Neglected Reasons Strippers Won't Date Customers

36 comments

• FONDL

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  20 years ago

  Of course dancers aren't typical of the general population. For one thing they're all pretty young and therefore immature. Secondly they're often from pretty disfunctional families and have never had good role models so they have no idea how "normal" people act in the "normal" business world. So when they're surrounded all day long by middle-aged guys hitting on them, handing them money and trying to buy sex from them, of course they're going to flirt to keep the money flowing. Isn't that what we want them to do? Isn't that what we'd do in their situation?
• casualguy

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  20 years ago

  Thanks for sharing again Sara, you must suffer from that same visual impairment the rest of us guys suffer from. When a hot girl with two nice ta ta's show up, your IQ suddenly drops. I heard someone actually did a study on that. Apparently any intense visual stimulation will cause most guys IQ to drop or cause irrational action. A hot looking car can do it too unless my memory is fuzzy again. I didn't really think the girl who asked if I was an alien was really crazy but probably a bit drunk. If I see her again though, I will ask her if she thinks I look like an alien, then again if she's not the one who asked me, she'll think I am crazy.
• Toplessdancer

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  20 years ago

  first off thank you SuperDude, you really are SUPER! Maybe one day, but not in the next 4 years I know for sure lol. Although me and my SO did vote for GWB, but our other issue out weighed marriage, right now a certificate saying we are together is meaningless when there are so many more depressing issues at hand. Casualguy, As for that alien thing, she is more crazy than I would care to comment about, how strange lol. I don't know if its because I am a woman that dates a woman that make them more cazy to me. Sometime in same sex relationships since we are the gender we are like magnets, same + or - we push each other in different directions. Here is an example of her craziness... One morning, she was up getting ready for work, and I was still in bed, she came into our room, and started screamin at me for leaving the curling Iron on all night long. OK. Well mind you I was dancing then too, and I wasn't even home to use it. She actually turned it on, and went and got a cup of coffee, then went back to the bathroom forgetting she turned it on, and literally screamed at me like i was her sister or child for a half an hour about how I don't respect her, and I don't love her, because I could have done it on purpose to burn the house down while she slept, so I didn't have to be with her anymore. OH MY... I think thats when I should have left.. but NOOOO not Sara, I stay for six more months and heard that junk the whole time.. LOL I am a sucker for a sexy girl with big tah tahs. WINK Love Sara
• casualguy

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  20 years ago

  Thanks for sharing Toplessdancer. I noticed you said women were crazy. I am curious what you meant by that. I know I used to be called crazy by a number of dancers after I started talking to them. I'm probably a bit less wild now and haven't been called crazy for some time now. Actually I may be able to give you an example of one slightly crazy dancer I talked to at a club recently. She asked if I was an alien. I was thinking she was crazy, then I asked her why she asked me that. She didn't give me an answer though. She also had a strange habit of grabbing my hand and putting it between her legs then closing her legs. I started to believe that maybe she was drunk.
• davids

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  20 years ago

  I see strippers as being more willing to lie to make money than most people. Their "careers" are pretty much centred around misleading people. That's an important difference between this group and other sections of society. They are other important demographic differences between them and "most people" that I've alluded to in this thread. I don't think strippers are an average group of people by any stretch, as non-PC as that is for me to say.
• SuperDude

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  20 years ago

  Sara--You sound honest and happy. I hope we can get to a point where the two of you can get married.
• FONDL

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  20 years ago

  I just wanted to make a point about dancers and money. Yes dancers dance to make money. But isn't that why we all go to work every day? Let's see a show of hands for those who would go to work tomorrow if you were't getting paid for it ... funny, I don't see any hands. OK, so some of us are more greedy than others, some of us will do things for money that others won't do, some of us are more honest than others, some of us care about others and some of us only care about ourselves, etc. Sorry guys but I just don't see dancers as being any different. The only thing that I see them having in common is that they all have a need to make good money without having long hours and they don't have any other way to do it. All the other generalizations are bullshit. They're all different, just like we are. Find one you like and treat her like the human being that she is.
• Toplessdancer

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  20 years ago

  Casualguy she was probably bi-sexual and really didn't know it yet. I have dated 3 men.. scratch that 2 BOYS and one man in my lifetime, they were both back in high school, and both relationships shortlived. I didn't have sex with either of them, because the thought of having sex with a man. didn't appeal to me in the least bit, actually it was kind of appauling. So I started dating women when I was 17, my first girl friend was 20 at the time, and what a sexy PSYCHO she was, I thought I was never going to date another human again lol.. I figured I don't like men in that way, and women were crazy! Well I tried again when I was 21 she was dancing at the same club as me, and we were together for close to 2 years. we split up when I moved. I dated a few more girls, THEN I dated a MAN OMG I KNOW. we had sex one time, and I split, it was in my mind the most disgusting thing I have ever done. So after not dating for 3 years I met my life partner 3 years ago and we just had our first baby (Titus) back in August, and couldn't imagine my life with out her, she really is my rock! I have NO clue why I just told you that whole story, I guess I am just reminising about my past. lol.. Boy IF I told you about when I told my mom I was GAY!!! ha ha ha .. thats a funny story all in its self. LOVE Sara
• casualguy

