The Joy of Getting Hard
Every day I spend some quality “me time” getting hard in my man cave. It’s a habit I have maintained since I was in my teens.
So far, my daily pleasure of getting hard has paid handsome dividends in my health, my appearance, my self confidence and my sex life. Getting hard on a daily basis also seems to discourage assholes on the street from trying to fuck with me.
My kids often sit around watching their daddy getting hard. Ever since the kids came into our lives Mrs. Hornibastard is too busy to sit and watch her husband getting hard anymore but when she did, she often interrupted my workout because she wanted to enjoy the benefits of my manly hardness.
Being the gentleman that I am, I indulged her and left her damp, crumpled and leaking fluids on one of my exercise benches as I resumed my workout.
We will never know for sure but, just based on the timing, I suspect our twins may be the product of one of these sweaty gym canoodlings.
I’m very fortunate to have a good set of gym equipment so I can get hard in the privacy of my own home.
Approximately half of my sizable, upstairs man cave is devoted to fitness equipment.
Sure, a high dollar gym would provide a wider variety of quality fitness equipment than I have upstairs, but I prefer the convenience of working out at home.
I especially like the freedom of being able to fart loudly while lifting heavy weights without concerning myself over possibly offending some shit-headed HMW who might have been within olfactory range at the time.
My periodic colonic blasts are an effective means of clearing out any members of my family in the viewing gallery, restoring my solitude and the sanctity of my man cave.
Comments
last commentI also prefer to work out at home. I don't have a much equipment as you. I just have a stationary bike and a few light weights. In the summer I bike outside, usually 20 miles a day.
Jackslash,
I would love to bike 20 miles a day.
Hell, I’d settle for 10 miles a day but my ass can’t take it. No matter what kind of goofy looking cushioned bicycle seat I put on my bike, my butt hurts so much after 20 minutes that I just give it up.
Even when I was young I couldn’t tolerate bicycle seats for very long.
Swimming is me exercise of choice, I have a pool in my yard, heated in winter and on those days I can’t swim I walk across the street to my community clubhouse and alternate the treadmill and stair master, I too don’t feel comfortable on a bicycle seat.
For whatever reason, home gyms have never worked for me.
^ same here. I can get a good “ workout” at home splitting firewood and I can get a good workout at a gym, but home gyms haven’t worked for me either. But perhaps Mrs. Hornibastard provided the necessary inspiration for the Good Reverend to make it work.
It's a personality thing, I'm sure. I actually don't enjoy big box gyms (Golds, etc.) and I've never found a workout partner who could stay consistent.
I do crossfit now, which gets some degree of hipster scorn in the fitness world. But it really works for me. The results have been fantastic.
My attitude about fitness isn't far removed from my attitude about strip clubbing... Do what works for you. Don't get hurt or hurt others. Don't tell people that they're having fun wrong.
For a real home workout get some kettle bells, 30 minutes if you do it right and you can't get a better work out.
Rev, couple questions:
JAprufrock,
I lift every other day.
I do aerobics daily.
I don’t know what is the optimal interval between arm workouts. I just take one day off between weights of any kind.
Biceps and triceps are always worked the same day.
But bear in mind that my workouts are intended for maintenance, not for bulking up. The only time I increase the weights I lift is when I’ve been unable to work out for a while (example - I had a hernia repair last year). When I first go back to lifting I reduce the weights to avoid injury. Then I gradually increase the weights until I get back to the levels I think are appropriate for me.
It’s important to remember where you are in life. I don’t progress to weights as heavy now as I did when I was in my 30s and 40s. The incremental health benefits of such heavy lifting at my age are not worth the associated risks.
You can get away with more and recover more quickly from injury when you are young than you can when you’re old.
Hell, when I first started lifting in my late teens I was so aggressive in my workouts I gave myself stretch marks on my biceps and shoulders!
If I did that know I might end up in the hospital!
Am I the only one who was alarmed that your kids were watching you "getting hard?" Nothing like a double entendre.
P.S. Have you tried riding with a seat attached to the top of the bicycle seat post?
Electronman,
My butt has always been so hard to please when it comes to bicycle riding I might need to attach a Lazy-Boy recliner to the bicycle seat post.
Even when I rode a Harley I paid a lot extra for an adjustable seat.
I went to a doctor once to try and figure out why my ass was so sensitive. The doctor just said I was a pansy ass.
Having a home-gym is def convenient especially if one has family obligations that keep him busy - being a single-guy I don't like spending too much time at home unless I'm just tired and wanna rest up (and living in Miami I usually don't have to stay indoors bc of bad/cold weather).
I also like having access to multiple workout equipment - I'm an LA Fitness member and there are def a good # of hot chicas in the Miami-area LA Fitness' I hit which makebl the workouts more enjoyable.
I get hard in my man cave a lot too. In a different way though. Definitely a joy.
I go to the gym, the motivation is always in the club wearing yoga pants and right sports bras.
It takes much effort to not get hard under those curcumstances.
^^^^^Whoever invented yoga pants should have their portrait on US currency.
No, who ever invented high heels should have their portrait on US currency.
You can substitute just nothing, or short dresses, for yoga pants. But there is nothing you can substitute for high heels.
The basic ideas are coming from the ancient pagan temples, by far predating the United States.
SJG
As long as you don't get hard for dudes
Cum in for confessions revbasterd. I have been reading your stuff. The fact that you did not pleasure that young lady in Indonesia sounds a little suspect. Are you fighting the faggotry sir?
Brother Foghorn,
Please tell baby Jesus not to worry. I’m not battling faggotry. I’m just battling wisdom and devotion to family.
For most of my life I would have viciously and repeatedly boned that young lady in Indonesia. But I’ve trashed enough relationships and marriages already (you know ... “been there, done that” sort of attitude). Plus now, for the first time in my wretched life (as far as I know), I have children of my own.
I’ve been trying very hard not to fuck up any more.
Hence all my mongering. It’s a much safer and cheaper way to philander without getting into serious trouble.
^^^ pussy
Revbasturd you should cum hear my sermons
didn’t ben franklin invent high heels???
^^^^ Could well be true. Also famous for recommending that young guys try out older women.
SJG
Miss J teaches Tamron how to walk in sky-high heels
www.today.com
No heels? No paycheck! Temp worker sent home for wearing flats to office
www.today.com
Study: High heels have power over men
www.today.com
sjg