The worm turns
gawker
Older than dirt
My ATF continues to stay sober and is dancing at a club with a long history of being owned and frequented by Italian mafioso. She just moved from a sober house to an apartment which is a 10 minute Uber ride from the club. I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks but she calls me daily to talk. She's been out every non-working night with a guy who's been sober for 20 years and is very active in the drug rehab business. She likes him but is hesitant to call him a BF and says they've yet to be intimate.
I asked if she had many regular repeat customers and she said last night one guy had her in VIP for 4 hours - paid club fees and gave her more than a grand. He's mid-30's and has 2 weeks before he starts a 10 year sentence in federal prison. Convicted of possessing over 20,000 30 mg. Percocet. And has a couple of felonies on the books already - so he's just blowing his money before going away. She's going out to "a real fancy restaurant" with him tonight. She says she blew him last night but won't fuck the guy.
I'm supposed to get together with her next week and coincidently an old favorite lives nearby and she had a baby two weeks ago,so I told her I'd take her & the baby to lunch and then figured I'd go check out the bedroom of my ATF's new apartment. I've been storing a lot of her belongings in my cellar for a year and am looking forward to getting it out of my house. She confuses me, telling me she can't wait to see me, how much she loves me, and yet telling me all the details of her private life. We've talked for hours about her old BF (11 years) who dropped her a year ago and she still feels he's the love of her life. I'm no longer able to pay her for sex other than an Uber occasionally or $50 Western Union now and then, but the sex is better than ever. What do you PL's make of this?
I asked if she had many regular repeat customers and she said last night one guy had her in VIP for 4 hours - paid club fees and gave her more than a grand. He's mid-30's and has 2 weeks before he starts a 10 year sentence in federal prison. Convicted of possessing over 20,000 30 mg. Percocet. And has a couple of felonies on the books already - so he's just blowing his money before going away. She's going out to "a real fancy restaurant" with him tonight. She says she blew him last night but won't fuck the guy.
I'm supposed to get together with her next week and coincidently an old favorite lives nearby and she had a baby two weeks ago,so I told her I'd take her & the baby to lunch and then figured I'd go check out the bedroom of my ATF's new apartment. I've been storing a lot of her belongings in my cellar for a year and am looking forward to getting it out of my house. She confuses me, telling me she can't wait to see me, how much she loves me, and yet telling me all the details of her private life. We've talked for hours about her old BF (11 years) who dropped her a year ago and she still feels he's the love of her life. I'm no longer able to pay her for sex other than an Uber occasionally or $50 Western Union now and then, but the sex is better than ever. What do you PL's make of this?
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23 comments
SJG
I think you should become a priest and wear a robe, because she's always giving you confessions. (Man I'm going to hell for that comment). Glad you get to still see her and glad she's willing to sleep with you for free (for the most part). You've done plenty for her over the years and I think she's smart enough to reciprocate some favors your way.
Face it - if you were younger/she was older she'd be your wife/live in/girlfriend etc.
One thing I've learned from all the bbbj and bbfs, is there is always a new mouth and a new pussy that needs probing.
No stripper is worth the stripper shit.
SJG
"I've made mistakes in my life.
I've let people take advantage of me.
and I've accepted way less than I deserve.
But, I've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I know better next time and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve."
- Unknown
Gawker you have developed a relationship with her, she probably have feelings for you sometimes good sometimes bad. She doesn't have those feelings for others, estranges or new customers. If the sex is good and you enjoy it, don't second guess it, enjoy it, like it is been said before sex is not free, you have invested money, time, energy and emotions in your relationship with your ATF, she probably recognizes that and returns something to your investment.
Whit respect to "the love of her life", she developed those preferences early in her life, probably based on the relationship she had with her father, so let her be.
Once again learn from your past experiences with her, if you want, enjoy the sex and try to avoid the drama.
My two cents.
John if you invest as much time, energy and emotions as gawker has you should get a similar return on your investment.
