False identity
gawker
Older than dirt
So my ATF headed off to a high priced residential rehab program after a week of detox. I agreed to drive her there ( about 150 miles each way) and I bought her some clothes and a carton of cigarettes and we were about an hour away when the admissions office called me to ask about our arrival time. The gentleman made some comment about me driving my granddaughter there.
So I asked her what that was about and she said she had told them that I was her grandfather & listed me as her emergency contact. So I dropped her off, wished her well and went home.
The next day a therapist called me. Former addict, got clean, earned BS & MA in psychology. She asked me lots of questions about my "granddaughter" and I played along ( she was such a smart little girl). After hanging up I thought for a minute & called back. I told the shrink that if my ATF was ever going to beat her habit, she couldn't do it on a lie. I'm not her grandfather; I'm her most reliable John. She was initially taken aback & then ended the conversation. After 30 days clean my ATF called me, said she was only on step 4 of the 12 steps ( moral failings) and was listing them and was up to 184. I wanted to know how many involved me but she said she wasn't supposed to talk to me and would be going to a sober house about 250 miles away in a couple of weeks. I wonder if I should have "fessedup" or not?
So I asked her what that was about and she said she had told them that I was her grandfather & listed me as her emergency contact. So I dropped her off, wished her well and went home.
The next day a therapist called me. Former addict, got clean, earned BS & MA in psychology. She asked me lots of questions about my "granddaughter" and I played along ( she was such a smart little girl). After hanging up I thought for a minute & called back. I told the shrink that if my ATF was ever going to beat her habit, she couldn't do it on a lie. I'm not her grandfather; I'm her most reliable John. She was initially taken aback & then ended the conversation. After 30 days clean my ATF called me, said she was only on step 4 of the 12 steps ( moral failings) and was listing them and was up to 184. I wanted to know how many involved me but she said she wasn't supposed to talk to me and would be going to a sober house about 250 miles away in a couple of weeks. I wonder if I should have "fessedup" or not?
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So she's now at a rehab 150 miles from you, and this was AFTER the rehab stint in Florida correct?
So you're sitting there now thinking that since you told the shrink your "confession" that the shrink went and talked to her about all of that (in addition to the addictions) and opened up a whole new can of worms that she's going to have to get over/confront in addition to the addictions? Eh, well she is gonna have to face it eventually.
You know, out of all the people on here talking about their ATFs, and random strippers she's the one I am the most curious on what she looks like. You should post a photo of her, I have to see how hot she is for you to put up with all of this.
Peace out grandad!
I don't think it matters what you told them. These therapists have heard it all. Addicts lie and lie. A stripper addict is the biggest liar of all.
Ouch. Don't tell my wife.
But your relatiinship with her plays like a greek tragedy. You are like prometheus chained to the rock getting his liver ripped out and eaten everyday by the eagle.
I think you might be the one who needs to be saved from this torment. Hopefully this ends with her well and that eagle does not show up again. But it sounds like you decided she has the keys to those chains...
Good luck and honestly I hope it works this time. And I sure hope she appreciates what you are doing...
Odds are against her staying sober long term.
"Recovery is not for people who need it...
It is for people who want it..."
I learn from a girl that was able to recover from alcohol and cocaine addiction in the late eighties, that it is up to the person, nothing else will work if she does not want it, if and when she finally wants to she will.
All you can do is try to help her the best you can...
You said it is "a high priced residential rehab program", I hope you are not paying for that, who is paying for it? Another PL?
I believe you do have feelings (love) for her, but you also have desire and want to have sex (make love) to her. I hope you follow your instincts (your heart) and do what you can to help her. Just be careful not to hurt you or hurt her in the process.
Good luck.
Why didn't you just say something like the following?
I'm actually her on-again, off-again boyfriend. I know our age difference makes that relationship a bit unconventional. This embarrasses her so she often introduces me as her grandfather.
It is really the john part that is non-brilliant. :(
But, I do think you should stop having sex with her, until she completely cleans up her life. The sex is what keeps the destructive relationship going. And so you are the addict who keeps this going.
So when this rehab house called you, it was actually you who were in need of rehabilitation, until you can stop having sex with her.
So you should have stayed true to your commitment to being her grandfather, and lived up to it.
SJG
Tchaikovsky - 1812 Overture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbxgYlcN…
She's been living this insanely unhealthy lifestyle for a long time now. How has it affected her looks? It must have some impact. Can she still make bank dancing.
I would have kept up the lie. Not sure if it is the right thing to do or not.
This is the hardest of all: to close the open hand out of love, and keep modest as a giver.
Friedrich Nietzsche
But stop having sex with her. Really be her 'grandfather'. The sex and your own addiction to it are what make the relationship destructive.
SJG
Sugar Plum Faries, with acoustic celesta
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow4t3C_g…
There's no question in either of our minds that she'd be dead without me ( and possibly me without her).
I know my wife's Alzheimer's & my role as caregiver plays a part in my desire to keep seeing my ATF but I can't label it. My wife will probably be in a nursing home within a few months. Even with a home health aide her 4 hours a day it's becoming very difficult to manage for me.
While my ATF's been away (FL & now in NH) I've seen another dancer several times and my daughter has said she'll stay with my wife while I do a weekend away with my #2.
The "pricey rehab" she's at has a price tag of $7800 for 4 weeks. It's got private rooms, great food, hikes in the mountains, yoga classes, etc.
I'm not paying a cent of it. She has a 2 week scholarship, renewable for another 2 weeks, "if she's doing well". Her Dad is ponying up the money to get her into the sober house and she has to get a "recovery job" right away to cover $200 a week rent.
Right now she has one former customer who bought her plane ticket home from FL ( he & I talk occasionally and he says he's done with her and a fairly recent customer who has offered her a job and a rent free apartment, but she is an extremely independent person who doesn't want to try to fulfill his expectations.
She's got her looks still and has no trouble making bank at clubs but she's "sick & tired of getting naked for men". Most guys her age who she's been with over the past few years are addicts and have rnded up shitting on her and abandoning her so she's fed up with guys for the immediate future. She's got several female friends who swing from the other side of the plate and may get her jollies with them for awhile. She says she's doing well & feels differently about sobriety this time and talks by phone with her son daily. I hope she makes it.
I know you are trying to do well. Good luck.
SJG
Pat Metheny, Joni Mitchell, Jaco Pastorius, Michael Brecker - "Shadows And Light"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLKb9Ms6…
8 Body Language Tricks
http://www.businessinsider.com/body-lang…
James Dean, Rebel Without A Cause, clip, method acting at its very best.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E1QdvCC…
The James Dean Story - Documentary by Robert Altman (1957)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mONdXc16…
JAMES DEAN: BORN COOL (2000) - a documentary by Denn Pietro & Denver Rochon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSGkZhhn…
It is up to the girl how much she wants that place to know about her. I would suggest that they know as little as possible. She wants to get clean and sober. But this does not mean psychotherapy, psychanalysis, or recoveryism. No one should ever be subjected to those.
You betrayed her confidence.
All you needed to do was firmly admonish this councilor, "Yes I am her grandfather, but if you want to know about her, you need to talk to her, I do not give out information about her."
SJG