Gawkers latest discussion brings me to the conclusion that an awful lot of you guys,(not saying all) seek out the most desperate drug addicted dancers for your own unknown reasons. Myself if I think a girl has issues with drugs, or might be a psycho I avoid her like a bad fart, I have been clubbing for over 40 years and would not consider getting involved with any women either civvie or stripper if I could see it would lead to the kinds of drama some of you guys talk about. Maybe its just me, but that's not to say I don't ever talk to girls with problems but when the signs are obvious, (drug abuse, irrational behavior, weird statements, girls that get beyond drunk, etc.) don't you guys see them or are you guys just so desperate for pussy that you are willing to overlook these things.
I will not go to the extremes like many of you describe. I have had some great long term relationships with several strippers over the years, befriended and been befriended by a few, and I have helped more than a few out from time to time, but never have allowed myself to make someone else's problems my own nor get involved she has a sign posted on her forehead that says TROUBLE.
If I can tell a chick is fucked up from the get-go, I'm out. But lots of times it's more insidious ... what happens if you enjoy her personality, she blows you away sexually, but then little by little, as you peel the covers back, you realize she's a little more fucked up, and a little more fucked up? For me, if it's IV drugs, I'll fire her on the spot, but if it's just a damaged stripper (I mean, more damaged than most -- the vast majority are damaged at least a bit, IME) with bad judgement and drama? If she's blowing me away sexually and I have fun with her, I have a decently high tolerance, UP TO the point where her problems effect me in any way... beyond that, I sometimes enjoy hearing the wacky stories, etc.
The line is where you described, "make someone else's problems my own nor get involved". But there's a LOT of territory between "normal well-adjusted stripper" and "stripper who is so fucked up that you get dragged into her mess".
I think the best way to avoid a dancer with problems is to just stay home. Every stripper has problems, sometimes the problems just show up later than sooner.
25 - when their problems become your problems you're getting too close. It's easy to do but you just have to take a step back.
I used to get way too personal with strippers. Now it's - ITC, OTC and at the most a quick dinner date and that's it. I let them know when I am in town, but no chit chat, texting when I'm out of town.
Another point that I was trying to make is many of our frequent posters who really should know better get wrapped around these girls pinky finger. They certainly need to take a step back not pointing any fingers or trying to call guys out, but if you are a regular on this board and you get trapped by this nonsense, what the hell are you doing here, you certainly aren't learning anything.
If a girl starts telling me her sob story now, I've learned to just say to them at some point "I've come her to forget/get away from my own problems, not to hear about someone else's."
It's not the smoothest way of getting your point across, but I have found it very effective in getting unwanted stripper shit from dancers to either change the conversation or leave.
I know, Draymond Green said before the game they need to take care of the ball and he's thrown it away twice within the first quarter. They're going to lose if they keep doing that shit.
As already mentioned if you want to avoid dancers with problems you will have to avoid all of them. From drug issues, bf issues, baby daddy issues, thieving issues, pimp issues, family issues, issues with the truth, money managing issues, issue issues, on and on, they all have some type of and usually multiple problems.
Better to stick with the nuns and librarians.
I once decided to break up with one stripper but she had a sneaky way of avoiding me saying anything. She gave me a bj as soon as we were alone. I'm a sucker for bj's apparently. Especially good ones that I didn't expect. I thought she might be trouble but trying to meet somewhere to talk alone she saw as an opportunity.
Signs she wasn't stable.
She lived over 200 miles away and traveled to work in western SC for almost a year I think mainly because she was seeing me.
She said she was doing 95 just about the whole way.
She said one time when the cops pulled her over, they found some drugs.
The list goes on. I was initially curious how she knew me. I found out she didn't remember me from 8 years ago, it was 18 years ago before she even starting stripping. She spotted me leaving a strip club and said she could remember the first time she ever saw me. Wow, I thought, that is a good memory.
I thought if a guy approached a dancer with everything she told me, she would probably think the guy was a stalker. She knew stuff I didn't even know when I lived in NC.
