tuscl

Sorting Out SS - My Current Personal Soap Opera

rockstar666
Illinois
Thursday, August 28, 2014 6:17 AM
When I first met my ATF 3 years ago I fell hard for her, like any PL. I wanted to get to an OTC relationship ASAP, but as it turned out she didn't do OTC with anyone, me included. She's bi which I accept, even though she had a b/f throughout her life. So I figured just seeing her at the club was fine for me; I'd have my fun with her having dances and just talking and that was that. Over the course of the first year, we got to become pretty good friends. She gave me all her personal info (FB page, home address, phone #, etc.) and she mine, and we even had an OTC date or two that didn't involve sex (or money) although at the time I thought that was where we were going. Then a year later she brings up OTC, as in having sex this time, although she was vague on the details. Naturally I'm game, but it never really worked out. I'd make a date and she'd back out at the last minute, or she'd make a date and then later cancel...typical SS. So finally I said, "Look, I know you're having issues with this, let's just see each other at the club like we have been and have that kind of relationship." This was obviously a big relief to her as she's just not into sex for money. And we resumed as friends. Then a year goes by and my singer quit my band unexpectedly, and she wanted to audition (she's done some singing in the past and made a CD at one point). I practiced with her to help her learn the songs (originals) before having her meet the band, so she'd be prepared. Well, the audition day comes and she flakes out again. I was pretty mad, but blamed myself since she's been a bit of a flake. I thought since this wasn't about sex maybe she'd show up this time. Another year goes by, and I still see her at the club, still close friends. The club relationship works well for both of us. Keep in mind she makes very little money off me so it's not like she couldn't live without me if she didn't like me. Well, she texts me a couple days ago and invites me to see her new apartment and says she'd like to try some music again. She promised to practice, and put the time into it that is required. She's broken up with her last b/f too. So I'm going over to her place tomorrow after her shift to hang out and talk. Or more than talk? The timing isn't so great for me as I have a full time band (albeit a cover band; I prefer to play my songs so I'm up for a side project). Having had a crush on my ATF for over 3 years now it's hard to not see this through, but if she flakes out yet again it won't be a shock. Frankly I can't understand what this is all about...I can't really believe she wants to turn our friendship sexual (more sexual than minor ITC extras) but she's had b/f's so it's not like it's not possible. I put her flaking out at at least 50% but I'm a PL, right? I'm not really asking for advice, but any comments are welcome!

38 comments

  • Clubber
    •
    10 years ago
    rock, This seems easy based on the pattern. If you two keep coming back to the "just club friends" and that is OK with you both, I see no problem. Now if you have a problem with the flakiness, maybe you should move on. It doesn't seem to bother her, so I'm going to say she is OK with things as they are. Bottom line is, you have to decide, as is and put up with the flakiness, or move on.
  • crazyjoe
    •
    10 years ago
    That is a great story rockstar. If she flakes out and you have no expectations then nothing is lost. Your music is your business and livelihood and business is business. Sometimes bringing a friend into a business deal can be a disaster because expectations can be unrealistic on both ends and it could cost you a friendship. People you become friends with while working together can be less drama. Weigh the pros and cons. Sounds like she is a good friend and it may be fun to work with her. She may have flaked out due to bf drama if she has recent had a break up.
  • rockstar666
    •
    10 years ago
    I'm definitely in the "thinking with the small head" mode at the moment!
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    10 years ago
    I agree that if you're OK with things staying, or ending up back at, the way they are now, there's no harm in seeing if she's willing to go further now that the BF barrier is gone. Given her past history though, I wouldn't expect to much, or be disappointed if it doesn't happen. If you're not completely besotted, you might consider letting *her* make the first move, if you actually get into her house.
  • rickdugan
    •
    10 years ago
    Wow. I wouldn't tolerate this much nonsense from a GF, nevermind a stripper who I pay to entertain. 3 years of chasing after a girl who has shown no qualms about wasting your time. Ouch. Idk rock. I've always used the fun vs, headache meter as my measuring tool for how much SS I am willing to tolerate. I'll put up with a little flakiness if I am also seeing some upside, but she has rebuffed you for 3 solid years now and you've seen zilch return for all of your efforts (visits, practice time, audition setup, etc.). Are you really enjoying this still? In any event, good luck.
