So my live-in girlfriend, after having a few drinks the other night, spilled the beans that she used to be a stripper at Sapphire in Vegas about 10 years ago. She said her dead beat husband gambled away all of their money and she had to support him and her daughter so she was a stripper for a year .This girl wants to start a life with me. So what I'm wondering is if it this money was relatively clean thru lap dances in this club that is topless only, or was this club like so many that I've been to in Los Angeles area where the girls routinely give hand jobs and blowjobs in the VIP area to make money?
So are you saying she just must be a whore because she's working the business? Or are you saying I shouldn't judge someone even if they have given 1000 blowjobs for money?
OMG. So she was a dancer for a year 10 years ago. If you don't have the capacity for the unconditional love a lasting relationship requires, you're not good enough for her. Do her a favor and break it off.
Rockstar666
long lasting relationships are based on honesty and trust. She did not tell me she was a stripper until after I had already fallen in love with her.
That's not her fault. I repeat: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. That means you are sensitive that she's embarrassed about it and didn't want to tell you first date. Just dump her; you're not worthy if you can't grasp my meaning.
Take it from someone who dated a Sapphires stripper for 3 years.... not all the girls are ho's there, and if they were on their top game they could make enough money being 'legit' without having to do extras, OTC, etc.
Extras do happen there but that it not an easy club to do such activities in. Any guy in his right mind would never do their skybox VIP because I think to even enter that room costs upwards of $800. Most of the guys that wind up in the skybox are extremely intoxicated enhancing their poor decision makings.
Ask her what she knows about the Palace Station, and if she acts funny, then you have your answer if she did extras. True Vegas mongers will know what I am talking about.
She's not a perfect creature because no one is. You need to love HER, warts and all. If you feel betrayed that she was scared to tell you, PLEASE do her a favor and dump her.
Even if theclub was dirty as fuck doesn't mean that she chose to do extras. And if it was a clean club doesn't mean that she didn't do extras anyway. The reality is that you will probably never find out one way or another.
If I were you I wouldn't want to know. That was a long ass time ago. Let it go and either accept her with her past, or let her go to be with someone who can look past a time in her life that I'm sure she isn't proud of and would just as soon forget about herself.
You know the more I think about this - even if she did extras she's pretty savvy. I mean most girls are fucking guys for free and here, if your girl was fucking guys, she was making money doing it. I sure wish someone would pay me when I have sex.
If she's not charging you to have sex then she must think you're pretty special. I'd hold on to this gem tightly if I were you.
I'm firmly with rockstar. At WORST she closed her eyes and did what she had to to keep her kids fed, sheltered and clothed. She may have been, and probably was at that club, a clean dancer. So, she may have made a mistake or two ten years ago! Are you perfect? Have you told her about things that embarrass you today?
You should thank God that she trusted you enough to tell you her history. Like rockstar said, if you can't love her unconditionally, then do her a favor and get out of her life nos.
I never understood guys who like the sex they're having and worry about her past. I once told a girl "you give the best blow jobs, and I do not care how many dicks you had to suck to get it like that" She smiled and stepped up her already elevated head game.
To rockstar666, san_jose_guy, and many others, MEGA brilliant!
To the OP, don't be a d-bag! If you love this woman it doesn't matter what she did 10 years ago! Hell, it doesn't matter what she did two days before you met her! The only thing that matters is how you treat each other! Be brilliant to each other!
Regardless of what she may or may not have done a decade ago, I'll suggest that you consider *all* of your behavior over the past 10 years and whether or not it would stand up to intense scrutiny.
I don't know you at all. I merely suggest it as an exercise before you potentially discover and react to information you don't like.
The fact that you asked the question to a bunch of strangers on the Internet suggests that one of two things is going to happen. Either you'll decide that she was a hooker 10 years ago and dump her for it, or you'll try unsuccessfully to convince yourself that she wasn't a hooker and make life miserable for both of you. Neither is a good option.
Take it from a guy who tried to convince himself that his stripper girlfriend wasn't hooking. It'll never work if that bothers you. If you can't love and accept her regardless of what happened back then, it's better to let her go. You will never know what really happened.
dtek, was she hooking while you were going out? If so, she should have discussed it with you.