On the other hand I've had some dancers in years past call me crazy when I was younger. In high school , one of my brothers friends asked him if he had a death wish. I thought the only really stupid thing he did was go rock climbing bare handed with no safety gear. He told me it got slippery and real dangerous when he was on the cliff when it started to pour down rain, There's sane daredevil stunts and then there are stupid dangerous things that are asking for trouble. Bare handed cliff climbing with no safety gear on a day where thunderstorms might happen, stupid. I wasn't there.
My father is probably the reason I remember a bad dream. I'm in the back seat of a car and he says he thinks he can jump the lake. It's Lake Michigan. Might be a latent memory from my fathers driving adventures. I heard a story about the car started floating in one stream my father said he could drive through. One wheel got traction on a rock or we would have floated away.
for whatever reason i've seen it in the club time and time again. the patron would rather get a dance with an obvious druggie (i.e. brown teeth, sallow skin, nodding out with a cig in hand) than get one with a pretty healthy dancer....baffles me everytime
for whatever reason i've seen it in the club time and time again. the patron would rather get a dance with an obvious druggie (i.e. brown teeth, sallow skin, nodding out with a cig in hand) than get one with a pretty healthy dancer....baffles me everytime
The 10 out of 10 dancer is usually the "I am a stripper because I refuse to be an escort". Looks aren't everything in a strip club. Personality is too ;-)
I go to clubs to not get involved in a girl's life! If I wanted to deal with drama I would date the divorcees all around me. There are tons of 30 to 55 yo divorcees "looking for love/next hubby" NOT!
As long as the girls issues are not severe I listen sympathize and then promptly forget them by the time I get to my car. Involvement outside as I learned long ago is a fools errand.
I agree that all girls have issues and strippers are just more magnified.
Women that do not have issues are usually in one of three categories:
1]Young in college/grad school or starting their professional career and do not want involvement until later, therefore to young for me.
2] In a stable relationship and not looking.
3] Are an established professional, only want a relationship on their terms and not looking.
With Strippers, it all comes down to knowing boundaries, which is probably better established in the club.
At the club, when I start getting disrespected I can walk.... Once she has your phone number and knows where you live and who you associate with, control shifts significantly. I got out of string of situations where strippers and/or sex workers embedded themselves in my life about two years ago resulting in domestic and financial chaos. Be careful who you take home from the playground- the playground is away from 'home' for a reason!
"The only way to avoid strippers with problems is to avoid strippers altogether."
Very true. But some are worse than others. In general I don't get along well with people committed to alcohol, drugs, born again Christianity, or psychiatric medication. They see me as a hard ass, as a buzzkill. You see this dynamic unfolding even on a forum like this. And with Gawker's girl I wouldn't have 5 minutes of patience. So it sorts itself out.
I think Subraman has some great advice and insight.
The simple fact is most strippers have issues and drama. The key is to get what you want from them without becoming involved in the drama. I don't get near the stripper drama. If I wanted drama - I'd still be married!
"Most strippers have drama" is very vague phrasing and drama can be applicable to "most" people's lives. There are plenty of strippers who know better than to bring their drama into customers' lives, some are too stupid to care, and some have issues so extreme that it's inevitable to avoid.
A lot of girls who are desperate for money are also going to have drama in their lives feuling their desperation, which is why they are resorting to OTC with men they wouldn't even be interested in chatting with if they weren't getting paid. So, yes, for those types of girls there will be drama.
I think some of the lonely middle-aged/older-aged guys deal with the drama because they feel a need for something to fill the loneliness, even if it's chaos. Guys like this have never had such "drama" to deal with, and it becomes thrilling compared to the mundanity their lives had before they started paying for sex.
Everyone has some level of drama in their lives, but we tend to single out strippers because, on a very consistent basis, there's an unfathomably higher level of drama, stripper after stripper after stripper ...not many (any?) women I've met in my non-SC life can come close to matching even what passes as a low-drama stripper. I know in my own case, I"m not being melodramatic or purposely insulting -- I'd never even fathomed how much drama one person could have in their lives, until I got my very first ATF; that got me metaphorically re-calibrating my drama meter on a logarithmic scale, so I could fit "strippers" and "everyone else I"ve ever met" on the same mental map.
