OT: Domestic Violence

The only case that I am familiar with is a white dancer that I know that lives with her black boy friend who is a drug dealer. She is only 23 and is attractive but likes her pot. Her mother has legal custody of her daughter fathered by the boy friend. He is physically abusive to her and she talks about leaving him but she doesn't have the will power to do it because he is her daughter's father and does help financially support her and does supply her with weed. She said that she would meet me OTC for P4P but only if he was out of town. I'm having second thoughts about doing that. I don't need an abusive drug dealer to come looking for me.

I believe it's because they have bonded with the guy and have trouble imagining a better scenario without their guy.

I do not know if this information is true or if I read it or dreamed of being told the info by some AI but I remember hearing females bond more easily to men. Men on the other hand need to have vaginal sex with the girl and the vaginal Juices need to soak into his skin to create the bonding effect in men. Wear a condom and the guy won't feel very much bonded. It's chemical. Using intellect to overcome a chemical bond is difficult to do in my opinion. I imagine it's like addicted smokers trying to quit especially if they do not know of a support group.

Why do so many men beat their female spouses? Is it upbringing? not sure about that one. Maybe it's a power thing.

I cannot answer why they stay with abusive men, but I can tell you this: women can be very irrational (especially American women). Trying to figure out what is going on in their heads is just going to give you a headache.

In the case of these football players, the women might stick with them because they have more money than the average joe out there. Maybe Ray Rice's lady publicly defended him because she feared that he would track her down and give her a beating ten times worse if she did not.

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste".

I think that a lot of abused women have issues with their sense of self worth and rationalize that it is somehow their fault. Sometimes their guy is fine 90% of the time and is only abusive when drunk. Sometimes the women are afraid of leaving because they can't or never have tried to support themselves or the husband/bf has threatened harm to her or her children. Finally, a lot of these women have grown up in abusive relationships and don't know anything else.

Of course the ugly truth is women with low self worth tend to be attracted to these types of men and in fact are unattracted kinder hearted men they see as weak. His display of power and control is an actual turn on to these women. Jokes on the men though. The moment they tire of his antics they leave, or call the police, and psychologically people who perceive themselves to have control and lose this control are worse off. I'm not at all giving these half of men any credence (hope they all die miserable deaths) but all I'm saying is that it takes two to tango.

Riders on the storm.

Sorry but beating a woman should not be called domestic violence. since women want equal rights they should have equal laws. if a man beating a man is sometimes called assault and battery the same should apply for man beats woman. no more symphony for same and equal rights

@Vikings: why do you date BonesBrother even though he is KKK?

really hope lopaw, pole dancer or diva chime in on this

they're re women....so perhaps they can explain or shed some light on this??

It's called traumatic bonding, btw.

I know a dancer who was beaten badly by her baby-daddy, heroin-addicted boyfriend. She told me she thought he was going to kill her. The dancer was hospitalized. The boyfriend spent a couple weeks in jail, and was given a court order to stay away from her.

Within 4 months, she was back together with him. I don't understand it. But she had told me that her father beat her mother and continues to beat her today. The dancer probably thinks beatings are normal.

I hope you're not looking for a simple answer to a complex problem. Used to work with a woman who was being abused and other women coworkers tried to help her get out of the cycle of violence, but she kept resisting. As far as this McDonald dude goes, his rap sheet is so long I can't blame the Bears for dropping his sorry ass. He was signed with the condition he stay out of trouble and he couldn't make it for even a couple months.

I'm a Bear fan and we need D linemen, but this guy is trouble. It's like Winston...if I had the #1 pick I would have traded it because this guy will be more trouble than he's worth.

Now that's funny,GoViking being a White Knight.

grand1511--- i wasn't looking for a simple answer. i realize it could be a number of things. i was just looking for general reasons as to why some women stay with abusive men.

dougster-- i looked up what you said and did some reading about it......thanks a lot for your reply

Well, I'm as lost on this issue as you guys are. It angers...no infuriates me to the point that I want to bitchslap the women who return to abusers. I'll never understand or accept it. Yes it must have a lot to do with their no self worth, and in a lot of cases continuing the abuse cycle that they grew up with. Sometimes they chase celeb's and are willing to stay to continue sponging off the money & fame. It does take 2 to tango, and with a worthless feeling woman and a gutless cowardly man, youve got a perfect storm.

The one and only time a man raised his hand to me, I put him in the hospital with a broken jaw. Nuff said.

It's a complex issue with lots of factors, some of which have already been stated.

DAMN!

don't mess around with ms lopaw! :-)

It's part of the human condition – human beings do terrible things to each other and the strong will often abuse the weak whether it's man on woman; man on man; nation on nation; etc. - and the weak will often submit.

^^^How do you think I made my money?

As Jack White sings. "You can't be a pimp and a prostitute." You are either a user or being used. I will say that most of the time the guy is a sweet talker apologizes, she accepts it. At the same time she needs the security or what ever else he provides. Just that simple. Look what happen to Christy Mack last year? Maybe, I am just a boring old man.

I will tell you one thing you never want to happen. Be stuck in Grand Jury duty for 6 months after breaking up from a long term relationship. 2 months into it, I was tired of the abuse cases, (this was Gwinnett Co, GA). I would say 75% of those cases the abused was there bailing him out within a couple of days. Really, does a number on your head. Next jury letter I get I am going to ask for counseling. Yeah, I am due in a few more months for the letter. I get one about every 2.5 years.

I was reading today in the paper about domestic violence. Apparently somewhere in South Carolina, 38 women and 8 men died due to domestic violence. It is done by both sexes. Appparently there is a big difference in the law though, a man can get 5 years in prison for hurting a dog but only 30 days for beating his wife. Obviously the punishment for harming dogs is way too harsh, just kidding.

Dougster got it right, for me at least. I was with an abuser for years. I would take him and his ensuing behavior back time and again. It wasn't about the money. I'm the cliche dancer who dated a bum who didn't work, so I supported him. My self-esteem was really low, so I became codependent (traumatic bonding) on this guy after a short time. I bailed him out of jail for assaulting me I took him back time and again. Even the police were getting tired of the cycle. I told them that every time I took him back I believed with all my heart that that was the last time; it would never happen again. Then it happened again. Eventually, in August of 2011, he punched me in the face and broke my orbital bone and served 9 months for felony assault. AND I TOOK HIM BACK WHEN HE GOT OUT!!! I'm not a dumb woman, but what a dumb thing to do. When you're under the spell if an abuser, as so often the case in women with low self worth (though I really hate to say that) you're under a powerful spell. Ok, circus is over, I'm putting my monkeys away:)

Sometimes its the high of the emotional roller coaster and why they can never be w a "nice guy"

“... When you're under the spell if an abuser, as so often the case in women with low self worth (though I really hate to say that) you're under a powerful spell …”

Men will do anything for sex – and women will do anything for love.

Better said - men will do anything to get sex – and women will do anything to get love.

Some women don't leave an abusive relationship cause they can't, even if they want to. Some abused women are afraid to leave. They may have no where to go/not enough money to support them self. Or some are probably afraid that if they leave their boyfriend/husband will track them down and do something worse.

I imagine some also might feel that no one will believe them if they press charges. If a woman doesn't have a strong support group I would imagine it would be difficult to leave.