Wife Not Sexualized Enough
san_jose_guy
money was invented for handing to women, but buying dances is a chump's game
There are many of us here who have gone through bad marriages. Some of us are out of them. But some of us are still dealing with the ramifications. And then there are some who are still in bad marriages.
Is or was a big part of the problem just that the wife was not sexualized enough?
In my case, the wife did not want sex to be too big of a part of the marriage. Before marriage, maybe okay. But after, no. She wanted to minimize the amount of sex, and its quality. She did not ever want to treat it as a fine art, something which should be further developed, ritualized, and cultivated. She wanted it to be as basic as possible, and minimized.
This was just the background she was coming from.
One result was that she was always sexually faithful. Sexual infidelity would never be a way she would try to strike back at me. But her lack of sexualization was a big reason that the marriage was not salvageable.
She really wasted her youth, and a large part of mine.
But it was also my own fault for being involved with such a person. I was short sighted and naïve.
Anyone else experience anything like this?
SJG
"To separate the deserving from the undeserving... and to do so by creating a stigma attached to those they consider undeserving. It is very similar to Psychiatry. The moment you introduce Psychiatry, remember Michel Foucault, and the story about the madhouse, you create a narrative of reason and unreason, you create a power structure. The person who has the certificate to be the Psychiatrist decides who is sane and who has the right to be a free citizen."
Yanis Varoufakis: Basic Income is a Necessity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvgdtF3y…
TJ Street
http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3741/96200…
www.adelitasbartijuanamexico.com/zona_no…
www.adelitasbartijuanamexico.com/zona_no…
http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5488/96200…
Is or was a big part of the problem just that the wife was not sexualized enough?
In my case, the wife did not want sex to be too big of a part of the marriage. Before marriage, maybe okay. But after, no. She wanted to minimize the amount of sex, and its quality. She did not ever want to treat it as a fine art, something which should be further developed, ritualized, and cultivated. She wanted it to be as basic as possible, and minimized.
This was just the background she was coming from.
One result was that she was always sexually faithful. Sexual infidelity would never be a way she would try to strike back at me. But her lack of sexualization was a big reason that the marriage was not salvageable.
She really wasted her youth, and a large part of mine.
But it was also my own fault for being involved with such a person. I was short sighted and naïve.
Anyone else experience anything like this?
SJG
"To separate the deserving from the undeserving... and to do so by creating a stigma attached to those they consider undeserving. It is very similar to Psychiatry. The moment you introduce Psychiatry, remember Michel Foucault, and the story about the madhouse, you create a narrative of reason and unreason, you create a power structure. The person who has the certificate to be the Psychiatrist decides who is sane and who has the right to be a free citizen."
Yanis Varoufakis: Basic Income is a Necessity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvgdtF3y…
TJ Street
http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3741/96200…
www.adelitasbartijuanamexico.com/zona_no…
www.adelitasbartijuanamexico.com/zona_no…
http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5488/96200…
47 comments
SJG
SJG
Go get your ass stuffed at the bathhouse so you can think straight!
During the years when I was trying to make it work, I was 100% faithful. Zero going to even our local no touching and no private dance clubs.
She just did not want to allow the sex to be good. This was talked about with the first marriage councilor, and she got chastised for a kind of bait and switch. It was just her personal and cultural background.
SJG
Your wife left you because you're a controlling psycho night saint! She got smart and left you, she's gone! Get over it creep!
SJG
Saving Capitalism with Robert Reich
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbQEPjH5…
After marriage, living together a while, abd being together a long time, you started fighting and not getting along. Once that happened, the connection between you two was bad, so sex with you no longer interested her.
That's the bottom line. Happens in a lot of marriages. Don't take it personally. That's just the reality. Find someone new and start fresh.
A. Wedding cake.
A) She knows that she has given her last blowjob !
"The AMP thing is irrelevant really. Before you got married, you two got along well and you had a lot of sex."
We had regular sex. At first I was only seeing her on the weekends. But then in the last year before marriage I felt that I needed to make more of a claim to her. She had set it up so she and her GF room mate each had their own rooms. So I would just go from working late to her, and so I would fuck her each night. Seemed like she needed that to make her feel happy.
IT was good, to a point. I was not as sexualized yet as I would need to be. That would come later, when I met the ones I call "The Beloved Latina Escorts", they really are a trip. And some of the SF AMP girls really are good too.
My ex-wife never wanted sex to be made theatrical, or ritualized, or intensified.
Clear wrote,
"After marriage, living together a while, and being together a long time, you started fighting and not getting along. Once that happened, the connection between you two was bad, so sex with you no longer interested her.
That's the bottom line. Happens in a lot of marriages. Don't take it personally. That's just the reality. Find someone new and start fresh.
"
Yes, there were huge tensions which developed and the sex was sabotaged. But none of this occurs in a vacuum, and the past is never over. It is never even past. Statements to the contrary are denial systems, a kind of a tune out, or even a drug. No one can actually live well if they listen to such stuff.
Clear also wrote, " It's not some bait and switch she pulled on you just to get married. You two just drifted apart."
No, it is bait and switch, and she has admitted to such, and she was directly chastened by our first marriage councilor. What it really was is just that she was not dealing with her own stuff. And part of this is that she was not sexualized enough. If she were, she would have been forced to deal with her stuff. Sex is about power, and people who don't realize that will use it in very toxic ways.
What Jackslash and twentyfive are saying is entirely correct!
I am not against her, but she crossed some extremely destructive lines. I don't see how there could ever be open communications between us. As it is now, I get very manipulative vibes from her emails, and so I apply some very strong restrictions. I'm not seeing this changing anytime soon.
