Feel depressed leaving ATF
One year ago, I met my ATF, and since then had a bumpy journey. There were peaks and troughs, but I kept coming back to her. Recently I realized both of us are moving out of the city very soon, and I managed to see her more often. But the sooner near my departure, the more depressed I feel. I went to see her last night but couldn't really have a good time because of the sadness.
I could see her one last time before I move, but probably won't. Her final song with me? Just a dream by Nelly. So funny because he is from St. Louis, and it is a East St. Louis club. I took it as a sign to stop. Perhaps leaving the whole club scene indefinitely. I will be very busy at the new place anyway. But more importantly, just not in the mood until I get over with it.
Anyone have similar experience? In the past my favorites just disappeared or I lost interest. For those who disappeared, I miss them but not as much, and it didn't stop me from looking for the next favorite.
Comments
last commentI once got pretty bummed after an ATF had left. I took it as a sign that I'd gotten involved with her emotionally in a VERY unhealthy way. I've taken care not to repeat in all the years since.
It happens. It's best to just get back on the horse asap.
"Anyone have similar experience?"
Yes. It's getting better.
Sounds like you got played by a sex worker.
I once had to put my yellow lab down with a shot to the temple,I've never been the same since.
I ain't missing you at all
since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you,
no matter what my friends say
I sometimes wonder how some of the contributors here seem to have a new ATF every month. My ATF is my ATF because she rocks my boat like no other. She drives me crazy sometimes, she plays me sometimes, she bleeds every last penny out of my wallet, BUT, she makes me feel good about myself; she knows how to please me sexually because she understands my quirks and my foibles. I'm far from a perfect specimen and I don't judge others unnecessarily.
So SageVincent, I sympathize with your loss. I need my ATF's prescence in order to keep my sanity sometimes. Other times I walk away from her fed up with her flakey behavior, unreliability, etc. but , perhaps because we let them, they become so much more than a sex object. Hang in there.
I probably get less attached and then I forget quickly. It seems like I'm often the one who wants less contact with a particular dancer. Although I believe dancers can have strong feelings too. My memory is jumbled but I do remember one favorite who cried and said she was in love with me when I told her I was moving and said goodbye. I wasn't expecting that. I did not know if she was telling the truth or not but I never had any other dancers do that.
When she went blackout my days were a bit just a tad smeared. And she showed up again saying she has forgiven me.
It's not unusual to grow attached and to develop an emotional connection to a stripper. For many men, an emotional connection is needed and often times is necessary or more important than the physical connection.
Years ago, but we still have very limited contact. What bothers me the most is that I brought about the split.
@Clubber-I understand your feelings. I blame myself for a couple of civie gals I screwed up with. It sucks when you know it's your fault.
Depressed? Like me? The jestie-girl. I should give you my doctor's number. He could probably hook you up with some good SSRIs or something. Would probably really help you out. Not that I would know since I refuse to take my own, but hopefully you would do better.
Fuckin' fuck everything!
I agree with slick
I think that situation has caught many of us at some point in the past. Just keep clubbing, and rotate around, there's always a new improved version around the corner. Just leave your heart at home, never bring it to a strip club!
"We don't love them hoes!" -Snoop Dogg
Very true!
You are disposable to her. Deal.
Never had the problem – can’t see myself getting attached to someone whom is w/ me first and mostly b/c she is getting paid.
But maybe I haven’t met that special ho :)
Latest/Last post from the SW thread named “Letters you wish you could send to customers (vent away)†– and vent she did – maybe the OP won’t feel as sad after reading this :):
“Dear regular who thinks they are my man,
You need to see this relationship for what it really is. Sure, I act sweet, interested, and like I actually like you. I don't. I hate the way you are so grabby with me every chance you get. I hate the way you try to grab my face in an attempt to mouth kiss me. I hate the way you act like you are giving me a massage and try and reach down and touch my pussy.
And I despise the way you think everything and all human relationships in life revolve around sex. They dont.
It grosses me out how your hands shake all excitedly when you try to touch me. Ugh.
But the worst thing is when you act like you own me. After our time is up and I am paid, I move on to the next customer. I don't need you "investigating" who else I dance for and do VIPs with. You don't need to compare yourself physically or professionally against ANY other guy. There's one reason I deal with ANY of you. Because you pay me.
You aren't my boyfriend or my husband. You have NO say in ANY of my relationships. In or outside of the club.
You are guaranteed money to me, and that is all.â€
www.stripperweb.com
Another dime piece from the same thread:
"Dear customer who used to pay me but doesn't anymore,
Stop fucking wasting my time by texting and asking how I am. You don't give me money anymore, so I no longer give a fuck when your wife is mean to you. I am not taking the five minutes to fill you in on my break up and rest of my personal life, because there is NO MONEY. Figure it out, fuckwit. Sorry I actually convinced you I cared about your personal bullshit because I am good at my job. I only care for money. Take a hint. I have paying customers to pretend to like."
Oh my! She is so cold!
Stone Cold Steve Austin style
^^^ lol!
Talk about some shit from a stripper with a bad hair day.
@Papi_Chulo-Ouch! That hurts.
Having seen that, I am not sure I would feel better or more depressed, knowing that everything was likely all acting for money.
What I found really works for me is to write down all my feelings. In my case, it was actually a poem. I went to see her tonight for one last time and read the poem to her, did our final dances, and leave.
I call it the closure. She is still special to me, it's just that I am calm now and accept things as they are.
Thank you guys. Your support means a lot to me.
She can take the dark out of the night time
And paint the day time black
@sagevincent: "Having seen that, I am not sure I would feel better or more depressed, knowing that everything was likely all acting for money."
It's not really any easier when it isn't all about money. Harder, in some ways. At least you can look at it and recognize that it was only one way in the first place, so there wasn't really anything there. It's harder when there is something going both ways.
"She is still special to me, it's just that I am calm now and accept things as they are."
Good way to look at it.