Imagine you have a girl friend who you don't know is a stripper. You know she has a part time "legit" job but nothing about the stripping. She doesn't know of your "hobby". One afternoon you visit a club you haven't been to before and you see her, topless with a little thong on, grinding away on a guy's lap? Your reaction?
Steve..
Tanning salon tan...fairly normal
Whitened teeth...not uncommon
Fake boobs.. maybe
Drawers full of g-strings and 15 pair of Stripper shoes.. he would have no clue because they are kept in a rolling suite case in the trunk of her car. hahah.
Alrighty then. I know who pays for dinner now. Plus imagine the desert. Just roll with it because that is what we all are tryig to do.....get a stripper in bed, Right?
I'm old school. I believe half truths (the whole telling on a "need to know" basis bullshit) are the same as lies. What you choose NOT to reveal can be every bit as duplicitous as what you lie about; it's all dishonest and toxic to relationships.
I was once involved with a "so-called" lesbian stripper who is currently in the midst of learning she actually likes DICK (I capitalize bc size really matters to this one). Her girlfriend was/is clueless and (a few years younger) easy to manipulate. She often did "dickly" things behind the girlfriend's back, which would involve her sometimes having to tell half truths, in order to do them. She would say, "I don't lie to her. I just tell her only what she needs to know." This is duplicity at its best and reeks of mendacity!
I was once very interested in a relationship with this particular girl but after seeing the way she treated the girlfriend, it became clear to me she lacks the maturity required to be in a monogamous relationship (it also doesn't help that she's a stripper who's in love with money). Besides, stripping and relationships often don't mix!
Bottom line: relationships are built on trust. If one has to lie about things, in order to keep a relationship together, it's only a matter of time before it crumbles. Learn to be 100% in all things. If one starts off posing, one day you'll eventually show your true colors and forget to pose.
BTW, my reaction would be one of distrust. I would continue dating her. However, I probably wouldn't think of her the same way (Just another strip ho to me).
I was seeing a girl I found out was a stripper by seeing her on stage when walking into a club. It really wasn't a big deal. We hadn't been seeing each other long enough for either of us to be that upset about having not told the other. I knew what was common at that club and what wasn't, and given our current status I was okay with it.
I had a couple of friends who had seen her there before me, I was fucking furious at them. I can understand a girl not being ready to tell a guy she's a dancer until the relationship is on solid ground, but I can't understand not telling a buddy. That's need to know shit, it could have gone a very different way.
The perception around here of strippers is almost as warped as the one on the pink site. I guess the two sites mark the edges, but the reality is there's plenty of gray area in between.
I appreciate your input. I, like you, probably would react in a similar way, if the situation was similar to yours. However, the scenario calls for the entertainer being your "Girlfriend," not someone you just started dating.
Don't you think that, like the situation with your friends not telling you, is on the same "need to know" level?
You're right. There is quite a bit of gray area (as with most things in life). Those would be exceptions to the rule. However, when you're talking about strippers, you've got to remember most of the gray is covered in green.
Money has a way of changing one's character. Every stripper has a breaking point (a price and situation that will make her jump). Maybe 1 in every 1,000 won't (the exception). Please don't be gullible enough to think otherwise. You could end up getting your feelings hurt. Believe me, I'm the voice of experience - been there, done that!
Happened to a friend of mine. He found out a girl he was interested in was a stripper when he arrived at another friends bachelor party. He was devastated because he had been building this girl up in his mind for a few weeks since he met her.
Lesson learned....don't trust a woman until you really know her....then trust her less.
I would probably think I'm a retard for not seeing the obvious.
Signs indicating my girl is a stripper should be showing around three to four weeks out. Not saying that I have no clue, but I should be able to smell the rat by that time.
OK fine she is a stripper. I can still live with that.
But the thing is.
I will probably do something like a Batman thing where I will look for and set up a plan for bailing out in one or two years from now.
Also, I will keep it as it is, maintain the status quo until I get the fuck out of that situation.
As for me "thinking like a customer" goes, you are correct.
