do strippers like to be treated well?

25 comments

• StripShopper

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  19 years ago

  Yeah, but it's kinda like having Keys to the house when nobody's home.... Which can be really fun!
• StripShopper

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  19 years ago

  Have any of you guys taken the time to understand the psychology of "abusive behavior" and why it works on the immature "hot babe" types
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  StripShopper, I agree with your "neither" answer, the best way to get along is to be yourself; that way you end up surrounded by people who like you as you are, and those who don't will have moved on. I came up with the "Mr. BS Macho Man" label because that's what I call the immature types who treat women badly. And it is a sign of immaturity - it might work in high school but the girls who mature lose interest in that type of behavior. Guys who continue to act that way later in life are buffoons. The problem I have with the "alpha-male" analogy in this instance is that it assumes that everyone wants to be a part of the herd. In my experience many truly self-confident people would rather avoid the herd entirely and go their own way, they don't need the approval of the herd to validate themselves. To me that's what self-confidence is all about, having the guts to think and act independently.
• casualguy

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  19 years ago

  I never really thought about being an alpha male but then I never really cared what everybody else thought about me either. I do remember several times I have been the first person to tip a dancer on stage and then a lot of other guys follow. I don't really know what all of the other guys seem to be waiting for. Lol, maybe they see how good a dance I got for $1 and then they want one. I like to make the dancers work for their dollar. :)
• StripShopper

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  19 years ago

  FONDL, I’m suggesting a “Paradym Shift” for members. The Thread Question is: Do strippers like to be treated well? (Do I need to be an Asshole to get better attention…..or be a Nice guy) Answer should be “Neither”. And it doesn’t just apply to Strippers… The true answer lies within yourself and how you interact with women. Being Confident has nothing to do with proving anything to anybody….or acting like the “bad boy / Mister Macho” type. (and I’m not quite sure how you got that from my post….) I have a really good time when I go to these clubs. Often, I leave with money in my pocket and one email address or phone number…which btw I don’t really need or want. (I’m just continually testing my process) Is this Arrogance? – No, for me its fact….and I’m offering it here as advice to help other men to save money and have a better time in strip clubs…maybe in life.
• casualguy

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  19 years ago

  I think going to strip clubs can increase your confidence. Especially when you have dancers constantly coming by your table almost as if they are competing for your attention. In a regular bar, the guys usually have to go to the girls I believe. Of course this stuff is not usually what I'm thinking about when I'm in a club. I just want to relax and have fun.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Stripshopper, having confidence and being an arrogant asshole are the exact opposites. People with real confidence don't have to prove anything to anybody, they know their place in the world and are totally comfortable with it. It's the guys who lack confidence who think they have to act out the "bad boy" role to cover up their insecurity. The Mr. Macho Man types are the most insecure people on earth, which is why they treat women so badly, to cover up their insecurity. Some women mistake it for self-confidence, the smart ones know better.
• StripShopper

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  19 years ago

  tiffany1 Being an AM is about confidence and projecting that confidence. Your right, Projected Confidence is part of your genetic makeup, but it can also be learned. You have to earn your confidence through hardship and making mistakes. Example: Take your average easy going 18 year old kid out of a small farming community and put him thru Elite military training…you can transform this individual from the shy, unwilling to look at a person in eyes…to Stone Cold Killer. The human mind can be taught to push through self imposed psychological barriers. The AFC – “Average Fucking Chump”: also lacks the basic knowledge that women are genetically designed to “Test” men. …..So, the average AFC really doesn’t know, “The Rules of the Game”. Each day thousands of men walk into these clubs with their Supplicating Mentality….. And it’s like taking an average Chess Player and putting them up against Bobby Fisher. (The more supplicating they are the more $$$ leave their pockets) (Defined: Supplication: a humble request from someone in authority;To make a humble, earnest petition; "BEG") Teaching yourself to be confident with women while being yourself is the “Goal”. But to do that you need to play the role repeatedly until it fits. (Just like wearing new gloves, they feel strange at first) The good part about a Strip Club…it forces men and women to interact with each other in a pretend or fantasy relationship. So…it’s O.K. if you screw up while trying to develop the “new you”, who gives a damn…they don’t…they just care about your money. Disrespect is also a form of test - she is testing you in order to find out whether you are a supplicating groveling taking-all-her-crap wussy... or a man. So, the next time a Stripper gives you shit – Give it back (exception to the Ass rule) But if she treats you well….reward her. Reference: [view link]
• T-Bone

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  19 years ago

  Stripshopper - I like your alpha male examples. You're right dude, AMs get laid the most. They also get stipper phone numbers like free candy....without asking for it. In my opinion though, I'd add that you really have to already be an AM for it to work...you can't really fake that shit. I've seen several dudes try to fake it and end up coming off rediculous because they're acting. And ALL girls see through that act pretty quickly, not just strippers. It's not what you say, it's not about buying her drinks or not (though your example illustrates a good point), it's only about if you truly are a confident dude who feels THEY are equally lucky to be hanging with YOU. The details are insignificant...its what you portray overall, and treating them well can/should be included. (There's a difference between treating them well and kissing their undeserving stranger ass). Like FONDL suggested, I think being yourself is key. If you happen to be an AM already, game on. But if not, you're best off being yourself and maximizing your positive attributes rather than pretending and failing miserably. Great discussion though....thanks for the examples.
• Jpac73

