Say you had feelings for a dancer...

43 comments

• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  6 years ago

  Almost always negative. Outliers may exist, but they are exactly that... outliers. Most often, if you're a customer, then you're not *really* getting to know her or making a connection. Most dancers can find "funny dudes" who aren't customers.
• Cristobal

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  6 years ago

  Sounds like a recipe for disaster. There is nothing wrong with having feelings for a stripper the problems may occur by what you do about those feelings. Spending more money to try to win her over is most likely to backfire, you want her to like you not your wallet.
• georgmicrodong

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  6 years ago

  Well, if *I* had feelings for a dancer, and she returned them, I’d just ignore those facts until one day she tells me that she’s moving out of state to get married. Then I’d spend the next decade whinging about it while visiting her three or four times per year.
• larryfisherman

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  6 years ago

  If you’re asking whether being a regular of hers automatically eliminates you for having the chance to date her, IME no it doesn’t.
• Muddy

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  6 years ago

  Yes that’s pretty much what a I am asking. I mean I know it’s possible I’ve dated a former fav. But for the most part, I’m wondering if they are not friendzoning you per se but more “customer zone” your ass if you will, if your her regular. And would it be a battle to get out of that? Just thinking out loud here.
• nicespice

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  6 years ago

  One possibility is that you will... 1. Join this site and set your tagline to “in love with my ATF” & make threads about it 2. Change the tagline to “in LOVE with my ATF” 3. “Accept” the friendship or whatever the platonic OTC is 4. Decide cars are way more important than any stripper 5. Discussion board posts get a bit more antsy 6. Change your avatar to swastiska 7. Tell everyone you’re leaving the board (and say so in your profile) 8. Leave the board
• twentyfive

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  6 years ago

  @ Muddy9 You’re fighting a losing battle, in order to get out of the custie zone, you’d need to offer her a better way of life than she has right now, and to deal with all of the drama you’re going to go through, shit man give it up. Why waste your time, there’s loads of pretty civvie chicks out there, I’ll give you a tip, spend a bunch of money on a civvie girl, you’ll make her fall in love with you and she’ll treat you like a king.
• IceyLoco

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  6 years ago

  @Muddy9 Any guy who meets a stripper at the club technically starts out as a customer. That's a given. So don't think about that aspect of it. Like with any other girl, you know pretty quickly whether or not there's an attraction there. Do you feel comfortable with each other? Can you relate to each other? Do you have things in common? Is there an organic connection? Does she blush or get nervous around you? Does she get you free drinks and freebies at the club? You can't make a girl like you by being funny, white knighting her or trying to buy her affection. If you have a connection, get her out of the club ASAP. If you don't have a connection, she won't reject you coz she still wants your money and will just lead you on. Unless there's a connection like with any girl who likes you, what you get in the club is just a fantasy you're paying for. The worst thing you can ever do is keep seeing her ITC hoping and praying that one day she likes you. That's a recipe for an empty wallet and heart ache.
• IceyLoco

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  6 years ago

  DC, girls aren't put off by money spent on them. They love it.
• DeclineToState

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  6 years ago

  So far the responses seem to be advice or observations without the back"stories" or history the original post seems to be soliciting. No stories here either, but my takes are: --Being a paying customer is a huge strike against you for her developing reciprocal feelings - once a custy, almost always just a custy. (Ever tried to ask a dancer out for civvie date? Even inclined to say yes, before you get your answer, you'll probably first get the question: "Will you still spend $ in club?") No idea who on this board coined the phrase "Strip clubs are not girlfriend factories," but whoever did is highly insightful or experienced or both. --Increasing spending ITC with goal of increasing chance of her developing feelings is total waste of $. --If you're seeing her OTC for $ and not just ITC, there's a chance of developing FWB OTC for no $ (as in drinks and dinner etc. but no cash $ or gifts), but don't count on it. And don't count on her catching feelings even if she finds you fun to hang out with or if you're FWB OTC. --[view link].Ishmael is spot on here: "Most dancers can find "funny dudes" who aren't customers." And, agree with Che that: rare occasion of stipper and custy making a connection with reciprocal feelings "isn’t ever going to be dependent on following a set of guidelines on how you should act."
• IceyLoco

