Does anyone else have a long-term relationship ...

15 comments

• casualguy

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  19 years ago

  I don't usually worry about dancers stalking me but the thought crossed my mind (especially if I get one angry). Since I can't remember too many people from years ago, it can seem surprising when you run into a dancer still working who claims she knows you from 8 years ago. After talking to her a bit more after being a bit friendlier with her, I was a bit surprised when she said she first spotted me when she was 16. That would have been 14 years ago. I have been on friendly terms with her recently but have no memory of her from 8 years ago when I moved from another state. You may feel like you really don't know someone but they'll claim they've known you for years.
• Mikeybush

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  19 years ago

  Does December of 1992 count as a long-term relationship? Granted, these days she lives in Kentucky recently divorced, and I live in New Hamshire, happily single. We met when she was dancing in Phoenix and came within an empty gas tank of getting married halfway to Vegas. After getting her out of the business and home with relatives in KY, we wrote infrequently for years, lost track for about four years, before reconnecting about 3 years ago via email. We're spending New year's together in Phoenix. To be continued.....?
• davids

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  19 years ago

  I think there was some sincere amount of friendship here: She was talking to him after he quit buying dances which is a good sign. However, the fact that they drifted away after she quit working implies that it wasn't earthshakingly deep. I think there is an asymetry here: Clubber probably having deeper feeling for the dancer than she does for him. Never a good situation. Find a woman where it will be the other way around.
• AbbieNormal

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  19 years ago

  I'll add to the trust and honesty crowd, but as a shot across the bow to davids' inevitable "suckers" post I want to add that this is a rare occasion. I, and I assume the others, are talking about a well cultivated and thoroughly vetted regular, not some random dancer you are ready to trust first time out. I'm sure there are exceptions where people click, but for the most part the trust takes some time to develop. I also find that I almost always have this trust with the older dancers who are past the party girl phase and in a more settled lifestyle. The ones that last (in my experience) learn that they can make a better more stable living if they have good relations based on mutual trust with good customers.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  I'm sure it well come as no surprise to anyone that I agree completely with Yoda and Shadowcat. I look for honesty and trust in strip clbus as well as anywhere else. If the girl isn't interested in playing by those rules I move on. I expect a dancer to be a little guarded and even a little dishonest when we first meet but if she wants me to be a regular those barriers have to fall.
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  FONDL: My ATF has never been uncomfortable about the fact that we met at the club. We just felt something special from the first time I met her. We talked for two hours, she told me her real name within a few minutes and never even asked for a dance. Any relationship is based on trust and we have always trusted each other-and been honest with each other. Honesty is the key in making a friendship work both ITC and OTC at the same time or after a dancer retires.
• lotsoffun201

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  19 years ago

  Actually, I married a girl that I met in a club. We have been married for almost 10 years, and she still dances from time to time. (got to keep her figure you know) As far as I am concerned, it is kind of out of sight and out of mind. The only problem that I have is when she has a "fish on the line" who thinks they will get somewhere with her. Kind of makes me a little apprehensive about her being in the clubs. Also, it seems to me that dancing is not what it used to be. These boards are all about mileage, happy endings, "extras" etc. Not all girls will do that, and kind of long for the days when dancing was an erotic show, not a hands on experience.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Clubber, my ATF lives 1200 miles from me and we still see each other regularly and talk on the phone almost every day. This has been going on for years and shows no sign of letting up. If anything we've become closer since I helped her move 3 years ago. As I've said before, I think a lot of these girls really appreciate having a stable older man in ther lives who they can trust, because they've never had one before. Money may sometimes play a role but it doesn't have to.
• Clubber