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    10 years ago
    Follow Slick's advice. Jerk off, and then immediately decide whether to keep going with her on the never ending merry-go-round OTC ride.
  • steve229
    •
    10 years ago
    All the broken hearts in the world still beat Let's not make it harder than it has to be Ohh, it's all the same thing Girls chase boys chase girls
  • SlickSpic
    •
    10 years ago
    @JS69-I must give credit where credit is due-Joe Rogan came up with that bit of advice. I follow it. It helps me out when I'm deciding on an OTC hook-up. If I'm still horny after I jerk off, it's time for some OTC. @Rockstar-Give her one more shot, if you like. If she flakes again, no more auditions, no more OTC plans.
  • rockstar666
    •
    10 years ago
    @Ricky: I'm not the one chasing though. She suggested the 2nd OTC as well as the audition, as well as me going to her place tomorrow. @Slick: I'm not as emotionally invested as I was 2-3 years ago, so no need for ultimatums. But if we do escalate the relationship and it goes sour, that's when I'll be having emotional issues. By keeping her at arm's length in my heart the past 2 years, it's been easy to deal with her flakiness. My fear is if that changes.
  • SlickSpic
    •
    10 years ago
    @666-I feel ya, brother.
  • sclvr5005
    •
    10 years ago
    Sadly I'd predict more of the same behavior. A leopard can't change its spots. But at least you are keenly aware of her antics so it won't come as any surprise when she pulls the same SS.
  • rickdugan
    •
    10 years ago
    Don't kid yourself rock. You've been pining away over this girl for 3 years, visiting her ITC all that time, calling her a "close friend", took her on dates that went nowhere during year one, got flaked out on multiple times in year 2 for dates that never ended up happening, and finally got sucked into this rehearsal and audition nonsense in year 3. Sure rocky, no chasing at all on your part. ;) The first step in fixing a problem is admitting that you have a problem, lol.
  • impala
    •
    10 years ago
    Sounds to me like the same old "I'm not a stripper, I'm an entertainer" bullshit mixed with a flaky dancer who sees someone with a someone stable life in her crazy, unstable stripper world. That's why she keeps you in the loop of "aquaintinences" but has never really made you a real friend or lover.
  • crazyjoe
    •
    10 years ago
    "The first step in fixing a problem is admitting that you have a problem, lol." Good advice for a drinker and driver
  • rockstar666
    •
    10 years ago
    @impala: She makes a LOT more money dancing than singing. I like that you think my life is stable though! LOL And we ARE friends. I've been through enough of her personal drama to know she values my friendship. But your points are well taken nevertheless.
  • steve229
    •
    10 years ago
    @rockstar - you shouldn't feel too bad... It's not like you got catfished, or she turned out to be a heroin addict, or you blurted out "I love you"
  • BigTuna1
    •
    10 years ago
    Look brother first part in being good with a women that you desire to have sex with is to always be light hearted with the situation..never ever make this serious...always keep it playful and fun Second always have a open mind and schedule with these kids of ladies. Remember we only get to have sex with them free or paid only once they say yes....so always be ready because after all the flaking this might be the night for the best sex of your life...so dont miss out Thirdly never ever chase just one girl at a time...it putd you into a bad situation and hour whole sex life then depending on her this is never good...if you chase more than one...you will find others to fuck faster than others and it will take the presher off the other girl...plus since you will be having sex with many other dancers you will start showing confidence and the vibe that your getting pussy..once a girl sees that you dont need her pussy she will wonder y...and will start through ing her pussy at you And at last dont show up at one club to much and dont ever tell everthing about your self because you will then become a mystery to her and you will become grester in her fantasies then you are in real life..it will make her thank about you more and desire you more. Every girl gets seduced by a mystery...it will get you more pussy than you think Your friend Fuck you jackie3moonz
  • rockstar666
    •
    10 years ago
    Tuna: As for #3, I already have a FWB on the side, which is why I said the timing wasn't great, but I didn't articulate that. Needless to say neither girl knows about the other. I see the dancer once a month now; used to be weekly when I was in another band as I'd pass by the club for rehearsals. So you have a point; maybe this is all just to 'get my interest back up'. Good point. I'm prepared for anything...for her to flake to just a casual visit. Mind blowing sex is what I'm the LEAST prepared for since it will have the most consequences.