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  6 years ago

  I have experience picking up strippers at the club. But keep in mind that they're the type of girls I usually go for and that usually are attracted to me in every day life. I met my current girlfriend at a club. Our eyes met and we just connected. We were both attracted to each other. Talked like we've known each other forever, just really clicked. Took her home that night. With other strippers, I just talked to them. They liked being with me coz they liked how I look compared to the other guys there. They actually liked touching me. We'd just drink shots, talk about stuff, have a connection and usually we'd leave the club early or wait after her shift, smoke some weed and have sex or at least get a blow job. Its not hard with girls who like you anywhere. You can get the same at a grocery store.
• Papi_Chulo

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  6 years ago

  In the simplest of PL-terms - if you gotta ask, then no she doesn't
• IceyLoco

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  6 years ago

  You don't go from being a trick to being a boyfriend. I can imagine the experience so no wonder they wouldn't try again.
• IceyLoco

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  6 years ago

  some of you aren't also getting the difference between hookers and strippers
• DeclineToState

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  6 years ago

  -->@DC9428: "We have several people on here who have dated dancers and most of them agree that starting out as a customer is actually the best route to go if you're trying to do that. Some of them don't want to date dancers anymore, but most of them started out as P4P and then became real. Examples of guys who've done this would be, Countryman, Subraman, GACA, Juicebox, and Shailynn for example." ^Of course, spending $ on a stripper first ITC is good method of getting them OTC for sex - dating or not dating. What you might not be taking into account here is the OP's talk of the custy and the dancer catching reciprocal feelings. These Masters of the Universe you've cited here - my reading is they're getting OTC sex and having a blast doing it with fun girls they like, but not necessarily getting all caught up in feelings as per OP post - but perhaps I just haven't read their posts closely enough.
• CJKent (Banned)

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  6 years ago

  To answer your question: Would being a spending customer have a negative or positive on how she feels toward you? It doesn’t matter Every situation is unique, like others have pointed out, if she is out of your league she is out of your league. You have to have reasonable expectations in life, otherwise you are going to be disappointed every time... However we live in the Land of Opportunity, where your dreams might come true: “In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” - Tony Montana If you work on yourself and move to her league or even above her league you will have more chance of getting her. However many people don’t invest the time and effort necessary to improve themselves physically, mentally, spiritually, environmentally, socially, etc. because we were raised to feel entitled without putting in the work, in addition to that we know that even if you reach that level, nothing is guaranteed in life. Do your best and let the chips fall as they will. And remember: "If you're gonna play the game, boy You gotta learn to play it right You've got to know when to hold 'em Know when to fold 'em Know when to walk away And know when to run You never count your money When you're sittin' at the table There'll be time enough for countin' When the dealin's done. And for the story: “A boy proposed to a girl, She rejected him. He was not sad. His friends asked him why he didn’t feel sad? The boy responded: Why should I be sad? I lost someone who didn’t love me. She lost someone who loved her.” Stop pursuing happiness outside of yourself and be happy in the moment, enjoy the journey don’t focus only on the destination. You will learn from your experiences. Good luck
• Subraman

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  6 years ago

  Every stripper I've become friends-with-benefits or borderline dated, I met and spent money on her in the club, and was arguably her regular before we transitioned. I know any number of folks who have similar stories. In all cases, I did feel pursued by her early on, beyond just a stripper pursuing her ATM. For the most part, I view the guys saying "once you pay you can never be anything but a customer" to either be just regurgitating PUA lines or otherwise just don't have enough SC experience to know otherwise. In fact, the notion that the typical 50-ish PL here, could possibly meet a stripper anywhere but the club, and have her spend time on him initially without some payback, is what seems to be downright delusional, or something only a PUA client could believe. Maybe for a handsome 25-year-old guy, going into the club and not spending money on her could work, I dunno. That said, my handful of experiences are all pretty much "by accident", they just happened, and may well never happen again. I certainly didn't look for them. But more importantly, Muddy9's original question was around a dancer for whom you have "feelings"; that's the "here be dragons" part of the map. If you have feelings, break it off and find something else to do -- the whole discussion should discouraging him from ever going back
• IceyLoco

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  6 years ago

  Now you're talking about hookers, not strippers. If you think you can make a hooker like you by paying her for sex and hoping there's a connection..........you're gonna have a bad time.
• rickdugan

