Of course skifredo is a “weed” smoker. Not like us ricks, who eschew the loser leaf and simply imbibe. Do you know how hard it is to hit hairless apes when you’re driving stoned? Loser idiots like skifredo are just put-putting along slowly in their losermobile while us ricks are cruising along at top speed with a gimlet in hand, watching apes bounce off the hood. Good times, good times. ROAR!!!
Also, boxed wine and vodka? What kind of idiots drink that?
If you want something disgusting for the hell of it just mix cheap Portuguese wine with cachaça. We tried that concoction when dugan, the shark, and I visited the jaguar for Carnival. Made me want to retch, but it made driving much more fun later in the evening.
Driving on a mix of cheap wine and cachaça is like next level drunk driving. We probably ran over ten apes on the way to the churrascaria two blocks away. ROAR!!!
Cachaca is too much like rum. Run is like drinking water for me. I need good stuff like popov vodka mixed with Franzia. Stuff that only champion lion hunters can stomach.
Popov and Franzia. I see you’re going classy Nidan ape. Now the cachaça is obviously a when in Brazil thing. But if you want the pinnacle of el cheapo cocktails you have to go with the rickarita. 50% Pepe Lopez tequila and 50% curaçao, garnish with lime but fuck the lime juice. That’s for sissies like skifredo.
After you spend an evening drinking rickaritas you wake up the next day feeling like somebody hit you in the head with a brick. A brick wrapped in citrus peels. Truly the apotheosis of cheap liquor experiences. Good times, good times.
There was this time dugan and I were out on the town. I was driving my Tesla, of course, so I clicked the rick mode on (that’s the autopilot mode that emulates a drunk rick) and rick and I went cruising down the street, a gimlet in one hand and a rickarita in the other. Hairless apes were bouncing off the hood every 10 yards. Good times.
Mind you, rick mode on the Tesla autopilot still avoids the little ones. It is one thing to run over adult hairless apes when driving drunk. They’re damn dirty apes after all. But apelings should be nurtured by society. ricks go wildebeest on the ass of any adult that hurts a cub or apeling.
Anyhoo, ol’ rick my bud was laughing so hard at all the other hairless apes we were mowing down he spilled his rickarita on me. So my fur was blue when I fucked the whore later that evening. She like doing it blue cat style. ROAR!!!
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