You are clearly impressed with yourself despite knowing little of the ways of the world. I am highly suspicious of your assertions that you actually practice law among the hairless apes. However it is no concern of mine for I obey only the law of the jungle. I am a lion and I am a rick.
My advice to you is to try to gain some perspective on your life. Purchase a good suit. Not one of those cheap Burlington affairs you no doubt wear. I'm talking about a nice suit. Perhaps a Brioni. Have the tailor sew Velcro onto the back. Then adhere yourself to a wall with your penis hanging out. I know it won't be as large as the barnacles or attractively covered in spines like mine. But it will do.
Then you should think like a barnacle. Nay, become a barnacle. That will put your life in perspective.
ROAR!
Fuck you, jackie.