I'm in the strip club right now, and this 250 pound fugly stripper has been posted up on my lap for the past 15 minutes engaging in conversation. She's gonna crush my bones! I don't wanna die! How do I get her off me?!
Front Room
48 comments
Help!!!
Nov 25, 2015, 5:15 PM
comments (48)
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Man up and tell her "Honey, I don't mean to be rude, but if you don't mind I would like to chill out by myself for a while." it's the line I use to move boring/obnoxious girls out of the seat next to me and it should work on fugly fat lap girl too, unless she is really desperate.
And if all else fails, simply go to the bathroom.
Go tip a dancer on stage.
In times like this, it is perfectly acceptable to fake an epileptic seizure.
Fart
Ha Ha Ha!
And you are still able to make posts?
No matter, JUST FUCK HER!
SJG
If papi chulo was their you could just pass the thickness of to him so he could go ham
:)
SJG
This is so funny. If you don't mind, what's the name of the club, I might check it out, man.
Haha, too funny.
Tell her you don't have money to buy dances, you're broke. She might give money instead.
Ranukam, it serves you right for holding to your excessively high standard for looks at all these clubs.
SJG
If you could only reach the fire alarm.............!
Don't know bro. Can't help. Maybe the price of the lap dance is worth getting rid of her.
Show her your 2014 W-2.
Bust a Rap....that should work
Ooooo...burn...yea i know lol
Pinch her ass! Hard! Brutally! It shouldn't be hard to find it. ;-)
Or you could take the high road and fake being crushed to death.....
Fake a heart-attack.
Tell her they are handing out free KFC out in the parking-lot
Shit, i feel your pain bro. This is when a chicken wing would come in handy. You need a distraction
Is she black or white?
Text an employee to ring the dinner bell
Tell her that if she doesn't move, her seat's about to get real wet...and sticky.
OMG where's Dougster when you need him? Just tell her you're not interested! Or ask for BBBJ.
Simple if you want her off you. Tell her your legs are filling asleep or ask her to sit in a chair. If you want her to leave, just say it was nice talking but you're waiting on someone else. She'll get the hint unless she just wants to waste your time or doesn't want to move. If that doesn't work and without getting rude, get up to tip girls or use the restroom. A bit more blunt is simply to tell her you're not interested in her and if she asks why, just tell her you like skinnier girls. She probably won't bother you anymore.
I occassionally ask a dancer to shift if she is sitting on me and she becomes uncomfortable.
On a serious note follow rock stars advice. Ask her how much for a bj?
Better yet tell her she needs to lose weight.
Yeah; it sucks when a fugly comes and sits on you uninvited – that is why I sometimes cross one leg over another and keep it in that position for a good-part of the visit in order to fend-off potential offenders.
Text someone and tell then to call-in a bomb threat
Just tell you're glad she showed up because you just farted and didn't want to be all alone.
You motherfuckers have me dying in laughter! Lol!
Show her this thread. Then stand up, fast.
Funniest responses so far: faking a heart attack, calling in a bomb threat, pulling the fire alarm, fake being crushed to death, fake having a epileptic seizure.
@Papi- she's black
@alabegonz- the club is Tommy's Too, high mileage club, but 80% of the girls here are ugggly.
She finally got off my lap because she had to go on stage. I'm glad I didn't have to be an asshole, but damn my legs are numb right now.
When she finishes on stage and comes back to you, you better put your legs under the table.
Or better yet find a skinny girl to sit on your lap.
Yell soey soooey soooey
She go oink oink
Tell her you have an ostomy bag and you think you may have sprung a leak.
You'll be a hit at that club forevermore.
Tell her the free buffet just opened......
Grow some balls......Drop an air biscuit. Or better yet tell her to meet you in VIP for a BBBJCIM with swallow.
Extras are pretty common at this club, so if I asked for her for a BBBJ, she likely would have said yes. The only thing worse than having a fugly sitting on your lap is having a fugly suck your dick.
Ask her if you can get a bbbj. When she says yes, tell her you'll meet her in VIP after you go to the bathroom. Pause at the door and as soon as she disappears, run like hell!
The only thing worse than having a fugly sitting on your lap is having a fugly suck your dick.
Unless its FREE
Haha, cool bro. I will check the place out. I'm cool with any clubs in PDX.
but if she sucks your dick long enough, does that mean. moo mooo. mooarraige? :)
Funny shit
Ranukam posted: "She finally got off my lap because she had to go on stage. I'm glad I didn't have to be an asshole, but damn my legs are numb right now."
Nothing wrong with being a so-called "asshole" to a girl who you have no interest in. Your time is limited and so is hers. In fact, if you have no intention of paying her, then you're doing her a kindness by being direct and moving her along. My patience would have been gone in about 10 seconds and, 30 second or less later, so would she. I'm not taking shots at anyone who has trouble being as direct as I am, but just saying that my impatience quickly overpowers my very limited concerns about what a girl that I don't want anyone thinks about me.
So Ranukam, how did this finally end up? Have you spent the last couple of days shacked up with her? She didn't break your bed did she?
So where is she now. Maybe I'll like her. Or maybe Papi will.
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Say you need to go to the bathroom!