Just remember "a man gas to know his limitations", don't expect the DS to " fall in love" with you. Have reasonable expectations, like good sex and no so much drama. If you do like gawker and help the DS to be sober and transition to a reasonable good civilian situation, you can have the good part that gawker have. Just avoid the drama.
Good luck to gawker and JS69 and the woman they love.
Peace out.
Didn't you say she fell off the wagon a few months back?
In some ways I live vicariously through you. I think going through the ups and downs you have had with your relationship would be a rush. But I'm a very conservative, risk-averse person (some or many would call it being a pussy) when it comes to "going for it".
In the same way that I tend to play it safe, it seems that you need or at least enjoy the drama/ unpredictability/ excitement/ rush.
In any event, I say do what makes you you, and live without regret.
But she can always be a friend.
My .02
SJG
I'm not Henry Higgins, not auditioning for Pygmalion, but did see some challenge to be Sir Save-a-ho. She was unashamedly honest - I remember her telling me she was the only addict she knew who never stole from her parents- and told me whatever I wanted to know. I enjoyed her favors, but also enjoyed her company. For awhile I joined her in drug use but frankly didn't get much of any enjoyment from it and saw it as a terrible waste of money. I then saw that she was a better person sober than when high. So I began supporting her efforts to get and stay sober and it's been a long and torturous trip. She's relapsed more times than I can count. She's cried on my shoulder saying the drugs are stronger than she is. I've gotten pissed and told her to fuck off. I've forgiven and dragged her to detox and to rehab. Over & over. Don't get me wrong, I've had my fun with her every opportunity I've had, but after several years a bond has formed. We have a twisted form of trust between us and I alternate from being a lover to feeling like a parent.
I'm hoping that she finds a guy who can help her stay straight and be there for her. She's promised to come to my funeral ( probably will upset my family who are aware of her existence) and I've promised to go to her wedding. When she's away I miss her. When we're together for more than a couple of days, she can give an aspirin a headache. But it's been a great ride.
SJG
Or just listen to AA people, they are flaming idiots. The self-reliance ethic is simply a repackaging of Original Sin.
https://www.amazon.com/Alcoholics-Cult-C…
People are never supposed to look at why they drink and use.
AA and its 12 steps were derived from the Frank Buchman movement, otherwise known as Moral Rearmament. He was run out of the US, then run out of the UK for being pro Nazi, so he ended up in South Africa. Then he was run out of there. But he was still behind "Up With People", a conservative response to Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar. They always played to captive audiences, like high schools and prisons.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Up_with_Pe…
So today, the moral legacy of Buchman is AA and the 12 Step Groups.
And now Recovery is fusing with the Born Again Movement.
"Second Chance Grace Place"
"Everybody Needs Recovery"
at about 5:00
http://mediacenter.saddleback.com/mc/m/4…
Recovery is the new Original Sin. They are asking the survivors of abuse to make themselves into the culpable parties. This is easier than facing the fact that they were abused and that the entire society stands with the abusers, laid out in the Self-Reliance Ethic.
SJG
You either find ways to resist and fight back, or you become a collaborator, an Uncle Tom.
And so the entire concept of Recovery and Healing is simply a way to put the blame back onto the victim.
And the type of injustice which effects the most people is the exploitation and abuse perpetrated by the middle-class family.
The middle-class family is unique, like nothing else which has ever existed. People are having children by choice, in order to enhance their social status. But they are not being honest about this. They are not honest about anything because the middle-class lives in bad faith. They don't admit that they have choices and they don't live up to their own values. And so the brunt of this is felt by children. In our society, children are the exploited workers, being used to give identity and status to their parents.
And so when this does not work, it gets turned back on the children. They are the ones who end up seeing psychiatrists and psychotherapists. And they are the ones who end up on drugs, both prescription and street. And they are the ones who get abused day in and day out. But the perpetrators are exonerated because the child gets a disability label. And then the child is the one who will end up seeking salvation in an evangelical church.
SJG
SJG