Just curious, because I am not married and don't have close personal relationships with a whole lot of married men to be able to ask this of them: how common is it that a women, for one reason or another, becomes much less sexual after the wedding and refuses to have sex with her husband more often than, say, once per week? From my point of view, once per week doesn't even sound that bad, but I suppose if you started the relationship fucking every day, and then suddenly it drops down to once per week, I can see how that would be alarming. Is this really that common or is it much more the exception than the rule?
I can only speak for my own marriage. My wife became a lot less sexually active after our marriage. Especially after we had our first child. She even told me once when we were still in our 20's that she would be just as happy without sex at all. Enter my strip clubbing habit. Now funny enough she is happy without sex but she is not happy if I seek to satisfy that urge outside the marriage. So my SC is a secret and has only been exposed once, but she forgave that. We now have sex maybe 3 times a year whenever she wants to because I am not interested anymore. I satisfy that urge with my CF OTC and ITC. I won't divorce her, because I now have significant assets that I don't want to lose in a settlement. Yes I am an asshole, but I can live with that...
To listen to men talk, it happens to just about every married guy. It's the butt of a lot of jokes. It didn't happen to me. I'm the one that lost interest. After 2 kids she really let herself go physically. I couldn't get it up for her. We stayed together just for the sake of the kids.
Since the divorce I'm trying to make up for lost time by hitting the strip clubs. :)
Agree with @GeorgeBailey. The whole premise that women entice men into marriage with sex, then turn it off, is archaic. Sex disappears in bad marriages.
There's the old mantra:"there are no frigid women; only clumsy men."
While sex frequency declines as we age, the reasons are myriad - lack of desire, familiarity/lack of variety, changing hormones, changing bodies, etc. in my case my wife had a full hysterectomy at age 38 and lost all desire. Hormone replacement was fraught with danger at the time so she "put up with it" for awhile, but it wasn't worth the effort.
I'll admit to being less than a stellar lover except when highly motivated and trust me, at age 72 a young hotbody provides motivation.
Lack of sex in marriages seems to be a fairly common thing from what I hear, especially after they have kids and life gets complicated/busy rearing kids and often both parents working fulltime
Sex was not an issue when I was married until her bi-polar disorder overtook her.
We were together for 11 years total (married for 7), the first six years were pretty good. the next three it was hit or miss and and the last two pretty much non-existent. Despite the fact I wasn't happy about the lack of sex and dealing with someone with bi-polar disorder who is not properly medicated is hard ... real hard. Through all of this, I did not cheat and I did not ask for the divorce. She did.
I think much of it depends on the couples love and dedication for one another. In my opinion, if you marry thinking you'll get sex regularly, don't get married. There has to be more to the relationship than sex to get married.
This is why I won't get married again, it's not just about the sex for me. It is actually pretty low on the totem pole. I think if everything else is there sex happens organically. I just enjoy having the freedom to do whatever I want.
I talk to friends and they have to "check in with the boss" to do something. I don't have this issue.
Having children is often a contributing factor, and those couples that figure out how to have some romantic time while the children are small, some times get lazy with one another, another contributing factor is menopause, also as men age one time failures play with their psyche which leads to a lack of desire due to embarrassment there is a syndrome named for this, and of course smoking and diabetes affect many men.s ability to get and maintain an erection which again leads to embarrassment, as you see it is not always the female at fault .
According to reading material or my divorce practice 75% of women lose interest in sex after one year unless men make an effort to make it exciting. My wife has gone through the change and while were not having sex 5-7 days a week like we did almost 30 years ago, we still have awesome sex, albeit less frequently, which at 60 is fine by me after a 65 hour work week. Caveat: No idea why, but in the last 14 months she has gone from bottom 40% in lifetime bj quality to one of the 3 best ever. Its like dating a new person. How a 58 year old woman goes from lick and gag to deep throat and swallow is one of life's amazing mysteries.
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Lol.
Since the divorce I'm trying to make up for lost time by hitting the strip clubs. :)
While sex frequency declines as we age, the reasons are myriad - lack of desire, familiarity/lack of variety, changing hormones, changing bodies, etc. in my case my wife had a full hysterectomy at age 38 and lost all desire. Hormone replacement was fraught with danger at the time so she "put up with it" for awhile, but it wasn't worth the effort.
I'll admit to being less than a stellar lover except when highly motivated and trust me, at age 72 a young hotbody provides motivation.
We were together for 11 years total (married for 7), the first six years were pretty good. the next three it was hit or miss and and the last two pretty much non-existent. Despite the fact I wasn't happy about the lack of sex and dealing with someone with bi-polar disorder who is not properly medicated is hard ... real hard. Through all of this, I did not cheat and I did not ask for the divorce. She did.
I think much of it depends on the couples love and dedication for one another. In my opinion, if you marry thinking you'll get sex regularly, don't get married. There has to be more to the relationship than sex to get married.
This is why I won't get married again, it's not just about the sex for me. It is actually pretty low on the totem pole. I think if everything else is there sex happens organically. I just enjoy having the freedom to do whatever I want.
I talk to friends and they have to "check in with the boss" to do something. I don't have this issue.