Compassion and Strip Clubs

They do, at least to the extent that there is compassion in ordinary life. On the surface strip clubs represent a harsh side of life. But remember, most young and fuckable and marriagable women are very guarded about their lives and who they befriend, everywhere.

Now in religion something else is going on, but it is not necessarily that much better.

In the organization I am building we will take care of our people. And to that extent, we are not partaking in Capitalism.

SJG

What exactly do you mean by “compassion?”

+1 for Bj's question. I am also curious about what type of "compassion" you are referring to.

I guess compassion as opposed to cynicism I didn't realize there were different levels of compassion. To me compassion just simple empathy.

I find a great deal of compassion present as long as you've got some money for drinks and dances. Some girls talk more than others, and some reveal a lot about themselves while others like their privacy. But I find most dancers to be friendly, energetic good listeners....And while I know I'm paying, I'm happy to listen to them too.

When I first started dancing I did a little research on what personality traits men find the most attractive in women. I read that strength and vulnerability are the most attractive traits. I think bc it means having some inner strength to stay open to ppl, so that a woman can be understanding and compassionate. It’s takes a strong woman to put yourself out there and risk being hurt. I don’t mean being open to dating or sex, but just being in the moment and letting ppl have an ability to affect you.

I do meet dancers who seem to be strong and compassionate ppl. Some are just closed off, and hateful. Any girl who talks bad ab other girls and customers is pathetic and weak, IMO. Same w any girl who whines and pushes customers to make money, or displays jealousy to keep customers. It’s just sad and weak. Weak ppl can’t truly be compassionate.

Actually, I think compassion is close to forgiveness, which is one of the most powerfully good feelings that someone can experience.

@BJ99

Compassion as forgiveness... Never thought about it that way. But you are definitely on to something.

People who are compassionate can often forgive or Overlook another person's faults, shortcoming.

Fckn deep. Never thought about it like that always thought I was compassionate because I was able to sympathize but that's not the same thing as forgiveness.

Good job at challenging my thinking about what compassion is. I was a hold off on top of your trust but I'm going to bump it now.

Actually never mind. Apparently I already trust'ya

Forgiveness is letting someone be them, and not being personally threatened just by who they are, so you don’t feel compelled to judge.

I’m not sure compassion is the same as forgiveness, but they seem kinda close to me. I think of someone who has compassion being able to be around ppl in pain, or who are troubled, and not being hurt by it bc they are strong. I have to admit that I struggle to be compassionate w sick ppl bc I’m terrified of illness myself. It’s a weakness of mine.

The idea is that strip clubs are basically an exploitative and harsh side of life.

But relations with unattached and marriageable young women always have this facet to them

And if you are male, they will liberate your money from you.

But, this still does not mean that it is completely mean spirited or uncaring.

SJG

@Bj99 - Sick as in a cold? Cancer? Mental illness?

Like the stomach flu, or things like Ebola (in my mind pretty much the same things). No fucking way I’d go volunteer to help w an outbreak. I’m not the friend who hold back your hair while you vomit. I’m like in the other room, “ugh.. can I do to the store and get you something!?” I managed when my child was young, but I don’t know how.

Bj99, you make me think of something curious. You dance in a strip club.

Often the issue is raised that women who are sex workers are superstitious, and especially about things like illness and other dangers.

I have seen this first hand, among the women who work in AAMPs. ( Apartment version of AMP, like an escort service, and always FS ).

Having been in close communications with them and with the bosses, a close friend of several houses, I heard it everyday. The women were always freaked out about something, some perceived danger.

I pointed out that there was lots and lots of assigning of false cause, thinking that if something happened, then something else bad will happen. They were always ever estimating risks by rumors they heard. But also they were also always underestimating the day in day out built in risks.

I theorized that the reason for this was that they were out group women. That is, women stick together and protect themselves. If they see something wrong, they circle the wagons. But this protection does not extend to those women they consider completely beyond the pale, like sex workers. So sex workers are often very fearful and fearful in ways which are not logical.

I have also seen this in writting, in David Stuart's chronicles about Guymas Mexico in 1970. There was huge animosity between the in group and out group women. But both groups lit candles in front of the Virgin of Guadalupe.

SJG

^ there’s something to that, but in any group of women, they will find a way to put themselves above some outsider, to make themselves feel better.

I have no more or less compassion in a strip club than anywhere else. For example, I am no more likely to hand money to a stranger on the street who makes a claim about needing gas/a bus ticket to get home than I am to a stripper who runs a pity hustle ITC.

Are you suggesting that strippers need extra compassion for some reason?

I think we've all discussed the dangers of being a compassionate person in the strip club environment (that goes both ways for dancers and PL's) usually mistaken as a sign of weakness or plain stupidity

But I do fancy myself and compassionate person and I look for compassion in others. I'm just wondering out loud, it is impossible to have a healthy, mutually respectful and beneficial, both walk away feeling inspired and encouraged, long term type of interactions in strip clubs. Like you would with going to a bar or restaurants.

I don't know sometimes the cynicism on the board makes me depressed about going to strip clubs.

There probably is compassion in strip clubs - but I’m not fully convinced. I think of strip clubs being about supply and demand - and sex and money. The introduction of compassion is something that may exist as an under current.

Possibly if an older gent comes to a club, and he can’t get in up, a dancer might compassionately help him to get off. It’s going to still cost him money - but other dancers might shy away - as it’s not attractive seeing his old nude body and unpleasant to see. Maybe there’s compassion there?