None of us should judge if you knew and decided you were ok with it. But if she didn't tell you and give you a chance to say what you want from her then she was being seriously non-brilliant! :(
I wouldn't want a girlfriend to hook while we were going out, but what she did in the past is the past. I wouldn't care!
I find myself thinking that you're asking the wrong questions ... or maybe, not the questions I would be asking. The questions I'd be asking:
1. Can I handle the fact that she worked as a stripper (and I have absolutely no way of knowing what services she performed during that time) 10 years ago? I know the answer for me: I certainly could (in fact, I think it's somewhat retarded that someone couldn't), but I"m not the one dating this woman. If you can't handle it, if it will gnaw at you over time, then the first time you get into a huge fight and you call her a filthy whore, it will all be over. Best to move on right now, if you really can't handle it.
2. Am I sure she's healthy? Many strippers weren't particularly emotionally healthy when they started stripping, and the strip club itself can be even unhealthier. But there can be a lot of healing in 10 years. If she is healthy and happy, I'd say you're the unhealthy one for obsessing over this. But if there are aspects of her personality that you've been questioning, the stripper history could help explain and clarify it (and possibly be a warning).
Here's more background. She is no angel! Since her stripping days she has had a history of getting in relationships with men that had to have either alot of money or high social status and money. She also always cheats on them looking for men that can upgrade her situation. She also has other "friends" that she isn't interested in sexually but she hangs out with them for free expensive dinners, gifts, free and one that is a really good friend that gives her a thousand dollars here and there if she needs it.
She said she wanted to settle down with me and change her life telling me about all of these things. A couple weeks ago I caught her out with one of the non sex friends (he's ugly and little money). I kicked her out the next day. She now wants to come back. so my dilemma is I might be willing to put up with a little bit of crap if she is trying to change and give her some time, but if she really was a hooker basically that will be a deal killer for me because that is such a massive lie.
Holy crap, dude. Look back at my response above yours, to question #2. Seems like you answered it.
You have no way of knowing if she was a hooker, period, end of story, no reason to keep asking. You're going to have to make your decision based on what you know now, which does not sound like someone I would remotely consider getting into a relationship with, regardless of whether or not she was ever actually a stripper.
So you posted a question asking for advice but conveniently left out information that you were embarrassed by and expected to get reasonable advice. Don't work that way man I think you already know what you need to do so get on with it
Yeah – if you want feedback and a proper diagnosis/prescription; then you have to give the proper and pertinent details – you seemed to have left out the most important info and kinda wasted the time of all the previous responders.
I'm def no expert on women nor relationships – but I think ti's pretty obvious to anyone with a little life experience that if you get involved w/ her “hoping she will change” or become the person you or her want her to be; you will probably fail miserably – i.e. IMO she needs to change her ways b/f you commit else you are making a highly risky and speculative investment and most of the time these investments do not pan out and one is out some serious resources ($$$, emotions; etc).
IMO – it's bad enough when the guy is the bad-boy in the relationship – but IMO it's even worse when it's the woman that is the bad-girl.
You shouldn't be worrying if she gave out "extras" ten years ago. I mean back when I was in college.... I was a man whore and fucked pretty much any type of woman out there or would get favors from them. So no need to judge based on the past.... the past is the past as long as it is the past......
BUT.....
With the new info here are more things to consider:
1. She seems materialistic to still be leading these guys on or "non-sex" friends. I mean she seems to be in a "sugar" daddy type situation with no sex.
2. Will she now be looking at you for all the financial needs she has?? Can you handle this?
3. Her past seems like she is a woman with the attitude with the grass is always greener thinking...... so has she given this same BS to the guys she is now "non sex friends" with that she is giving you about changing???
Now some advise:
1. If you want to still have a relationship with her..... you need for her to show you she is changing before I would make any type of commitment. What I mean is you can still hang out, fuck, etc. But tell her you are not going to go "all in" unless she shows significant changes to what you want.
2. RUN LIKE HELL.... This is what I would do.
You always hear people say to A woman... you know u cant change a man. Well same goes for women. They have to want to change.... you cant change them.
