Hong Kong review
TFP
Adventures of Assjobman
Saturday, April 21, 2018 3:54 PM
This has to be one of the weirdest reviews I've read on this site. So it seems this guy is 25, Canadian, and a virgin in every way. He claims he's had no contact with women whatsoever.
After reading the review I can't tell if he's serious or if he's trolling. If he's serious then I'm not sure what to think. Maybe he's not turned on by women? Or he just doesn't know what about women that turns him on? In any case it's baffling the to me. Because I remember specifically my first time having sex and even before, I knew exactly what turned me on about women. This guy at 25 still seems to have no clue what he wants.
After reading the review I can't tell if he's serious or if he's trolling. If he's serious then I'm not sure what to think. Maybe he's not turned on by women? Or he just doesn't know what about women that turns him on? In any case it's baffling the to me. Because I remember specifically my first time having sex and even before, I knew exactly what turned me on about women. This guy at 25 still seems to have no clue what he wants.
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28 comments
as a review comment i wrote: “i found this review quite interesting. you are NOT weird or autistic. you were simply not ready. i myself was a 29 year old virgin when i met ‘mary’... my soon to be wife. i did experience a sex drive for years prior to that... i was such an introvert that i simply never crossed the line of actual sex... but i did enjoy the foreplay. at least you tried. hopefully it will all ‘click’ for you soon.”
Clues:
One review to his credit (this one).
Not much interest in sex at 25, yet he goes all the way to Hong Kong?
From Canada where the local clubs are known to be much more "liberal" than most.
"KISSING IS DISGUSTING" all caps; not just disgusting with this girl, but all kissing is disgusting.
Blood gushing and he keeps going?
Cums but does not orgasm? Did he urinate?
Points for originality.
APRIL 21, 2018
Warning: I strongly suspect there will be some cringey moments. This is an in depth review of my experience at the Hong Kong Gentleman’s Club in Tijuana, as well as what happened afterwards:
Me: White Canadian, 25 years old but look 19, 6’0, 155 lbs, prior to tonight a touchless, kissless virgin, NOT ugly or deformed in any way. Let’s start from about 6:30pm.
I’d been lying in my bed in the hotel for 2 hours trying to muster up the willpower to go outside to the stripclub/brothel (it’s both). I wasn’t afraid, I just didn’t care to and would have rather slept. I finally went outside and bought 2 fish tacos for $1 each. Cheap and good. Then I walked over to the club entrance, the bouncer patted me down and asked me old I was. When I said 25 he stared at me for a solid 7 seconds, then let me in. As soon as I walked in a waiter ran up to me and (in surprisingly excellent English) asked me what I wanted. I got a Heineken because I don’t know any other beers, and he led me to a little table near one of the stages with strippers on it, where I sat down.
The place was FULL of attractive Latina ladies, all minimum 6s, with a lot of 8s. It was early, but still, the main room was probably 40% female workers. 20 seconds after I sat down, a hot fake blonde with big tits sat down beside me, started to touch my leg and told me to buy her a drink. I did because I’m a beta and have only been in a strip club once before and have never had a woman touch me before. We talked for a bit in broken English and she basically forced me to touch her, she grabbed my hand and put it against her fake boobs. One thing I will say is that females have VERY soft skin. Touching a woman’s skin was one of the only things I enjoyed about the night. Eventually she left because I think she figured out I was retarded and had no idea what to do.
I told my waiter/pimp to bring a girl that was thin and spoke good English. He brought a REALLY good looking brunette with shortish hair who I bought another drink for, and she sat on my lap and grinded against my dick and made me 40% hard. I asked her if she would kiss me and she said she never kissed anyone, even if we went upstairs, because she had a boyfriend. I gently pushed her off of me after feeling her tits a bit more because I wanted to trying kissing. She left and I told my pimp to bring another.
While he went to bring me another, a random girl with glasses(they are all dressed in bikinis btw) plopped down beside me, put her hand on my dick and told me she liked my eyes. I asked her what she liked about them and she just repeated herself. I realized she didn’t speak a lick of English (I’m Canadian so I know 0 Spanish), so I shooed her away. My pimp brought another girl but I didn’t think she was hot so I just looked at my pimp and shook my head and she walked away (lol).
Finally another girl sat down beside me. About 5’0, large but not huge fake tits, no tattoos, long black hair. 9/10 body, 7.5 face, and she spoke reasonably good English. I bought her a drink from my pimp/waiter who was dutifully standing by, and she started grinding on me. Eventually she told me to take her upstairs, I said how much, she said $100 for 30 minutes. I said no, too much, so she said $80. I said $60, and she said no, she is too pretty for less than $80. I figured that since I was a virgin I wanted to take things slower and that I would probably come instantly, so I said how much for an hour. She said $150, I said $120 and she said ok. Negotiations were all done with her sitting on my lap and leaning into me. I liked smelling and touching her. We walked to the door, she got a robe and we walked for 10 seconds to my hotel.
