What's up jealous haters? Weekend update time from South Beach's coolest, richest, Mcdonalds owning, drug addicted, can't find a non-pro, badass LMN!!!
So everyone weekend I hit the party scene, get plastered on more drugs than any human could ever handle and then pay some (hopefully) woman to do stuff to my penis/asshole.
But sometimes that shit gets boring. This weekend I'm going to save myself a lot of time, money, the smell of semen and feces in my leased Porsche/02' Mazda and just take it easy.
So I got porn on the big screen, enough heroin and coke to knock out my entire staff of Guatemalans, a belt airtight around my neck and I've hit myself in the nuts with a rolling pin until they can't feel anything (plus Mom promised not to come in my room unless she smells something). A whole weekend of drugs, choking myself and reminding me how fucking awesome I am.
You losers wish your life was as cool as mine!
Sounds like a fuckin' ball. What ever happened to simply "beating the meat?" This loser is an old fart and got old be not putting nooses around my neck, not snorting/shooting enough heroin to get your house staff zonked, etc. ( the one time I tried shooting heroin I ended up with EMT's shoving Narcan up my nose. I first got laid 51 years ago. I still enjoy having sex with women. Is it not enough for you? Do you really need all the other paraphernalia or isn't the attention, touch, and intimacy of a beautiful woman sufficient? Enquiring minds want to know.