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  6 years ago

  I think that the analysis is simple. If she would be out of your league in a regular setting, then she is out of your league at the titty bar. The fact that she is payed to cater to you in the titty bar doesn't change that. Similarly, if she is out of your league due to an age difference or other factors, yet she chooses to date you anyway, you should assume that there is a financial element to her motives. Wealthy guys still get hot young wives for a reason. Anything else is a misguided fantasy that leads to overthinking, where a customer convinces himself that she would find him attractive if she just knew him better. But of course it never really works out that way.
• DeclineToState

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  6 years ago

  -->@rickdugan: "Similarly, if she is out of your league due to an age difference or other factors, yet she chooses to date you anyway, you should assume that there is a financial element to her motives. Wealthy guys still get hot young wives for a reason." That's for damn sure. Was in Beverly Hills a few weeks ago and the restaurants and shops were loaded with real life examples of this.
• Subraman

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  6 years ago

  Right. FWB and/or dating does NOT mean she doesn't also have a financial motive. If the question is, can you FWB or date a stripper if you're her customer first, my answer is: that's the ONLY way most 50 year olds will get to FWB or date a stripper, and even then, the odds are low. But if the question is, is she in love with you romantically, just for you? Well, that's not likely regardless of whether you PUA'ed her or regular'ed her into the relationship: your $, stability, and lifestyle is at least part of the attraction. I'll say again, the answer to OP's question is: if you have feelings for a dancer, you shouldn't even be asking this question, you should be running. The reason I made my point about regulars is because of the PUA and pimp nonsense that's repeated here -- for any lurkers, you don't have to believe that stuff
• Iam4u2screw

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  6 years ago

  I agree with Subraman about the feelings thing. I have also dated strippers that I met in club. With a VERY rare occasion, it just doesn't work out for any number of reasons. If you have "feelings" for her, take Subraman's suggestion and exit the situation before you just get hurt. If you think she might have feelings for you, leave her a method to get it touch with you and let her reach out to you outside the club environment and begin building something there. Leave it up to her to make the first move and only move forward if she is looking for something besides a financial benefit. Until then, she will have all the power in your relationship because even though you are the one with the cash, she is the one with the power over your emotions and can control you by controlling them. It will never be a full partnership, just a financial agreement. Also, remember that as long as she continues to dance, she will continue to treat other guys just like she treated you in the club, so unless you are willing to deal with the mental anguish of what she is doing, it is just better to call it quits if she is not willing to change occupations.
• rickdugan

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  6 years ago

  ^ I'm guessing that most of the guys on this board that keep getting emotional about strippers aren't quite wealthy enough to pull themselves starlet trophy wives. So the sooner they resign themselves to the fact that they have to live within their means, the better they will be for it. ;) My comments go far beyond this troll's initial post. I see lots of threads on here with posters who are clearly getting too emotional over strippers. I'm guessing that many of them are lonely and some are having trouble reconciling with whatever may be contributing to it, whether it's age, looks or some combo of factors. Maybe some guys yearn for what they used to have and others for what they've never had. Idk. Now maybe I can be more cavalier about it in some ways because of my circumstances. While I've reconciled myself to the notion that I'm no longer remotely attractive to a young stripper, I'm not lonely and I've had a good run on many fronts. But that doesn't make me wrong and over time I've been as tempted to get stupid as anyone. But nothing good ever comes from getting too sucked into stripper's lives, regardless of your circumstances.
• JamesSD

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  6 years ago

  Once you have feelings the safest play is stop spending beyond a few dollars for stage tips. You most likely will find her interest in you quickly dwindles. I've had a few strippers who I never bought dances from hang out with me from time to time when it is slow. But casual friendship is pretty cheap compared to real feelings.
• Cristobal

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  6 years ago

  @iceyloco It just clicked, when you wrote about not knowing the difference between hookers and strippers. I go to the clubs for the hookers who strip but you are right you can make friends and even have a relationship (if that's what you want) with strippers but it's not about the money.
• strippercutie404

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  6 years ago

  I think it really just depends on how the guy acts. I'm okay with a guy who just seems to like me, if I think the guy is getting obsessed and could become a stalker though I will cut it off with him.
• Subraman

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  6 years ago

  -->"Am I the only one who just doesn't care if there's a financial element to girls' motives? " I don't mind. Hell, I depend on it, otherwise I might have 0 stripper FWBs ever. In fact, it's probably often a factor, to some extent or other, in all relationships. The "I have feelings for her and I need to know for sure" guys might have a different view. And, BTW, I'm pretty open that I really really like all my CFs and ATFs, quite a bit... it's just not romantic love
• DeclineToState

