One day two green beans, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured green bean called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured green bean was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured green bean, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 green beans and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 green beans."
There was a little boy who was born without a body. For a few years, everything was OK, because he didn't know anything else. One day, however, his Mom screwed up and set him on an end table facing out the window. Outside, Headly saw other, normal children laughing, running, skipping ... in general having a ball.
"Ma!" he wailed, "why don't I have a body and arms and legs so I could do that too?"
His mother, distressed, told him that if he prayed really hard, maybe God would give him those things. Headly did as his mother suggested, and when he awoke the next morning, he had a body, arms and legs, and eben a suit of clothes! Ecstatic, Headly ran outside, ran into the street and was hit and killed by a passing car.
The moral of the story? You should always quit when you're a head.
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He wanted to raise stewed tomatoes!
Chili today, Hot Tamale.
The uninjured green bean called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured green bean was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured green bean, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 green beans and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 green beans."
"Ma!" he wailed, "why don't I have a body and arms and legs so I could do that too?"
His mother, distressed, told him that if he prayed really hard, maybe God would give him those things. Headly did as his mother suggested, and when he awoke the next morning, he had a body, arms and legs, and eben a suit of clothes! Ecstatic, Headly ran outside, ran into the street and was hit and killed by a passing car.
The moral of the story? You should always quit when you're a head.
"Peter Jennings, the news anchor asked me to marry him!"
"I absolutely forbid this marriage!" Screamed the father potato.
"But why," wailed the daughter.
" Because! He's nothing but a commentator!"
I'm done now:-/