False identity

Fuck dude I am losing track on this one.

So she's now at a rehab 150 miles from you, and this was AFTER the rehab stint in Florida correct?

So you're sitting there now thinking that since you told the shrink your "confession" that the shrink went and talked to her about all of that (in addition to the addictions) and opened up a whole new can of worms that she's going to have to get over/confront in addition to the addictions? Eh, well she is gonna have to face it eventually.

You know, out of all the people on here talking about their ATFs, and random strippers she's the one I am the most curious on what she looks like. You should post a photo of her, I have to see how hot she is for you to put up with all of this.

Peace out grandad!

Here's something interesting. My ATF was in rehab for heroin addiction a few months ago, and she listed me as her emergency contact. When I visited her, she told them I was her uncle. At least she didn't say I was her grandfather!

I don't think it matters what you told them. These therapists have heard it all. Addicts lie and lie. A stripper addict is the biggest liar of all.

"A stripper addict is the biggest liar of all."

Ouch. Don't tell my wife.

You took the hard right. We are what we do. She chose to trust these to know better than herc and to help recover, so you did what she thinks is best for her also. If you need support in this, I think you should call her therapist. I'm sure they can explain.

^^^^ hilarious!!!!!!

Gawker you are soo good to this girl that therehas to be legitimate and honest love there. She probably doesnt deserve such a good guy as you but frankly it doesnt sound like she would be alive without you. You selflessly tell the shrink this knowing its best for her and that it will isolate you from here forever. If that isnt love I dont know what is.

But your relatiinship with her plays like a greek tragedy. You are like prometheus chained to the rock getting his liver ripped out and eaten everyday by the eagle.

I think you might be the one who needs to be saved from this torment. Hopefully this ends with her well and that eagle does not show up again. But it sounds like you decided she has the keys to those chains...

Good luck and honestly I hope it works this time. And I sure hope she appreciates what you are doing...

SMH!

You did the moral thing.

Odds are against her staying sober long term.

Gawker;
"Recovery is not for people who need it...
It is for people who want it..."
I learn from a girl that was able to recover from alcohol and cocaine addiction in the late eighties, that it is up to the person, nothing else will work if she does not want it, if and when she finally wants to she will.
All you can do is try to help her the best you can...
You said it is "a high priced residential rehab program", I hope you are not paying for that, who is paying for it? Another PL?
I believe you do have feelings (love) for her, but you also have desire and want to have sex (make love) to her. I hope you follow your instincts (your heart) and do what you can to help her. Just be careful not to hurt you or hurt her in the process.
Good luck.

interesting that you know her so well that you can effectively fake being her grandpa. I wouldn't have told the truth, and you shouldn't have either. But I understand why you did it.

Agree with JohnSmith69. Telling the truth to her therapist was non-brilliant.

Why didn't you just say something like the following?

I'm actually her on-again, off-again boyfriend. I know our age difference makes that relationship a bit unconventional. This embarrasses her so she often introduces me as her grandfather.

It is really the john part that is non-brilliant. :(

I'm really never going to be able to understand how/why guys get so deep in the weeds with strippers.

Simply enough this was the right thing to do in the interest of her full recovery, even if her or you didn't want to admit it. It may cost you your relationship with her, but if you were an enabler (which us Johns/PL certainly are as a source of money and more), it had to be done.

If you really cared about this chick you would have cut ties with her long ago, but you don't.

You've heard my view before. I don't think there is anything wrong with giving her money or driving her places or socializing with her.

But, I do think you should stop having sex with her, until she completely cleans up her life. The sex is what keeps the destructive relationship going. And so you are the addict who keeps this going.

So when this rehab house called you, it was actually you who were in need of rehabilitation, until you can stop having sex with her.

So you should have stayed true to your commitment to being her grandfather, and lived up to it.

SJG

Tchaikovsky - 1812 Overture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbxgYlcN…

Hey Gawker. Thanks for sharing. I love this drama.

She's been living this insanely unhealthy lifestyle for a long time now. How has it affected her looks? It must have some impact. Can she still make bank dancing.

I would have kept up the lie. Not sure if it is the right thing to do or not.

This is the hardest of all: to close the open hand out of love, and keep modest as a giver.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Give her money when she wants it and when you can afford to give it.

But stop having sex with her. Really be her 'grandfather'. The sex and your own addiction to it are what make the relationship destructive.

SJG

Sugar Plum Faries, with acoustic celesta
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow4t3C_g…

SJG - you are not all wrong. I've repeatedly told her I won't have sex or pay for it till she's.been sober 6 months. Yet I've continued some level of support - just no where near what I was before.
There's no question in either of our minds that she'd be dead without me ( and possibly me without her).
I know my wife's Alzheimer's & my role as caregiver plays a part in my desire to keep seeing my ATF but I can't label it. My wife will probably be in a nursing home within a few months. Even with a home health aide her 4 hours a day it's becoming very difficult to manage for me.
While my ATF's been away (FL & now in NH) I've seen another dancer several times and my daughter has said she'll stay with my wife while I do a weekend away with my #2.
The "pricey rehab" she's at has a price tag of $7800 for 4 weeks. It's got private rooms, great food, hikes in the mountains, yoga classes, etc.
I'm not paying a cent of it. She has a 2 week scholarship, renewable for another 2 weeks, "if she's doing well". Her Dad is ponying up the money to get her into the sober house and she has to get a "recovery job" right away to cover $200 a week rent.
Right now she has one former customer who bought her plane ticket home from FL ( he & I talk occasionally and he says he's done with her and a fairly recent customer who has offered her a job and a rent free apartment, but she is an extremely independent person who doesn't want to try to fulfill his expectations.
She's got her looks still and has no trouble making bank at clubs but she's "sick & tired of getting naked for men". Most guys her age who she's been with over the past few years are addicts and have rnded up shitting on her and abandoning her so she's fed up with guys for the immediate future. She's got several female friends who swing from the other side of the plate and may get her jollies with them for awhile. She says she's doing well & feels differently about sobriety this time and talks by phone with her son daily. I hope she makes it.

Nothing wrong with giving your original ATF money, when she needs it and when you can afford it. But I really suggest that until she really cleans up, that she be off limits for sex. Others will have to meet that need.

I know you are trying to do well. Good luck.

SJG

Pat Metheny, Joni Mitchell, Jaco Pastorius, Michael Brecker - "Shadows And Light"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLKb9Ms6…

8 Body Language Tricks
http://www.businessinsider.com/body-lang…

James Dean, Rebel Without A Cause, clip, method acting at its very best.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E1QdvCC…

The James Dean Story - Documentary by Robert Altman (1957)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mONdXc16…

JAMES DEAN: BORN COOL (2000) - a documentary by Denn Pietro & Denver Rochon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSGkZhhn…

Reflecting on this gawker, you should have stuck to the plan and your story, Grandfather.

It is up to the girl how much she wants that place to know about her. I would suggest that they know as little as possible. She wants to get clean and sober. But this does not mean psychotherapy, psychanalysis, or recoveryism. No one should ever be subjected to those.

You betrayed her confidence.

All you needed to do was firmly admonish this councilor, "Yes I am her grandfather, but if you want to know about her, you need to talk to her, I do not give out information about her."

SJG