  • BigTuna1
    •
    10 years ago
    Thanks bruh.....i do the same...im always datting a civilian SO...while chasing at all times at least 2 extras girls and 2 clean club girls... I love popping out otc the clean club girls but they take forever to do so i need regular pussy daily from a civilian so and bi weekly trips to see my itc extra bitches for sloppy blow jobs Ive been around these girls for so long ive became a unstable flake myself and i thank that has been the main reason ive had a few dancers for SO...shit i dated my ATF...lived with her and she would flake out over dinner that night...lol....get usef to it with these girls or just stop and only fuck and chase civilian s
  • impala
    •
    10 years ago
    Rockstar, I meant no disrespect. I have been dealing with all sorts of dancers for over 20 years and that is the way ALOT of them are is all.
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    10 years ago
    @steve229: "It's not like you [...] blurted out 'I love you.'" No shit. @rockstar666: Steve's right. Pay no attention to what I said above. It'll only get you in trouble. Run. Now.
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    10 years ago
    I’m by no means a relationship expert – actually I’m not an expert on anything – but of course I still have an opinion :). With strippers and their flakiness (and often questionable or hard to define/understand motives); one needs to be careful not to put oneself out there either emotionally; financially; or o/w. In my unprofessional opinion; it’s like others have said; don’t go in w/ any expectations and do not put in anything more than she is willing to put in whether it’s time-wise or emotionally wise – like an investment; don’t invest what you can’t afford to lose – i.e. don’t sink too much too fast into a “speculative investment”. My 1.5 cents.
  • BigTuna1
    •
    10 years ago
    Amen goddamit papi.... Its like going to the caino..go into it with what is fun and enjoyable to lose and who knows you might just leave with a extra grand but if you dont fuck it i had a blast loosing it
  • rockstar666
    •
    10 years ago
    +1 Papi. She knows how I feel about her, and if the status quo is going to change it's up to her to change it as I've pretty much shown my hand already.
  • mikeya02
    •
    10 years ago
    Yes, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst
  • BigTuna1
    •
    10 years ago
    This y we cum on their face its like saying Boooooom ! Tunna cups wins again !
  • Clackport
    •
    10 years ago
    There's a saying, "hoes are gonna be hoes". The same thing applies to strippers, "strippers are gonna be strippers".
  • BigTuna1
    •
    10 years ago
    @ Crazy joe if you keep fucking jackie aka my ex im going to punch you i. Your shit box Fuck you jackie
  • mikeya02
    •
    10 years ago
    ^^^ a stripper told me "there's a little hoe in every girl"
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    10 years ago
    There's a lot of hoe in every girl. The only difference is whether they accept payment in one lump sum or installment payments over many years.
  • Duke69
    •
    10 years ago
    Theirs also a little juice in every ho
  • crazyjoe
    •
    10 years ago
    Fuck YOU tuna...oh wait...no thanks...i got jackie
  • crazyjoe
    •
    10 years ago
    Jackie is my bitch
  • Duke69
    •
    10 years ago
    Lol
  • alabegonz
    •
    10 years ago
    She may be cockblocking you for at least one reason. As for anyone who cockblocks you in particular who is also the target, that can mean she may be fucking someone else. So how do you play this one? How do you remove that cockblocking attitude out from her? My style would be to go into a 'no contact' for at least two months. If she chases you and plays it like she wants you to see her, that may mean a positive direction.
  • rockstar666
    •
    10 years ago
    I already know who she was fucking; her ex b/f. She's still fucking her g/f as far as I know.
  • Clubber
    •
    10 years ago
    rock, Someone might have mentioned, but you have to let us know your decision and the results.
  • rockstar666
    •
    10 years ago
    Clubber, I'll start a new thread! I say 50% she cancels...
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