I should first say that almost none of what happened up to this point nor what happened afterwards was pleasurable for me. Being a virgin has never been a problem for me, probably because I such a loner that I never hear anyone talk about things that could make me jealous or curious, so there was no eager anticipation on my part to “finally lose it”. My heart rate never increased from excitement or anticipation, I wasn’t nervous at all, I just thought to myself, “this will be interesting, let’s try it”.
When we entered the hotel room I had no idea what to do so I just started taking my clothes off. She did the same, but she kept on giving me weird looks. She was probably figuring out that I was a retard. At some point I lied and said I was nervous because I hadn’t had sex in a year (she looked at me like I said I killed babies for fun when I said this), although I wasn’t nervous, just extremely awkward.
We both got naked and laid on the bed and started to kiss. KISSING IS DISGUSTING. She kept using her tongue I think, and it felt like a worm trying to slither out of a hole into my mouth. I was reminded of the giant worm scene in Star Wars Ep. V (“this is no cave!”) Also her mouth was so small, it felt like I was going to swallow it. Did not try to kiss her again after those first few minutes. Oh, and she asked me to brush my teeth which I thought was pretty funny, it was probably those fish tacos I ate.
I was about 50% hard at this point, so she put a condom on me and started blowing me. I said do it without a condom and she said no. I honestly derived zero pleasure from this, it just felt weird, but eventually I got about 80% hard and I told her to get on top of me. I did this because I read that it’s the easiest position and they won’t be able to tell you’re a virgin. I had her do everything, I just lay there. It was very difficult for her to fit my penis into her vagina, but once it was in I honestly felt basically nothing. She started bouncing up and down on top of me, and I enjoyed sucking on her big tits and grabbing her ass, but I never got fully hard.
Here’s where things started to get weird. She said we should to doggy, so she got off and there was a LOT of blood streaming down her thighs, and the condom was covered in blood too. She started sort of panicking, I was just lying there confused. She said she had no idea wtf was happening, she gets a patch on her arm or something that stops her from getting her period, so that wasn’t it. She went to the bathroom and was cleaning herself up with water and towels, and she looked confused/embarrassed and she asked me if I wanted to still do it or if she should go. I wasn’t horny at all, completely nonplussed, but I told her to stay because I wanted to try cumming in a girl.
She put on another condom, started blowing me because I was soft again, and thenI got around behind her as she went on all fours on the bed. I honestly just guessed where her vag was because I had no idea, her ass was too big for me to see. After about 20 seconds I guessed right and the same thing happened, it was very hard to put my dick in, but once in there was very little sensation. There was so little sensation that one time I slipped out and kept thrusting for about 5 seconds because I couldn’t tell if I was in her or not. Doggy was actually pretty fun, I pounded her as hard as I could and I felt like an alpha male watching her ass bounce. Then we went to missionary where I put my head beside hers, and pounded her as hard as I could for another few minutes. Missionary thrusting is very awkward and tiring, I prefer doggy. By this time I was fully erect and eventually I ejaculated, but I did not orgasm at all.
I spent about 15 minutes inside of her, plus 5-10 minutes of BJ. So much for virgins cumming instantly, although I must admit I am an unusual case. We had half an hour left, so I told her to give me a massage. She gave me a very poor and half-hearted one. There was zero intimacy this whole time, she wouldn’t let me touch her pussy, and when she was blowing me she kept saying “don’t look at me, it’s weird.” Wtf, why wouldn’t I want to look at you blowing me? And it’s not because I’m ugly, she liked touching my face and hair when we were lying down beside each other, I think it’s more that I was giving her the ol’ autist stare.
Eventually, since we had 20 minutes left I told her to try blowing me again. She did this weird thing where she started licking and sucking on my nipple, which actually felt really good, but I never got more than 40% hard. She tried riding me again, but that didn’t work, so I told her she might as well just go. She looked a bit confused and embarrassed, I was mildly embarrassed but mostly just didn’t care.
Overall, nothing was painful, but very little was pleasurable either. I only enjoyed the nipple sucking (hers and mine) and touching a female’s soft skin. The doggy style pounding was kind of amusing too.
Total cost of the night:
2 Heineken’s: $10 ($4 plus $1 tip)
3 lady drinks: $30 ($9 plus $1 tip)
Sex: $120
Doorman’s tip for girl’s robe: $1
Tip to pimp for finding me a seat: $1
$162.
Thank you for reading.
Kudos
Mainly the traveling over a thousand miles to do something that doesn't interest him much. Like Tahoe said, the Canadian clubs are already more liberal as a whole than the US clubs. So why travel all his way when you could've went to places in Canada to have the same experience? Cheaper in Mexico, yes, but I'm sure that round trip ticket wasn't cheap.
