BUDDY: "So, do you know about this site Seeking Arrangement?"
ISHMAEL: "Sure... I've read an article about it. Rich guys looking for arm candy."
BUDDY: "Yeah... so, I just got on that site... I'm just curious, you know...?"
ISHMAEL: "Uh huh. Sure. That'll be cheap as bubble gum compared to your divorce."
BUDDY: "You're a laugh minute. I got a complex thing going on. My boss's daughter is on there. Sexy pictures and everything. What the fuck do I do about that? I know this girl. I've talked to her at functions and stuff. This is my boss's little girl!"
ISHMAEL: "Okay. So it's possible I know more than what's in a news article. A few questions... do you have a paid account?"
BUDDY: "Sure."
ISHMAEL: "Just curious, huh?"
BUDDY: "Fuck yourself, alright. You're fuckin' on there too."
ISHMAEL: "Fair enough. Have you turned on the privacy setting that prevents the profiles you visit from being notified that you viewed them?"
BUDDY: "Did I what now...?"
ISHMAEL: "So, that's a 'no'..."
BUDDY: "Are you saying she got some message when I went to her page? I didn't know it did that!"
ISHMAEL: "Hold on... you might be okay. Have you uploaded any of your pictures to your profile?"
BUDDY: "Yeah! You're supposed to, right!?"
ISHMAEL: "Well sure, but... listen, if you uploaded a picture that shows your face, did you make it a private photo?"
BUDDY: "How do you do that? I just uploaded them! ARE YOU TELLING ME SHE SAW ME LOOKING AT HER PAGE?!"
ISHMAEL: "Also a 'no'. Log in to your profile and give me your phone."
[Buddy fumbles with his smart phone. Eventually logs in to SA.]
ISHMAEL: "Ummm... okay, so see that right there? That's letting you know that she visited your profile. And see right there? That's letting you know that she sent you a message."
[grabs phone back]
BUDDY: "Oh Jesus. Oh my God!"
ISHMAEL: "Yeah, well, I hope she actually wants to suck your dick. Because I'm pretty sure this is going to be more expensive than your divorce, even if she doesn't."


CMI wins the thread of the day award.
Laugh my motherfucking ass off!