How do you avoid becoming PL?
houjack
Explosion in my pants
Anyway, my "quick fix" was to ask her to fuck for money because subconsciously I knew she'd say no, and sure enough, she said no sex. That got my little head incredibly discouraged and I think helped. But I still want this girl.
Anything you guys do to keep out of PL land? Do you normally frequent more than one club? Take long breaks from clubbing when slipping? Always have multiple dancers to rotate your attention?
I didn't do any of that, lol. This girl was to me, the best ever, didn't want anyone else. Now I know I have to move on before I let her destroy me.
What do you think is the best way to do that?
Should I take a long break, or try other clubs to find another?
I need the wisdom of your collective experience.
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Read RickyBoy's The System. Actually don't just read it once. Read it like 20 times. Then once before you leave to go to the club.
You're just talking about LDKing and there's several guys here too that just do that and are happy. I'm not one of them, but of course to each their own.
Go to other clubs, if you develop a rapport with dancers and what you really want is to graduate from LDKing to OTCing (sex outside the club) then you're going to have to develop a rapport with several dancers at several clubs and eventually one will take you up on your offer.
It's seems so complex asking someone for sex but once you've done it a few times it becomes so easy that I'm working out the details with a stripper I've just met and the waitress hasn't even brought our drinks yet. Keep in mind to this day I always fail miserably and ask the wrong dancer who gets way too offended. You always can't shoot 100% of your free throws.
In your case, either take a break from the costly, unrealistic fantasy. Or, go to a new club, find a new girl, and practice not becoming fixated on one girl.
Okay, first piece of bad news: someone who says things like "ATF" and "once we got our system down" is already a PL :) So, what you're asking us is: "Now that I"m a PL like the rest of you, how can I not fall in love, get victimized, etc."
I'll also tell you that I'd bet most of us have, at least once, slipped up and fall for a stripper a bit too much -- and the resulting emotional or financial pain, plus the embarrassment at being manipulated by a 20 year old, creates some lifelong armor that prevents it from happening again. If you want to avoid that -- and really, you do -- you could start by switching clubs, do your best to avoid thinking about her, etc. For myself, I'll tell you that no matter how much I like a stripper, the moment she says "no" to an OTC offer, that just shuts off and I'm not interested anymore... that wasn't the case with 20-years-ago me, but it is now, I really don't need to do any defensive maneuvers like switch clubs or switch girls or whatever.
So I'm basically echoing some of shailynn's advice: OTC with a stripper (the right stripper, at least) is the caviar of the sex industry, get your eyes on the prize, build rapport with other strippers and flush them the moment they say "no" to OTC. After you score that, come back so we can give you advice on "how not to fall in love with my OTC stripper" :)
I'll do the defensive maneuver of switching clubs for now.
Thanks. Very helpful.
You've got good advice above and here's my two cents. In your case, I think you've got to decide what you want from strip clubbing. For years while marrried, my goal was an LDK. If that's your main goal, then this dancer sounds great and I'd keep seeing her. But if you want sex, and it sounds like that's your goal, then you should definitely move on to another club for a while. And then you need to learn how to get sex from strippers cause there's no reason to wait anything like six months to ask. There is no better teacher than experience but you can nevertheless learn a lot by searching otc in the discussions on tuscl. The topic of how to fuck strippers comes up a lot, and lots of guys here have given good advice. Then after you've tried a few times post about your experiences and learn some more. It is definitely with the effort. Read my DS sex stories if you want to know why. And I totally agree with subra -- if your goal is sex, then you should dump every dancer who after a reasonable investment of 2-3 club visits says that she ain't no ho.
No money unless service rendered.
You can pay for dinner etc. but no cash unless she gives you something in return.
I seldom if ever now see any girl outside the club, nor do i wish to do so.
