How to let go?
JC2003
I have developed feelings for a dancer I met a few weeks ago. Considering that she is a beautiful young woman that just turned 19 and I am umm, the opposite of that (as in not handsome, not young, etc), do any of you gentlemen have any good advice on how to let go of these feelings?
I've never run into this problem in the past. Sure, I've had my favorite dancers who I loved getting dances with, but I was always able to keep my emotions in check and keep things purely physical. Hell, that's probably why I started going to strip clubs in the first place: they're fun places to get your rocks off without the emotional baggage.
Some of you cagey strip club veterans may have run into a dilemma like this in your past and could perhaps share some war stories with us. The rest of you can rub salt in my wounds and make fun of me if you like. I'm copacetic with that.
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Then one day, she calls me very upset. The guy has slept with her girlfriend who was staying with them. I was supportive of her and cared for her, but if she wasn't that involved with him, why the big tears? I believed she called me because she believes that I love her, And I did. That was one year ago, I have seen her only once OTC since and only stopped in a few times to say hi. But when I see her, all the emotions flood back and I want her.
SC for me were just a way to make up for lack of interest in the wife. For months, I went to other clubs, but couldn't get interested because I missed her so.
Now she calls to say hi on occassion, but it is not the same.
If anyone would have asked me what kind of relationship I hoped to achieve with my ATF 8 years ago, my answer would have been very different from what she and I have today. But I wouldn't trade what we have now for anything. I'm so glad that what I thought I wanted didn't come true. What I have now is much better.
The creep out reaction, by the way, is not unique to strippers and wide age disparities. It's a common reaction in any relationship where one party suddenly expresses wild infatuation or fervor that seems out of proportion and unrealistic to its recipient. As a kid, I went through a few episodes on each end - creep and creeped - before I caught on.
All of our advice about "following it wherever it goes" is moot if she declines to take part. So, I'd say your best course for putting it behind you is to try to appreciate the poignancy and humor in a sweet delusion that anyone with a heart has been lucky to go through to some degree, and to remain open to similar feelings the next time around.
A few years ago I developed a relationship with a dancer. She was 20 at the time, and I was 53. I am sure I was the father figure. She would confide in me and ask for advice. I would not say there was love involved, at least in a romantic way. I saw her outside the club and in the club, and she always sat with me. After she moved to a club to far away for me to visit easily. I told her that I couldn’t take it this way. I believe I hurt her, at least that is the impression I got from her. That was almost two years ago. A week ago Friday, I saw her again. How is not important. She was quite friendly and I asked if I could call her again. Yes was the answer. I haven’t called yet, as meeting might be a problem. I have to mention that I am married and she lives with her boyfriend, so I have to see what happens. I’ll try to set a lunch with her so we can talk. By the way, during those nearly two years, I never got over her or stopped thinking of her at times. So many things reminded me of our good times together.
I knew a stripper who was heavily involved with a guy. He did not know she was a stripper (she only did it part-time to earn extra cash. Had a sales job full time.). She finally told him. He freaked out and broke it off. She never made the same mistake again.
I have decided to stop going to the club. As much as I enjoy going, everytime I see this girl, the wheels start turning, and I have a hard time enjoying myself. Talking to the other girls who I have casually befriended at the club helps, but the other girls are there to work.
Anyways, I was getting weird signals from her. You know like when dancers start walking by you and looking in your direction a lot but never ask you for dances? And when you try to make eye contact or get their attention, they suddenly act like you don't exist? When I tip her on the stage, she puts on a big fake smile, takes the dollar, loses the smile, and moves away quickly, avoiding eye contact with you for the rest of her set.
I must be creeping her out something fierce, I guess. Ah well.
I also have to agree with Chandler. "At every point where you have a choice, choose foolishness." Good advice. As long as you're willing to pay the price.
Seriously though, I have never really ran into this problem personally. Just remind yourself that if she has got you feeling like this, it just means she is really good at her job.