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  19 years ago

  JC2003: There is something most customers want from the dancer and it isn't love & affection. We don't completely trust most strippers either.
• Pete22z

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  19 years ago

  Everybody (especially hot naked ones) deserves respect until they show otherwise!
• jctone

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  19 years ago

  Stripshopper, your posting was funny. Like everything in life, there are situation that the article would completely apply. Life is funny. Many dancers did not grow up in a conventional family. People tend to look for things that are familiar. If you grew up in a bad family life, you probably try to find one that is the same because that is your perception of love.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  I don't play games in strip clubs, I prefer just being myself. In fact that's one of the major reasons that I like to go to strip clubs, it's about the only place where I can just be myself. Almost anywhere else I have to play some role that's expected of me, which can become very tedious at times. I've never had trouble finding a stripper who will treat me well, so my approach works for me.
• StripShopper

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  19 years ago

  Think what you want. I've tested being the quiet shy guy, the Asshole and the Confident Alpha male....without a doubt being shy or being an Asshole won't work without backfiring in your face. During the Asshole role I successfully got a beer bottle cracked across my friends head which lead to a major fist fight and being kicked out of the club. Use what ever trick works for you....hunting Strippers is kin to hunting big game in Africa. You get one shot....and you'd better twist her brain...because you and a thousand other swinging dicks want her...And she knows it.
• JC2003

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  19 years ago

  That "alpha male" stuff is BS. Strippers don't trust customers who treat them well, because invariably that's a prelude for being asked for favors or relationships. They think the customer's treating them well because they want something from them, not because they actually like them. When men don't treat women well, that's not the case, of course, and depending on their self-esteem, they either dump the guy (if they have self-esteem), or they think they deserve the poor treatment they're getting because of something they did or because of who they are (if they lack self-esteem). Assholes get laid, because there are a lot of women with low self-esteem. About as many women have this problem as men. Think about it.
• TopGunGlen

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  19 years ago

  I don't know anyone who like to be treated badly. Everyone deserves respect. But there is an old saying, I don't know if it's true..."Treat a Queen like a ho, and a ho like a Queen. Then they treat you like a King." I never quite understood it myself...
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Hey, I used to be a musician and I never did that. But I did know some other guys ... But I think we're getting very close to this whole dancer low self image thing again, so I better stop before someone accuses me of making broad (no pun intended) generalizations again.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Oh, what the heck, I'll go ahead and say it anyway. If you guys can make generalizations about musicians and dancers, I can make some too. My experience has been that virtually every dancer I've ever met has come from an extremely disfunctional family where alcoholism or other drug additcion, unemployment, and abuse have been the norm. And most of them have been sexually abused (my ATF once told me that every stripper she ever met was sexually abused.) And as a result of this background, most of them had major issues with self-esteem. Which is why they settle for total jerks as boyfriends, because they don't think they deserve anything better. I'm sure there are a lot of dancers who don't meet this description. But I haven't met many of them.
• parodyman-->

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  19 years ago

  No, they like to be knocked to the floor where they can easily br kicked and shat upon. It's your $5. Do what you want after all they are employees not people. (SARCASM)
• parodyman-->

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  19 years ago

  If you didn't like the above post I could have just resorted to telling this brainstem to ask his mama!
• StripShopper

