Sorting Out SS - My Current Personal Soap Opera
rockstar666
Illinois
When I first met my ATF 3 years ago I fell hard for her, like any PL. I wanted to get to an OTC relationship ASAP, but as it turned out she didn't do OTC with anyone, me included. She's bi which I accept, even though she had a b/f throughout her life. So I figured just seeing her at the club was fine for me; I'd have my fun with her having dances and just talking and that was that. Over the course of the first year, we got to become pretty good friends. She gave me all her personal info (FB page, home address, phone #, etc.) and she mine, and we even had an OTC date or two that didn't involve sex (or money) although at the time I thought that was where we were going.
Then a year later she brings up OTC, as in having sex this time, although she was vague on the details. Naturally I'm game, but it never really worked out. I'd make a date and she'd back out at the last minute, or she'd make a date and then later cancel...typical SS. So finally I said, "Look, I know you're having issues with this, let's just see each other at the club like we have been and have that kind of relationship." This was obviously a big relief to her as she's just not into sex for money. And we resumed as friends.
Then a year goes by and my singer quit my band unexpectedly, and she wanted to audition (she's done some singing in the past and made a CD at one point). I practiced with her to help her learn the songs (originals) before having her meet the band, so she'd be prepared. Well, the audition day comes and she flakes out again. I was pretty mad, but blamed myself since she's been a bit of a flake. I thought since this wasn't about sex maybe she'd show up this time.
Another year goes by, and I still see her at the club, still close friends. The club relationship works well for both of us. Keep in mind she makes very little money off me so it's not like she couldn't live without me if she didn't like me. Well, she texts me a couple days ago and invites me to see her new apartment and says she'd like to try some music again. She promised to practice, and put the time into it that is required. She's broken up with her last b/f too. So I'm going over to her place tomorrow after her shift to hang out and talk. Or more than talk?
The timing isn't so great for me as I have a full time band (albeit a cover band; I prefer to play my songs so I'm up for a side project). Having had a crush on my ATF for over 3 years now it's hard to not see this through, but if she flakes out yet again it won't be a shock. Frankly I can't understand what this is all about...I can't really believe she wants to turn our friendship sexual (more sexual than minor ITC extras) but she's had b/f's so it's not like it's not possible. I put her flaking out at at least 50% but I'm a PL, right?
I'm not really asking for advice, but any comments are welcome!
Then a year later she brings up OTC, as in having sex this time, although she was vague on the details. Naturally I'm game, but it never really worked out. I'd make a date and she'd back out at the last minute, or she'd make a date and then later cancel...typical SS. So finally I said, "Look, I know you're having issues with this, let's just see each other at the club like we have been and have that kind of relationship." This was obviously a big relief to her as she's just not into sex for money. And we resumed as friends.
Then a year goes by and my singer quit my band unexpectedly, and she wanted to audition (she's done some singing in the past and made a CD at one point). I practiced with her to help her learn the songs (originals) before having her meet the band, so she'd be prepared. Well, the audition day comes and she flakes out again. I was pretty mad, but blamed myself since she's been a bit of a flake. I thought since this wasn't about sex maybe she'd show up this time.
Another year goes by, and I still see her at the club, still close friends. The club relationship works well for both of us. Keep in mind she makes very little money off me so it's not like she couldn't live without me if she didn't like me. Well, she texts me a couple days ago and invites me to see her new apartment and says she'd like to try some music again. She promised to practice, and put the time into it that is required. She's broken up with her last b/f too. So I'm going over to her place tomorrow after her shift to hang out and talk. Or more than talk?
The timing isn't so great for me as I have a full time band (albeit a cover band; I prefer to play my songs so I'm up for a side project). Having had a crush on my ATF for over 3 years now it's hard to not see this through, but if she flakes out yet again it won't be a shock. Frankly I can't understand what this is all about...I can't really believe she wants to turn our friendship sexual (more sexual than minor ITC extras) but she's had b/f's so it's not like it's not possible. I put her flaking out at at least 50% but I'm a PL, right?
I'm not really asking for advice, but any comments are welcome!
38 comments
This seems easy based on the pattern. If you two keep coming back to the "just club friends" and that is OK with you both, I see no problem. Now if you have a problem with the flakiness, maybe you should move on. It doesn't seem to bother her, so I'm going to say she is OK with things as they are.