Cums but did not orgasm, I'm thinking since he's a virgin, maybe he had some precum and assumed he came? I don't know. All I know is, when I cum I have a simultaneous orgasm 100% of the time. Kinda crazy to me that this guy says he came but didn't orgasm.
The KISSING IS DISGUSTING is like a direct shot at SJG, especially since it took place in the same place that SJG rambles on and on about despite having never been there. Kinda funny actually. Maybe he'd feel different about it if he first kissed someone he actually had feelings for? Shit I don't know. These days, I can meet a girl for the very first time and as long as she's attractive I'll kiss her and it feels pretty damn good to me.
The negotiating prices, maybe I can give him a pass. If he knows about Hong Kong he's probably done quite a bit of research and knows that negotiating is possible.
The thing I find most unusual about the story is why a young guy from Canada would go all the way to Mexico for sex when he's clearly not that enthusiastic about it.
I've traveled 2,000 miles one way on two separate occasions just to go to HK, but I was gung-ho about it, not just the intercourse (which I didn't partake my second time), but the party atmosphere and debauchery. Being able to caress, fondle, finger, suck on numerous beautiful women for a buck a pop or so, taking part in the famous shaving cream shows, just being showered with attention from women half my age. I was pumped for that. That's why I went and it didn't disappoint.
This guy describes how he had difficulty getting out of bed in his hotel and mustering up the courage or enthusiasm to go to the club after investing so much time and money to get there. That is the weirdest part to me. To me, if you're traveling that far to go HK or TJ in general, it's because you're really excited about it. But that wasn't the case with this guy.
The one thing that makes me wonder if it isn’t legit is that he refers as himself as a retard a couple of times and mentions an autistic stare. If he is high functioning that might explain some of it. Sensory issues are a symptom of autism, and he mentions lack of feeling a couple of times. The one thing he really liked was touching soft skin.
I still don’t know why he would go all the way to TJ just to pop his cherry, but being on the spectrum might explain some of the other issues.
It was a nice read. Vivid detail.
To me it doesn't matter if all is real, some portions are "artistic liberty" or all BS - I just assume is real.
I believe language barrier dampened this fellas experience.
Sex workers are very good, better than PhDs and MDs, in picking up the 50 shades of male sex fantasies and then offering creative ways to fulfill them.
Often times I pick a less attractive and nerdy dancer for an OTC only because she communicates so well. I have some quirks too during my sexual escapades (harmless and fun) - and good communication makes the experience fun for me and my mate.
Periods is an essential though undesirable part of being a young woman. Many guys freak out over something that is very natural. And that freaks out the woman just as well. Being supportive can do wonders.
BeauR
One day, I will become human.
13 HOURS AGO
@TFP I’ve been strongly considering suicide for a while now, I figured I might as well try traveling and having sex before I off myself.
@Dblednmike I’ve been to a strip club once before but didn’t particularly enjoy it. It’s just colourful language, I am actually completely normal and sane, with above average intelligence.
@The bouncers patted everyone down. I think they only asked my age because I look so young.
@Vishap I previously rented the room for the night, I paid nothing to bring her up.
But I still would not do it that way. The initial approach is a big part of the fun, and it has a lot to do with getting the girl off script.
DFKing should start right there, where ever you first engage with her. Standing is actually better for having an effect on her. Then it can continue to being seated. But best to use words to come on to her and soften her up.
If this reviewer doesn't like it, then just save all the best of the hotties for me.
But overall, engaging with women is something learned by experience. The reviewer is in what sounds to be a very good place to learn.
SJG
Sexiest Ladies of Jazz - The Trilogy! - Full Album - New 2017
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsJs_hEC…
This dude straight up said he has thoughts of offing himself and just wanted to lose his virginity before he did it. Yet your advice is still for front room DFKing. Amazing.
As for leaving the best hotties for you.....everyone on this site knows you won't be going to Hong Kong anytime soon. So all the folks here who do go to Hong Kong and actually DO get that DFK action you ramble so much about, they can rest assured that their chica's lips have never touched yours.
Front room DFKing is the way to make things go well in such venues. As for someone who does not want that, I have nothing to say.
SJG
Antifa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUtMeMU6…
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/02/13/2c/02132…
http://hot-azn-girls.blogspot.jp/2012/07…
https://www.pinterest.com/lucyfong1/hot-…
Here’s the end:
Near the end of the massage, she had her arm around the back of my neck, as she she was massaging the side of my neck. Her face was fairly close to mine, and she told me her name and that next time I came by she would give me an hour-long massage. Once again, at the time I thought nothing sexual of this, but now, as I write this, I’m thinking MOMMY. As I was getting ready to leave, she asked me what her name was, and when I correctly remembered, she gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek.
This is one of those instances where I prefer to believe it's trolling. Because if it's not, then this guy should be spending more time in therapy and no time in strip clubs.
Also, this thread really exemplifies why I think SJG is pretty horrible at being human.