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  20 years ago

  I should add that when I hear a girl say she is lesbian, then I usually assume that she has no interest in going out with guys unless of course she is lying about the lesbian part.
• casualguy

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  20 years ago

  Something made me remember a really good way to confuse a guy which happened to me one time. A girl I don't know from High School called. She told me right away that she was a lesbian. Then she said that she liked me and wanted to go out with me and maybe meet at a pizza place. When a girl tells you she's lesbian but wants to go out with a guy that is just confusing. Since this happened to me, I never know what dancers may be thinking up even if they tell me they are lesbian.
• Toplessdancer

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  20 years ago

  damnit! I read through it again, and wanted to make one more comment. "Actually if a club has that rule, then it's probably just so the girls can have a convenient excuse to turn down customers. " By Davids You are mostly right! but 2 of the clubs I worked at were VERY adamant about that rule, and if they even caught a girl giving a # they were thrown out at the end of the night. BUT I think you are right, I think its a helpful excuse. I usually just say I do not date customers if they ask. And half the time they accept that the other half I simply tell that I am lesbian, but I am not even lying when I say that. But half of those men don't accept that either lol... Its hard to tell someone who is pretty drunk, a lot of them don't take no very easily. Love sara
• Toplessdancer

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  20 years ago

  Hi, back again, I am getting addicted to this sight again, I may end up having to take off for a while lol! Ok, JPac? I think you are the one who asked why my girlfriend can't work? right? I may be wrong BUT.. I don't want her to work, we just had our first son, and she is so nurturing and loving that I just can't see my son going to a day care for 8 hours a day so she can work, when I make more than enough money to support us. But if you must know she did work until our baby was born, then I asked her not to go back to work, at least for a while, and definately not until she is done breastfeeding him. I think that is a big part of why some women get with women ya know, we know what important to each other. Not to mention, when I have our next child she will be going to work while I stay home. (but not for a few years from now) Davids maybe? not sure again, I don't have a deadbeat boyfriend, I have a beautiful life partner (female), that one day I will marry, (when it becomes more PC). I know "some" of the men here think its wrong to say I am single at the club, (if thats what you mean by self proclaimed liar) but what works for me is saying I am single. You may not be one of those discriminating men who won't get dances from married women, But why should I take a change when there is a man who after talking for a while asks ME for the dance and says, "Oh by the way, are you single"? while walking to the PD area. I say, "No I am with someone" MORE than Once did a man say, "You know, I would rather get a dance with some one I may have a chance with" or along those lines. Does that burn my ass! So if that makes me a liar... eh, so be it. this is a discussion board, and I don't know you. so think what you will. wink wink Love Sara
• casualguy

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  20 years ago

  Golfer is just someone who plays golf alot or is playing golf on a vacation or business trip. In some southern locations, golfers comprise most of the crowd on occasion. There are company sponsored golf tournaments and individuals playing with their friends. A club near Pinehurst, NC or near Myrtle Beach may be crowded with golfers on occasion. There are alot of golf courses and people playing golf in these areas who might want some night time entertainment while on vacation.
• davids

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  20 years ago

  Strippers are constantly breaking the rules (if they didn't how much business do you think they would get?). Therefore I really don't think if a club has a rule against dating or giving out phone numbers it's going make that much of a difference. Actually if a club has that rule, then it's probably just so the girls can have a convenient excuse to turn down customers. Never heard of the term "golfer". What's it mean? Something to do with balls or something, but I can't quite put it together.
• casualguy

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  20 years ago

  I'll add a few other comments about different clubs in some other states I've been to. I noticed that in some clubs it is against club rules for the dancer to exchange phone numbers or start dating customers. I know of one club that had this rule and a dancer told me she could get fired for that. That particular club only had air dances but often had lots of golfers and all dancers were in the 9 to 10 range in looks. Another club that I remember (closed years ago) had many of the dancers arranging what the dancers called private parties. The dancer when asked to be seen outside would sometimes agree to pick up some side cash by arranging to do private dances outside the club for a fee. At least I overheard some dancers discussing this one time. I've heard that a private party isn't really much better than getting a regular lap dance. I sometimes thought that dancers were taking alot of risk seeing guys outside the club but one dancer told me she had a black belt and could handle herself quite well.
• Yoda