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  19 years ago

  FONDL, It is the same situation. I broke it off when she quit dancing at the club I could visit. I didn't get to see her often and I really missed her. I just thought it better (I was stupid) to break it off and I would forget her. Didn't happen. Since she no longer dances, and I have retired and not out on a regular basis, meeting would be difficult if not impossible. Where I met her doesn't bother me at all. When I first saw her at the club, she was my Asian goddess. I got a couple of dances from her that day and then the following week. She sat with me after the second time and while talking found out about our common friends and how much we had in common, likes and dis-likes. She never danced for me again, mutual decision, but she always sat with me and talked. Outside the club we did everything from picking out a truck for her to my taking her to shoot and purchase a handgun. As for your ATF, I agree with your assessment.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Yoda, I think that qualifies. Do you think that the fact that she was a stripper when you met (and I'm assuming you were her good customer) has made it easier or harder to be friends? My experience is that it's certainly made it different. I think my ATF finds that aspect a little awkward at times but I don't, I think it's resulted in a more intimate relationship than we otherwise might have.
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  Depends on what "older" guy and "younger" dancer means. I'm 48 and my retired ATF just turned 33. We became friends while she was still dancing and that has continued for almost 3 years since she quit. It's been getting difficult to see much of each other lately since we both have our ow businesses, she goes to school at night and we live about 70 miles apart. Still, we talk on the phone almost weekly and meet for lunch or dinner when we can.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Clubber, I assume that this is the same situation you've described in "Advice please." I'm wondering, if it was just a friendship, why did you break it off and why are you reluctant to resume it? Does the fact that you met in a strip club make you uncomfortable? And do you still think of her as a stripper? The reason I'm curious is that I've been having this discussion with my ATF - she still thinks of herself as an ex-stripper but I don't, in fact as I've told her, I never thought of her as a stripper, I thought of her as a girl who just happened to be dancing nude when we met. To me there's a big difference between a dancer and a stripper.
• Clubber

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  19 years ago

  FONDL, Mine went on for about two and a half years before I cut it off. We were friends and had mutual friends that knew nothing about us. Right now I am 56 and she will be 25 next week. About two weeks ago I went into my Friday night hangout (not a strip club) and she was there with one of our mutual friends. It had been about one and a half years since I had seen her. I was quite surprised, but I had the feeling she expected to see me, knowing who she was with. Since then, I've seen her a few times, but not alone with her. I'm not sure how to progress at this point, or just let it drop. I do miss being with her and there are a million things I would like to talk about, but can't with others around.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Thanks for the interesting insight on dating a stripper. I was actually looking more for stories like mine, a long-term friendship between an older man and a young girl. I actually think it's pretty common but most probably don't last too long. Just curious what experiences others have had.
• InDenial

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  19 years ago

  this ones long, but its what im currently going through dating a dancer. sorry for the typos and grammatical mistakes. this little window im typing in makes it hard to proofread I've been dating my current GF for just over a year and she still dances. i didnt technically meet her in the club she dances at since we were introduced by mutual friends who thought we'd be a good fit, but i did meet her in there. I've dated my fair share of dancers in the past but I've prevented myself from getting close enough to get attached simply because I knew there would be issues down the road with her profession. However, this one got by and it's not easy. I think every guy wants to date or bang a stripper, but NO ONE wants to fall in love with them. I trust my GF 110% and im ok with certain aspects of her job, even though i knew what she did before i got involved. The thing that i dont trust are us, other average joe guys!! I could never understand why a guy would simply want to go back into a VIP and chat for a pricetag of $300 for 1/2 hour. When we first started dating, she told me of one VIP nightmare that was kicked out because he grabbed her chest. This didn't really hit close to home since our relationship was soo new, but i still think about that alot and id flip out if it happened again. Guys have expectations, and while having a nice conversation might be one of them, they surely dont stop there. Ive been in strip clubs and i know what and what not to expect. Insecure, i dont think so in the least--just more worried about the woman im madly in love with. After being together for 9 months or so, i couldnt take it anymore and tried calling it off and told her I could not deal on a deaily basis with what she did. I knew that i couldnt last much longer with her dancing nude and doing VIPS, and the fact that she wanted to continue for another 4 years while she pursued her doctorate was impossible to swallow. So, she agreed to stop and found a job elsewhere cocktailing. We sold her car (and i have been helping her with bills) but ends just cant meet that quickly. So we agreed on a few things. Her dancing nude wasnt ever really a problem for me, but the VIPS were. So she agreed not to do those and still comes out making a decent wad of cash every night from the stage. Fortunately, the club she works at is air dance central, so i know nothing else goes on there. And finally, I know most of the security staff and managers so i have a pretty good check on her...they know the situation and she even told them that she would never do a VIP again. Do we have a healthy relationship?? for the most part yes, she realizes that she can still make good money while allowing me to keep my sanctity at home when shes at work. does she resent me for the changes in her lifestyle?? no, and i often ask her. if she did, she wouldnt have made the changes and kept me around. Do i feel like a piece of shit for making her do them?? of course, and im not proud of it. can i help it?? no, absolutely not. I knew going in thats what she did and shouldnt have pursued it knowing that id be bothered by it. however, to both of us it seems that the decisions we've made have been worth it. would i do it again?? with her, yes...but if this relationship fails and i sincerely hope it doesnt, i wont ever date another dancer.