When to lead and when to follow?

It's a tough call. I have had good experiences from girls who take instruction well (and I REALLY find it despicable when a girl ignores or disdains instruction; that's an instant reject-o-move). But when I have to give too much instruction it ruins the mood of, "she is going to take CARE of me" coupled with "she WANTS to take CARE of me" (a fantasy, yes, but a wonderful one).

I'm paying a girl to dance for me. Therefore I think she should be able to do some decent dancing without me telling her what she should do. If she asks what I like, I'll tell her. Often times though, she can tell what I like and don't like if she's any good. If I'm doing a lot of talking while a girl is dancing for me, either I'm drunk or not into it.

I agree Chandler, that's exactly what it feels like with the right girl and the right situation. My question would be this: Does this feeling ever happen with the very first dance you get from a particular lady or does it take a few visits to develop? I've found it can work either way.

Yoda: I should have thought through my question better before posting it. I was thinking about how lap dancing is different from sex in that the girl is so much in charge. With a bad dance, you're always aware of that. With a really great dance, it seems more like you're both taking the initiative. You're reading each other's signals and responding at the same time. So much so that you don't even think about who's leading who, even though ultimately she is.

I agree with Yoda.

I don't think it's leading her if she doesn't follow, which telling her what to do would mean. I'm not asking about bossing anybody around like some dictator. That sounds boring whether it's me or her doing it. If a dance is really "interactive", as they say, it seems to me there needs to be some degree of inititiave taken by both parties. That's what I'm asking about.

I didn't think of giving suggestions or talking to her as leading her.

I pretty much thought telling her what to do was leading her.

Casualguy & Yoda: Do you never touch the dancer without receiving direction from her? How about telling her when you like what she's doing or making suggestions?

I never take the lead. I don't coach dancers. They are either turning me on or they aren't. If they aren't I find another dancer.

I usually let the dancer do her thing unless I may have been drinking a little bit too much.

Chandler: If I'm in a contact state I don't wait for her permission to touch her. I do not touch boobs or pussy unless I am invited. If I'm in MA, where there is a lot of grey area, I wait until she places my hands where she feels comfortable-this can vary on every visit depending on how busy the PD area is and who is watching.

I definitely tell the lady if I am enjoying what she is doing but I don't really offer suggestions. I'd really rather see what she has in mind and, as I said previously, if I don't like it I just stop buying dances from her.