One of my hobbies allowing me to kill some time in retirement is metal sculpting. It gives me some exercise and allows me to use my metal bashing and welding skills acquired during my early oil patch years. I make lawn ornaments, boot scrapers, rural mail boxes, bird feeder stands - nothing remotely fancy or especially artistic (or so I thought).
One of my neighbours asked if I could make something that could be auctioned for the benefit of a charity she supports. I was happy to do so and threw together a piece of pleasing shapes (to my eye) that I mounted in a cement pad that I dyed shocking "stripper pink". Weeks later the convener of the auction phones me and asks for the title of the piece. Title? This was just assorted scrap from Rancho farmerart! I had just returned from a successful strip club excursion so I told the convener that the work's title was "PASSION............SPENT"!
To my great embarrassment, another supporter of this charity writes art criticism for a small artsy-fartsy low circulation magazine here in Western Canada. This silly pseud wrote a long piece for this magazine extolling this piece of scrap metal that I threw together in two days. Here are some selected quotes from that article (and I swear I am not making this up)
".....a new genius has burst forth on the Alberta sculpture scene."
"......the poetic lyricism of the title is evinced in the pure, raw eroticism of the work."
".....one stands in awe, gazing in intense rapture at this wonderful masterpiece. What a passion it must have been in the sculptor's life to inspire the creation of such a piece as this!"
This idiot ran on and on in this vein for a few hundred words! When my neighbour showed me this article my first instinct was to find all the copies of this magazine and burn them. If any of my old oil patch buddies saw this I would be swiftly drummed out of that macho fraternity.
For all this, the "masterpiece" didn't sell at the charity auction. I had to haul the damn thing back to Rancho farmerart. It stands outside my machine shop now. My dog pisses on it and birds shit on it. I chuckle every time I walk by this "masterpiece".
The "new genius" has not to date been approached for new commissioned "masterpieces"! So, what was this fool critic's angle? I much prefer the bare, pure, commercial honesty of STRIPPER SHIT.
Art Criticism - Just Another Type Of SS?
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Reminds me of a funny experience I had 20+ years ago. I collect southwest art and was at a gallery showing attended by the artisit. As I was talking to the artist in front of one of his paintings, a local artsty fartsy wanna be art critic commented on how she felt the passion of the piece and could feel his inspiration. The artist looked at her and said "it's just a woman baking bread". As she indignantly walked off, it was difficult to keep from laughing and spill my drink.
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lol - very funny. Thank you for sharing this.
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Good for you, Art! I have long believed that much of modern art is intellectually vapid crap wrapped in pseudosophistication. I have not seen your sculpture but it can't be any worse than much of what I see winning prizes here in Grand Rapids at our annual Art Prize festival. Go FarmerArt!
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"For all this, the "masterpiece" didn't sell at the charity auction."
Many artistic geniuses (Gauguin, Van Gogh, Tupac) didn't become commercially successful until after their deaths.
Of course, the whole dying thing may be a little extreme, so maybe you could just slice an ear off?
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well i'm gonna buy all of art's sculptures and then wait for the next free public stripper sex thread to cause his demise. then when the word gets out that he's passed on i'll sell them all on ebay ;)
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The thing about artsy fartsy critics is that they are full of shit. Because of these arsy fartsy assholes, piece of shit, hot for one second, movies are made. Hollywood actually thinks people want to see these pieces of shit, just because a couple of artsy fartsy critics said it was the most wonderful movie made since Citizen Kane, inspiring:
Dudester's Axiom-spoon fed dog shit long enough, people will eventually acquire a taste for it.
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Thanks Art for the story. LMAO
I have enjoyed your posts since you started, you said you were new and jumped in with both feet, I only wished I could express what I've seen the way you do. Keep up the good job.
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Art, movie, book, etc criticism is as much about the critic as it is about the art or artist. There's a narcissist streak a mile wide in most of them. They love to hear themselves talk, they love to have their opinions noted, they especially love heaping scorn on those they deem unworthy, and on occasion, they like to gloat about the phenomenon they discovered, as if it wasn't important until they noticed it.
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Well, kinda surprised me anybody took the time to read this twaddle. I was under the weather for a couple of days and wrote this just to fend off boredom. Glad to hear my death is eagerly anticipated by some tusclers. Hope to disappoint you for 30 or so years. My dad lived until 92 and mom is going strong at 94. Wouldn't that be something to crawl up those miserable stairs at Million Dollar Saloon for a bout with my favourite buzz saw when I was 90 years old! Wait a minute! She would be in her mid fifties. Be damned if I am going to get a BJ from a wrinkly 55 year old!
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I had to bring back this silly piece of shit I wrote about a year ago.
At a recent party at my farm one of the suppliers I had invited gave flowery compliments to my numerous sculptures in the yard. Told me I was so talented that the stuff would sell easily in a gallery.
Ha! ha! Talk about getting my ass kissed in hopes of getting business out of me!! Didn't work. A competitor beat him on price.
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Sheesh!!! I told my cousin not to kiss your ass. My words to him were. "Bring Samantha from Bogarts with you to the party" Now that's a work of art!!
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fa,
That story had "Dick Johnson" written all over it. Sometimes, truth IS stranger than fiction.
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Maybe long after you're dead the pink scrap metal will end up in the National Galleries of Art.
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From "History of the World, Part I," a Mel Brooks movie: A scene shows a caveman painting on the cave wall. Narrator: "And, thus, art was born." Second scene, another cave dweller urinating on the wall painting. Narrator: "After the birth of art, came the critic."
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Art Criticism - Just Another Type Of SS?
What you created or you?
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Whatever you do, don't get rid of it. Duct tape the artist-autographed mag article to it, and someday it will be worth a lot more....maybe you can offer it to a stripper in exchange for some dances.
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