tuscl

Rockstar weekend!!

Friday, June 27, 2014 10:29 PM
What's up jealous haters? Weekend update time from South Beach's coolest, richest, Mcdonalds owning, drug addicted, can't find a non-pro, badass LMN!!! So everyone weekend I hit the party scene, get plastered on more drugs than any human could ever handle and then pay some (hopefully) woman to do stuff to my penis/asshole. But sometimes that shit gets boring. This weekend I'm going to save myself a lot of time, money, the smell of semen and feces in my leased Porsche/02' Mazda and just take it easy. So I got porn on the big screen, enough heroin and coke to knock out my entire staff of Guatemalans, a belt airtight around my neck and I've hit myself in the nuts with a rolling pin until they can't feel anything (plus Mom promised not to come in my room unless she smells something). A whole weekend of drugs, choking myself and reminding me how fucking awesome I am. You losers wish your life was as cool as mine!

7 comments

  • gawker
    •
    10 years ago
    Sounds like a fuckin' ball. What ever happened to simply "beating the meat?" This loser is an old fart and got old be not putting nooses around my neck, not snorting/shooting enough heroin to get your house staff zonked, etc. ( the one time I tried shooting heroin I ended up with EMT's shoving Narcan up my nose. I first got laid 51 years ago. I still enjoy having sex with women. Is it not enough for you? Do you really need all the other paraphernalia or isn't the attention, touch, and intimacy of a beautiful woman sufficient? Enquiring minds want to know.
  • zipman68
    •
    10 years ago
    I have to admit you have me beat LNM dude...you da man, man! But rather than beating yourself in the nads with a rolling pin, you should try a taser. Think 'bout something that turns you on, like lookin' down the cleavage of your friend's mom, get lil' LNM standin' at attention, shout "DON'T TASE ME BRO!!!", and let him have it. You'll be numb down there all weekend! Have fun dude!
  • sharkhunter
    •
    10 years ago
    or you could act like the dude in the movie, don't mess with the zohan. Say you feel no pain and drop a piranha down your swim trunks. If you feel pain, it means you're not the zohan.
  • shailynn
    •
    10 years ago
    Be sure you remember to ask your mom for your allowance so you can pay your coke whore stripper! I wonder if the real faggot that types this shit reads your mockery and discovers what a fucking took box he sounds like?
  • sclvr5005
    •
    10 years ago
    Next time take that rolling pin and smash in your second smallest body part - what's left of your brain.
  • ATACdawg
    •
    10 years ago
    A little, or a lot of pepper spray self-applied to your face is also an experience enhancer, plus a bit on your tongue so you can both feel and taste the burn! And, the pepper spray will be just like the way your last date ended!
  • jester214
    •
    10 years ago
    Not as good as your other stuff but a chuckle or two.
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