As the saying goes - “where's there's smoke; there's fire” - i.e. if you have doubts def listen to your gut-feeling – as another popular saying goes; “trust but verify” - i.e. IMO it's pretty risky to take these type of women at their word and “actions def speak louder than words” (yeah; this last-one is also a popular saying :)).
Really? I mean... really? Out of all the things she told you, it's being a stripper a decade ago that is a red flag for you? Based on your *second* post, her being an ex stripper that *might* have given the occasional HJ is the least of your worries.
Honestly, (1) dump her and (2) re-evaluate your standards ASAP.
You can't put conservative bible thumping rules on the situation. She is an untrustworthy hoe if she ever had sex without charging per hour, not if she gave extras ITC. A golddigger has no set fees, she is investing in a sugar daddy with an open credit line. She will go after anyone her mind thinks has $. A proper hooker and escort has fixed fees and demands to see (safer for you if she is a ROB), or takes money upfront at the start of session. A proper hooker sees her escorting as a job, a business. A golddigger sees her escorting as an metal addiction she cant kick. Her kitty gets wet every time she sees a man in a suit with a Halliburton briefcase.
Thanks guys. A lot of great advice. I knew I should have walked away months ago. I just got emotionally invested and was trying to rescue her from a bad relationship. It didnt help that she is beautiful and a unicorn in bed. I guess I was just hoping that someone on this site may have worked at Sapphire back then and knew her.
@4got2wipe
She was hooking while we were dating. That wasn't the problem though. I've been in open and polyamorous relationships and can handle my girl fucking other guys. The problem was that she put a great deal of effort into trying to convince me she wasn't hooking (and wasn't doing a bunch of other stuff that she didn't know I knew about). I wanted to believe and trust her, but trust is impossible when you know deep down that you're being deceived.
dtec
I hear you. without some sort of trust you have nothing. Just a shell of a relationship with maybe some good sex. there's good girls out there that are also good in the sack. I just wish they were easier to find lol.
“... I just got emotionally invested and was trying to rescue her from a bad relationship ...”
You can lead a stripper to water (common-sense); but you can't make her drink it.
She's the one that has to take the initiative – you trying to better her life and be the one doing the heavy-lifting will most likely end in failure – trying to “help” these women is more often than not the proverbial pushing on a string.
Not that one should not help them; but they (woman/dancer) needs to want it more, or AT LEAST, as much as you do.
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SJG
Just enjoy the willing females and treat them right and take good care of them.
SJG
long lasting relationships are based on honesty and trust. She did not tell me she was a stripper until after I had already fallen in love with her.
Extras do happen there but that it not an easy club to do such activities in. Any guy in his right mind would never do their skybox VIP because I think to even enter that room costs upwards of $800. Most of the guys that wind up in the skybox are extremely intoxicated enhancing their poor decision makings.
Ask her what she knows about the Palace Station, and if she acts funny, then you have your answer if she did extras. True Vegas mongers will know what I am talking about.
If I were you I wouldn't want to know. That was a long ass time ago. Let it go and either accept her with her past, or let her go to be with someone who can look past a time in her life that I'm sure she isn't proud of and would just as soon forget about herself.
If she's not charging you to have sex then she must think you're pretty special. I'd hold on to this gem tightly if I were you.
You should thank God that she trusted you enough to tell you her history. Like rockstar said, if you can't love her unconditionally, then do her a favor and get out of her life nos.
To the OP, don't be a d-bag! If you love this woman it doesn't matter what she did 10 years ago! Hell, it doesn't matter what she did two days before you met her! The only thing that matters is how you treat each other! Be brilliant to each other!
I don't know you at all. I merely suggest it as an exercise before you potentially discover and react to information you don't like.
Good luck,
Ishmael
Take it from a guy who tried to convince himself that his stripper girlfriend wasn't hooking. It'll never work if that bothers you. If you can't love and accept her regardless of what happened back then, it's better to let her go. You will never know what really happened.
None of us should judge if you knew and decided you were ok with it. But if she didn't tell you and give you a chance to say what you want from her then she was being seriously non-brilliant! :(
I wouldn't want a girlfriend to hook while we were going out, but what she did in the past is the past. I wouldn't care!