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  6 years ago

  -->@rickdugan: "But nothing good ever comes from getting too sucked into stripper's lives, regardless of your circumstances." Based on one of her recent discussion topics, strippercutie404 may get all bent out of shape about the truth of this statement.
• Mnaz

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  6 years ago

  According to the Buddha, having feelings for a bought and paid for sex worker is not a real great idea and will only lead to suffering. Celibacy is your answer friend, you’ll be happier and won’t have these insane thoughts running through your head.
• strippercutie404

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  6 years ago

  I'm not going to re-spark that discussion but if a guy chooses not to date a girl because she is a stripper then that is his fault, not hers. Strippers are perfectly able to be loyal girlfriends.
• strippercutie404

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  6 years ago

  And obviously I'm not talking about married guys or guys just wanting to have fun or whatever. I'm just talking about guys who specifically say they don't want to date a stripper but would date a regular girl.
• Muddy

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  6 years ago

  Don’t worry I’m not in love with a stripper. I am just throwing a hypothetical. It’s an interesting thought to me. A lot of us are regular who have CFs it’s gotta come up from time to time. Just wondering what y’all had to say on it.
• Papi_Chulo

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  6 years ago

  It's the old "trying to fit a square peg in a round hole" - some folks convince themselves they can if "they try hard enough" or under some "corner-case/exception", it can be done. The reality is, w/ few exceptions, is that dancers and PLs have different motives for being in a strip-club and many-a-PL will completely misread things b/c he's just looking at things thru his own personal PL-goggles and is either unable or unwilling to take off those goggles and see the reality of things - kinda like a thirsty-man in the dessert being completely convinced of that water-fountain mirage b/c he's just so thirsty his mind is not working right. PLs go to the club to relax, be entertained, feel some T&A, perhaps more - many may also go b/c of loneliness and the lack of female companionship - but dancers don't go to the clubs for those reasons except in some rare cases - they are there to make $$$ to pay for bills or shit they wanna buy - so it's pretty-much a complete mismatch from the get-go since the parties involved (PL/dancer) are looking for different things and looking at things often from diametrically-opposed view-points - not to mention all the other headwinds already mentioned. I'm not saying it can't happen - analogous to playing the lottery - hey no one can say you there's no chance you can't win, but you shouldn't count on it as your financial plan.
• Papi_Chulo

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  6 years ago

  These days I usually avoid trying to get into serious conversations w/ dancers b/c often times that is when the crazy comes out - I prefer the fake stripper persona in the club - but when I was a greener PL and went into the club w/ my civilian hat on, I would unknowingly often engage these girls like I would a civilian (which IMO/IME was often not a productive exercise). Anyway - I have not heard this in a while since again I don't get into deep convos w/ dancers these days - but back in the day from time to time when a dancer and I were talking about relationships, some of them would blurt out something along the lines of "I would never date a guy that went to strip-clubs" - whether consciously or subconsciously, I think a lot of dancers look at SCers as either pervs, or pathetic losers that gotta pay women for attention, or both - which is probably not that farfectehed since that is probably how most of society looks at SCers.
• Iam4u2screw

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  6 years ago

  @Strippercutie: I agree that there is no reason not to date a stripper, but the other person has to realize what the stripper is doing when they are working. If they are okay with the other person spending time with others in an intimate situation, then they should have no problems. You might make a great girlfriend (I am not arguing that question), but the question is, if you were in a monogamous relationship with a male stripper and he regularly was being pawed by horny women, would you always feel comfortable that he didn't cross a line? Likewise, (am I am again not making any suggestions) would you feel fine giving extras if your monogamous partner was not comfortable with it? That is what I am talking about. Personally, if she was working in a non-extra club, then there would be a hell of a lot less issue, but unfortunately the nature of your occupation, the assumptions as to what is going on do not help the cause. I have no problem with having feelings for strippers. I personally think you would be a monster if you didn't feel something for others. My comments about having feelings for strippers focuses on romantic/love feelings for them. I am talking about going beyond the feelings you would have for a good friend, those are the feelings I am talking about and that should be walked away from. That's all.
• georgmicrodong