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  20 years ago

  I think TD is right on the money and I appreciate her honesty. Nothing in her post surprises me. Any one who is shocked by her words probably shouldn't be roaming around strip clubs with a full wallet....
• Mouse

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  20 years ago

  Do you want to know what strippers are thinking? Read Toplessdancers post above - straight from the horse's mouth. I have no reason to disbelieve her, and nor should you.
• davids

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  20 years ago

  I agree that Yoda's model is rather simplistic, and his view of strippers too idealistic. There is also an irony in his last post: It is wrong for customers to think we know how strippers think but it is ok for them to think they know how we think: only interested in sex?
• FONDL

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  20 years ago

  Yoda, I don't think you can generalize like that. Not all customers are looking for sex and not all dancers are looking for money at the exclusion of all esle. Guys go to strip clubs for many different reasons. Girls dance for many different reasons. That's what makes it interesting.
• Yoda

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  20 years ago

  Yes, strippers are smart enough to know that customers are only interested in dating them for sex. That does not mean they lack self-respect, it simply means they aren't interested. I think it's a big mistake to try and assume that, as customers, we know how a dancer thinks. They don't really care if you respect them or not. It's your money they want.
• davids

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  20 years ago

  casualguy: Yes I think you are onto something in you first paragraph. It was what I was trying to get across: a neglected reason strippers won't date their customers (with rare exceptions) is because they don't see the customers as liking them for reasons beyond sex. This is partly based in reality and partly based in their own self esteem issues. Some just cannot imagine customers liking them for reasons beyond sex. The reasoning in your second paragraph seems like it ought to make sense, but I don't beleive this is the case in practice. I am not arguing that any stripper is going to have a problem getting all the sex she wants. Some might even be banging ten guys at once. Won't doubt that at all. But I beleive that in practice most do not have SERIOUS boyfriends (as in interested in them beyond sex) outside the clubs. Here are some of the reasons why: a) many are single mothers which are not exactly redhot commodities on the dating scene b) if a guy is going to be a serious boyfriend he is not going to want her in that line of work. I mean would you want your girlfriend bouncing up and down 20 other guys cocks every night or do you want her going to school or doing some kind of work that actually helps her in the long term? c) The strippers I know who have told me that they do have serious boyfriends (or are married) are reluctant to put very much effort in pleasing their customers. I suspect this is because if they really got to into it they would, somewhat rightfully, feel like they were being disloyal to their SOs. d) I beleive that nearly all strippers are as guilty of self esteeem issues as their customers. Although they are usually pretty and ought to be able to have serious boyfriends they have trouble with that because they see guys as only being interested in them for sex. Many of the single strippers I have talked to have admitted to me that it is hard to find guys they know are interested in them for more than sex. Heck that's a problem for any pretty girl I would imagine. Now, I certainly don't regard strippers as the most honest group of people in the world. In fact, as a group, they are probably on the same level as used car salesmen or politicians (and customers need to keep this in mind when talking to them), but this is what I've gathered for talking to them: Most do not, in fact, have serious boyfriends outside the club.
• Jpac73

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  20 years ago

  I think some posters hold Strippers in too high esteem. All of them aren't bad people but they are not Angels either for they wouldn't be stripping if they did. Yes we are just as guilty for wasting money on them as well. No one should think of themselves as a pathetic loser but they shouldn't waste their time trying to date someone who only is after their money.
• casualguy

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  20 years ago

  I thought of one more neglected reason. The dancer believes the guy she might be interested in is not interested in her. Several of the dancers I've seen working in strip clubs lately don't look as good as many of the girls I've seen around town where I live at. Looking at things from the other shoe, if a dancer already had the looks she would probably already have as many boyfriends as she can stand maybe as many as 9 or 10. If hundreds of guys came by in the club every week and 10 percent asked her out, then let's see .10*400= 40 guys per week asking her out when she already has 10 boyfriends. This would be even more frustating than the "do you want a dance routine?" us guys hear in some clubs every 5 minutes. and if I'm off on the 10% number and as many as say 40% of the guys ask her out, then that would be 160 guys per week asking.
• SuperDude

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  20 years ago

  Unless you can deliver on a promise to help a stripper pay her bills, there is no chance of a dating relationship. First and foremost is money. Nothing else really matters. She went into this line of work to make a lot of untaxed income very quickly. She doesn't need to date you unless you can provide some support. Sex, she can probably get any time she wants it and from some outside the club scene.
• davids

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  20 years ago

  Nah, if you *happen* to meet a woman doing a normal job (say teaching a cycling class) and you like each other then asking her out is OK and you are not a PL. Lots of things are different with strippers: some will act interested when they aren't and then get offended if someone get confused. I beleive there is also the stripper's own self esteem issues (partly due to the lack of respectablity of their "profession") which is what I was trying to get at in my original post.
• Yoda