Let's remember the scenario calls for me to think of my girlfriend as a normal woman (I don't know she strips). Therefore, it is felicitous for me to approach the situation with her in a normal manner (what you would call "customer" like).
Once I discover she's a stripper (and a duplicitous one at that), I think it equitably appropriate for me to "advance" my way of thinking to that "different level" you mentioned earlier, thus justifying my reasons for probably not perceiving her in the same way (as I'm sure she would reciprocate in her thinking of me).
Again, thank you for helping me to make it more clear!
"As long as she comes home to me & doesn't bring home any diseases I don't give a fuck. Who am I to judge her if I'm also secretly visiting the clubs?"
Lopaw,
You make an excellent point. However, you seem to be forgetting the premise for the scenario. She's operating dishonestly, you are not.
It is inferred that the issue of you visiting strip clubs has yet to be discussed. However, the scenario clearly states that her job is "legit," which is evident of a discussion taking place about what she does to earn money.
I would feel exactly as you do, if it were not for the duplicity. The subject of employment coming up for discussion was her opportunity to come clean about it. She chose deception. I, on the other hand, have done nothing wrong. I'm only guilty of being myself. It's no one's fault that this particular part of who I am hasn't yet come up for discussion. I get a pass, she doesn't.
I don't care that she's a stripper (and likely a whore - just keeping it real). I do, however, care that she's a liar. Therefore, that puts me in a position to judge her actions, based on that front alone.
@P_D-
I see your point, but if I'm not upfront about my club visits and she isnt upfront about where she's working, arent we both guilty of deception? Aren't we both essentially doing the same thing?
It took me a long time to figure my CF out, same thing probably will go with any other stripper.
To me, I took out the possibility of turning her into a wife, too late for that now. Part of the reason goes to the fact her world is different from mine, and we both respect that.
Despite the huge difference, we found a common ground and I will tell you right this minute she is more into me than any other men/women.
And it will stay like that because she lives in a stripper world.
Going back to the topic, once a guy finds out she is stripper. Man, he has to do what he has to do.
1) Do not try making a baby with her.
2) Do not even try having a wife relationship with her.
3) Do not advance the relationship to serious level.
I've learned a lot from her and her place of work.
I've observed other strippers entering the front door escorted and dropped-off by a boyfriend or pimp. By hanging out with her I got to know her life around the club, that included getting to know the doorman, bartender, etc.
So yeah, stripper world is different from us customers. Do not bring your normal brainwaves in there if you want to live/hang with a stripper.
@ Alabegonz: you're not telling me ANYTHING I already do not know, or haven't already experienced (except for marriage to a stripper. I've only gone as far as engagement). I think it's fair to say, I KNOW THE GAME. Again, go back and read the premise of the original scenario (It seems to have been lost somewhat). It's IMPOSSIBLE to bring "Normal Brainwaves" into a situation one is unaware of. Remember, "Scenario Dude" doesn't know she's a stripper. What I've suggested is that if it were me, I would make the necessary adjustments TO NOT bring "Normal Brainwaves" into the situation, upon learning of its existence. That is what I mean by, " I would continue dating her. However, I probably wouldn't think of her the same way." This means my approach, at that point, would change to "stripper mode," which essentially means removing any and all "Normal Brainwaves" from the situation. It sounds to me like we're both saying the same damned thing!
@Lopaw: The answer to your question is, "No," you're NOT guilty of the same thing. AGAIN, go back and read the original scenario. From it, one can easily infer that "Scenario Dude" isn't hiding anything; she clearly is. I once had a girlfriend I dated for almost a year, before we both realized we were of Jamaican decent. We weren't trying to hide it from each other. It just never came up. The same thing can be said (inferred) of Scenario Dude.
Listen, Guys, I've always prided myself on being a fairly effective, and poignant, writer. In fact, I've found that I have an easier time expressing my ideas in writing, rather than through verbal communication. I've been very consummate about stating my position on this particular issue. If you don't get what I've been trying to convey, by now, you never will. It appears you BOTH probably could use a refresher course on the things I've already posted. I think I've made my thoughts on the matter emphatically clear and have nothing further to add. Thanks for the banter.