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  6 years ago

  So, the backstory. I was still under 50 when I met her. She was 24. It took me a while to get her out of the club, but when I finally did, we gradually got to the point where we were seeing each other almost every week. We were raw dogging it. We were having fun. Until she met a guy, got pregnant, and moved out of state to get married. That’s when I realized that it was more than just sex. That I had fallen for her. That I was in love. Yeah, I’m in love with a stripper. Fortunately, she’s in love with me as well, for all the good it does either of us. She’s still married, and so am I, and neither of us wants to change that. So, despite the fact that my situation turned out pretty well, we still get to see each other, and fuck as much as we can when we do, my advice to you is going to echo what many others have said, namely, turn away now, because it’s gonna hurt no matter how well it turns out.
• Papi_Chulo

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  6 years ago

  Looking at things thru PL-goggles means many PLs don't see the full-picture - they just see a hot-chick giving them the time of day (b/c of $$$) and they immediately draw a conclusion (hey I think she likes me and maybe she can be my GF) - as others have mentioned a lot more goes into dating most-strippers other than she's hot and I think she likes me - are you gonna be ok w/ her being groped by dozens of guys per day - are you gonna handle her telling you about the shit she has to go thru at the club and her not being in the mood to be intimate b/c she's been groped by 100+ guys this week - are you gonna be able to handle the drama many of them seem to have - are you ok w/ her schedule which is likely upside down from yours meaning it's hard to do things together (or as often as you'd like), etc. I think too many PLs are in-love w/ the "perception" of dating a dancer vs the reality of it - not to say that this applies to all dancers but ...
• FTS

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  6 years ago

  "Would being a spending customer have a negative or positive on how she feels toward you?" - Depends on how you define negative or positive, how you define feelings, and what you mean by "toward you." If the extreme of positive feelings is total, head-over-heels infatuation, and the extreme of negative feelings is utter indifference, then I think spending more money would have a positive effect on how she feels. Think about it, if you are a customer who spoils her like nobody else... do you really think she will be completely indifferent about that? Suppose every single customer she has ever had has never spent more than $2000 per week on her, and then a super wealthy guy comes along and decides he wants to let loose, so he spends $20,000 each and every week, buying her jewelry, paying her rent, giving her cash, etc. That's over $1 million per year. She wouldn't be indifferent unless she already had plenty of money and the guy was a complete loser in her eyes.
• IceyLoco

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  6 years ago

  When you actually date a stripper, she's no different than any other girl. You see her without makeup, smell her fart, buy her tampons, meet her parents. Its just normal. The thing about her not wanting to be intimate coz of the shit at the club is true. So is other stuff Papi Chulo mentioned.
• WILLYSGOTAWOMAN

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  6 years ago

  if you're paying for her time you're paying a girl to hang out with you. women think a guy who pays to spend time with a woman is pathetic. i'm not sure coming across as pathetic is going to win you any points. definitely though the more money you spend the more most strippers will pretend to like you - smart ones anyway
• JeffTUSCL

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  6 years ago

  If you really want a stripper as a girlfriend, you can't meet her at the club. You have to be in places where they would be and meet them that way. If you would never find yourself in such places at such times, don't fit into their scenes where they might usually meet men, then you would never last anyway in her world even if you went out of your way to meet these kind of girls outside the SC. If you already met a stripper at a SC ad have handed her a singe $ then it's already too late. There are 1 in a million stories that sometimes it works out but the odds are significantly stacked against you, and you will just be wasting your time. In my whole life of any kind of p4p, I have only experienced a few times where I had some kind of relationship after p4p ended. All those relationships were platonic friendships, not romantic ones. You have to be the strong one in the relationship - the girl has to need you, not the other way around. You should be able to live without her, she should not be able to live without you, and I'm not talking about money or addictions. Be realistic. Don't lie to yourself. You can lie to the whole world but lying to yourself only hurts you.
• IceyLoco

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  6 years ago

  You can find something real at the club. I know because I've done it. The club isn't the problem. The problem is men going for chicks they wouldn't be able to get in every day life and thinking that they have a chance just coz a girl pays attention to them coz thats her job. That's the problem. I don't blame the club or the stripper or the hoe. I blame the men. Honestly look in the mirror and ask yourself if you were a 20 year old hot bitch would you be attracted to you. Be honest. Or would you be attracted to the female version of yourself. If you wouldn't why should anyone else?
• stripfighter

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  6 years ago

  The 1st rule of SCing is what are you looking for?? If you only want her to like you a lil more(as a customer), then sure, but with diminishing returns. If you're looking for something else, a different plan would work better.