tuscl

Marriage survey

JohnSmith69
layin low but staying high
Wednesday, June 14, 2017 4:09 PM
For those who are married, how long have you been married? Would you describe your marriage as mostly happy, a roughly equal mix of happy and unhappy, or mostly unhappy? Yes, the DC has started using the M word. So Im curious.

33 comments

  • ATACdawg
    •
    7 years ago
    Totally happy, JS. Either I chose well, or I was just plain lucky. We knew it was coming!
  • san_jose_guy
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    7 years ago
    ^^^^^^ JS69, I'm sure that I don't need to tell you this. But for our other readers. Don't believe creeps like ATACdawg, guys who cheat on their wives, even though they don't admit that that is what it is. SJG
  • jackslash
    •
    7 years ago
    A 60-year-old man is getting married to a beautiful 20-year-old woman. The man's best friend asks him how he had won a woman so much younger than him. "It was easy," the man said. "I lied to her about my age." "How old did you say you were," his friend asks. The man replies, "87."
  • san_jose_guy
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    7 years ago
    ^^^^^^ :) :) :) SJG
  • san_jose_guy
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    7 years ago
    Seriously, I thank JS69 for this thread. There actually have been quite a few which try to get at the issue from the different angles. I feel that marriage sucks and that it should be abolished. But I also think that many of the problems are still coming from the patriarchal rules which divide women into two categories. Neither of the categories makes for much of a life. SJG
  • ATACdawg
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    7 years ago
    Sorry, JS, I missed the "how long". 35 years and counting. Seriously, I think you have a good thing in this woman. Are you prepared to do without strange pussy in the future, or at least do it only with her express permission?
  • ATACdawg
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    7 years ago
    SJG, I don't deny for one second that I am cheating on some level, but there is a line I have not crossed and hopefully never will.
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    7 years ago
    Glad to hear you admit that ATACdawg. This is different from what you were saying months back. And nothing wrong with maintaining some lines. I did the same. But please, don't being going on about how wonderful married life is, when you are not one who is even trying to follow the rules. Likely your wife just feels too old to be able to dump you. I broke rules, and I stayed within some lines. Mostly the lines where the point where I would likely get into trouble, like letting AMP girls become my mistresses. But I was honest, there was something seriously wrong with my marriage, otherwise I would not have been cheating. Even if one does not agree with the rules of marriage, I submitted to it, and I knew that my wife was insisting that the rules be followed, and I, though in principle willing to follow them to try and make it work, I was not following them because though I tried, I was not able to make the marriage work. My ex-wife communicates with me and tries to get her hooks into me, again. But she is still even now not really relating to me. It turns my stomach, these guys who cheat, to one degree or another, who still insist that there is nothing wrong with their marriage. These guys are scum because their word, to their wives, means nothing. Thanks again to JS69 for starting this thread. And also kudo's to him, for seeking advice, deciding what he needed to do, and then doing it. As I know, he is TUSCL's first divorce. I say he should be formally recognized for this. SJG
  • twentyfive
    •
    7 years ago
    And SJG again demonstrates why he has no buddies because this is the most fundamental ethic of the guy code. You don't have the right, or moral standing to pass judgement on anyone, you have never succeeded at anything, not even maintaining a relationship with a woman.
  • rh48hr
    •
    7 years ago
    Why the hell do people keep getting married? Funny set by Bill Burr. [view link]
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    7 years ago
    "most fundamental ethic of the guy code. You don't have the right, or moral standing to pass judgement on anyone" I don't subscribe to any guy code, never have, not for 1 second, never, never will either. Thanks to 25 for framing this issue so well. And remember, one of the last good family men that I dealt with, while he was proclaiming his innocence, I helped to put him into San Quentin. He will be there for a long time. Sentence could exceed his life expectancy. SJG
  • mr_evans2u
    •
    7 years ago
    Totally happy. My wife goes to the strip clubs and enjoys them as much or more than I do.
  • rickdugan
    •
    7 years ago
    I have been married for over a decade and I am generally happy. It has its ups and downs, but I've never seen a marriage that doesn't. As far as all of this philosophical rambling about why guys cheat and what it means about their marriages - what a bunch of goofy BS. Guys have been cheating forever for no other reason than to have fun with younger or hotter or [fill in the blank here] pussy. The more cash and opportunity a guy has, the more likely he is to have side fun. If this wasn't true, then many strip clubs and escorts would cease to operate. I used to hold the same ridiculous idealistic views espoused by others on here, but then I got older and learned how my older male relatives operated and how others I worked with did as well. Guys in the old days just harbored less guilt about it and kept their mouths shut. Of course, unlike some around here, in the old days guys weren't intimidated by their wives and certainly weren't letting them get fucked by other guys. It's a brave new world I suppose. ;)
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    7 years ago
    Guys have been cheating forever. But the point is, being able to walk your talk now, instead of holding onto some double standard where men can cheat and women cannot. Either you support the idea of marriage and its stated rules, or you don't. There cannot be a public standard and a private reality. And to emphasize what 25 framed so well, I do not support any 'guy code'. When warranted, I have gotten someone incarcerated for longer than they may live. And I'm still working to make sure he does not get out on appeal. SJG
  • rickdugan
    •
    7 years ago
    "There cannot be a public standard and a private reality." Says who?
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    7 years ago
    Much more than 10 years, tried very hard to make it work, including strict sense fidelity and really working on myself to promote better communications. Absolute unmitigated disaster. I consider myself lucky to even be still breathing. Thanks to founder for bringing back post lists. But there is one I want to give her a link to. It does not actually give the links. SJG