Bottom line is, you have to decide, as is and put up with the flakiness, or move on.
Weigh the pros and cons. Sounds like she is a good friend and it may be fun to work with her. She may have flaked out due to bf drama if she has recent had a break up.
If you're not completely besotted, you might consider letting *her* make the first move, if you actually get into her house.
Idk rock. I've always used the fun vs, headache meter as my measuring tool for how much SS I am willing to tolerate. I'll put up with a little flakiness if I am also seeing some upside, but she has rebuffed you for 3 solid years now and you've seen zilch return for all of your efforts (visits, practice time, audition setup, etc.). Are you really enjoying this still?
In any event, good luck.
Let's not make it harder than it has to be
Ohh, it's all the same thing
Girls chase boys chase girls
@Rockstar-Give her one more shot, if you like. If she flakes again, no more auditions, no more OTC plans.
@Slick: I'm not as emotionally invested as I was 2-3 years ago, so no need for ultimatums. But if we do escalate the relationship and it goes sour, that's when I'll be having emotional issues. By keeping her at arm's length in my heart the past 2 years, it's been easy to deal with her flakiness. My fear is if that changes.
Sure rocky, no chasing at all on your part. ;)
The first step in fixing a problem is admitting that you have a problem, lol.
Good advice for a drinker and driver
It's not like you got catfished, or she turned out to be a heroin addict, or you blurted out "I love you"
Second always have a open mind and schedule with these kids of ladies. Remember we only get to have sex with them free or paid only once they say yes....so always be ready because after all the flaking this might be the night for the best sex of your life...so dont miss out
Thirdly never ever chase just one girl at a time...it putd you into a bad situation and hour whole sex life then depending on her this is never good...if you chase more than one...you will find others to fuck faster than others and it will take the presher off the other girl...plus since you will be having sex with many other dancers you will start showing confidence and the vibe that your getting pussy..once a girl sees that you dont need her pussy she will wonder y...and will start through ing her pussy at you
And at last dont show up at one club to much and dont ever tell everthing about your self because you will then become a mystery to her and you will become grester in her fantasies then you are in real life..it will make her thank about you more and desire you more. Every girl gets seduced by a mystery...it will get you more pussy than you think
Your friend
Fuck you jackie3moonz
I see the dancer once a month now; used to be weekly when I was in another band as I'd pass by the club for rehearsals. So you have a point; maybe this is all just to 'get my interest back up'. Good point. I'm prepared for anything...for her to flake to just a casual visit. Mind blowing sex is what I'm the LEAST prepared for since it will have the most consequences.
I love popping out otc the clean club girls but they take forever to do so i need regular pussy daily from a civilian so and bi weekly trips to see my itc extra bitches for sloppy blow jobs
Ive been around these girls for so long ive became a unstable flake myself and i thank that has been the main reason ive had a few dancers for SO...shit i dated my ATF...lived with her and she would flake out over dinner that night...lol....get usef to it with these girls or just stop and only fuck and chase civilian s
No shit.
@rockstar666: Steve's right. Pay no attention to what I said above. It'll only get you in trouble. Run. Now.
With strippers and their flakiness (and often questionable or hard to define/understand motives); one needs to be careful not to put oneself out there either emotionally; financially; or o/w.
In my unprofessional opinion; it’s like others have said; don’t go in w/ any expectations and do not put in anything more than she is willing to put in whether it’s time-wise or emotionally wise – like an investment; don’t invest what you can’t afford to lose – i.e. don’t sink too much too fast into a “speculative investmentâ€.
My 1.5 cents.
Its like going to the caino..go into it with what is fun and enjoyable to lose and who knows you might just leave with a extra grand but if you dont fuck it i had a blast loosing it
Boooooom ! Tunna cups wins again !
Fuck you jackie
As for anyone who cockblocks you in particular who is also the target, that can mean she may be fucking someone else.
So how do you play this one? How do you remove that cockblocking attitude out from her? My style would be to go into a 'no contact' for at least two months.
If she chases you and plays it like she wants you to see her, that may mean a positive direction.
Someone might have mentioned, but you have to let us know your decision and the results.