You know you've been spending too much time in nudie bars when...

You know you may have been going too much if you feel slightly disturbed when a dancer you've never seen before comes up to you and asks you "have you ever been here before?" I say yes a few times. Then she says, "well, I've been dancing here over 2 years and I've never seen you before."

At a wedding, you refer to the bride as "the feature".

This one happend to me Monday night. For some background I've been going to the same two clubs about once or twice a month for years. I almost always have a few favorites at whichever club is on the upswing. There are also some waitresses and dancers who have been at each club for years, so I am known to a lot of them. I am a pretty decent tipper to my regulars, but I also make it a point to do the minimal courtesy tipping for just about everyone. This little bit has made me relatively popular, a lot of guys tip very grudgingly at these clubs and it is often slow when I go in so it gets noticed and does not cost that much more, maybe $10 - 15 for every hour I'm there. So I stopped in recently, here is what I experienced that made me think of this topic. One of my regular waitresses had my beer at my regular seat about the same time I sat down, she had seen me come in, knew I would sit at my regular seat in her section, and knew what I'd order. There were a lot of new dancers in addition to a few I knew but weren't regulars. A few of the new dancers started coming over and introducing themselves. One of them said "the other girls say you're a good guy to know". Apparently. My two favorites arrived for the evening shift and were sitting with me for a bit before they even changed so we could catch up a bit. After the evening shift started I had my two favorites sitting with me, another regular waitress sitting with me, and another girl who was one of my regular's friends hanging out (no I was not tipping them all, although I did buy one round). A new girl got up on stage, she was really good. My regular seat is stageside, so I was tipping her and giving my regulars tips to give her. In a break between songs she leans over to introduce herself and ask my name. I tell her and she says "Everyone here seems to know you, I figured I'd better introduce myself." Since the nickname among a lot of regulars for this place is "Cheers with tits" I am half expecting everyone to yell NORM!! next time I walk in. That would be weird however, since my name isn't Norm.

The girl working the cash register wants to see your id but the doorman who normally checks id's just waves you through.

Here's another one which I saw recently. You know you've been going too much when you feel it's ok to pick an out of the way chair. Sit back, relax, put your cap over your face and fall asleep.

That was funny because some guy from the crowd was putting tips on the stage in front of this big sleeping guy (when the stage dancer wasn't looking) and one dancer tried shaking him quite a bit to wake him up but no luck, lol. A bouncer eventually came over and had him wake up and leave.

you have a duplicate set of names for every woman you know:

Cindy/Destiny
Shawna/Desire
Beth/Pleasure...etc.

Any time you go though the tunnel (Baltimore for instance) you use a twenty at the booth and request singles back so you always have enough to immediately sit and tip hard upon entry to the club.

This saves a mere sixty seconds – at most, but sometimes worth it.

... your cellphone contains more strippers' numbers than other people

You look at a $20 bill and think "one dance".

... you pay the minimum on your credit cards so you have more to spend clubbing that month.

... you look at women on the street and try to imagine what they'd look like dancing naked on a stage.

... you look around the gym and try to guess which women working out are strippers.

... you have your favorite's number on speed dial.

When other customerrs or dancers excuse themselves and then get up to let you sit your customary table.

When you walk in and a dancer stops by to say "Hi" and to tell you that Amber (or whoever is the ATF) is not working tonight. While she is talking to you a waitress brings your regular drink and the manager nods to you and says the first one is on the house.

6. The bartender tells you he's too busy and to 'get your own'

7.The 'Right of Passage' for a new girl is a time in the box with you(VIP)

8.You find yourself looking for hardcore dance rap in music stores.

9.You cash your paycheck and the teller hands you a bundle of singles without asking.

You find yourself folding your bills lengthwise without even thinking about it.

when....

1) You carry free entry coupons to clubs in your wallet from internet searches.

2) You tell your friends you can't make it out tonight, just so you can hit the club alone.

3) You include stripclubs as a line item in your budget

4) You can name more stripclubs U.S. cities than restaurants.

5) You find yourself planning work travel around stripclubs rather than work

I do know that I am far too likely to look at innocent women in public and think to myself, "she should really be a dancer."

I first felt that I was spending a lot of time in "the hobby" when the bartender at the club I frequent brought me the right kind of cocktail without first taking an order, and when the dancers remembered the name of the city from which I drive three hours to get to said club.