Step 2 never return to a strip club ever
"Technically" - one you step foot in a club and pay a dancer to be w/ you; you have joined the PL-ranks - being a PL is pretty-easy to achieve - what a PL needs to be careful of is becoming a RIL (regular in love) - this can be costly emotionally, psychologically; and financially.
Trying to find "love" in a strip-club is the proverbial trying to fit a square-peg in a round-hole (very high failure-rate) - most dancers are not interested in finding a love-interest in da club and on top of that they are flaky as hell often making them a bad-choice for dating unless one knows what they are getting into and is willing-and-able to roll w/ the drama.
It's ok to be into a dancer - just don't get all emotionally tied up - treat it like being really into pizza and just enjoy it for what it is - one needs to see it for what it is o/w one often ends up getting pennies on the dollar - i.e. spending more does not necessarily mean one gets better service and often can lead to being taken for granted b/c often times RILs jump whenever their fave says jump and the fave figures she has him wrapped around her stripper-finger - i.e. often times the more one does for a stripper, or civvies really, often times the more they want and the less one gets - a PL needs to know what he is doing and since he is the one w/ the $$$ he needs to be the one in control not just be a pussy-whipped puppet.
w.r.t. how to deal w/ this bitch that has you by your PL emotional balls - I pretty much don't know shit about women; but IMO one thing that I've noticed in my personal PL-career is that indifference often works best, i.e. having a "don't give a shit attitude" - often times the more one chases a ho the farther one gets from having her - and this can apply to strippers even when we pay them.
We PLs need to learn how to stand-up to the pussy - running away (going to different clubs) just means one has not learned how to deal w/ them and this often means one will repeat the same mistakes w/ other strippers at other clubs - IT'S ABOUT YOU - she's there to entertain you; not for you to be bending backwards and forwards for her which IMO/IME is often actually counter-productive - be fair but don't be a pushover.
The only lever we PLs have is the $$$-lever - IMO you have the following options:
+ stay w/ the level of service you've been receiving if she's not willing to go beyond that and it stills satfies you
or
+ give her the cold shoulder but in a mature way - i.e. stop spending on her if you feel you are not getting enough ROI - if it's me and she asks why I don't wanna get dances from her I tell her that I'm already bored w/ getting dance after dance w/ her and want to see her outside the club - if she says no then I'm willing to let her walk, or as I mentioned above keep getting dances if I still enjoy it and feel I get decent value out of it
OTC is like batting in baseball - if you are hitting 300 then that's near All-Star level - i.e. there are many reasons why dancers do not do OTC many of which are valid - but at some point a PL needs to put hit foot down else it becomes Einstein's definition of insanity (keep doing the same thing and you keep getting the same results) - being the one paying the $$$ and also given the dancer all the control is a sure losing proposition 99% of the time IMO - most dancers want to do the least for the mo$t - if it was up to most-dancers they would like to walk out of the club every night with $1k for just sitting and talking and having a few drinks w/ PLs.
It probalby won't get better by itself - as w/ civvies, one often has to meet many different strippers till they find one that gives you what you need - we don't owe strippers anything and they don't owe us anything - most strippers will move-on in a NY-minute when it's in their best interest and so should PLs.
If you encounter a girl you like, tell her so and start seeing her outside right way.
Maybe it works, maybe it does not. But the way you become a PL is by using strip clubs as your regular form of sexual gratification. That is perverted.
SJG
There is a seemingly endless and growing supply of fine sexy honeys willing to do OTC under the right circumstances. I've met dozens of unique sexy baby-dolls but in the end, fine is fine and none of them were unique enough to get hung up on.
(1) Act your age. For example, most hot 20-yr-olds don't actuall enjoy sleeping with men pushing 60.
(2) Don't blur the lines b/w paying for sex and a "real" relationship
(3) Don't fall in love with sex workers.
(4) Don't blow your retirement savings on strippers.
(5) Strip clubs should not dominate your life, nor provide a replacement for actual relationships and an SO.
---The Conscience of TUSCL