Regrets
gawker
Older than dirt
Those who follow the exploits of the PL's in the discussion pages know that I've been seeing one stripper ( my ATF) for more than 6 years. She has helped me erase all listings of a sexual nature from my bucket list, however as a hard core heroin addict she's also drained my bank accounts and led me on an emotional roller coaster ride. I've taken her to detox and rehab literally dozens of times and every time she'd emerge with a whole new purpose in life - until she began using drugs again. Her lies and half-truths escalated until I finally drew a line in the sand which she quickly crossed. So our ride has ended.
During these many years, ours has not been a relationship of exclusivity. I've enjoyed the favors of many others and she has earned her keep with other men. One in particular, a well heeled medical professional, has been a frequent flyer in her bedroom, but not with the same frequency as I. He and I recently met and agreed that we both had feelings for her and that if and when she started using crack and/or heroin again we would not be the funding agent. Well, surprise, surprise she "fell off the wagon" again and I cut her off, but he's been roped in again and is back to supporting her lifestyle.
Meanwhile I've met a younger, newer model. She initially impressed me as a 9 or maybe even a 9.5, but as we've begun meeting at her apartment ( which I'm slowly furnishing ) I've gotten to see her with her "hair down" - no makeup, sweats, and better yet - boll icky bare ass, I'll rate her a strong 8. More importantly, I'm getting to experience sex and all that goes with it in a very different light. She is an extremely gifted woman in the pleasure arts and we are hitting it off quite well.
Now; my regrets? First, that I ignored the advice of many other readers here and hung in with the ATF long after the expiration date. Second; that I judged other dancers who provided me with BJ or even FS based upon one visit or encounter. My new CF took several times before she became more comfortable with me and shared her full repertoire. In fact, I suspect there's more to come. Third, and finally; that I spent so much time and money on the ATF after it became clear that change wasn't in her vocabulary. Yes, she provides the best oral sex this septuagenarian has ever had, but as I'm learning now, there are others who can match, or possibly exceed, my high water mark.
Bottom line: there's plenty of fish in the sea.
During these many years, ours has not been a relationship of exclusivity. I've enjoyed the favors of many others and she has earned her keep with other men. One in particular, a well heeled medical professional, has been a frequent flyer in her bedroom, but not with the same frequency as I. He and I recently met and agreed that we both had feelings for her and that if and when she started using crack and/or heroin again we would not be the funding agent. Well, surprise, surprise she "fell off the wagon" again and I cut her off, but he's been roped in again and is back to supporting her lifestyle.
Meanwhile I've met a younger, newer model. She initially impressed me as a 9 or maybe even a 9.5, but as we've begun meeting at her apartment ( which I'm slowly furnishing ) I've gotten to see her with her "hair down" - no makeup, sweats, and better yet - boll icky bare ass, I'll rate her a strong 8. More importantly, I'm getting to experience sex and all that goes with it in a very different light. She is an extremely gifted woman in the pleasure arts and we are hitting it off quite well.
Now; my regrets? First, that I ignored the advice of many other readers here and hung in with the ATF long after the expiration date. Second; that I judged other dancers who provided me with BJ or even FS based upon one visit or encounter. My new CF took several times before she became more comfortable with me and shared her full repertoire. In fact, I suspect there's more to come. Third, and finally; that I spent so much time and money on the ATF after it became clear that change wasn't in her vocabulary. Yes, she provides the best oral sex this septuagenarian has ever had, but as I'm learning now, there are others who can match, or possibly exceed, my high water mark.
Bottom line: there's plenty of fish in the sea.
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19 comments
This won't happen to the DS. She has her life together now and has stopped most all drugs except weed. Oh yeah, she doesnt strip anymore either. I doubt that she could have done this without my money. Of course, the consequence of getting her life together may well be that she stops fucking this old man. I may know soon.
JS - I have 6 years of memories on a flash drive that'll warm the cockles of my heart for years to come.
SC - as the master, I defer to your wisdom on the transitory nature of "relationships" in our little corner of the entertainment industry.
Genuinely sad story. Unfortunately, recovery is unlikely at this point. Based on your stories of taking her to rehab you've tried to help her. At this point there is nothing you can do except get out of the toxic environment and not look back.
The drama keeps you there. When I think of all the strippers I have had relationships with, the ones that caused the most drama are the ones I always think of first. Wher here is was good or bad, they certainly are the most memorable and those girls were the ones to always push the envelope, the ones most likely to never say "no" to one of my off the wall requests.
But I also do not support the Recovery Movement.
As I see it the issue is political consciousness. Nancy Reagan and the Recovery Programs are on the same page in that they tell addicts that they are the ones at fault, and so they have to accept this. I don't go along with this.
As one develops political consciousness they will come to see that they never had a chance in the first place. Usually it is familial abuses, and then just the way we have let adolescent culture develop, and then our system of capitalism which leaves a large portion of the population with zero future.
So when you see how bad it is, then you will also see how Nancy Reagan, the Recovery Movement, Born Again Christianity, and Psycho Analysis, are all just further manifestations of this abuse.
So one who sees this will want to fight back. But it is hard to do much alone. You need comrades. So once one is committed to working with comrades and fighting back, they will abandon all intoxicants and denial systems, as they need their strength and their sanity to educate themselves and fight.
Blood of Others
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zh57EXcH…
Let people see how they can be part of the solution, and then they will drop all unhealthy and crazy making stuff, so that they can gain some victories.
SJG
For those who couldn't be at the stadium, here's some great video footage. Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7juA6adU…
Grand jury probe into Santa Clara Stadium Authority and Santa Clara City Manager Julio Fuentes with allegations of destruction of evidence:
http://www.sanjoseinside.com/2016/02/03/…
Tom Petty American Girl Live 1985
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyStwRYL…
Tom Petty - Super Bowl 2008 - Free Fallin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJ3snsZ1…
I think among the important lessons here is: when you're in the middle of it, it is easy to convince yourself that you're helping and supporting her, when you're actually the enabler for her self-destructive behavior. Which doesn't mean some other guy won't come along and take your place -- most assuredly, one will -- but karma-wise, go in with eyes open and denial at a minimum