On July 21st, I wrote the following, as a part of a post:
"I was once very interested in a relationship with this particular girl but after seeing the way she treated the girlfriend, it became clear to me she lacks the maturity required to be in a monogamous relationship (it also doesn't help that she's a stripper who's in love with money)."
The word "monogamous" should be replaced with "committed."
This is what I meant to say. After all, it is possible to engage in a committed relationship that is non-monogamous, provided, however, that all adult parties involved are in agreement and AWARE of all things sexual. This type of "open" relationship is what usually works best with strippers (been there, done that).
The point I was making about this particular girl is that she is duplicitous and incapable of that type of honesty.
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Tanning salon tan...fairly normal
Whitened teeth...not uncommon
Fake boobs.. maybe
Drawers full of g-strings and 15 pair of Stripper shoes.. he would have no clue because they are kept in a rolling suite case in the trunk of her car. hahah.
Okay, Mr. Spic wins the award for the funniest post in TUSCL history...I fucking laughed out loud.
I'm old school. I believe half truths (the whole telling on a "need to know" basis bullshit) are the same as lies. What you choose NOT to reveal can be every bit as duplicitous as what you lie about; it's all dishonest and toxic to relationships.
I was once involved with a "so-called" lesbian stripper who is currently in the midst of learning she actually likes DICK (I capitalize bc size really matters to this one). Her girlfriend was/is clueless and (a few years younger) easy to manipulate. She often did "dickly" things behind the girlfriend's back, which would involve her sometimes having to tell half truths, in order to do them. She would say, "I don't lie to her. I just tell her only what she needs to know." This is duplicity at its best and reeks of mendacity!
I was once very interested in a relationship with this particular girl but after seeing the way she treated the girlfriend, it became clear to me she lacks the maturity required to be in a monogamous relationship (it also doesn't help that she's a stripper who's in love with money). Besides, stripping and relationships often don't mix!
Bottom line: relationships are built on trust. If one has to lie about things, in order to keep a relationship together, it's only a matter of time before it crumbles. Learn to be 100% in all things. If one starts off posing, one day you'll eventually show your true colors and forget to pose.
I had a couple of friends who had seen her there before me, I was fucking furious at them. I can understand a girl not being ready to tell a guy she's a dancer until the relationship is on solid ground, but I can't understand not telling a buddy. That's need to know shit, it could have gone a very different way.
The perception around here of strippers is almost as warped as the one on the pink site. I guess the two sites mark the edges, but the reality is there's plenty of gray area in between.
I appreciate your input. I, like you, probably would react in a similar way, if the situation was similar to yours. However, the scenario calls for the entertainer being your "Girlfriend," not someone you just started dating.
Don't you think that, like the situation with your friends not telling you, is on the same "need to know" level?
You're right. There is quite a bit of gray area (as with most things in life). Those would be exceptions to the rule. However, when you're talking about strippers, you've got to remember most of the gray is covered in green.
Money has a way of changing one's character. Every stripper has a breaking point (a price and situation that will make her jump). Maybe 1 in every 1,000 won't (the exception). Please don't be gullible enough to think otherwise. You could end up getting your feelings hurt. Believe me, I'm the voice of experience - been there, done that!
Lesson learned....don't trust a woman until you really know her....then trust her less.
Signs indicating my girl is a stripper should be showing around three to four weeks out. Not saying that I have no clue, but I should be able to smell the rat by that time.
OK fine she is a stripper. I can still live with that.
But the thing is.
I will probably do something like a Batman thing where I will look for and set up a plan for bailing out in one or two years from now.
Also, I will keep it as it is, maintain the status quo until I get the fuck out of that situation.
You are thinking like a customer.
Strippers operate on a different level.
I said:
".... stripping and relationships often don't mix!"
You said:
"Strippers operate on a different level."
My point exactly!
"I would continue dating her. However, I probably wouldn't think of her the same way (Just another strip hoe to me)."
This would be due to the "different level" operating style (you mentioned) strippers are known to have.
Thanks, Alabegonz, for helping me put it into words!
Hearsay is nothing.
As for me "thinking like a customer" goes, you are correct.