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  20 years ago

  Dancers go to the club to earn a living. Not to look for dates. The thing to remember here is that their job is our entertainment. Not the other way around. What does motherhood or a woman's marital status have to do with any of this. The answer is nothing! If you walk into a womans place of business, spend a few bucks on her and ask her out YOU are a PL, not the woman in question. It doesn't really matter if the woman is dancer or a fast food worker.
• davids

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  20 years ago

  Most of the strippers I've talked to either tell me that they are single or single mothers (the % in the latter group is way higher than in the general population, I think). I guess I can see girls lying about being single mothers to scare guys from asking them for dates, but do you think many of the ones who say they are single are lying in order to keep a PL's fantasies going?
• FONDL

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  20 years ago

  The overwhelming majority of dancers already have private lives that include either a BF, several guys they're dating, or they're lesbians. The very few who don't fit any of those categories will sometime date a customer who they really like, but are often reluctant to do so for a variety of reasons. My ATF dated two different customers that I know of when she was between BF's so it does happen but not very often. When most customers ask a dancer for a "date" they're not usually talking about a normal date and the dancers know that.
• Kyle1111

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  20 years ago

  I think strippers should be held in high esteem because I love and appreciate their work. Some do a fantastic job and others make me think bubba ain't a bad deal. The alternative to working girls is going gay which I think is genetic, dating--depressing, girlfriend--time to think about going gay. I love strippers and other working girls. AND, I'm really surprised how many woderful working girls I meet consider all the crap they put up with. Of course, I'm talking mainly about black working girls. Perhaps non-black working girls are different. On average it seems like blacks are too nice and I think it kills them $$$wise.
• Yoda

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  20 years ago

  Davids: I never said any of this :"Still think strippers are just normal girls with normal jobs and generally just like any others girls you would meet their age?" If you and I dissagree thats fine, that's what this forum is about. Putting words in another posters mouth only serves to weaken your argument. My opinion is and always has been that dancing is a job. Period. The dancers know this and many customers don't seem to. Any form of abnormal behavior that people will stereotypicaly apply to a dancer is also behavior that can be applied to non-dancers. That is my only point.
• Yoda

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  20 years ago

  ...and when did this thread become about what a dancer looks like outside of the club? Be carefull Davids, your true motives here are showing...
• davids

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  20 years ago

  Oh, another thing about dating strippers: Some of them don't look so good outside the club when the lighting is better. This is especially true of the cheapo bleach jobs.
• davids

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  20 years ago

  Hey, Yoda, look! A stripper who is an admitted liar with a deadbeat boyfriend. Still think strippers are just normal girls with normal jobs and generally just like any others girls you would meet their age?
• Jpac73

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  20 years ago

  Why can't your partner work????? This is a perfect example of why not to spend a large amount of money in the stripclubs.
• Yoda

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  20 years ago

  Dancers know how we as men think because we make it known to them, not because they are mindreaders. While I agree that most topics involving dancing and dancers should not be generalized, I have honestly never met a dancer whose primary reason for dancing was not to make money. Are there periferal reasons, shure, and I've heard many of them, but it always comes back to income.
• Toplessdancer

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  20 years ago

  YAY YAY I have to get in on this one!! To who ever said a majority or the girls are single mother is SOOOOO right on the money! At ALL of the clubs I worked at way way way more than half of the girls were single mothers, and would not want to date some one from the club, because of exactly the source. Regardless of who the woman is she isn't going to want to date an avid strip club go-er RIGHT? So why should she date one that she already knows he is, and bring that into a relationship with a child, who may also get hurt in the process. Secondly, I am not single, I do have a life partner, and I tell every man/ or woman that come to visit that I am single, WHY you ask. Because there are MANY MANY MANY men and women who do not want a dance with a partnered or married stripper. I think it take some of the fantacy out. I can see why too. When I am getting a dance I don't want to think about thier possible spouse at home, I want to think they are soley into me even if its just for a moment. And to who ever said that these girls may have quite a few boy friends, or girls friends, Most of the single ladies do have more than one person they are seeing at one time. This business does something to the girls doing this job, it makes them money driven [In all aspects] not just at thier job, so most of them think, the more men I date the more things I am going to be getting. I won't even lie we get kind of on the greedier side! LOL Now to whoever said that these girls get asked out by the patrons alot is SOOOOOOO true, I would say I get asked out at least 3 times a night, and when you work a full schedule like I do, it gets sooo old, and I will admit that after a few date offers I begin to think stip club patrons who look for date are PL. But then my days off come, and I get over it, lol until the new week starts. Not to mention if you are a big ole dyke like me lol, I really hate getting asked out by customers, but I love them none the less. They keep my bills paid my partner from not working and our child with clothes on his back and food in his stomach. Well... I think I said all I wanted to... I hope at least lol Sara