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    7 years ago
    "There cannot be a public standard and a private reality." Says me. I certainly would never deal with anyone who does not publicly stand up for what they believe. I would never want to live any other way. SJG
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    7 years ago
    dawg, I likely wouldn't get married unless I was prepared to not have sex with strippers, but I seriously doubt that I'll ever completely stop going to clubs.
  • rickdugan
    •
    7 years ago
    And how did all of that enlightened sensitivity and honesty work out for you SJG? ;)
  • gawker
    •
    7 years ago
    47 years. Happy for the first 15. Then we separated and I had an affair with true beauty who was 10 years younger. Then reunited and happy for a couple of years and then things started to fall apart again. Then she said it was ok if I wanted to see others; just don't rub her nose in it. By taking the sexual aspect out of the picture I was able to really enjoy her again and in our 50's & 60's we travelled a lot and our kids became successful in their professions and they got married. In our mid-60's she developed Alzheimer's and for the past 2 years I've been a full time 24/7/365 caregiver. We're nearing a point where I'm starting to look at nursing homes and expect she'll be placed within 6 months. Not too much I'd do differently if I were doing it over. She's quite a woman to put up with me all these years.
  • shailynn
    •
    7 years ago
    16 and I'm under 40 years old. Ups and downs (of course) and we don't have kids so we each have lots of freedom. She's going through some very serious, possibly life changing issues with her immediate family right now so our future is a little murky. Hopefully everything works out and thank god she has the positive attitude of a ditzy blonde.
  • Jascoi
    •
    7 years ago
    marriage might be justified when you have real true love on the level of kindred spirits. I was married 35 years and am now happily divorced.
  • skibum609
    •
    7 years ago
    Living together almost 28 years. Married 21+. If you consider a bad fight one where you say mean things to each other we have had one (my fault) and have multiple I love you's every day. I did one thing right in my life: get married. She skis, golfs, hikes, does carpentry, electrical and plumbing, is a singer, is bi, knows who i am and what I do and is low maintenance. I always look forward to going home. Until death do us part......
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    7 years ago
    30+ years married and mostly happy. *Very* happy. The *only* thing that could possibly make it better at this point is if she wanted to have sex again. That's such a small part of what we have though, that it's in no way reason to separate.
  • gammanu95
    •
    7 years ago
    Nine years, mostly happy. If this marriage ends for any reason, though, I don't think that I would ever do it again. Being faithful is tough, owing someone time and attention, sharing space/time/money is tough. I love her, but I would prefer to be solo except for her. I don't know you personally but, judging by your posts, another marriage would be a very bad idea.
  • shadowcat
    •
    7 years ago
    I married the wrong girl for the wrong reasons I had my doubts from the night before our wedding when she flipped out over my bachelor party. I stuck it out for 27 years just for the sake of the 2 children. She damn near bankrupt me but finally cut the cord soon enough to recover financially. At least I got 2 good kids out of it. I'm too old now, 75, to ever consider it again. I just hit the clubs to try to make up for those lost 27 years.
  • mr_evans2u
    •
    7 years ago
    Totally happy, married 22 years. Yes, plenty of ups & downs through out the years. My wife goes to the strip clubs and enjoys them as much or more than I do.
  • Tiredtraveler
    •
    7 years ago
    Not any more! Marriage has changed into long term pay for play Ponsi scheme with the payment plan designed to suck the very life from the male animal then allow them to feast on your corpse. With marriage you get regular sex for 6 months to 1 year with ever decreasing frequency and quality then you pay for it with all your wealth, health and sanity until you are finally willing to give up everything you own to just be able to take a shit in peace without someone telling you are doing it wrong. Advice from a oldster if you insist on marriage: 1} get snipped NOW before you get married and trapped with kids(no kids gives her NO leverage against you) 2} have a shark lawyer make a bullet proof draconian pre-nuputual agreement so heinous that protects you and only you from her. (all women change once they have the second ring) When a woman get marriage ideas show it to her I got snipped years ago after a pregnancy scare from a girl that decided she wanted my child and to marry me(in any order to fulfill her wants) and claimed a broken condom. (she told me I had gotten her pregnant so now we could do it bare back, I declined to do it at all after her declaration since did not remember the busted rubber incident since I had always used my own condoms even when she had them) When the blood hit the pad I hit the road. Yes I am cynical!!
  • JamesSD
    •
    7 years ago
    7 years married. Mix of happy and unhappy. Borderline dead bedroom. Serious weight gain on her part. If she sucked my dick 3 times a week I wouldn't stray. But we only fuck when she wants it, and that's about twice a month. I need more.
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    7 years ago
    Rick Dugan wrote, "And how did all of that enlightened sensitivity and honesty work out for you SJG? ;)" It didn't work at all. And that was why I decided that the wife must go. Without trying my best to reach out to her, I never would have felt it right to divorce here. When marriage councilors and working on myself did not work, that was when I finally filled out the papers and got someone to serve her. And I am tied down now. But for the future, anyone man or woman, need a process server for divorce, look no further than I. And I go along with TiredTraveler's bleak view of marriage. SJG
  • Cowboy12
    •
    7 years ago
    Married for 27 years, and mostly happy. We think a like on a lot of subjects, so we get along very well. She knows I goes to clubs, and has no problem with it.
  • Jascoi
    •
    7 years ago
    i do miss my ex wifes cooking. (damn good cook.) but overall... so nice to be away from her.
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    7 years ago
    I got so that I did not like my wife to cook, I did not want to be around it. She was using that as a substitute for actually relating. And even today, she tries to get her hooks back into me, but she is not actually relating to me. There is some food I miss. But that is never worth being shackled to someone who is not relating to you. SJG
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