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  19 years ago

  PLEASE READ THIS: (a QUOTE FROM ANOTHER SITE) Here is quick run down of what it means to me. If you watch animal shows on PBS or Discovery Channel, many species have a dominant male who has sex with all the females in the group, while the other males get none while waiting for him to die or until they are tough enough to kick his ass and become the alpha male themselves. Many males never get to be an alpha male (never get laid). Often it seems like you know guys who are always getting laid and other guys never get laid. You'll even see women talking to/hanging out/being friends with the average guy, but then sleep with some other guy (even if he is a jerk, sleeps around and doesn't respect them). The guy who gets laid is playing the role of the alpha male, while the other guys are submissive males. I'm saying be the guy who gets laid. That guy is confident that he's going to get laid, because he knows he's an alpha male. He knows that women and people in general want to be with him so he doesn't shy away from conversation and meeting new people. He doesn't worry what others think about him when he's doing his thing. He takes control of a situation with authority. He knows he's fun to be with because he is always having a good time and therefore he _is_ fun to be with. He knows that if he is in a group of guys and a group of girls, he will be the one the girls choose to be with, and by having this to be the expected outcome, it is a self fufilling profecy. Being the alpha male is all about attitude and projecting the image that you are fun to be with and the woman should want to be with you. Being the alpha male is self perpetuating. The more you believe you are the alpha male, the more you become the alpha male." You have to be the MAN who has all the sexual power. And when a woman (no matter how hot) sees and feels the presence of a man whom she recognizes as the dominant one while SHE isn't, she does what every woman does - that is SURRENDERS to the more powerful being. And all that acting like she's hot and knows she's the stuff and all those other "head up in the air" tricks are just a test and a way to weed out all the men who are less powerful than her and don't know their role as a MAN." NOW COMPARE THIS TO THE GUY WHO JUST GOES TO THESE CLUBS AND JUST STARES AT THE GIRSL!!!!! SO, ITS NOT ABOUT BEING AN ASSHOLE!!! (ANOTHER QUOTE) I'll make it short: don't buy her a drink. Don't offer to buy her a drink neither agree to her demands ("I'm thirsty..", "Will you buy me a drink?" etc). Here's why - if you do, you supplicate. And women have nothing but scorn and disrespect for supplicating men. Let me give a few examples to illustrate this. Her (thinking "Let's see if I can hook this sucker:)"): "Will you buy me a drink?" You (thinking "Oh boy am I in luck, this woman must like me, she's asking me to buy her a drink:)"): "Sure!" Her (thinking "Ha! Another supplicating male to buy me a drink just because I asked him. What a wimp. Do they really all think I'm gonna go in bed with them for a bottle of beer? Jeez… I'll take my drink and continue searching for a REAL MAN."): "Thanks! You're so sweet! Bye now!:)" You (confused): "Hey… wait! Um…?" So even if she stays for say five or ten minutes and has a nice little chit-chat with you - you started with a crash and burn, you've already been crossed out in her book of prospective partners because you SUPPLICATED! Offering to buy her a drink is even worse. You are voluntarily becoming a supplicator. The women will either refuse the drink (they want nothing to do with a wimp like you), accept the drink and then ignore you (they still want nothing to do with a wimp like you, but they wanted the drink) or - the more sensitive women will accept the drink and even stay with you but all the while feeling uncomfortable about it ("I accepted the drink, so I guess I should stay for a while, it would be rude to leave. But he must be thinking now, that if I accepted the drink and am staying with him, then there's some more in this for him. But there isn't! He's a supplicator! I don't want him! I'll have got to try to make my exit the moment the situation presents itself!"). And if she feels uncomfortable about being with you, do you think you stand a chance with her? Of course, you can turn the situation around for you if you're REALLY GOOD - but why make life harder for yourself? So what to actually do if she gives you a "Will you buy me a drink?". If she seems to be actually interested in you - you have been having a conversation for a while and she uses the "buy me a drink" to test you ("So does this guy like me enough to buy me a drink?") or she is approaching you with the intention getting to know to you and just happens to use the most popular AFC-line ("Can I buy you a drink?") reversed ("Will you buy me a drink?") to initiate a conversation - then explain to her, that it is not your principle to buy drinks to women, but she could buy YOU a drink:) An example: Her: "Will you buy me drink?" You: "No. But you can buy me a drink:)" Her (thinking "Argh… Gmph… He didn't supplicate! Could this be… a real man!? What's this, I'm getting wet!?"): "Am… um… Yes!" If however she seems to be cruising, fishing for drinks and doesn't seem to care the least bit about you, telling her "No" would mean she'd just move on without listening to you any further and getting her drink from some chump eventually anyway. So you need to stop her cold in her tracks:) Here's an example from ASF: Her: "Will you buy me a drink?" You: "Give me a French kiss." NOTE that the tongue play must be an explicit part of the bargain up front. None of this peck on the lips BULLSHIT, because you are still supplicating if you settle for that. Here's the beautiful part: If she says no, now SHE is the person who said "no" in the situation, instead of you! You don't have to be the "jerk" for turning her down. If she says yes, tongue-action and kino right away. Then get her a drink as a reward:) Note that she will probably demure before caving in, this is your chance to show personality and be playful. Go GM and Mr. Smooth on her right away! "You aren't uptight are you? Don't you go out to have fun? We're having fun!:)" "You like cool guys don't you? :)" "It's not hot sex or anything...just a little kiss!:)" GENTLEMEN...THIS SHIT WORKS, AND I SUGGEST YOU TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE WAY A STRIPPER THINKS.
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  And....Q:what do you call a musician without a girlfriend? A: Homeless
• Daverinstl

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  19 years ago

  I'm not sure about abuse but a stunning number have live-in boyfriends or husbands who do not have and are not looking for jobs. Real jobs anyway. In fact I heard a DJ at a club use this joke: What is the last thing a showgirl does with her asshole before she comes to work? Drop him off at band practice! And even the ones that don't have one currently probaly had one in the past. One told me she gave her boyfriend a car she owned to get him to go away.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  I don't think it has anything to do with them being strippers. I've always been amazed by how many really sharp young women are attracted to guys who are total assholes. The Mr. Macho jerks always seem to get the hot girls while the nice guys who treat them well go begging. Then the girls complain about how badly they are treated. Doesn't make any sense to me but than girls never do. I agree that for many dancers it's as big an escape for them as it is for us - some of them would do it even if it only paid minimum wage. Which means that you'll do better by being nice to them, it's what they're looking for.
• DandyDan

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  19 years ago

  For some of the dancers I've gotten to know well, it's just as much an escape for them as it is for you or me. Sometimes, I just think they beg for the abusive SO because if they didn't have one, their lives would be too boring.