!
But Scientology is fucked!
The concept of Mental Health is what perpetuates the myth of Mental Illness. The homeless and others are simply people living in adverse circumstances with little recourse to defend themselves, and then they often just succumb to the interpretation. It amounts to becoming an Uncle Tom. Similar to what the Born Again Christian Movement does to people.
Psychiatry should be abolished and the practitioners prosecuted in International Court for Crimes Against Humanity. It all falls within Nuremberg precedents. Those who have been putting children on psychiatric drugs should be executed.
Our government should not be allowed to license Psychotherapy, because most of the harm it does comes from that licensing. It amounts to turning your experience of injustice into a self-improvement project. It is total bullshit. But you can't really eradicate it, because it is just talk. So just delicenese it.
SJG
According to the DOL, there are over 550,000 mental health professionals practicing in the U.S. That's roughly 1 for every 600 people in this country. I think we have plenty of head shrinks. Now how there time is allocated is another matter, but my comments were not about the severe ones, but about the army of self involved victim mentality types that use these services as an excuse for themselves and their children.
The best response to any kind of Mental Health, Psychiatrist, or Psychotherapist is always just the middle-finger.
Very good book:
https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Mental-Illne…
SJG
SJG
Free - Wishing Well
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKy_puDD…
Bad Company - Bad Company (From "Live at Wembley")
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7vPjic5…
Your psychosis is showing.
You’d better take your meds.
Hurry!
SJG
And then also, it is just a form of political persecution.
Eradicate the mental health system. Find ways to deal with problems as they emerge, but never say anyone is "mentally ill"
SJG
He’s a doctor now!
I never realized Warner Brothers had a medical school. I hear Daffy Duck was recently appointed as chairman of their psychiatry department.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsoxinC6…
SJG
The sooner we have eradicated Psychiatry the better!
SJG
Who knows?
Maybe Tom Cruise, Dr. Oz and SJG have some deep medical insights that mainstream medicine carelessly overlooked.
For all we know, Stephen Hawking might have won the NYC marathon if he didn’t have such a bad attitude when it came to physical exercise.
They are struggling because she can't work and really should not drive their kids anywhere.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Kraep…
But the thing is, it did not exist then and it does not exist now. It is simply a way of marginalizing abuse survivors. And one of the ways of further doing this to people is, besides talk therapy, drugs.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/030745…
Robert Whitaker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73Dx_uuy…
Michel Foucault
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBJTeNTZ…
SJG