Let's remember the scenario calls for me to think of my girlfriend as a normal woman (I don't know she strips). Therefore, it is felicitous for me to approach the situation with her in a normal manner (what you would call "customer" like).
Once I discover she's a stripper (and a duplicitous one at that), I think it equitably appropriate for me to "advance" my way of thinking to that "different level" you mentioned earlier, thus justifying my reasons for probably not perceiving her in the same way (as I'm sure she would reciprocate in her thinking of me).
Again, thank you for helping me to make it more clear!
"As long as she comes home to me & doesn't bring home any diseases I don't give a fuck. Who am I to judge her if I'm also secretly visiting the clubs?"
Lopaw,
You make an excellent point. However, you seem to be forgetting the premise for the scenario. She's operating dishonestly, you are not.
It is inferred that the issue of you visiting strip clubs has yet to be discussed. However, the scenario clearly states that her job is "legit," which is evident of a discussion taking place about what she does to earn money.
I would feel exactly as you do, if it were not for the duplicity. The subject of employment coming up for discussion was her opportunity to come clean about it. She chose deception. I, on the other hand, have done nothing wrong. I'm only guilty of being myself. It's no one's fault that this particular part of who I am hasn't yet come up for discussion. I get a pass, she doesn't.
I don't care that she's a stripper (and likely a whore - just keeping it real). I do, however, care that she's a liar. Therefore, that puts me in a position to judge her actions, based on that front alone.
I see your point, but if I'm not upfront about my club visits and she isnt upfront about where she's working, arent we both guilty of deception? Aren't we both essentially doing the same thing?
It took me a long time to figure my CF out, same thing probably will go with any other stripper.
To me, I took out the possibility of turning her into a wife, too late for that now. Part of the reason goes to the fact her world is different from mine, and we both respect that.
Despite the huge difference, we found a common ground and I will tell you right this minute she is more into me than any other men/women.
And it will stay like that because she lives in a stripper world.
Going back to the topic, once a guy finds out she is stripper. Man, he has to do what he has to do.
1) Do not try making a baby with her.
2) Do not even try having a wife relationship with her.
3) Do not advance the relationship to serious level.
I've learned a lot from her and her place of work.
I've observed other strippers entering the front door escorted and dropped-off by a boyfriend or pimp. By hanging out with her I got to know her life around the club, that included getting to know the doorman, bartender, etc.
So yeah, stripper world is different from us customers. Do not bring your normal brainwaves in there if you want to live/hang with a stripper.
@Lopaw: The answer to your question is, "No," you're NOT guilty of the same thing. AGAIN, go back and read the original scenario. From it, one can easily infer that "Scenario Dude" isn't hiding anything; she clearly is. I once had a girlfriend I dated for almost a year, before we both realized we were of Jamaican decent. We weren't trying to hide it from each other. It just never came up. The same thing can be said (inferred) of Scenario Dude.
Listen, Guys, I've always prided myself on being a fairly effective, and poignant, writer. In fact, I've found that I have an easier time expressing my ideas in writing, rather than through verbal communication. I've been very consummate about stating my position on this particular issue. If you don't get what I've been trying to convey, by now, you never will. It appears you BOTH probably could use a refresher course on the things I've already posted. I think I've made my thoughts on the matter emphatically clear and have nothing further to add. Thanks for the banter.
On July 21st, I wrote the following, as a part of a post:
"I was once very interested in a relationship with this particular girl but after seeing the way she treated the girlfriend, it became clear to me she lacks the maturity required to be in a monogamous relationship (it also doesn't help that she's a stripper who's in love with money)."
The word "monogamous" should be replaced with "committed."
This is what I meant to say. After all, it is possible to engage in a committed relationship that is non-monogamous, provided, however, that all adult parties involved are in agreement and AWARE of all things sexual. This type of "open" relationship is what usually works best with strippers (been there, done that).
The point I was making about this particular girl is that she is duplicitous and incapable of that type of honesty.
NOW, I have nothing further to add.
It is rarely possible (and unrealistic to expect) for a stripper to be monogamous.
For real ... NOW, I'm done!