What really puts her in a category different from other women I might meet, is just the non-sexual ways in which she made life into a death trap.
How many other people here have been married to women whom they feel were not sexualized enough, and what was it like?
SJG
Lecture 4. Rhythm: Jazz, Pop and Classical
https://youtu.be/h4ROqE4SMyA?list=PLGQlh…
Don't know your situation, but have seen guys complain their exes not wanting enough sex only to break up and doing it all the time with her new partner. So it's not wanting sex, but not wanting sex with the original guy and he never knows why and telling himself she's now a slut/skank etc w/o seeing it was always about him.
GL
She was extremely sexualized while pregnant for the first 6 months, and always before she got pregnant. Somehow I have to dress her down whenever we go out in public. I keep telling her to stay out of her heels and showing her legs in her skirts but she insists saying she likes to look nice after watching our kids all day. I get tired of her always thinking about herself, as it gets annoying hearing all of this cat calls from guys out on the streets when we walk together. I sometimes tell her she should walk on the other sidewalk to stop from rubbing it in my face. Yeah, Jeannie is too sexualized that I'm thinking of getting her pregnant again just to keep her locked down.
SJG
SJG
SJG
Yanis Varoufakis Explains Greece's Financial Crisis (Pt. 1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UOlJsmv…
TJ Street
http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3741/96200…
www.adelitasbartijuanamexico.com/zona_no…
www.adelitasbartijuanamexico.com/zona_no…
http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5488/96200…
It's the same when I go to Burger King and see that Whopper Jr.'s are only a $1/each. I order 80 whopper Jr.'s, and the register lady looks at me funny, and I say "What? I don't want to lose money!"
Smh, some people are really on their high horse of righteousness.
If people think it through a bit, they will see that you want to break out of the designed selection boxes. In a strip club, you do not want to let girls sell you dances. Rather, you select the girl yourself and let front room GFE happen. People have explained that this is how it works in the best of the US dives, and in TJ.
Regrettably, Purple Dress Donna has died of leukemia.
As far as my ex-wife, I would not want to know someone like that today, not sexualized enough. In the end, not willing or able to satisfy. A prescription for problems. So I over look young women who come across in a similar way. Don't need to deal with them. It would never work.
Real issue is what relations of any type will I continue to have with my ex-wife. I would like to think that there will be some kinds of communications and support. But even at this juncture that seems very difficult.
SJG
Brian Eno
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggLTPyRX…
TJ School Girls
http://www.losangelespress.org/wp-conten…
I like the looks of them, but I prefer them in higher heels and overall a more slutty look.
Just like you don't let girls sell you dances at a strip club, you don't accept the type of serial line up they usually offer at AMPs. You find ways around it, to make the girl see that you are selection her and of getting her softened up before committing.
So anyway, I came over after work and was not sure if I was going to session. Then I spotted Donna, out a side door washing her car. So I went in and asked about her.
But they did not understand me. So they showed me 4 girls and I had to turn them down. Finally someone understood and went and got Donna.
Well that breaking the selection process. Once we got into the room, she had her arms around my neck and was pressing her entire body against me, and then soon we were DFKing intently. And what followed was sublime.
Well this is way way beyond what AMP's offer.
And then in the long years which followed, Donna would go to other shops in other counties, as LE was closing places down. And she would always select a new name.
But all I had to do was start calling other shops and tell the story about the car washing, and then the girl on the other end of the line would fill in about the Purple Dress. So they all knew the story. And then they would tell me Donna's new name and I could come and see her.
Now JS69 took it upon himself to start trolling me over getting so involved with Donna and saying that I washed her car. Well I did not ever wash her car. And he is 1000x more involved with his DS1 than I ever was with Donna.
But my point is, you must find ways to break the selections process, in all these venues, as that is the key to getting the girl softened up and getting great GFE, followed by mind blowing FS.
Most of these guys still don't understand this, but the one who does and who practices it continually is Jestrite50.
Because I was married, I felt that I could not start seeing Donna or any others offsite. I knew that if I did that, then I would be making the girl into my mistress, and that this always eventually results in hurt feelings.
Regrettably Donna has since dies of leukemia.
SJG
Brian Eno - Thursday Afternoon (61 Minute Version)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggLTPyRX…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Eno
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2017/j…
OK here you go, your wife left you because you're a controlling psycho night saint! She got smart and walked away because you're an obvious mess of a man. She's gone and all the posting and hand wringing won't change that fact or bring her back! Get over it creep!
My read is that Lloyd personifies the latter category. I think the clues are there in EVERYTHING he posts on this board.
I'm certain he is so enamored with the opinions he spews that he has no time to listen to a partner. Sad. Truly sad.
It pains me even more that Huge Jackass agrees with me and this time i agree with him.
What's this world coming to? :D
Gaffigan, you don't consider your own going to strip clubs as cheating on your wife? Is your cerebral cortex dead?
rockstar, Not sure if I understand you. So your wife or ex-wife is sufficiently sexualized, and so that never by itself turned into a problem?
SJG
Hot girl in white mini-dress and high heels
https://youtu.be/CpSdePGgVyQ?t=1m47s
Yanis Varoufakis at the Hay Festival 2016
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUmtH5PL…
I was not developed enough myself. It has taken years, and secret things while married, and really just building a completely different kind of a life.
She was just going to control in the ways which she knew and had grown up with, and I was alive because I had fought back against those ways. I survived, but I did not thrive because I did not go far enough and was not ready to to far enough.
And thank you thank you thank you founder for reopening our old threads.
SJG