That said, I have to agree that this might be a self-fulfilling prophecy -- the kinds of 20-year-olds who would have sex with 45-year-olds for money, it's believable these are the highest drama kinds of girls. As a customer, my impression of strippers is formed from the strippers I've known best, and by definition those are all girls whose life choices had led them to a situation where a 40+ year old man knows them VERY well.
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The line is where you described, "make someone else's problems my own nor get involved". But there's a LOT of territory between "normal well-adjusted stripper" and "stripper who is so fucked up that you get dragged into her mess".
I used to get way too personal with strippers. Now it's - ITC, OTC and at the most a quick dinner date and that's it. I let them know when I am in town, but no chit chat, texting when I'm out of town.
If a girl starts telling me her sob story now, I've learned to just say to them at some point "I've come her to forget/get away from my own problems, not to hear about someone else's."
It's not the smoothest way of getting your point across, but I have found it very effective in getting unwanted stripper shit from dancers to either change the conversation or leave.
Better to stick with the nuns and librarians.
Signs she wasn't stable.
She lived over 200 miles away and traveled to work in western SC for almost a year I think mainly because she was seeing me.
She said she was doing 95 just about the whole way.
She said one time when the cops pulled her over, they found some drugs.
The list goes on. I was initially curious how she knew me. I found out she didn't remember me from 8 years ago, it was 18 years ago before she even starting stripping. She spotted me leaving a strip club and said she could remember the first time she ever saw me. Wow, I thought, that is a good memory.
I thought if a guy approached a dancer with everything she told me, she would probably think the guy was a stalker. She knew stuff I didn't even know when I lived in NC.
My father is probably the reason I remember a bad dream. I'm in the back seat of a car and he says he thinks he can jump the lake. It's Lake Michigan. Might be a latent memory from my fathers driving adventures. I heard a story about the car started floating in one stream my father said he could drive through. One wheel got traction on a rock or we would have floated away.
The 10 out of 10 dancer is usually the "I am a stripper because I refuse to be an escort". Looks aren't everything in a strip club. Personality is too ;-)
As long as the girls issues are not severe I listen sympathize and then promptly forget them by the time I get to my car. Involvement outside as I learned long ago is a fools errand.
I agree that all girls have issues and strippers are just more magnified.
Women that do not have issues are usually in one of three categories:
1]Young in college/grad school or starting their professional career and do not want involvement until later, therefore to young for me.
2] In a stable relationship and not looking.
3] Are an established professional, only want a relationship on their terms and not looking.
At the club, when I start getting disrespected I can walk.... Once she has your phone number and knows where you live and who you associate with, control shifts significantly. I got out of string of situations where strippers and/or sex workers embedded themselves in my life about two years ago resulting in domestic and financial chaos. Be careful who you take home from the playground- the playground is away from 'home' for a reason!
Very true. But some are worse than others. In general I don't get along well with people committed to alcohol, drugs, born again Christianity, or psychiatric medication. They see me as a hard ass, as a buzzkill. You see this dynamic unfolding even on a forum like this. And with Gawker's girl I wouldn't have 5 minutes of patience. So it sorts itself out.
SJG
Lady Love, remastered 2007
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WNZLlrx…
Does seem like one guitarist could not have done this in real time.
So probably that is what this guy is indicating.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdTxRwpX…
But that would not apply to this live version.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Caju97c…
SJG
The simple fact is most strippers have issues and drama. The key is to get what you want from them without becoming involved in the drama. I don't get near the stripper drama. If I wanted drama - I'd still be married!
A lot of girls who are desperate for money are also going to have drama in their lives feuling their desperation, which is why they are resorting to OTC with men they wouldn't even be interested in chatting with if they weren't getting paid. So, yes, for those types of girls there will be drama.
I think some of the lonely middle-aged/older-aged guys deal with the drama because they feel a need for something to fill the loneliness, even if it's chaos. Guys like this have never had such "drama" to deal with, and it becomes thrilling compared to the mundanity their lives had before they started paying for sex.
That said, I have to agree that this might be a self-fulfilling prophecy -- the kinds of 20-year-olds who would have sex with 45-year-olds for money, it's believable these are the highest drama kinds of girls. As a customer, my impression of strippers is formed from the strippers I've known best, and by definition those are all girls whose life choices had led them to a situation where a 40+ year old man knows them VERY well.