1. Can I handle the fact that she worked as a stripper (and I have absolutely no way of knowing what services she performed during that time) 10 years ago? I know the answer for me: I certainly could (in fact, I think it's somewhat retarded that someone couldn't), but I"m not the one dating this woman. If you can't handle it, if it will gnaw at you over time, then the first time you get into a huge fight and you call her a filthy whore, it will all be over. Best to move on right now, if you really can't handle it.
2. Am I sure she's healthy? Many strippers weren't particularly emotionally healthy when they started stripping, and the strip club itself can be even unhealthier. But there can be a lot of healing in 10 years. If she is healthy and happy, I'd say you're the unhealthy one for obsessing over this. But if there are aspects of her personality that you've been questioning, the stripper history could help explain and clarify it (and possibly be a warning).
She said she wanted to settle down with me and change her life telling me about all of these things. A couple weeks ago I caught her out with one of the non sex friends (he's ugly and little money). I kicked her out the next day. She now wants to come back. so my dilemma is I might be willing to put up with a little bit of crap if she is trying to change and give her some time, but if she really was a hooker basically that will be a deal killer for me because that is such a massive lie.
You have no way of knowing if she was a hooker, period, end of story, no reason to keep asking. You're going to have to make your decision based on what you know now, which does not sound like someone I would remotely consider getting into a relationship with, regardless of whether or not she was ever actually a stripper.
I'm def no expert on women nor relationships – but I think ti's pretty obvious to anyone with a little life experience that if you get involved w/ her “hoping she will change” or become the person you or her want her to be; you will probably fail miserably – i.e. IMO she needs to change her ways b/f you commit else you are making a highly risky and speculative investment and most of the time these investments do not pan out and one is out some serious resources ($$$, emotions; etc).
IMO – it's bad enough when the guy is the bad-boy in the relationship – but IMO it's even worse when it's the woman that is the bad-girl.
BUT.....
With the new info here are more things to consider:
1. She seems materialistic to still be leading these guys on or "non-sex" friends. I mean she seems to be in a "sugar" daddy type situation with no sex.
2. Will she now be looking at you for all the financial needs she has?? Can you handle this?
3. Her past seems like she is a woman with the attitude with the grass is always greener thinking...... so has she given this same BS to the guys she is now "non sex friends" with that she is giving you about changing???
Now some advise:
1. If you want to still have a relationship with her..... you need for her to show you she is changing before I would make any type of commitment. What I mean is you can still hang out, fuck, etc. But tell her you are not going to go "all in" unless she shows significant changes to what you want.
2. RUN LIKE HELL.... This is what I would do.
You always hear people say to A woman... you know u cant change a man. Well same goes for women. They have to want to change.... you cant change them.
How fuckin insecure are you ?
Marriage if it goes wrong and it will is a major financial set back for a man
Run like hell Forrest Gump!!!
Learning to care for #1
90% are divorced men and veterans
SJG
Honestly, (1) dump her and (2) re-evaluate your standards ASAP.
How do I know, my CF2 is lying to her boyfriend about seeing me.
She was hooking while we were dating. That wasn't the problem though. I've been in open and polyamorous relationships and can handle my girl fucking other guys. The problem was that she put a great deal of effort into trying to convince me she wasn't hooking (and wasn't doing a bunch of other stuff that she didn't know I knew about). I wanted to believe and trust her, but trust is impossible when you know deep down that you're being deceived.
I hear you. without some sort of trust you have nothing. Just a shell of a relationship with maybe some good sex. there's good girls out there that are also good in the sack. I just wish they were easier to find lol.
You can lead a stripper to water (common-sense); but you can't make her drink it.
She's the one that has to take the initiative – you trying to better her life and be the one doing the heavy-lifting will most likely end in failure – trying to “help” these women is more often than not the proverbial pushing on a string.
Not that one should not help them; but they (woman/dancer) needs to want it more, or AT LEAST, as much as you do.
Yeah the sex was great. You haven't lived till you've had a naked spinner sitting on your dick while she drives your car.