Help!!!

Clackport
Washington
I'm in the strip club right now, and this 250 pound fugly stripper has been posted up on my lap for the past 15 minutes engaging in conversation. She's gonna crush my bones! I don't wanna die! How do I get her off me?!

48 comments

Latest

Daybreaker
9 years ago
Say you need to go to the bathroom!
rickdugan
9 years ago
Man up and tell her "Honey, I don't mean to be rude, but if you don't mind I would like to chill out by myself for a while." it's the line I use to move boring/obnoxious girls out of the seat next to me and it should work on fugly fat lap girl too, unless she is really desperate.

And if all else fails, simply go to the bathroom.
Lone_Wolf
9 years ago
Go tip a dancer on stage.
Call.Me.Ishmael
9 years ago
In times like this, it is perfectly acceptable to fake an epileptic seizure.
twentyfive
9 years ago
Fart
san_jose_guy
9 years ago
Ha Ha Ha!

And you are still able to make posts?

No matter, JUST FUCK HER!

SJG
Duke69
9 years ago
If papi chulo was their you could just pass the thickness of to him so he could go ham
san_jose_guy
9 years ago
:)

SJG
alabegonz
9 years ago
This is so funny. If you don't mind, what's the name of the club, I might check it out, man.

Haha, too funny.

Tell her you don't have money to buy dances, you're broke. She might give money instead.
san_jose_guy
9 years ago
Ranukam, it serves you right for holding to your excessively high standard for looks at all these clubs.

SJG
lopaw
9 years ago
If you could only reach the fire alarm.............!
chessmaster
9 years ago
Don't know bro. Can't help. Maybe the price of the lap dance is worth getting rid of her.
tumblingdice
9 years ago
Show her your 2014 W-2.
just_the_nuts
9 years ago
Bust a Rap....that should work

Ooooo...burn...yea i know lol
ATACdawg
9 years ago
Pinch her ass! Hard! Brutally! It shouldn't be hard to find it. ;-)
ATACdawg
9 years ago
Or you could take the high road and fake being crushed to death.....
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
Fake a heart-attack.
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
Tell her they are handing out free KFC out in the parking-lot
crazyjoe
9 years ago
Shit, i feel your pain bro. This is when a chicken wing would come in handy. You need a distraction
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
Is she black or white?
mikeya02
9 years ago
Text an employee to ring the dinner bell
IHearVoices
9 years ago
Tell her that if she doesn't move, her seat's about to get real wet...and sticky.
rockstar666
9 years ago
OMG where's Dougster when you need him? Just tell her you're not interested! Or ask for BBBJ.
sharkhunter
9 years ago
Simple if you want her off you. Tell her your legs are filling asleep or ask her to sit in a chair. If you want her to leave, just say it was nice talking but you're waiting on someone else. She'll get the hint unless she just wants to waste your time or doesn't want to move. If that doesn't work and without getting rude, get up to tip girls or use the restroom.
A bit more blunt is simply to tell her you're not interested in her and if she asks why, just tell her you like skinnier girls. She probably won't bother you anymore.
sharkhunter
9 years ago
I occassionally ask a dancer to shift if she is sitting on me and she becomes uncomfortable.
chessmaster
9 years ago
On a serious note follow rock stars advice. Ask her how much for a bj?
chessmaster
9 years ago
Better yet tell her she needs to lose weight.
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
Yeah; it sucks when a fugly comes and sits on you uninvited – that is why I sometimes cross one leg over another and keep it in that position for a good-part of the visit in order to fend-off potential offenders.
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
Text someone and tell then to call-in a bomb threat
sharkhunter
9 years ago
Just tell you're glad she showed up because you just farted and didn't want to be all alone.
Clackport
9 years ago
You motherfuckers have me dying in laughter! Lol!
Corvus
9 years ago
Show her this thread. Then stand up, fast.
Clackport
9 years ago
Funniest responses so far: faking a heart attack, calling in a bomb threat, pulling the fire alarm, fake being crushed to death, fake having a epileptic seizure.

@Papi- she's black

@alabegonz- the club is Tommy's Too, high mileage club, but 80% of the girls here are ugggly.

She finally got off my lap because she had to go on stage. I'm glad I didn't have to be an asshole, but damn my legs are numb right now.
Corvus
9 years ago
When she finishes on stage and comes back to you, you better put your legs under the table.

Or better yet find a skinny girl to sit on your lap.
crazyjoe
9 years ago
Yell soey soooey soooey
crazyjoe
9 years ago
She go oink oink
Daybreaker
9 years ago
Tell her you have an ostomy bag and you think you may have sprung a leak.
Daybreaker
9 years ago
You'll be a hit at that club forevermore.
bubba267
9 years ago
Tell her the free buffet just opened......
etsutwigg222
9 years ago
Grow some balls......Drop an air biscuit. Or better yet tell her to meet you in VIP for a BBBJCIM with swallow.
Clackport
9 years ago
Extras are pretty common at this club, so if I asked for her for a BBBJ, she likely would have said yes. The only thing worse than having a fugly sitting on your lap is having a fugly suck your dick.
ATACdawg
9 years ago
Ask her if you can get a bbbj. When she says yes, tell her you'll meet her in VIP after you go to the bathroom. Pause at the door and as soon as she disappears, run like hell!
just_the_nuts
9 years ago
The only thing worse than having a fugly sitting on your lap is having a fugly suck your dick.

Unless its FREE
alabegonz
9 years ago
Haha, cool bro. I will check the place out. I'm cool with any clubs in PDX.
sharkhunter
9 years ago
but if she sucks your dick long enough, does that mean. moo mooo. mooarraige?
:)
crazyjoe
9 years ago
Funny shit
rickdugan
9 years ago
Ranukam posted: "She finally got off my lap because she had to go on stage. I'm glad I didn't have to be an asshole, but damn my legs are numb right now."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nothing wrong with being a so-called "asshole" to a girl who you have no interest in. Your time is limited and so is hers. In fact, if you have no intention of paying her, then you're doing her a kindness by being direct and moving her along. My patience would have been gone in about 10 seconds and, 30 second or less later, so would she. I'm not taking shots at anyone who has trouble being as direct as I am, but just saying that my impatience quickly overpowers my very limited concerns about what a girl that I don't want anyone thinks about me.
san_jose_guy
9 years ago
So Ranukam, how did this finally end up? Have you spent the last couple of days shacked up with her? She didn't break your bed did she?

So where is she now. Maybe I'll like her. Or maybe Papi will.

Talk of the Town, Las Vegas
http://s3-media3.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/8…

SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…

White Stripes Live at Peppermint Parade
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1di8Nft…
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