Compassion in my book is feeling sorry for someone who's up against it and a willingness to try to help. I've been ridiculed and denigrated by others on here for my interminal efforts to be helpful to my ATF, which to me has been compassion. I think many men in strip clubs are vulnerable to sob stories and this makes the money flow.
This makes us cynical, when exposed as being exaggerated or false.
Empathy, on the other hand, is identifying with the problem or situation causing angst for the dancer.

Good job

I strive to treat the dancers fairly and according to the golden rule. I know she is *someone’s* daughter, wife/GF, or mother. And I treat her as I would hope someone would treat my loved one should she find herself in that position. As I wrote in your other thread be who you are not what Tuscl groupthink says you should be. There, but of the grace of God, goes John Bradford.

If kids and puppies are attracted to your aura, then you are genuinely compassionate...and yes I am. Agree with many of the points made about the parallels of compassion, forgiveness and empathy. Sometimes there is an underlying sadness in the SC experience...GACA, is that why you asked the question?

Compassion is fine in moderation if it is truly warranted, but in a relationship involving two people who are each seeking to get something from the other, it can obscure and distort things. A case in point is guys who get sucked into pity hustles.

It is also easy for a PL to delude himself into believing that compassion is the driving force for something he does for a stripper when, in reality his desires are driven by less altruistic forces. Gawker is the poster boy for this. Even now, he is claiming that compassion motivated him to help his ATF, but compassion never stopped him from taking her to drug buys so that she would fuck him after and never stopped him from continuing to pursue her for sex even as she was trying to get clean. He's been trotting out his Noble Lecher act for a while now and it is as stupid today as it was when he started.

I asked the questions mostly because I fckn love going to strip clubs, totally reinvigorating for me. It's all fun for me, but admittedly I was starting to become cynical, callous, dismissive, preemptive, and I don't want to love emotionally unhealthy activities.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in a healthy dose of cynicism, but I think I was starting to become someone else.

Touchè RBD. Ya maybe I need to reassess my own motives.

GACA,
I don’t let the SC environment pull me down. Often then dealing with cynical, jaded, or walled off types, I realize that my attitude is the single most important thing I can change that affects in turn how the girl acts: civvie or dancer. If need be I’ll lead and help clear her head, remind her that she’s beautiful and sexy to me, notice a damn thing or two (that others gloss over) that she put some effort into to please me tonight, so we can get down to it. So attitude and lead with it. That’s why guys complain they either aren’t getting action or aren’t getting enough action. Women may be a bit crazy but they aren’t complicated once you understand them.

My motive is to know my worth and never be afraid to ask for what I want. It’s also one of the reasons the dancers ask “that brings you here tonight?” That’s your motivation. Be honest. Like the day day OTC master says, there’s no such thing as a noble pervert. Own it. She’ll respect you more if you do, too. Since not all guys can or will. What really brought you in tonight. No really? Not the sanitized answer. The real blunt reason.

I guess i look at compassion a bit differently. I consider compassion more closely related to altruism than forgiveness. Although i do agree that a compassionate person is a more forgiving person, just because they are usually more understanding and overlooking. Having said that, these are rare qualities in general, not just in strip clubs. I don't run into many truly compassionate people. Maybe at a Buddhist monastery, which i've never been to. Or Bill Clinton as he feels your pain (or any televangelist...). But if you look at it, the strip club tends to develop selfish interests. The strippers are usually thinking primarily of how much money they can extract from PLs and PLs are usually thinking of how much "action" they can get from strippers, although there are mutual benefits involved. I'd like to think that a compassionate stripper would do very well for herself and others ITC and likewise the compassionate PL would be a boon to a stripper or few, but i think they'd be more like pearls before swine. Certainly not something i would expect to find and stay at the strip club.

I think a lot of guys think they're compassionate but aren't. I'll leave it at that.

Bj99 - You must be butter, because you're on a roll on this thread.

^ I think that’s the dorkiest thing I’ve ever heard you say. ;P

This discussion topic is more interesting than I first expected. I have a few thoughts on this.

Lord have mercy the day I’ve become so cynical that I can’t see the humanity in other people. I believe in the golden rule and always try to remember the stripper is someone’s daughter, sister, mother, friend, SO, etc.. That being said, the strip club is the ultimate Petri dish for breeding a point of view that is cynical and jaded. That’s true for both strippers and customers. 99% of the time, the most accurate and the most healthy view of the strip club experience is that it’s about money for the strippers and sexual (and sometimes emotional) needs of the customers getting met by paying for it.

Also, I’m cynical about how we might view compassion in the strip club. On this forum, we see read about all kinds of weird shit that someone thinks of as being compassionate when it is actually self-serving, enabling or Captain Save-A-Ho stuff in reality. Most of the time we would actually be acting in a more compassionate way by dispensing with rationalizations and just viewing our strip club encounters as the transactions they are. In the Big Chill, Michael made the point that rationalizations were more import than sex. When Nick questioned that, Michael replied with the question “Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization”?

Compassion is selfless. It focuses on others. It’s not a whiny focus on “what should I do when the stripper I’ve developed feelings for (fill in the blank)”. In that situation we are still rationalizing our own situation and feelings, not putting them aside for someone else.

So as to the OP’s question, I’m afraid compassion and the strip club don’t mix. That being said, I try my best to be courteous and not be an asshole. I think that’s the simplest approach and the best way to try treat strippers or anyone else.

Yeah. The captain save-a-ho thing is opportunistic and selfish at heart. Dancers know it, too.

There's different levels of compassion. How much you get involved... And then there's the validity of the compassion. Is it true compassion or are you looking for something in return.

The thing is I think both sides become cynical as a protective mechanism to not get too involved after realizing they're always looking for something in return.